Re: Distressed friend, need help.
Agree with you X2. Well said.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
In return for which there might be ten guys hired to "pick up the girl" one day and take her off and do horrendous things to her (not just breaking legs)
Vengeance breeds vengeance.
You are right , I will weigh my options before taking any drastic measures.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
I think you fail to give enough credit to most of the men on GS. I think majority of guys here are sensible, civilized guys, who will not punish someone for being a victim. Just because they are not volunteering info on things that their loved ones or they themselves may have endured does not mean that is a monolithic group of hypocrites who will preach one thing and yet have a different playbook for themselves.
btw do you have any idea how rampant mistreatment of women is in Pakistan. why dont you do a poll on this site and just ask 3 simple questions
1- have you yourself been molested (groped, pinched, rubbed..whatever in shops, buses, crowds in Pakistan) 2- of the ladies that you know how many have faced the same- few, some, most 3- how many times have you faced something improper- few, some, most
years ago..sadly on chat on irc and not on a forum, we had asked the same question, the answers there were shocking to all of us. and if we keep on brushing it under the rug, we are simply making the ghatiya kuttay out there bolder
Sadly, I don't think many women can say no to your first question.
EDIT: I know people living in Pakistan will take this negatively but I am speaking from experience so bare me the speech. Also, those of you who live in a big mansions and have millions of cars to drive you around - don't reply to this because you all don't fit in this category.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
You are right , I will weigh my options before taking any drastic measures.
:) Thank you for understanding my POV .
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
She needs to tell her parents if she trusts them to be supportive (only she knows them). In addition, she should tell other trusted relatives. Make this guy a pariah. She should tell his wife.
There is no shame in what she has gone through. It is the guy who should be shtng in his pants with fear and shame of what could happen if word got out. And he should find out - soon.
Nothing beyond some inappropriate tchg happened. Keep you head high girl. Be brave and let the ashle face the music.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
And yes, it was attempted rape - he should be reported.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
I went through something like this by an uncle, although not to that extent in the case of the OP’s friend but still terrible nonetheless. I told my mom and guess what she did? She asked if I dreamt it and then when we had an argument over a misunderstanding the next day and she blurts out “I bet you lied about it” as a pathetic comeback. Heh. Needless to say, I have never trusted her since then to protect me. And to add to it, she seems to be even MORE nicer to d-bag now. :halo:
I’m over it now but for future mothers/parents: GROW A PAIR AND LEARN TO STAND UP FOR YOUR CHILD. I just know I will never be a weak, oh-no-one-will-believe-you type of a mom, ever. There is nothing more important than the well-being of your child and family and frankly, WHO GIVES A SH*T what people think? Same goes for future rishtas. Are people w/ such mentalities worth marrying your child to? No.
I cannot believe we still have people who still go by the “Oh, the girl will be blamed and humiliated so let’s bury this under the rug and that’ll be it.” WTH!? We allow it to happen when we think like that. Any person who abuses/gropes/rapes/molests needs to be humiliated, lashed out upon, cussed at, degraded in the worst way possible and disowned by their families. If they don’t think twice before violating someone then what the hell are we protecting them for?
I can totally relate to u M..sometimes parents r just not the right option to turn to..everyone knows their parents best..so victim would have told them if she trusted them to b of any help..
As for the last part of your post..this just wont happen..not in this decade atleast..for something to really take affect it requires team effort not just one individual yelling his misfortune..
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
^Ditto. It makes me so mad that some Desis are more concerned about the aftermath and not the actual ordeal their child went through. It's straight up pathetic and jaahil.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
I can totally relate to u M..sometimes parents r just not the right option to turn to..everyone knows their parents best..so victim would have told them if she trusted them to b of any help.. As for the last part of your post..this just wont happen..not in this decade atleast..for something to really take affect it requires team effort not just one individual yelling his misfortune..
