A few days ago a close friend of mine who was always cheerful and pleasant, travelled far away from home to sit an important exam, but there were hiccups at the exam centre which meant the exams ran late.
It was getting dark, so a distant cousin was sent to give her lift home, but rather than taking her home safely, he took her to a lonely spot in the forest, groped her and tried to rape her. He only put a stop to it when my friend starting crying and threatened to leap to her death by jumping off a cliff.
She rang me today, weeping on the phone, extremely distressed and confused, she’s been blaming herself, she hasn’t eaten or slept in days, and feels ashamed, she spending all her time inside.
Now, I know this is one of the hardest things to do, but she hasn’t told anyone else because she thinks she’ll be disowned by her own family and friends in Pakistan. And if people found out, pretty and bright though she is, no one will ever want to marry her.
I’ve tried to comfort her, the best I can do and rationalize everything that’s happened by saying it wasn’t that bad, she’s had a lucky escape but really I don’t know what else to say to her. Please I need your help.
The anger is setting in, no more lives should be ruined because of this man, I want revenge for my friend, this man newly married himself, I’m wondering should I call up his wife in the UK and tell her what her dog, has done?
Tell her to first offer two rakah salat-ul-hajah and pray to Allah (swt) (cry her heart out in front of HIM on a prayer mat when alone at night), to ask forgiveness for her past sins and disobedience towards HIM, to beg Allah (swt) to guide her (create circumstances) that help her in recovering from this tragedy, in getting justice, in preserving her dignity in front of her parents/relatives/friends, in starting a new beginning to her life....She should feel relaxed that Allah (swt) is always with the oppressed and against the oppressor (even if the former is a non-Muslim and the later is a Muslim). She being a believer of Allah (swt) has Allah (swt) on her side, that is her GREATEST strength in recovering from this heart aching tragedy.
And then take guidance from a knowledgeable sincere scholar in the light of Quran and Hadith, on how to proceed further with wisdom, patience and courage. May Allah (swt) guide her and help her in her struggle for revival of her soul. Ameen!
I know its easy said than done but she should definately tell her parents about this. Not only will this help her get over it by having their support with her but also this way they can decide on wht they should be doing about that guy.
You know my instant reaction after reading your post was that WTH is the girl thinking? why has she not told her family and why is she not making sure that the guy gets punished for it ..........BUT the thing is i am sure as a women what she must be thinking of her is future! She was no raped but how many people would believe her? how many would marry her even knowing that a rape was attempted on her forget about her being raped? I am not saying that there are exceptions but can everyone be strong enough to take this risk?
I really feel bad for your friend, you should be there for her in whatever way possible you can but don't take any action without her approval because its her life after all.
I know its easy said than done but she should definately tell her parents about this. Not only will this help her get over it by having their support with her but also this way they can decide on wht they should be doing about that guy.
That's the advice I would give. She MUST tell her parents...they would never abandon her.
Better to take guidance from a good scholar (in the light of Quran and Hadith) before telling it to parents. Even though she needs a shoulder to cry on and a lot of support, at this time of her life, but she would never want her parents to suffer from the most hurting mental & spiritual torture (never ending pain) till the last breath of their life. If ignorance is a bliss, they might have few years left in their life, let them live peacefully in ignorance. Otherwise their every night would be filled with tears of blood, their aching hurt would never find rest, probably not till their last breath. Their health might deteriorate, and this news might act as slow poisoning for the rest of their life. Please, for the love of Allah (swt), don't take away from them the happiness that they are presently enjoying in life.
If she is strong enough to quietly handle it now on her own (through help of a guide/ideal), her agony would slowly inshaAllah end after few years, as she would gain strength with time and other people already don't know about it. On the other hand the more shoulders she gets now to cry on, the more lasting would be her wound that would be refreshed (by one person or another) every time it start to heal. Besides that, do you think she would be able to look into their eyes (for the rest of her life) after this painful fact is disclosed to her relatives. If you carry your own burden now on your own (even though a bit painful) you would gain strength with time, otherwise time would only help you gaining more sympathizers who would only look at you with pity/sorrow every time you pass by them. I might be wrong, Allah knows Best!
