DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

When i went to Pakistan 6 years ago I stayed with my SIL for few weeks and I didn't have any problem except we were ordering food from outside most of the time because there was this wedding of a cousin and everyone was just busy in preparations, living with my own sis was quite nice too and also the benefit of tasty homemade food. (awww I miss my sisters).

When I went to see my cousin in Manchester we were planning to live in a hotel for the night but they insisted so much so we agreed with them but they gave us a double bed for 4 of us (that's me and kids) and hubby had to sleep in a separate room and had to share a bed with another guest who was staying there.

The whole experience was terrible, the next day after the breakfast my cousin's wife and their kids left the house to visit someone, we didn't have anything to do except watching TV and after few hours she came back to ask her husband to come as well but they were hasitating to say us to leave so we decided to bid farewell but they started insisting again to stay (that was just for show).....so as we sat in the car to leave they all came out (I thought they are coming to say us goodbye but nay) they were also leaving to go out.

After this, I decided that I'd never stay at a relative's house even for a night.

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sigh, dont you guys think if i could i would most def book a hotel, but you cant...because log apko milne aygain to hum kya boleigein, kay humne apko hotel mein bhaijdiya, log kya boleingainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.....yawn..we are a family of 8 mashallah and we never want to be a burden on people, however they insist and insist and insist and make you feel as crap as hell.....so my mum and dad used to relent and say ok, and yes these people had servants so they didnt physicallymake nastha themselves, and I NEVER SAID I WAKE UP AT 1PM...god that is indecent, max would be half 9 or 10.....but then we would still hear oh flan flan banda apko milne aya tha subha lekin tum log sorey the and then they tsk tsk....excuse me but who comes to visit a mehman or anyone BEFORE half 9 in the morning....jeezzzz.....

and my main point is that we dont compare how they live in our house here in the uk, when they come over for 4 weeks they do as they please, we dont have servants here, so they insist on waking up 2 hours before mum does, so mum has to wake up and make them breakfast..why should she wake up at6am....AND they dont want cereal of course, AND then they insist on sleeping from 2pm to 5pm..wtf for......i remember when i used to come home from uni early sometimes around3pm mum would shush me into the house and whisper kay sub sorey hain.....

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Re: DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

How did you deal with it heart n soul? One of my SIL's is a convert and she wears an abayya, last year she went and poor girl had to deal with so much! You would think an Islamic country would be more accepting of Islamic etiquettes. But no, the fact that she is a convert mA, a doctor aH, in other words - an EDUCATED practicing MUSLIM woman just has no value in Pakistan.

I tried telling my mom but she thinks everyone is just joking around and no one means what they say. Excuse me but if I have never met you in my life and when I actually do meet you, you really have no right to put down my beliefs and practices (even if it is a joke to you). Really boils my blood! I'm not forcing them to put it on and they should stop forcing us to take it off! To each is their own grave.

May Allah (swt) keep us on the straight path.

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Re: DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

I would like to point out to people as well that some of us “Westerners” are going to Pakistan from America. And so there is this thing called jet lag. One can’t help but sleep in sometimes due to this. Sleeping into 1pm isn’t even that strange when you consider that one is up till 5am-7am due to jet lag and just can’t fall asleep.

So yea - it is kinda rude when some hosts do not consider this point at all. They should respect this and understand that we have travelled and come from a long way.

My families visits are usually like 2-3 weeks long. U barely get over the jet lag and then its time to come back home :smack:.

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Re: DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

I would like to point out that if you come from a family where your grandfather doesn't know much about 'jet lag' and tries to wake you up in the morning and have a little chat, you don't say "WTF".

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Re: DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

ha give me a break. well good thing it isnt my grandfather that would do anything like that. More like extended family members like my "moms second cousins chachi's" who doesn't even know that I am sleeping in a particular room because there are so many damn guests and just comes in without knocking to inquire about if I want to go to Icharaa bazaar with them later that EVENING or not.

