Re: Distressed friend, need help.
Why should they keep it a secret? The girl has done nothing wrong. She should be scream at the top of her voice that this ******* did this and according to Islam he deserves the death penalty.
If her family are such ****ing jahils that she should feel embarrassed I will happily beat the crap out of them. She is the victim. She has been assaulted. She should not be embarrassed about anything.
And why shouldn't her parents be involved in the process?
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
Reading **** like this makes my blood pressure go up. Esp the wisdom that follows.
So if someone's daughter gets groped, assaulted and raped by some kuttay da puttar, and not some random kuttay da puttar but someone from the extended family - which is extreme breach of trust - she should just suck it up, keep her niyyah and taharat sorted and a tasbeeh by her side and live in shame, guilt and self-disgust all her life. Friggin brilliant. Now lets wait for our resident scholars to whip out a couple of ayats and ahadees, hand picked out of context to go with the wisdom.
She SHOULD get her parents/immediate family involved, and they should ensure that the emmer effer gets castrated with a pair a pliers and a blow torch.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
Like I said, do everything in such a way that her dignity is preserved specially in front of her future husband. Ofcourse, She didn't do anything wrong, but it is better that this matter is dealt with without her being asked about what happend to her and how, in future, by her relatives.
Depends upon a number of factors, specially how her parents would deal with this situation. Heard news about how parents made a mess out of their child's case just because they were emotionally driven and didn't take the right steps sensibly.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
A few days ago a close friend of mine who was always cheerful and pleasant, travelled far away from home to sit an important exam, but there were hiccups at the exam centre which meant the exams ran late.
It was getting dark, so a distant cousin was sent to give her lift home, but rather than taking her home safely, he took her to a lonely spot in the forest, groped her and tried to rape her. He only put a stop to it when my friend starting crying and threatened to leap to her death by jumping off a cliff.
She rang me today, weeping on the phone, extremely distressed and confused, she’s been blaming herself, she hasn’t eaten or slept in days, and feels ashamed, she spending all her time inside.
Now, I know this is one of the hardest things to do, but she hasn’t told anyone else because she thinks she’ll be disowned by her own family and friends in Pakistan. And if people found out, pretty and bright though she is, no one will ever want to marry her.
I’ve tried to comfort her, the best I can do and rationalize everything that’s happened by saying it wasn’t that bad, she’s had a lucky escape but really I don’t know what else to say to her. Please I need your help.
The anger is setting in, no more lives should be ruined because of this man, I want revenge for my friend, this man newly married himself, I’m wondering should I call up his wife in the UK and tell her what her dog, has done?
If I was the girl I would seduce him and cut his balls off
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
With prayers, planning, and efforts in the right direction it is possible: "Saanp bhi mar jaye aur lat'hi bhi na tutey"
There definitely is a pulsating urge within everyone of us to immediately get the rapist reported and punished to death (Yes it should be done), but if done with *a bit of planning *it would save the future of a young girl who lives in an age/society where even young widows and young divorced girls find it difficult to get a decent rishta, what to talk of a girl who is termed as "abused/raped".
Yes, most of the men here would easily write on GS (with no tensions) that they have no problem in marrying an abused/physically mistreated girl, when discussed on GS, but in practical life things doesn't happen so easily (otherwise we would never hear tragic stories everyday on TV), where many 'practical' factors (parents,..etc.) come into play, very few remain firm in this honorable decision of marrying such cases, as you would observe in daily life, the rest have different priorities.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
I dont know what kind of beyghairat family she must belong to if she thinks her parents would disown her for telling them that a relative tried to rape her. I know that if God forbid, something like that ever happened in my family, the ******* would be burnt alive!! By the men and by the women!
Tell her not to assume what her parents reaction would be. And not to worry about this "future husband" that is being mentioned. This man is filth, and he needs to be punished. If she doesnt want to go to the police, then don't but all the men in the family...if they have any ghairat will break this man's balls and bones!
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
Ok. Lets proceed step by step realistically and try to understand how should the parents proceed after she informs it to them. Of course they don't have any practical proof that he did this to her, or do they ?!! Just injuries/wounds doesn't prove anything.
Secondly, paying badmash for beating him would have a reaction by him later. He might also hire another Badmash to get his revenge from her parents...etc, so should they pay the badmash to just simply kill him ?!
If so, then if the badmaash gets caught, there would be legal proceedings against the family by the police. How would they defend their move. Btw, did anyone in here did actaully try to pay a badmaash to do such a job for him/her or these are mere filmi dialogues that look cool only when shared in discussions ?! Is it that easy to get such Badmash in Pak, and make a deal with them to do this job for them ? Most people I have seen (in such cases) are scared of interacting with killers. (even by phone), what to talk of hiring.
