Re: disturbed coz of husband’s behaviour
What is your problem? No one said there were too many posts either. The point was that…oh well. Never mind. That would be repetitions. 
Re: disturbed coz of husband’s behaviour
FFS another thread ruined by diwana. 
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
And that seems to be the problem.
He is not a baby! So he may not listen to anyone. IF she wants the marriage saved then she has to give up her demand FOR NOW. That is what I wrote earlier.
*Why do so many women think marital problems can be solved by wrestling kind of attitude? *
Hum Dekh Lengay!
Oye! Bata Duo Usko! Hum Bhi Kum Nahin!.
Why do so many men think women should always be bowing down and just taking it all the time. Women should give up seeing their parents...a basic human right.
Its funny how men think the responsibility of making a marriage work lies on the woman's shoulders.
Re: disturbed coz of husband’s behaviour
^ no Reha if a DIL refuse to live with her parents in law andrefuse to do their khidmat she should be divorced and send back to her parents home but when a Son in Law stops his wife from seeing her parents she should give up her right to meet her parents…kaisi kaisi batain karti ho Reha
women don’t have any rights , emotions or feelings woh to sirf larkay aur us kay maa baap kay paass hoti hai 
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
Its funny how men think the responsibility of making a marriage work lies on the woman's shoulders.
A friend of mine told me that her husband....told her....that the success of a marriage depends upon the woman. And she didn't argue it...so I'm guessing she agrees with him. Still surprises me because we're very similar in the way we think.....and I don't agree with her husband's comment. It's like saying the guy is exempt from any responsibility/effort in making the marriage work.
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
The guys are exempt.
All they need to do is show up for dinner, show up for a diaper change and show up for bed.
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
Why do so many men think women should always be bowing down and just taking it all the time. Women should give up seeing their parents...a basic human right.
Its funny how men think the responsibility of making a marriage work lies on the woman's shoulders.
You got me all wrong.
The responsibility lies on both man and woman to make a marriage work.
My comment was on the bold part which I responded to.
Trying to say to him, "we re capable too", is just a recepie for disaster.
When a man in the marriage like this as it appears bad, and in so early stage of marriage AND the goal is to save marriage to get some time to learn each other, then it is better for her to wait and give up her demand for time being. (I am writing this third time-For now).
If idea is to just get over the marriage then go ahead, argue, incite all one wishes to do.
Men do have power in these situation and loser is a woman for fighting over a matter which can be resolved later. He cannot forever stop her off course. If that happens then maybe it is worth fighting later.
We can disagree over if man does have power or not. :)
Again, we do not even know the full story, OP has not come back after first post. So a lot of it just moot point.
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
Sooooo...let me get this straight.
If a woman wants to see her parents, she is wrestling and should drop her *demand *to make things work. It goes without saying that she will resent her husband for separating her from her parents and she will not forgive him easily in the end.
Because he has the ability to open his mouth and say "talaq talaq talaq"? Oh I see.
If the woman is pregnant, her parents want her home, she has another home to go and live and her husband doesnt even respect her as much as the dirt he stands on............and then he says the magic words............I can see how much of a loss that would be for the poor wife.
She gets away from abuse. She sees her parents. She is back in her home in peace. She is pregnant and can actually have a chance at a safe delivery and enjoy herself. She can keep her child and raise him/her the right way away from such an abusive environment.
I can totally see how she is the loser here. Like totally.
"Power" is only a matter of perspective here. A man may think he is hurting a woman by leaving her...but little does he know most of the time she is actually relieved.
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
^ excellent post
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
How long is a woman supposed to give up her "demand" ( I consider it a RIGHT...not a demand) to visit her parents? That's not only hurting the wife....it hurts her parents as well if they don't get to see her. Is that his way of punishing her parents for getting involved....trying to help their daughter? IF SO, what does that say about him? What if her parents are ill or something? She should still give up her demand until he decides to come around (who knows when that would be)? The thought of her backing off for a while....and then coming to him a couple of weeks later and again pleading for him to drop her off at her parents' home........it's pathetic. Does it not send the message that he can use that as a control strategy? Really, they live 15 mins away from her...i find it silly that she's so dependent upon him for such a basic right. Now, if she's spending more time with them than with him...that's another issue.
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
Sooooo...let me get this straight.
If a woman wants to see her parents, she is wrestling
No. The wrestling comment was on bold part like I said above.
and should drop her *demand *to make things work. It goes without saying that she will resent her husband for separating her from her parents and she will not forgive him easily in the end.
What if she does not resent? What if he does realize with time he was wrong? Why assume only one way?
Because he has the ability to open his mouth and say "talaq talaq talaq"? Oh I see.
Yes. What can she do? Honestly what?
Is it really needed that she fights now and not buy time to develop relation with him and see what happens later? Its only few months you know.
If the woman is pregnant, her parents want her home, she has another home to go and live and her husband doesnt even respect her as much as the dirt he stands on............and then he says the magic words............I can see how much of a loss that would be for the poor wife.
So you are advising divorce, so let it be. Does OP want that? Do we know that?
She gets away from abuse. She sees her parents. She is back in her home in peace. She is pregnant and can actually have a chance at a safe delivery and enjoy herself. She can keep her child and raise him/her the right way away from such an abusive environment.
Sure she can.
But do we know if that is what she wants?
Is she ready to be single mom? Most women do not.
With time men can change and learn their mistakes. Men are not that evil!
I can totally see how she is the loser here. Like totally.
"Power" is only a matter of perspective here. A man may think he is hurting a woman by leaving her...but little does he know most of the time she is actually relieved.
OK. Being divorced is blessings for many but not for all. And losing a married life on ego is not that smart either.....Especially when thing CAN be worked out with time.
Sincere efforts need to be made before embarking upon breaking a marriage.
