Just to clear up any mix ups, this happened in Pakistan, so going to the police is not an option, they’ll just turn a blind eye due to social pressure or corruption.
She doesn’t want anyone else to know, she’s saying if this gets out then it would be better if she was dead. So I’m not going to break the promise of confidentiality I made to her and I’m going respect her decision even though I don’t agree with it.
She’s texted me back saying she’s fine but I know she’s not, I’ve just kept reassuring her that I believe her and that it wasn’t her fault, and to get some sleep.
I’m trying to put my own feelings to one side but this worthless human being is probably going to be free to do this again.
....., this man newly married himself, I’m wondering should I call up his wife in the UK and tell her what her dog, has done?
his wife bred/born uk or Pakistan? if pakistan then she will deny/not believe/blame the girl to save the marriage so point in telling her but if uk then i think you should tell, depending on the nature of the girl, she might listen/understand and do something about it.
Pakistans police/court are useless and i don't think telling any good will come out from telling the family too, the pain/suffering will get worse
respect her privacy and trust (this is important) . Be there for her and listen, just let her do the talking ...
Better to take guidance from a good scholar (in the light of Quran and Hadith) before telling it to parents. Even though she needs a shoulder to cry on and a lot of support, at this time of her life, but she would never want her parents to suffer from the most hurting mental & spiritual torture (never ending pain) till the last breath of their life. If ignorance is a bliss, they might have few years left in their life, let them live peacefully in ignorance. Otherwise their every night would be filled with tears of blood, their aching hurt would never find rest, probably not till their last breath. Their health might deteriorate, and this news might act as slow poisoning for the rest of their life. Please, for the love of Allah (swt), don't take away from them the happiness that they are presently enjoying in life.
**
You are freakin' unbelievable. This man attempted to rape her - he was already married aswell. What does Islam have to say about married men trying to rape innocent girls. Surely **he'd be stoned if he carried on with his act and if they had witnesses.
It's ok by your reasoning she should shut up, and this sicko can go around hurting more girls. How would you feel if this happened to your daughter? You would want her to not tell you about it too so you don't have to suffer?
In your shoes, I would pressure my friend to tell her family. Like I said, this will not magically go away. If she doesn't come to terms with what happened, this incident will be biting her even 20-30 yrs down the line.
^ I went on umrah about 10 years ago when I was 13 years old. I was groped by a man in a hijab shop in Medina. I never told anyone because I thought I would probably have got the blame because i was alone in there. I really wished i told someone, so he got caught but don't know why I didn't and it's the most stupidest thing i have ever done. I dont know how many girls were assaulted after me because I never spoke up. I can't imagine how traumatic an attempted rape would feel like.
my cousin got groped in karchi as a child .. n our aunty told everybody she could think of .. even now 15 years later whenever i hear her name thats all i cant hink of .. her as a victim of sexual assault
I told my family that I got groped at a wedding and no one believed me. Hahahaha, bunch of swines. My uncle, in particular, was the most vocal that I was full of BS.
That swine. I get my revenge on him these days, in my own way.
She should tell her parents, they'll help her deal with the situation. She should get help through prayer , as well, as In the remembrance of Allah hearts find rest.
It does not matter what other people think and if any one believes her or not, her parents will and their the only people that really matter.
It is understandable that right now she is in the depths of depression, but remind her that no phase in life is permanent,it was not her fault and it could have been much worse. Talking about it with her parents about this will prove very beneficial for her and will help her move on. InshaAllah things will turn out for the better for your friend, Allah has promised "After every hardship comes ease". Tell her things will get better and justice will be done...Allah protects his creatures and is the best disposer of affairs.
Better to take guidance from a good scholar (in the light of Quran and Hadith) before telling it to parents. Even though she needs a shoulder to cry on and a lot of support, at this time of her life, but she would never want her parents to suffer from the most hurting mental & spiritual torture (never ending pain) till the last breath of their life. If ignorance is a bliss, they might have few years left in their life, let them live peacefully in ignorance. Otherwise their every night would be filled with tears of blood, their aching hurt would never find rest, probably not till their last breath. Their health might deteriorate, and this news might act as slow poisoning for the rest of their life. Please, for the love of Allah (swt), don't take away from them the happiness that they are presently enjoying in life.
If she is strong enough to quietly handle it now on her own (through help of a guide/ideal), her agony would slowly inshaAllah end after few years, as she would gain strength with time and other people already don't know about it. On the other hand the more shoulders she gets now to cry on, the more lasting would be her wound that would be refreshed (by one person or another) every time it start to heal. Besides that, do you think she would be able to look into their eyes (for the rest of her life) after this painful fact is disclosed to her relatives. If you carry your own burden now on your own (even though a bit painful) you would gain strength with time, otherwise time would only help you gaining more sympathizers who would only look at you with pity/sorrow every time you pass by them. I might be wrong, Allah knows Best!
Wow, just wow!
You've no concept of the sense of violation this poor girl is enduring, the sense of shame and guilt that society has heaped on her, merely for being a woman, who was a made a man's victim through no fault of her own. And instead of encouraging her to seek help and comfort and solace from those who love her best (yes, I know Allah swt loves her best), but of those on this earthly plane, you want her to repress her experience so that her parents are spared. Sadly enough, if you ask most parents what they would prefer - that would do ANYTHING possible to share or alleviate their child's hurt - yet you are preventing these parents that opportunity.
To the OP, yes I know some people and parents are closed-minded, but this girl knows her parents best - I would personally suggest she speak to them and tell them what happened. I pray this young girl has the strength to overcome this nightmare and know in her heart and mind that she is innocent and that she did nothing wrong.
Am in a hurry now. Would inshaAllah come back to elaborate. For the time let me just quote again what I said earlier and some people somehow missed out.
