why has divorce become so common, is it lack of understanding between couples or …what?
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if lack of understanding was the ONLY reason, divorce would have been much more common, I guess!
In my opinion, it's a combination of factors such as ego, lack of understanding, unwilligness to compromise, jealousy, and last but certainly not least, conflicts about personal beliefs!
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An immature society - inability to deal with problems, differences in other and a lack of tolerance. Selfishness bred by capitalism, state control, all which leads to stress, focus on material things etc. I just read a really interesting article yesterday by John Taylor Gato. Could write a lot on this topic.
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In my opinion, it's a combination of factors such as ego, lack of understanding, unwilligness to compromise, jealousy, and last but certainly not least, conflicts about personal beliefs!
i would say its that AND also more women finding that they do NOT have to stick to an abusive/loveless marriage because they are not financially/emotionally dependent on their husbands and watever fraud said abt men..
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it can be many reasons...but most importantly lack of communication and support ...im married and find that if either of these lack i knw we r guna find it hard to get, on understanding is also important.
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or guys not having to deal wit the guilt of leaving a bad marriage and be made out to be super villain.
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Basically it is more acceptable now, had the same level of societal acceptance was there as well as financial independence 2 decades ago, you would have seen divorces go up too.
Imean why is it that we only look at divorces as failed marriages, there are ppl dealing with bad marriages just because divorce is not an option
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This is because people do not believe in the sanctity of marriage. They have their own fantasies about love and life and whenever the reality of marriage hits them, which basically boil down to maturity and responsibility, they cave in and take the easier rote of selfishness, which in the end hurts the people around them.
The basic reasoning of divorce is known to everyone in each time, from cheating to domestic abuse but most of the divorces these days are not based on it. They call it right, freedom and open-mind ness. I call it living in a fantasy world where they are nothing but immature brats who basically did not deserve anyone to begin with.
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Because women are way more independent minded and are able to have back up plans that don't involve men. If I was unhappy with my marriage, economically, I would opt for divorce. If I can feed myself because I earn my own living, then why would I need to live with a husband who I'm having problems with?
I don't think that was too possible until recently in history. That and the whole modern philosophy of women's lib. And the modern philosophy of individuality. I think most societies in the past were based more on a communal social philosophy. Like you work for the betterment of your community. Now, no one gives a flying rat's behind for the community. Its all about making yourself happy. Which leads people to opt for divorce before they even try to make those saccrifices necessary to make marriage work.
But bottom line, I think a majority of divorces are based on women not being happy with their marriage, and opting to leave it. I don't blame them. Who wants to be married to a guy who doesn't respect you or doesn't care about you anymore or cheats on you, or blows your money, etc? I guess the onus is on the husbands now to be better people.
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lets do a reality check here, its not just women who ask for divorces. There used to be tons of pressure on guys to not give divorce either no matter how bad saleeqa, bhaddi, phokar, nak charhee the wife my turn out to be. In recent past, women especially after giving birth thought that they had a carte blanche to do what they want and relied on the husband's sharafat and that for izzat's sake he will not do anything.
Our societal view that only women suffer from bad marriages and bad spouses is baseless and idiotic to say the least. while a divorced woman was treated more like a pariah as compared to a divorced man, the soeictal expectations were there.
Men stayed in marriages for the khandani izzat sake, and in many cases for the children's sake, in one case the gentleman wasnted to divorce his wife but knew that in their subculture, his daughter will live with the burden of being a divorced mother's daughter, and he just could not do that.
Even when we look at divorce stats in Uk and US, its not just women asking for divorce because the husband was an ogre, but in many cases men filing for divorce because the wife was a total hag.
I mean you want to stay on your girl power bandwagon, fine, but clear the windscreen so you can see both sides of the street ;)
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I was about the write something similar so you saved me a post. ;)
In shareef khandaans, men had tremendous pressure to NOT divorce their wives either despiter her...
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^ I know it very well, the example I gave of teh gentleman who did not divorce his wife for his daughters sake is someone I am close to and he was like an uncle to me growing up
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OK i dont think we're saying that ONLY women suffer.. i'm sure men have their fair share of problems and issues as well..
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Some of you need to consider the fact that not all divorces are taken as lightly as you would think. In many cases, it has really been thought out and all possibilities exhausted before the heart-wrenching decision is made. It is difficult for both the husband and the wife to actually reach this decision...its not all about open mindedness and freedom etc. or lack of tolerance or immaturity. Yes in some cases this may be so...but do not lable all separations as frivoulous and fickle.
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but divorce is no longer such a taboo subject, ppl talk about it more openly and it is becoming more and more common, it was supposed to be used as a last resort bt now its not only couples who have problems between themselves that are using it bt also family pressure which ruins their marriage, thats what i disagree with.
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Blame it on arrange marriage.. tat is a good excuse for them...
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But bottom line, I think a majority of divorces are based on women not being happy with their marriage, and opting to leave it. I don't blame them. Who wants to be married to a guy who doesn't respect you or doesn't care about you anymore or cheats on you, or blows your money, etc? I guess the onus is on the husbands now to be better people.
Hmm...in fairness, the familial pressures are still there to stay married, more so for girls than guys...and I'd wager most of the time it's the guy divorcing the girl.
I think you're spot on about the creeping individualism. The bottom line is, both, guys and gals (and their families!) are a hell of a lot more selfish and insolent than before, and just don't take marriage (or anything else that doesn't revolve around them) seriously anymore.
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no thats not right, some arranged marriages are a match made in heaven!
and i got proof of that just a couple of days back.
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absence of a purely committing heart, soul and mind.
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giving up too easily??