No more discussion is helpful till OP comes back. If she wants divorce then fine. My first post in this thread says she needs to decide if she wants to save the marriage or not. I also said she should not get pregnant if possible and if not already, she hinted on it but not sure.
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
Why does the responsibility of the sincere effort lie on her shoulders only???
Why havent you (diwana) advised her on what she can do to get her HUSBAND to let her see her parents? Why do you advocate silent suffering all the time for women? "keep quiet and let him do what he wants...one day when you're old and gray he will realize what you did for him and then before you die he will apologize".
During a nikah, a woman does not marry herself...she marries ANOTHER PERSON. That OTHER PERSON is also responsible for making his marriage work. A one way relationship WILL lead to resentment and eventual hate.
As for what will she do if he says those words: challenging a woman is never good for men. She will go home and have her baby in peace with her loved ones around her. Men are not evil at all...my father is a man and he is far from evil. But the bad ones should be recognized to ensure quality of life.
Let me make one thing clear here: Im not advocating divorce. Im advocating happiness. The OP could be pregnant. Her husband and his tiny little ego are of no significance because there could possibly be a child in the picture.
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
How long is a woman supposed to give up her "demand" ( I consider it a RIGHT...not a demand) to visit her parents? That's not only hurting the wife....it hurts her parents as well if they don't get to see her. Is that his way of punishing her parents for getting involved....trying to help their daughter? IF SO, what does that say about him? What if her parents are ill or something? She should still give up her demand until he decides to come around (who knows when that would be)? The thought of her backing off for a while....and then coming to him a couple of weeks later and again pleading for him to drop her off at her parents' home........it's pathetic. Does it not send the message that he can use that as a control strategy? Really, they live 15 mins away from her...i find it silly that she's so dependent upon him for such a basic right. Now, if she's spending more time with them than with him...that's another issue.
parents have to be punished to not see the evils while selecting their Son-in-law... they should not go for the 1st available option nor does they look into the wealth of the boy side, they should consider the moral attitude of the family as the first most option... if that is not their top priority, then let me say that they deserve the treatment by marrying their daughter to a scum bag...
I am sure, people will blame the boy for his rough attitude ( and he should be blamed) but what about the parents of the girl, did they performed their due-diligence before handing our their daughter to them??? i guess that is not the case here...
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
^I don't think it's always so simple. GDISA brought up the point that the OP should have picked up on his behavior before marrying him....but she didn't see that side to him until after the nikaah. Who knows how long they interacted with one another before the nikaah...maybe his negative qualities became more apparent after the nikaah...and a break at that point would be considered a divorce...and then the girl/her parents also have to contend with the stigma of such a situation in our culture. Also, we don't know if her parents went for the "first available option"...that would be an assumption.
While you do do have the responsibility for doing an investigation and getting to know the other person....there could be some things about a person that you may not learn until much later on (as in after the marriage).....so it's not so "simple" as to say that the parents or person deserved the ill-treatment.
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
^ agree with RV !
You don't get to know real face of people unless and until you start living with them and sometimes it may take months and sometimes it may take years to realise what the person actually is.
Re: disturbed coz of husband’s behaviour
theway,wapis chalo yahan se.
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
^I don't think it's always so simple. GDISA brought up the point that the OP should have picked up on his behavior before marrying him....but she didn't see that side to him until after the nikaah. Who knows how long they interacted with one another before the nikaah...maybe his negative qualities became more apparent after the nikaah...and a break at that point would be considered a divorce...and then the girl/her parents also have to contend with the stigma of such a situation in our culture. Also, we don't know if her parents went for the "first available option"...that would be an assumption.
While you do do have the responsibility for doing an investigation and getting to know the other person....there could be some things about a person that you may not learn until much later on (as in after the marriage).....so it's not so "simple" as to say that the parents or person deserved the ill-treatment.
I got impression that it was an arrange marriage, and the love thing happened after the nikaah... and not the other way around...
It is true that few casual meetings are not enough to judge a character of a man, but it is also true that these casual meetings provide hints about the characters/feature of persons, of course half of the time these hints or GUT feelings are ignored in the name of fear and other materialistic things.. i have seen some people who says that so what if their future SIL drinks or have GFs, he can afford to stay out and enjoy so let it be... and then same thing haunt them back... this is the case with OP...
She and her parents ignored things which they shouldn't have and now the guy is same and what went wrong is expectations that he would change... Women Cannot Change MEN, unless they are in Diapers...
As for now, the guy is not allowing OP to meet her parents... that is it, the guy is Psycho, he loves to tease and torture and he is not going to take any help as he don't think he is sick... the parents of OP on the other hand should have taken the matter in their hand unless they have sold their daughter or they have fear that if the marriage fails, how come they are going to take care of her... but as per OP her MAMA tells her that if she doesn't come they are through with her... gives an idea that how short-sighted and insensitive the parents of the OP are, had there been a good parents, they might have stormed the house of DIL and have asked their SIL to explain the reasons their daughter cannot visit them and would have let know the SIL and His family that she is not alone... but i think that is the only road OP's parent don't want to take...
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
You don't get to know real face of people unless and until you start living with them and sometimes it may take months and sometimes it may take years to realise what the person actually is.
exactly...thats why i said that 'love' thing is just an illusion...
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
^How would you know if you've never even felt it??
Love is a complex thing, some ppl take years to develop those feelings, some never do and some fall in love in a shorter space of time.. Like most emotions and behaviours it varies from person to person..
Re: disturbed coz of husband's behaviour
hehhehe it is so funny to watch how the original post turns into a circus, for all other people to argue and fight while the original poster himself/herself vanishes after igniting that one spark :D......it is five pages so far and I don't see the OP anywhere apart from that very first post lol