And seriously come on ... "jet lag" isn't that hard of a concept for one to understand. Respecting that one's sleep schedule is a bit off is not that difficult to do. Just like "We" understand that due to the heat, it is normal for them to take a nap during the day in the summertime. Am I going to go wake one of them up from their nap so that I can have a little chat with them?? After all... I am the visitor and my time with them is limited. We should be getting some quality time in together. But no - I would never ever do that. I would respect the fact that for whatever reason they need to sleep...

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Lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :hehe:

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Re: DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

I don't know if i have observed it right, but lots of so-called westerns are more into ME all the time, that i want this, i do this, i have this, I and I and I...and seems like they don't know anything beyond this I and ME thing... respect for others is lost, respect for elders doesn't exist and on top of everything, selfishness is at its best... only original people of west live like this...

As far as this thread is concerned, i like the way they do it, it is in culture, they show you how much they are respecting you, they give you importance and respect at same time (something you are missing in western countries as you are used to treated like a trash but you turn BROWN-SAHIB the moment you land in Pakistan, you do exactly what GORAY does to you and you treat the local person as you are being treated in WEST...

For those who thing they are doing a great favor to Pakistan by visiting here, please try to go somewhere else and they will scan you from tip to toe before letting you IN.. oh--but that is totally fine...

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Re: DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

Just because your OWN relatives are nut cases, that doesnt give you a right to cast all Pakistanis in the same light. Perhaps your relatives are inconsiderate, nosy and "heartless ingrates". But from what I have seen around me, things have been good with our relatives for as long as I can remember.

Whenever we visit our family back home, sure we get pampered, but at the same time, we also try to respect their routines. This is something that comes naturally. Its odd that you would even want to go and visit relatives that you apparently hate so much, or keep on complaining about.

You are not doing them any favors by visiting them. The rule is pretty simple. If you dont like their attitudes, then simply go to Hawaii instead (or timbuktu for all I care). But its funny that you would 'want' to visit, yet complain about the same people at the same time.

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I wasn't talking about you but your attitude give a good idea about 'WE'.

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I dont agree with you exactly. When ever our cousins & family come from any where, most people from the bigg family take days off to cater to their needs and attend them. People here do not even have enough money to fulfill their own needs even then they are superbly hospitable to their relatives abroad. What i have seen in my family, everyone is drooling over the family that comes over. They are automatically tagged as people who are "cool" so are given a royal treatment. Name the food you get it, name the place you want to go we will take you, name the thing you want to do we will do it whetever our means allow it or not. Not just my own family, but many others as well attend to the family abroad out of the box.

Many cousins probably want to wake you guys up so that they can have fun with you all. Some may as well find you lazy but its not fair to generalize it. As for nanas dadas doing it, i am sorry but i dont see that they distinguish between my "desi family" and my "abroad family". My nana would try and wake us up as early as possible. That has nothign at all to do with you comign from abroad.

Also, please do not generalize your comments. Not every Pakistani sleeps twice a day. Majority of the people i am working with and studying with are at their work place or university till later in the evening, they do not get a chance to sleep. What i have noticed is that house wives go to sleep in the afternoon because they get up early to dress up their kids for school & attend to their husbands before they go to work. Due to this lack of sleep, they often dose off. That does not mean people in pakistan have some "extra priviledges".

As for comparison, this forum itself proves it all. I have found soo many threads based on the fact that desis are paindu, desis are FOBs, desi girls are flirts, desis marry for money, desis are crazy after green cards, desis this desis that! On the other hand, you would find very few threads based on comparison or pin pointing or criticism of lifestyle of our families migrated abroad. None of us complain that our cousins come and make faces on everything - food is unhygienic,people's paindoo dressing, backwardness, conservativeness, etc.

Its just a matter of understanding the other's point of view, which seems to be lacking here.

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:dannyboy:

So true

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Re: DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

I can't say I have suffered the same. I get treated with respect and my relatives are sooooo hospitable they can't do enough for you, it's like eat eat eat, drink this, gifts taking us out for dinners/dawats/shopping/outings. I can honestly say pakistani people are so hospitable no matter how many people come over to stay they never grumble, the aunties carry on cooking sooo many different dishes a day, presenting tea at odd hours with a smile on their faces, mashAllah...just imagine if we had so many guests interupting our routine and day and we had to cook and cater for so many people we would complain so much.

