So I was wondering, have any of you gotten pregnant when you didn’t want to? I’ve been married almost a year and I can’t imagine being a mom yet, I still feel like a kid most of the time. (Don’t give me a lecture on birth control). I’m just wondering if you got pregnant and had a baby and not only were you not planning on it but didn’t really want it at that time? If you did, how did you learn to live with it? Or did it not seem to matter once u saw the bundle of joy?
Re: Did you have a baby when you didn't want to?
I wonder if anyone would admit to it.....
I said this in another thread, I think one should enter marriage at least mentally prepared for the risk that birth control can fail. B/c can't outshine God's plans. ;)
Plus, your body can go through SO MUCH changes, not to mention the delivery is NOT fun....so i cant imagine anyone who would willingly do it if they truly did not feel love for what's inside them...I would think most women in stable relationships and healthy pregnancies wouldn't resort to abortions. I don't know how common it is but I think once u do get pregnant...it forces you to change up some things...some changes (in thinking, habits, etc) come naturally and some things take time to fix...
I think the best thing to do is to enjoy your life, whatever stage you are at...and whenever baby decides to show up, embrace it with welcome arms.
Re: Did you have a baby when you didn't want to?
Well said Sara. Sometimes GOD has other plans for us, but as long as your in a loving stable marriage, it shouldn't be an issue, rather welcomed lovingly.
Re: Did you have a baby when you didn't want to?
Sumo - with my 2nd one I wasn't mentally ready. I had my girls almost back to back and the decision way mine to have them that way but I wasn't ready.
Throughout my 2nd pregnancy - I kept thinking about how I am going to take care of TWO kids. I felt stuck, I felt miserable and I felt so gulity for having these feelings espically after infertility issues. I kept telling myself "I don't want this" "I don't want this"
But the moment that I heard her cry in the OR - I was crying. **I have never experienced that type of joy or love. **She was easy baby - she still is.
I never looked back and all those feelings just disappeared.
Re: Did you have a baby when you didn't want to?
One of my friends become pregnant in her first year of marriage, when she was intially planning to wait 4-5 years before having kids. It was a huge shock to her and her husband, but they were still both thrilled. It may have not been planned or expected, but it was no less of a blessing for them and they are very excited for the baby to arrive
Re: Did you have a baby when you didn't want to?
When i got pregnant so unexpectedly the first time around and so quickly too (Alhamd), i felt trapped and guilty too. Felt like it was too soon. And then i had a miscarriage. Only then i realised how much i wanted a baby.
^ :( sorry to hear..
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^ Me too! :(
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Thanks guys but i am now blessed with a gorgeous little baby girl, Alhamdulillah.
Re: Did you have a baby when you didn't want to?
many first born children .... ;) i too
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my hubby and I are both ready and wanted to start trying in June 09 but then we found out I was already 2 months pregnant at the beginning of June so it worked out perfectly :D
Re: Did you have a baby when you didn't want to?
I was going back and forth between wanting a baby and not wanting to get pregnant. Basically our stance was that since we are at a somewhat stable place in our life, whatever happens, we will accept whatever happens.
Re: Did you have a baby when you didn't want to?
simply put...Allah has planned the arrival of each soul on this Earth, whether we think we are ready or not, financially stable or not, a child is a blessing from Him. :)
my hubby and I are both ready and wanted to start trying in June 09 but then we found out I was already 2 months pregnant at the beginning of June so it worked out perfectly :D
Aww, that is so sweet Mashallah! Best of luck with your pregnancy! :)
So I was wondering, have any of you gotten pregnant when you didn't want to? I've been married almost a year and I can't imagine being a mom yet, I still feel like a kid most of the time. (Don't give me a lecture on birth control). I'm just wondering if you got pregnant and had a baby and not only were you not planning on it but didn't really want it at that time? If you did, how did you learn to live with it? Or did it not seem to matter once u saw the bundle of joy?
So you are not sure if you are ready to be pregnant yet do not want to hear about the birth control. Your tone tells me that you are not ready to be a mother. I will advise to stay away from your husband if you cannot fathom using birth control pills or other methods.
Sumo - with my 2nd one I wasn't mentally ready. I had my girls almost back to back and the decision way mine to have them that way but I wasn't ready.
Throughout my 2nd pregnancy - I kept thinking about how I am going to take care of TWO kids. I felt stuck, I felt miserable and I felt so gulity for having these feelings espically after infertility issues. I kept telling myself "I don't want this" "I don't want this"
But the moment that I heard her cry in the OR - I was crying. **I have never experienced that type of joy or love. **She was easy baby - she still is.
I never looked back and all those feelings just disappeared.
Thats exactly how it happened with me!! With my first baby girly, i was so thrilled and so thankful to Allah swt that i just wanted to look after her so well, give her her quality time and then move onto baby number 2! But obviously God had other plans lol and little lady number 2 came along soon after my elder one had turned 1.5! I had all those feelings and MUCH more that you have said above but as soon as she was born, she was like a little angel dropped from heaven! lol MashaAllah she is so beautiful and a bright light in the room!! We wanted to name her MahaNOOR, but it was already taken!
I am now so thankful to Allah swt that it happened the way it did because they're like 2 lil best buddies MashaAllah and I pray that they remain an anchor to each other and love ech other throughout their lives (ameen).
Anyway, just thought i'd have my say, normally i love to read everyone's posts and i feel i have learnt soooo much with regards to every aspect of life really!
So you are not sure if you are ready to be pregnant yet do not want to hear about the birth control. Your tone tells me that you are not ready to be a mother. I will advise to stay away from your husband if you cannot fathom using birth control pills or other methods.
the reason i said dont talk about birth control was because thats a different topic all in itself. secondly, using any type of birth control doesnt guarantee not having a baby unless u are choosing to become sterile, surgically. bur thanks for ur input.
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you guys have beautiful stories!
Re: Did you have a baby when you didn't want to?
Im in the same position as u - Ive been married a little over a year now and have been through an ectopic pregnancy.. and that time too it was a TOTAL surprise :S - so now, im like mehh if it happens well and good - i have a few things that i wna take care of ... such as getting a job soon iA and then losing this extra amount of weight - after that iA we'll start planning for a baby lekin abhi no jaldi :)
great question sumo.....I would no way consider having a child especially if I entered an arranged marriage - because you hardly know the guy! Then you bring a baby along! For me I have been with my husband approx 6 yrs before we got married and even then i didnt want a baby straight away. you have to look at your ages also....i mean ur young so u dont have to worry! There are lots of factors u need to consider when having a baby.....are u happy in ur marriage? finances? employment? have u enjoyed ur time together ie holidays etc etc