Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Bobby Uncle…Divorce is not a problem but a solution… a wise and extreme solution to discontinue current relation.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
So if you read the MacFarlane report she is giving solutions to prevent divorces, one very strong suggestion is to have a very extensive pre-marital counseling. Also, the solution is getting the inlaws to butt out, define realistic gender roles, and stop being abusive. Help with the housework is a really big issue. I raised my boys to help with cooking and cleaning.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Read the Macfarlane research, she did research on Muslims in America for 4 yrs.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
According to you, white people don’t have to deal with the part in bold unlike us Desis/Muslims. So why is, then, that the gora divorce rate is similar to the muslim/desi divorce rate? 
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Anecdotally, My renter in one of my executive homes is a 50 yr old beautiful lady, her two sons are living with her, she makes 120k a yr, her younger son is an apprentice Ironworker. Her very wealthy husband went to Thailand for work and this much younger Thai woman nailed him, In the case of this other girl we know her mom got implants and then married a much richer guy. Goras live for excitement and if they start getting bored they will leave. Of the boy’s teammates, most of the parents are together and the roles are very well defined and the mothers run the show. Men domestically now are taking a back seat here.
PS these are not my opinions, this is a research report’s finding.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Sure, Bob. They are research findings from some bored housewives magazine. 
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Um..sorry it really doesnt look that authentic. My observation is different. Not that I claim I know much.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
desion ka kutta kuta… aur goron ka kutta tommy… kiya khula tazad nahi…
woh panch young couple sirf excitement kay liye shadi nahi kit thi.. unlike 50 yr old lady did surgery… husband got young thai laday…
what is your point ?
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Pros and cons to everything.
Yes, there is a stigma associated with divorce in our culture. That means divorce is not seen as a light matter; it’s taken seriously. This can even translate into a couple putting more effort into maintaining their marriage.
Thankfully (from what I’ve seen), we don’t turn every issue into a feminist battle in our culture. If your husband asks you make tea for him or get him a glass of pani, it doesn’t result in a screaming match about how he should get it himself, that you’re not his maid, etc etc. There is a greater sense of “doing for each other” in our culture without turning into an ego battle or gender war. It may have lessened over time. But it IS a part of our culture.
There are exceptions, but overall Desi guys do make good providers for their families. As an educator, it was my Desi students that came from more stable home environments and were not only academically stronger but better adjusted socially as well. I feel there is a greater sense of considering the well-being of your children in our culture…and not just ending a marriage because “meh…dil utar chuka hai”…etc etc.
Yes, there is a lot of drama with in-laws in our culture, but at the same time…there is an emphasis on strengthening family bonds and to treat in-laws with love and respect…and not to keep them at arm’s length and to speak to them in a formal, distant manner. It’s lessening with time, but our culture DOES have a strong emphasis on respect for elders…whether it is your own parents or someone else. I see a lot of kids today that have no regard for people in authority. Even now, being in a school where Desis students are a minority..there are overall very respectful toward authority figures. We also belong to a culture that is very, very big on hospitality and mehman nawazi. Despite the issues, overall we are a warm culture.
Allah made us into nations and tribes and gave us different languages. So, this diversity was meant to be there. It’s good to recognize the flaws and to improve upon them. But it’s also necessary to acknowledge the good in a culture as well. To ONLY pick faults…is not helpful either; it leads to stereotyping and a host of other issues.
And if one is unwilling to acknowledge the good…and is quick to shoot the positive examples down and only talk about the negative, then they must have an agenda. Op needs to reflect upon the positives as well. 
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Someone asked me why white people divorce I gave the answer, research says desis divorce for gender role, abuse, inlaws, religion etc but they are both divorcing now.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
You and I haven’t interviewed 212 Imams or spent 4 years researching this, combined with anecdotal evidence we do need to pay heed to her findings. Here is an excerpt.