^ That is if she is strong enough to handle it on her own, and doesn't want her parents to suffer with her. Otherwise she should tell. I have seen parents getting very old before time with pain and sorrow of such thunder bolt news suddenly disclosed to them. In other words, becoming a walking dead body.
But of course, it might vary from parents to parents. Most are strong enough to handle it and sensible enough to keep their cool and do something about it step by step with planning, others overreact making the issue more complicated to deal with, hence (unintentionally) making the life of the victim more miserable than it already was.
She knows best how her parents would react to this situation and which is the appropriate time of disclosing it to them. Mashwarey mein khair hoti hai, better to discuss with a scholar the manner in which it should be disclosed and the appropriate time after doing a bit of homework.
^ Read the reason he has given for not telling her parents, I believe he is right. Telling her parents will only ruin the rest of their lives in worry and and fear for their daughter. No point in doing that to them.
Same time i do believe if she needs help their are many very good Islamic youth organisations in the UK, (if thats where she is) or ppl she trusts that she can get some support from. Im sure she must have some good teachers or friends that she cud get help from. I just think telling her parents would just destroy them.
The way our family system works do you guys really think anyone would believe her ? I totally doubt .
But revenge is must or he'll do it to someone else . Its a total criminal mentality . You can't prove the act , but it happened and he must pay for it . Hire couple of bouncers and beat the heck out of him . He needs a lesson .
what are parents there for then if not to be there for their child when she is in need. She must be so scared right now. there has to be counselors at the university she goes to that can talk to her privately about this and they are trained to help rape victims. I still see it as rape even if he didn't go any further than groping but this man definitely should not be let free to roam the streets b/c he'll do it to someone else possibly a child........
telling the police isn't an option i guess?
If such a thing ever happened to my daughter, and I pray to ALLAH (SWT) to always protect my daughter and everybodies child from such evils, then I would want her to tell me that.
I would never want to live in happily in lala land, while my child is suffering and being tortured in silence. I would be more heartbroken if my child hid it for me and I found out much later.
Yes the parents will be sad, but they are not the victims here. Their child is. And she needs their help.
OP I am going to comment as if I am talking direct to your friend.
You should definitely tell her parents about this. Don’t make assumptions of how they might react or how they might disown you. One should never think for other people, because others are often more understanding than we had thought. That is why stop thinking what they might do or don’t. You will never find out if you don’t tell.
Even if your parents don’t believe you (and I doubt that), atleast you did tell them. Nobody will ever raise his finger to you and blame you for not telling it before, if this matter ever comes out.
And why will they not believe you? They are your parents. While there are cases of our people who rather live as ostriches and stay in denial, there are many many sane people out there too. Itni gayee guzri hamari qaum nahiN hai, jitni hum bana detay hain.
Don’t care for the rest of the family or the potential men who wont want to marry you. They are not worth it anyway.
What matters is your parents and your bond and trust with them and your own peace and happiness. And that is why you should tell them now. This happened very recent so don’t wait any longer. Because the more you wait, the more that kanjar will get a delay and the more everything will be in his favour.
So you dont be affraid for anything sister, because you are not the wrongdoer here. Don’t punish yourself by staying quiet. Remember that ALLAH TALAH is with you and he will give you justice for sure.
Also do report it to the police. Even if anyone convinces you not to.
Wish you all the best of luck and In sha ALLAH he will definitely get his punishment.
If its possible, I would suggest for your friend to also see a trained counselor. An attempted rape can have a great effect on a person’s psych. The longer she waits, the worse it will be.
She should tell her parents. She must be traumatized and being alone with her thoughts might make her want to hurt herself. She needs emotional and physical support and someone who is constantly reminding her that it was not her fault. I hope this creep is punished and She finds strength to stand up for herself n see its him who should be guilty n punishing himself not her