[QUOTE]
But of course, it might vary from parents to parents. Most are strong enough to handle it and sensible enough to keep their cool and do something about it step by step with planning, others overreact making the issue more complicated to deal with, hence (unintentionally) making the life of the victim more miserable than it already was.
She knows best how her parents would react to this situation and which is the appropriate time of disclosing it to them. Mashwarey mein khair hoti hai, better to discuss with a scholar the manner in which it should be disclosed and the appropriate time after doing a bit of homework.
[/QUOTE]
Besides that, some people just assumed some conclusions that I didn't say. The man needs to be reported and punished. Of course, but this delicate situation needs to be handled sensibly with care instead of an emotional rush. With planning, and the right time for everything, step by step. She needs a bit of time to recover instead of facing more problems (related to embarrassing series of questions/explanations/details asked by relatives).
Hey, I feel so bad for your friend, my thoughts are with her.
I would love to know if the girl has a good relationship with her mother? I know if anything like that ever happened to me the first thing I would do is tell my mum. Why would nobody marry her? As a British Pakistani myself I do understand how strict and confusing some families can be but she nearly got raped by her cousin. She did nothing wrong. I have been groped in Pakistan, in the middle of a busy bazaar. I'm not ashamed to say it, as it was not my fault and I told mum straight away. Sure it is not the same as nearly being raped but I'm just using it as an example to show that it is not our fault. If her mother has any trust in her, which a mother should do, your friend should tell her. Mothers know that no daughter would lie to them, especially on something like that. You should not get involved. Its up to her what she does. You can only advise her. She should not keep it hidden though. And one thing I've learnt is married men are usually the worst!
Who is to say this was the first or last time the guy pulled off something like that. Psychopaths like him get more encouraged by their victims' silence.
It's understandable if she doesn't want to tell anyone else about this but please ask her to tell her parents at least. I can't imagine why her own parents won't believe her, this is just not the kind of claim one makes everyday, especially coming from their own child.
Getting police involved would have been ideal but for now tell her to speak to her parents so she has their support and they can then decide on what's to be done about the guy. Who knows, there might be others within her own family who can get encouraged to speak up as well if God forbid he's also tried this with someone else.
Meanwhile, try to be there for your friend; it takes time to heal from something like that which is why she needs someone close enough in her family to know so she has someone there in person to help her through this.
Better to take guidance from a good scholar (in the light of Quran and Hadith) before telling it to parents. Even though she needs a shoulder to cry on and a lot of support, at this time of her life, but she would never want her parents to suffer from the most hurting mental & spiritual torture (never ending pain) till the last breath of their life. If ignorance is a bliss, they might have few years left in their life, let them live peacefully in ignorance. Otherwise their every night would be filled with tears of blood, their aching hurt would never find rest, probably not till their last breath. Their health might deteriorate, and this news might act as slow poisoning for the rest of their life. Please, for the love of Allah (swt), don't take away from them the happiness that they are presently enjoying in life.
If she is strong enough to quietly handle it now on her own (through help of a guide/ideal), her agony would slowly inshaAllah end after few years, as she would gain strength with time and other people already don't know about it. On the other hand the more shoulders she gets now to cry on, the more lasting would be her wound that would be refreshed (by one person or another) every time it start to heal. Besides that, do you think she would be able to look into their eyes (for the rest of her life) after this painful fact is disclosed to her relatives. If you carry your own burden now on your own (even though a bit painful) you would gain strength with time, otherwise time would only help you gaining more sympathizers who would only look at you with pity/sorrow every time you pass by them. I might be wrong, Allah knows Best!
Its these types of people that end up blaming women for being raped. RAW this post is just ****ed up.
^** It all depends on how much the parents can get her justice (punish the 'cousin' rapist) and yet keep it secret from other relatives (also related to the cousin), and for how long. If they can, she should tell immediately, if they can't, embarrassment might await her for the rest of her life. To save her dignity is the first priority.
*That comment was intended to save her from the embarrassment that she might have to face for the rest of her life in front of her relatives. The way she would be looked at (a pityful soul/ a raped woman) as some of the people mentioned above happened in their family. Usually such incidents don't remain hidden and the details are leaked out to the rest of the family members. Then other parents quote *'that girl' as an example to their children (ofcourse not as a role model to look up to) when their children want to travel alone. Also the guilt her parents would feel for the rest of their life (for sending her alone for the exam) for what she has faced/ would be facing in future....etc.
This all doesn't mean that she shouldn't seek justice, shouldn't report the incident, shouldn't get the guy punished. Ofcourse all this has to be done, better if possible without getting her parents involved (at least initially), in case if she thinks her parents are vulerable to disclose it to other family memebers (in order to seek support and help). Everything needs to be done with planning, with wisdom so that she doesn't get the tag of "A RAPED WOMEN" be posted on her for the rest of her life. (Allah forbid) She should only consult her parents if she is sure that tomorow her mother won't be sitting with the victim's khala and crying on her shoulder to get some consolation. Her father wouldn't be talking to his brother/ cousin lawyer (e.g.) for help. The next thing would be that the victim's khala would have a slip of tongue when her own daughter would insist that she is confident enough to travel alone for attending exam. Then the news would slowly spread like fire in a jungle, only to embarrass her more and making it difficult for her to look into anyone's eyes. Some cousins might be too curious to ask details (every1 has few such cases in family) " HOW DID IT HAPPEN ?!! WHAT DID HE DO ?! " **Do you think some of her jealous relatives (or of that rapist cousin) won't make sure that this news reaches her future husband ?!
**Just my understanding that could be totaly illogical and garbage. Allah (swt) knows Best! May Allah (Swt) forgive me and guide me if my views were totally wrong.