I agree that everyone knows their parents best .... i went through something and I did not want to tell my mother as she is a heart patient , gets tensed very quickly, it raises her bp and does not have a good effect on her heart but I knew i was strong and old enough to handle it myself (it was not this bad though)
I have to say if we keep thinking things are not going to change in this decade so lets not do anything then things will never change ... how are things ever going to change !!!!
I agree with the police part as no one can change the entire police force and make them do the right thing ... i know a family who had to pay the police to get off their back when the family was actually the victim
But as for not doing anything about the guy , well how would anyone in the family know he is not to be trusted if no one says anything !!!!
What about the wife, does she not have a right to know that her husband is this kind of a person, he may continue to be like this once he moves to the UK.
OP: I think you know your friend, may be you know her parents too ... you can best decide if her mother will understand ... even if the mother will not tell the entire family , she can trust some others in the family and tell them the guy is not to be trusted. May be she will be more careful next time and not send anyone to pickup the daughter. The girl needs support from someone in the family too. I know people love to gossip but I do not want to believe that there is no one in the family who will not gossip and will not understand.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
if i were you, i would make it look like an accident
The anger is setting in, no more lives should be ruined because of this man, I want revenge for my friend, this man newly married himself, I’m wondering should I call up his wife in the UK and tell her what her dog, has done?
I have to say if we keep thinking things are not going to change in this decade so lets not do anything then things will never change ... how are things ever going to change !!!!
Only education and awareness can change things..years from now we will b in our parents' place and inshAllah we would b better at understanding our children and taking action than some parents are..society is changing but gradually..
Women need to teach their sons to respect women. There are some outta of control dudes especially in Pakistan. They probably don't control their impulses because of the sick society. Everyone looks the other way and they don't have to face consequences. There are harsher consequences in the west for perverts. Now in no means am I implying that thereby perverts here. Unfortunately they are everywhere.
One burning question is why did the family send the distant cousin to get this young girl? Did they trust him
Because he is married and shareef? honestly you should trust no one whith your daughter. I know that people even blindly trust maulanas? And peers? Do you think these men are fareeshtas? People take their young daughters when they aren't getting married to these peers or of they are not getting pregnant and leave them alone? For what and why?
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
OP can do some investigation on this guy - see if he has done similar things to other women (relatives or non relatives). Most of the time, this is the case. Then get all the women to group togeher, and contact his wife. There is strength in numbers.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
A few days ago a close friend of mine who was always cheerful and pleasant, travelled far away from home to sit an important exam, but there were hiccups at the exam centre which meant the exams ran late.
It was getting dark, so a distant cousin was sent to give her lift home, but rather than taking her home safely, he took her to a lonely spot in the forest, groped her and tried to rape her. He only put a stop to it when my friend starting crying and threatened to leap to her death by jumping off a cliff.
She rang me today, weeping on the phone, extremely distressed and confused, she’s been blaming herself, she hasn’t eaten or slept in days, and feels ashamed, she spending all her time inside.
Now, I know this is one of the hardest things to do, but she hasn’t told anyone else because she thinks she’ll be disowned by her own family and friends in Pakistan. And if people found out, pretty and bright though she is, no one will ever want to marry her.
I’ve tried to comfort her, the best I can do and rationalize everything that’s happened by saying it wasn’t that bad, she’s had a lucky escape but really I don’t know what else to say to her. Please I need your help.
The anger is setting in, no more lives should be ruined because of this man, I want revenge for my friend, this man newly married himself, I’m wondering should I call up his wife in the UK and tell her what her dog, has done?
First of all you need to tell your friend, that she has **NOTHING **to be ashamed of all, she did nothing wrong.
This angers me so much, that guy needs to be found and beaten. Doesn't she have a brother or younger uncle etc..someone she can tell, they need to get together and give that guy a severe beating.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
^For once, EDAL, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Spot-on. :k:
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
More than 2 weeks gone and yet nothing from the OP. Allah (swt) Khair farmaye!