We should in fact appreciate that these people go out of their way for us regardless of how much money they have and how big/small their houses are. I am proud to say that they have extremely big hearts and i've never been dissapointed.

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There you go!

Whenever i have gone abroad, none of my cousins took holidays from work or anything. They were gone all day. Here in pakistan, i at least plan my holidays accodingly when i know cousins are coming. We give our family much more importance where as when we go its like you get to have fun only on the weekend otherwise you just have fun for 5 days on your own. I know now many would say our jobs are different from yours. No they arent! We too work in multinationals that demand 9-10 hours, we too have to travel 1-2 hours, we too have traffic issues and we too have jobs we have to give our attention too. Its the matter of priority, for us you guys are the priority so we go through all boundaries to do what ever possible!

My mother would wake up at 6 a.m and cook for the entire family when my Phupo had come from America. They were a family of 10. She would cook and even had a very demanding job but took days off in the crucial time to make them happy. On the other hand, my mother when she went alone my cousin's would not even warm some milk for her if they were heating for their own mother. If i ever did that while they were here my mom would have done quite a bit with me! We from our childhood are taught of hospitality and Masha Allah we proudly excel at it whether mosquitoes bite you, whether you get unhygienic food & whether the ever-so-cool cousins get irritated by us .. we do all we can to make them happy!

Times Magazine once quoted that "if you are a grandmother or a grandfather, Pakistan is world's best place to go and live in" .. this is due to the hospitality we provide and we are proud of it!

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Re: DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

^ :k: Finally I begin to see some common sense in this thread.

What I don’t get is, why do these so called ‘westerners’ act as if they are entitled to some special treatment by their relatives in Pakistan, when I keep hearing so many of them complaining about cousins/relatives visiting from Pakistan.

Yes, as a guest you have the right to special treatment and so on, but you should also show some consideration. I am apalled at how some people here keep saying in a nonchalant way, ‘oh, they don’t have to do anything themselves…they have got servants to do stuff for them’. First of all not everyone in Pakistan has servants. Secondly, even if they have got household help, that doesn’t entitle you to disrupt their daily routines. And most importantly, are servants not human? Do they not desrve to be treated considerately?

When we go to Pakistan, everyone gives us VIP treatment, to the extent that we begin to feel embarassed. Especially because I know that many of them will never be visiting us here, and we cannot reciprocate the hospitality. The least we can do is give gifts or presents. It’s not as if we are doing some sort of ehsaan by giving gifts to anyone. Gifts are a gesture of love and affection and should be given and received in this spirit, otherwise it just becomes a meaningless exercise.

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so true :k:

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Also very true. LoguN ko izzat raaz nai ati.

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EXCUSE ME, i dont remember me saying that i expected speacial treatment, please dont make up statements. I simply said we should be allowed to chill and not be hounded with comments from them. thats it. if i could go to a hotel , trust me i would.

i also simply said that we never make comparisons or moan about their lifestyles, so why do they think they can moan about ours.....??

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Er...no. There have been countless threads and posts complaining about girls and families here. Just do a search on "ABCDs" and ull know what I mean.

People read only what they want to read.

Rest of the points....I agree with. When I would go while I was in college, i'd be that snotty annoying lazy person...but I realize how patient they all were and I really wish I hadn't acted like that....but oh well.

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Re: DESIS who think we are snotty lazy westerners?

and i am talking of families who have servants, for gods sake get a grip, and these servants are being paid as well as given a free house and my mammu pays for their kids education, so im sorry if them having to make their guests an extra parathey at 12pm, is seriously undermining their human rights...

plus you think we just sit there and take advantge of them? My mum has given a hell of alot of money to them for their services, so i think we can ask them to cook for us...after all thats their job damnit....if my job was that, i doubt id be moaning especially if my generous western guests gave me a few bob too...