Marriage and Divorce: American Muslim Trends* – AlJumuah Magazine
This led to increased participation. Ultimately, a total of 212 imams, counselors, and divorced men and women participated in the study. Of the participants, 80 percent were women and 20 percent men. About three-quarters of them live in the United States, with the remaining 25 percent residing in Canada. And about 75 percent of the participants were born in the Muslim world. Macfarlane says that the test group represents an equal mix of nationalities and ethnicities present in the Muslim community (South Asian, Middle Eastern, and so forth), but with less proportional representation from the African American community.
The purpose of the study is to provide quantitative data to better explain why almost half of Muslim marriages now end in divorce, and why at the same time nearly all Muslims, regardless of how secular or practicing, opt to carry out a religious marriage contract, nikâ**ḥ, and divorce, talâq or khul¢, alongside their civil ones.
From her research, Macfarlane provides practical advice for imams, community leaders, and counselors when she opens discussions of divorce with Muslim mosque and Islamic center communities. Macfarlane hopes to communicate to non-Muslims that the Shari‘ah Law permeation, of which they are so afraid, has its function in the most basic and benign aspects of Muslim family life and does not in any way constitute a threat of imposition for them.
Getting Married
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
White people have just as many problems as desi people in marriage. Saying that white people don’t have problems with in law’s or gender roles etc is just ridiculous. They have the exact same problems and even more on top of that. Marriage is hard for anyone. And the truth is people these days have become more materialistic, selfish and do not understand why marriage is. Marriage isn’t all romance and holidays and happiness. It’s a hard slog. It’s tough and filled with compromises and being selfless and trying to accept change even when it’s not what you want. And people today especially the younger generation do not see marriage like that.
It’s got nothing to do with what culture is better or worse. The op has a bias for “western marriages” it’s pretty obvious. But western couples aren’t better at staying married than desi couples. They have problems too. That’s life. Some people can get on with it and some people can’t. Some people try their absolute best and even then the marriage doesn’t last. That’s nobodies fault. That’s life. Like i said.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
West has acknowledged the problems and we haven’t, most of our problems are very avoidable. If we can convince the males of gender equality, families to but out and not over emphasize on religion and park the egos things could be amazing. West has genuine reasons like you found someone better, alcoholism, drugs etc. We don’t have problems it is just stupid power games and egos.
All I am saying is think twice before spending a 100k on a wedding to a stranger that might not even last a year. Get to know the person for a couple of years, let the boys and girls interact, ease up on how tight the garment needs to be wrapped around the head.
Secondly, raise strong independent females who can thrive even after the divorce or as single moms, raise boys who can cook and clean and don’t need wives to mother them. Wouldn’t you agree?
My boys cook and clean.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
^ So in essence, you’re saying..“Folks, y’all need to live life the way I do, raise kids the way I do.”
Should have just said that point blank in the first post. Would have saved time. 
Bobby Sahib, how do you know that Desis have not acknowledged their problems? Please, no anecdotes. They don’t prove acknowledgment. Look at the bulk or our desi dramas/soap operas and you’ll find that conflicts with in-laws is a common theme. It’s said that art imitates life. What we see on TV is a direct reflection of the values and issues we see in real life. Heck even in Desi talk shows, various marital and cultural issues have been discussed. They often make the news headlines too. So, all of these examples are EVIDENCE that Desis do acknowledge their issues. You can’t tar everyone with the same brush.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Maybe, tell us how you are living and then people can decide if they want to be you in 10/15 yrs. I am referring to the most comprehensive research to date in America on this subject. Most of the people did not even know how high the divorce rate is. Talking on and soap operas solve problems, right? If you acknowledge a problem than it should get better, why is it getting worse?
Read Julies recommendations, that is how you make it better.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Why do you want her to give her detail and why do you want us to judge her???
Thats super creepy!!
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Lol, people who complain that other people stalk their online posts on a public online forum…
If you don’t want people to follow online posts of yours, then you shouldn’t be online in the first place.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
Stalking is fine but abusing and constant personal attacks isn’t and with admin being completely biased with the internet Jihad and veiled threats of banning.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
See yaa laater, I am done for now.
Re: Desi Weddings..Crashing and Burning..
lol