Our societal view that only women suffer from bad marriages and bad spouses is baseless and idiotic to say the least. while a divorced woman was treated more like a pariah as compared to a divorced man, the soeictal expectations were there.
Men stayed in marriages for the khandani izzat sake, and in many cases for the children's sake, in one case the gentleman wasnted to divorce his wife but knew that in their subculture, his daughter will live with the burden of being a divorced mother's daughter, and he just could not do that.
Even when we look at divorce stats in Uk and US, its not just women asking for divorce because the husband was an ogre, but in many cases men filing for divorce because the wife was a total hag.
I mean you want to stay on your girl power bandwagon, fine, but clear the windscreen so you can see both sides of the street ;)
Leaving aside how arrogant your reply is in tone, let me clarify that my post was from the point of view of a female. I am a female, I know what its like to be female. And I don't have insight into what a guy goes through, and therefore I did not comment on that aspect of things. I don't think I meant to imply that women are the only ones asking for divorces. I just think that the number is on the increase. It might be on the increase for guys too - I wouldn't know aboout that.
Instead of assuming that every post a feminist posts is = "Ooh ooh men are horrible", read it with an open mind. Thanks for sharing your insight on a man's experience. It was very enlightening. :)
and i got proof of that just a couple of days back.
that is why i said it is a good excuse for desi ppl.. My friend's sister got divorce when asked the reason she said, "cause of arrange marriage"
I strongerly believe in arrange marriage myself....
arranged marriage is not a reason, just an excuse.. in fact arranged marriages are less likely to divorce, but that doesnt mean they're just totally better, but because of other factors
*Leaving aside how arrogant your reply is in tone *
if you were really leaving it aside youwould not have mentioned it, and no it was not arrogant, it was strong to drive the message across. I am sorry that you found it to be arrogant, it was meant to be assertive :)
**
let me clarify that my post was from the point of view of a female. I am a female, I know what its like to be female. And I don't have insight into what a guy goes through, and therefore I did not comment on that aspect of things. **
PCG there are many times you have assumed what guys think or what their motivations are, so in this case if you are going to not address it. I can not read your mind to see whether you are only presenting one side of the picture because you have no knowledge of the other side or that in your view there is only one side. In either case I would present the facts from a male perspective as well
*I don't think I meant to imply that women are the only ones asking for divorces. I just think that the number is on the increase. It might be on the increase for guys too - I wouldn't know aboout that. *
good, so you would not know about it and at that point every post in the thread did not indicate that and I felt it was only proper to paint the other side of the story as well.
**
Instead of assuming that every post a feminist posts is = "Ooh ooh men are horrible", read it with an open mind. **
I do except when these posts present something as some univeral law, when its just their perspective from one side, it would have been good to note that earlier on.
**
Thanks for sharing your insight on a man's experience. It was very enlightening. :)**
Talaaq ALLAH KA SAB SE NA PASANDEEDA AMAL.and also qayamat ki nishanniyon mein se bhi hai ke qayamat ke kareeb divorce common ho gi,so i practically hate divorce and i am in favor of those people who try to avoid it.
i dont think anyone is proud of getting a divorce/being divorced bt sometimes it is the only option, and as u say Allah dislikes it immensley, we are lucky to have it as a way out if things are unmanageable.
(that doesnt mean i think it should be used loosely)
Um, if you read my reply, you can see clearly that nowhere do I make a hard-core law about anything. I merely give my point of view.
PCG there are many times you have assumed what guys think or what their motivations are, so in this case if you are going to not address it. I can not read your mind to see whether you are only presenting one side of the picture because you have no knowledge of the other side or that in your view there is only one side. In either case I would present the facts from a male perspective as well
No, if I felt that there was only one side, I would have indicated so in my writing. And I don't think I said anything that would suggest so. Therefore, its just giving a female's point of view. I think you're making a big deal out of nothing, and creating meanings that don't exist. I don't know why you'd waste your time with such immaturity, and I'd suggest you stay away from it. And that's me being assertive. :)
please be as assertive as you need to be.
I will try to avoid wasting my time with such immaturity though.
I will continue to present the other side of the picture and differing opinions and perspectives. cant have all of us agreeing and shakign heads on everything :) Differeing opinions should not be taken as a personal affront :)
When a marriage just doesnt work, it should not be the business of everyone and anyone but the couple involved. We're all so into figuring out "who's to blame". well it really isnt our business. The VAST majority of the time, divorce is for good reason (no matter whose fault) and WHY remain unhappy with life if there are other options?
To answer the original question, women these days have so much more ability to earn a living for themselves so this is an option open to more women these days. It is also more socially acceptable than it used to be.
Things need to be very carefully considered, most especially if there are children involved. My advice would be-never have children unless and until you are SURE you want to and will enjoy spending the rest of your living days with the person you're married to. Sadly, its too often that people marry too young (or too immature?) and their life's desires/wants/needs are very different a couple years after marriage, they arent the same people that they were at their wedding. This isnt the fault of the guy OR the gal, its perhaps the fault of the society that put pressure on them to marry before they were actually ready for it.
true, what is the life span for ppl these days 70+ years, if you gte married when you are 25 and realize that your spouse is an ogre who is going to keep you miserable, or is abusive ..then why would you want to spend 50 years with this person? why not make a clean start.
Allah knows what is in our hearts and has given us a solution, a last resort solution or solution for extreme cases, but we have the option. That means he wants us to use it when we need to.
I think man always dominate over woman either she is mother, sister, wife or daughter, in case of wife they want to show dominance over his wife so she has to obey him all the time and did what he said and in this way he showed his value in his family, as now a days woman get educated doing job so they don't want to ruined their personality by listening after marrige you got so much facilities did you seen these at your fathers home etc, so as they got educated and earn money they want to live on equality basis not in dominancy basis. So it cause the divorce problem.
The divorces I've seen have usually corresponded to this case. Although, I have to say they were arranged, and so the girl usually didn't know that her husband would be too dominant for her taste. And so the couple found out after marriage that they liked doing things differently, and the girls bailed out asap. I don't blame them, frankly.
Its the finances. Married life in all societies, cultures go through similar situation and difficulties but women that are financially dependent are far more likely to stick to their husbands even if they are unhappy.
I agree with Sara...Isnt it better to raise kids in a Loving home where both the parents are in Love, respect each other and their boundaries...etc yet So many people choose to live in loveless/abusive marriages where they cannot be their authentic selves...just the caretakers of their kids,,,which by the way is only superficial...Kids are super smart and pick up the negative feelings in their homes....and do not want to be in a homme...they rather seek out strangers later on in their own lives that mimic the same situation all over again.....thus making the cycle repeat all over again...
Unhappy Parents only produce Unhappy Kids....
That is why in Islam it is said that a Man should provide her with the essentials that she is accustomed to(meaning dont marry into some family that you as a man cannot provide her with what her parents did)...any way the best virtue to see in a mate is that of Good Character...I have heard that molvis who really know our religion best ....have a very fulfilling home life as they follow Islamic teachings in how to keep a wife content...:) ....
Allah knows what is in our hearts and has given us a solution, a last resort solution or solution for extreme cases, but we have the option. That means he wants us to use it when we need to.
that is so true...For a failed marriage of ten years why would someone want to spend 10 more years in the exact same way...Isnt it better to die one time then to die a slow painful death over years ....
