Distressed friend, need help.

[NS2]

this is so lame. first fazool logon se lift lainay ka matlab? second he tried but didn't do it so ur friend should learn from her experience n move on. complaining to anybody will make no difference. wat can her parents do? nobody can do nothing. she needs to use her head and be careful next time. u can complain to the whole world, wont make that man pay, not in pak esp.

Exactly my point. Prevention is the best solution. Her parents should have been wise enough to not send a distant cousin to pick their daughter, that too alone. But then again situations like these may happen to anyone no matter how preventive u r..

If I were to think like a paki aunty I would think that she might have gone with him on purpose since parents wont do such a stupid act of sending a distant cousin..and now that he has harrassed her she is complaining..Im pretty sure thats what a aunty here would think..
So no matter how depressed u r keep it to urself people judge too easily.

[NS2]

God forbid sahr91, if something like this ever happened to your kid, what would you do? Woud you be happy not knowing about it. Wouldn't you wanna expose that person?

Firstly, I would try my best to prevent such a situation. I will never trust anyone with my kid. Our children r our responsibility we should look out for them. After the culprit the second to b blamed r the parents who didnt look after their children-only in the case if its a child or a young teen dependant on the parents..not all parents r like that but yes iv seen irresponsible parents too makes my blood boil.
Even if God forbid this was to happen to my child then this is what I would do-no matter how ridiculous this may seem this is the only solution that came to my mind:
This matter would remain only between me my husband my child and the culprit. I would call the culprit from an unknown number(without revealing my identity) and knowing that hes a perv will try to talk him into visiting me in a private place i.e. a hotel room maybe..if he shows up then in the privacy of that room my husband would knock some sense into him(the hard way ofcourse) and u know what I would take my kid with me so he can see that the culprit has been punished for something that was his fault not my child's..reason: due to what happened to me I didnt have much confidence as a child and when I grew up(teen) to realise that it was his fault not mine I became rebellious/aggressive cause of the anger stored inside me. So God forbid if this happens I would definitely want my child to release the anger so it wouldnt affect his personality.
Im sure even after being beaten up he wouldnt dare open his mouth infront of anyone in fear of revealing his own mistake..if he tries to tell the police then if the police can b bribed to do bad then y cant they b bribed to stay shut? And ofcourse I would b protective of my child so that he doesnt take revenge.
Aah easier said then done. I would never want my child to go through such a situation but u asked for my solution so I gave it..I maybe wrong but thats the only thing I could think of..Please Allah protect my children from any such thing..

[NS2]

When I was a kid, people including my parents thought rape can only happen to adult women..as we grew up thanks to media they became aware that boys are also raped so they not only became protective of me(as I was now a teen) but also of my brother..further on they came to know that even children r raped so they became protective of my youngest brother aswell..so media has played its role..awareness is a must..awareness leads to prevention..and prevention is the only solution here in pakistan..I try my best to socially educate as many people as possible esp the lower class..I love it when my maid is protective of her daughter(even when she and her daughter r working at my place she doesnt let her daughter out of her sight doesnt allow her to go outside where our guard and drivers sit)

[Mabrook]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

Exactly my point. Prevention is the best solution. Her parents should have been wise enough to not send a distant cousin to pick their daughter, that too alone. But then again situations like these may happen to anyone no matter how preventive u r..

If I were to think like a paki aunty I would think that she might have gone with him on purpose since parents wont do such a stupid act of sending a distant cousin..and now that he has harrassed her she is complaining..Im pretty sure thats what a aunty here would think.. So no matter how depressed u r keep it to urself people judge too easily.

There was a time when one of our neighbour uncle gav lift to us siblings as his kids go to school with us. Now he has strange eyes any girl can note and as a girl u always hav that sixth sense so one day it happened that only i needed to go due to my exams and everyone was off. He offered lift and i took it but when he offered me to sit in front i refused it and said" main yehan peechay theek hoon" a bold reply and he never tried it again. So as agirl u need to know how to deal with dirty looks and moves. if u r a gonna act like Tess u'll end up like her.

[Mehnaz]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

if u r a gonna act like Tess u'll end up like her.

What exactly is this supposed to mean?

[Mabrook]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

i just remembered Tess of the d'urbervilles(Thomas Hardy's heroin) i found her the dumbest girl. She got raped coz she was very innocent and didn't know the world's ways.

[Marmalade]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

@Mabrook

i just remembered Tess of the d’urbervilles(Thomas Hardy’s heroin) i found her the dumbest girl. She got raped coz she was very innocent and didn’t know the world’s ways.

You sound exactly like those aunties you guys are warning her about.

[Mabrook]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

^ i thought her stupid even when i was in high school so it has nothing to do with age, its common sense. unless someone kidnaps u or drug u or u r a helpless child, most cases happens coz lack of caution n common sense. Most kids in grade 8 n onwards r smart enough n know how to handle things.

another thing why not read"ayat-ul-kursi" every time u leave home or travel with a non-mehram. when Allah has given us such a good protective weapon why not use it.