If the men in her family gather to take a revenge, what kind of revenge should it be. To what extent should they beat him, break legs...etc. ? Ofcourse, there would be a reaction from the rapist's family if they beat him (they would come to know when he informs them). How would you convince the rapist's family that he is not the angel they thought, and the devil he actucally is ?
R.A.W like u keep sayin Allah swt knows best which HE does then inshallah she will get justice and his family know what a begherat he is.! Why should she stay quiet.! Somebody invaded her personal space.! Her dignity.! Why should she not seek justice and in the future if jaahil in laws cant accept the fact that something like this happened then they dont deserve her.! Her parents should understand their child when she comes to them for help. You say itl be slow poison for her parents.? What about her? Why should she blame herself.!
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
Tell the parents, the cops, any women-support NGOs to bolster your case.
In fact I'd say tell everyone you can about this animal so no decent family gives him their daughter in marriage. Your friend is a victim, not the culprit.
Seriously how f***edup is our society that an attempted rape victim has to feel the shame while the culprit goes scot-free!!
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
I’m glad you said this. She needs to talk to a counsellor ASAP. If she is not ready to tell her parents, ok, but she needs to get a handle on the psychological effects of attempted rape.
The man did not physically rape her, but he DID violate her, which is just as bad as being raped.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
^ That is if she is strong enough to handle it on her own, and doesn't want her parents to suffer with her. Otherwise she should tell. I have seen parents getting very old before time with pain and sorrow of such thunder bolt news suddenly disclosed to them. In other words, becoming a walking dead body.
ARE YOU BLEEPIN' KIDDING ME?
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
I want to slap some sense into R.A.W.
Does that make me a bad person?! :(
Maybe I'll cuss him. He should just take it, no?
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
Molvies are the last people one should go to.....................
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
All I'm reading by RAW is that, it was the girl's fault. So she should just shut up, while that...filthy vermin cockroach...gets to roam free and who knows, will go and do this to someone else! People with views like that need to die alone.
Abuse is not something that gets buried away. And in Pakistan unfortunately it's too common for it to be brushed under the carpet. The best solution would be for her to get some kind of help, and not suppress it. It will change her. If she is worried about a potential rishta being affected by this knowledge, if this trauma gets ignored by her, then it will pop up somehow one way or another and will affect her future relationships even worse. While getting proper psychological help is a dream in Pakistan, what you can do as a friend is to be with her and encourage her to talk. And continue reminding her that it was not her fault that that scum did that to her. If she has another confidant, then she can talk to him/her as well, or she can even go online and post anonymously. But whatever she does, she should not suppress it, and she should not feel ashamed or guilty. It was not her fault.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
All I'm reading by RAW is that, it was the girl's fault. So she should just shut up, while that...filthy vermin cockroach...gets to roam free and who knows, will go and do this to someone else! People with views like that need to die alone.
Abuse is not something that gets buried away. And in Pakistan unfortunately it's too common for it to be brushed under the carpet. The best solution would be for her to get some kind of help, and not suppress it. It will change her. If she is worried about a potential rishta being affected by this knowledge, if this trauma gets ignored by her, then it will pop up somehow one way or another and will affect her future relationships even worse. While getting proper psychological help is a dream in Pakistan, what you can do as a friend is to be with her and encourage her to talk. And continue reminding her that it was not her fault that that scum did that to her. If she has another confidant, then she can talk to him/her as well, or she can even go online and post anonymously. But whatever she does, she should not suppress it, and she should not feel ashamed or guilty. It was not her fault.
This.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
Omg flipping tell the parents ASAP and then the police and his parents!!!
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
R.A.W. should go back to the 18th century.
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
That swine. I get my revenge on him these days, in my own way.
care to explain???? lol
Re: Distressed friend, need help.
OP, any updates on how she is now, and what has she decided to do ? :( Please keep in touch with her, keep encouraging her to not lose hope and have faith in Allah (swt). It was really depressing to read when you mentioned that:
Now, I know this is one of the hardest things to do, but she hasn’t told anyone else because she thinks she’ll be disowned by her own family and friends in Pakistan. And if people found out, pretty and bright though she is, no one will ever want to marry her.
If her parents are educated and sensible then she shouldn't feel like that about them. But still, it is her decision as she is the BEST judge of her parents' behavior/attitude. She has to overcome the depression and get out of it strongly in order to take necessary steps in dealing with this matter. For that she has to decide whom to take into confidence first. The person (mother/ father/ sister/ brother) whomever she trusts the MOST, and feels comfortable sharing it with, knowing that the person she selects would take the right steps sensibly in dealing with this matter and would remain in touch/support her throughout this painful time.
Tell her that there are many brothers and sisters here who are praying for her, and she is not alone.