[Summerbr]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

I think she should get her courage up and speak about this to a sister or her mother or both. And from there it can be decided if it should be shared with her dad also. Each family is different and would have its own sensitivities I am sure. As for having this slimeball punished for his crimes, I can see how that is important but I would leave that to the girl and her family to decide as to what they want to do about that. Best thing might be to round up some guys and beat the hell out of him, only letting him know the reason for this and no one else. I can see though that this girl would not want this incident advertised to the rest of the world and she should be given that right and her privacy.

It's mportant to make sure she is protected from him in the future. Also, I think she should talk to a counsellor and get help to deal with what must undoubtablt be a very traumatic and painful event.

[R.A.W]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

OP, any update about the situation ?

[Jaanwar]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

^ …aand he is back for some more action

[NS2]

http://www.newslinemagazine.com/2012/02/break-the-silence-fighting-sexual-harassment-together/

[Mirch]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

time to pay off some goons to break this perverts legs and toss him in a ditch 20 miles from the city to find a way back.

And cut his manhood off too.

[Mirch]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

Oh and if she really wants to get back with him then the best solution is to tell his wife(without revealing her identity) thats the only thing she can do-yes no matter how ridiculous this seems-there is no other way he can b punished in pakistan

What is his wife going to do ? File for divorce ? Not in Pakistan.

u can complain to the whole world, wont make that man pay, not in pak esp.

I agree unless you use some illegal means to punish this pervert as many suggested to hire hit man to go after him and break his legs and cut his manhood.

[NS2]

@Mirch

[quote="sahr, post:57, topic:254495"]

Oh and if she really wants to get back with him then the best solution is to tell his wife(without revealing her identity) thats the only thing she can do-yes no matter how ridiculous this seems-there is no other way he can b punished in pakistan

What is his wife going to do ? File for divorce ? Not in Pakistan.

u can complain to the whole world, wont make that man pay, not in pak esp.

I agree unless you use some illegal means to punish this pervert as many suggested to hire hit man to go after him and break his legs and cut his manhood.
[/QUOTE]

His wife is in UK

[Demilitarize]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

God. Such a horrendous situation.

My two cents, nothing is going to be accomplished by telling her parents (though she should tell them for emotional wellbeing at least)
But nothing concrete will get accomplished. The step they take would be to do what exactly? Accuse the distant cousin? And then what? Distant cousin's family says it didn't happen and your girl is sexually charged and insane to be saying that, our son has a wife, why would he do such a vile thing? Most likely, they'd be laughed out of town but the shadow of doubt will hold longterm repercussions for the girl. Someone will always whisper that "this girl claimed to have been raped/almost raped" There was a scandal attached to her.

There is no police in Pakland.
There is a gossiping society which does not allow someone to live down shame.

These are the ground realities.

So I ask all of you, what are the parents going to do?

[Demilitarize]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

@Mirch

I agree** unless you use some illegal means to punish this pervert as many suggested to hire hit man to go after him and break his legs and cut his manhood**.

In return for which there might be ten guys hired to "pick up the girl" one day and take her off and do horrendous things to her (not just breaking legs)

Vengeance breeds vengeance.

[X2]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

With prayers, planning, and efforts in the right direction it is possible: "Saanp bhi mar jaye aur lat'hi bhi na tutey"

There definitely is a pulsating urge within everyone of us to immediately get the rapist reported and punished to death (Yes it should be done), but if done with *a bit of planning *it would save the future of a young girl who lives in an age/society where even young widows and young divorced girls find it difficult to get a decent rishta, what to talk of a girl who is termed as "abused/raped".

Yes, most of the men here would easily write on GS (with no tensions) that they have no problem in marrying an abused/physically mistreated girl, when discussed on GS, but in practical life things doesn't happen so easily (otherwise we would never hear tragic stories everyday on TV), where many 'practical' factors (parents,..etc.) come into play, very few remain firm in this honorable decision of marrying such cases, as you would observe in daily life, the rest have different priorities.

I think you fail to give enough credit to most of the men on GS. I think majority of guys here are sensible, civilized guys, who will not punish someone for being a victim. Just because they are not volunteering info on things that their loved ones or they themselves may have endured does not mean that is a monolithic group of hypocrites who will preach one thing and yet have a different playbook for themselves.

btw do you have any idea how rampant mistreatment of women is in Pakistan. why dont you do a poll on this site and just ask 3 simple questions

1- have you yourself been molested (groped, pinched, rubbed..whatever in shops, buses, crowds in Pakistan)
2- of the ladies that you know how many have faced the same- few, some, most
3- how many times have you faced something improper- few, some, most

years ago..sadly on chat on irc and not on a forum, we had asked the same question, the answers there were shocking to all of us. and if we keep on brushing it under the rug, we are simply making the ghatiya kuttay out there bolder

[X2]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

@Demesne

So I ask all of you, what are the parents going to do?

at minimum, they will be able to provide her with the emotional support she needs from them, and help her if she needs professional counseling and support.

they may keep other kids away from the perv, they may not say anything to anyone, but be hawk eyed at events where the individual can get in situations where someone else can get hurt.

these are the bare minimums but with fairly massive impact

[Reha]

Re: Distressed friend, need help.

Therapy. Counseling. Something to help her through this tough time.