My wife would always rub it into me whenever she would hear about these young people in the community get married as to how amazing the couple is and look how they get along so well and also with extended families etc. I would just stay quiet and smile and in my heart I would say, “honey just wait and see.” She would do this as we had difference of opinions in raising our kids, I raised them to find their own partners and we will not be looking for them and she wanted the desi style upbringing. Just yesterday my eldest sister called from LA, she used to live here and all these people were her friends and we don’t normally associate with the community. Now we learn that all the five youngsters we knew are all divorced. So what the hell is going on. One poor girl has already been divorced two times. One of the weddings was really so lavish, it was on you tube and a lot of money was spent. My wife was telling me that one of the guy who is a lawyer wanted a beautiful educated girl. Now they are going to Pakistan to get a bride.
In your circles are the marriages lasting or is there a lot of crashing and burning and could you guys shed a light on what is going on.
why did he marry her if he wantd a pretty educated girl? was he blind at that time? i think some people are just stupid.
yp that explain it. sound abt right to me.
seriously though, i am pretty confused myself…
Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention when I was writing. From what I hear the girl was beautiful and educated. The wedding video was on youtube and it was a huge wedding and she looked really happy, then I heard that she packed her bags and went back to Toronto. My guess is many men don’t know how to treat a girl right. The fact that they are now looking in Pakistan makes me think they are looking for a bit subservient girl.The family is really educated. Dad was a PHD and mom was a banker.
In my circle however… strangely enough, NO ONE HAS BEEN DIVORCED! They are all happily married. The only person that I know of personally that has gotten divorced is my uncle and that was 20 Years ago. If anything, It probably has to do with the upbringing of those youngsters…if all 5 of them have been divorced they weren’t raised right on “how to treat a lady or how to treat a man”…as you say. All though just to add my two cents.. more goes into a marriage, and all you’re doing is speculating the cause of the marriage to fall apart. In Which there could be a handful of reasons.
Anyways…now, I want to see this youtube video…GIVE ME THE LINKZ PLEASE so I can bask in their misery.
That is so encouraging to hear that all your friends are happy, my sister called yesterday and is saying the same thing about USA. Most of these youngsters came from really educated families. Were your friends born here?
Okay Bobby, I will be good. In my social circle, most of the marriages have endured with the exception of 2. Out of these 2, one of was a love marriage and the other was arranged.
While I am not in favor of lavish or extravagant weddings, I have seen many such marriages remain intact.
As far as the love vs arranged matter, marriages in the West are not the old-fashioned arranged where you don’t get a chance to meet the potential rishta. The guy and the girl get the time to know each other …to allow for attraction and chemistry to take place…before deciding upon marriage. In most cases that’s how it works.
I’m not gonna say that parents finding someone for their kids is better than finding on your own or vice versa. Either marriage can crash and burn. Again, these days…many parents don’t impose their suggestions on their kids…at least not in my experience or in my social circle.
Regarding the notion of “love marriages”…well…if love marriages were a sure-fire guarantee of marital bliss/success…look at the divorce rate among non-Desis.
One stat from USA a few years back was that among Muslims the rate in USA was over 30 percent, my guess is it might be climbing.
In terms of divorce within the North American Muslim community, the last study conducted about this was in the early 1990s by the late New York-based sociologist Ilyas Ba-Yunus. According to his research, the continental Muslim divorce rate stood at 31.14 percent, which he said was “a far cry from the Muslim world’s two highest divorce rates: Turkey and Egypt, with 10% each” (“Divorce Among Muslims” by Ilyas Ba-Yunus, Islamic Horizons magazine, July/August 2000 issue).
Today, that rate seems to be increasing.
“Divorce is on the rise in the Muslim community,” said Imam Mohamed Magid, vice president of the Islamic Society of North America1, and Imam and executive director of the Dulles, Virginia based All Dulles Area Muslim Society (ADAMS) Center. “We have seen an increase in divorce from people married for a while and those married for a short time,” he said, adding that Muslims across the board are getting divorced in higher numbers. “It is not among a particular race or ethnic background or class or only among the religious or non-religious.”
“The most depressing thing for an Imam is to deal with family conflict and divorce because this is not normal. You feel down,” said Imam Ziya Kavakci of the Islamic Association of North Texas. Kavakci is also a member of the Fiqh Council of North America. He has served as Imam at his mosque for over two decades and said he sees at least one couple a day who are in conflict, including some who seek divorce. He believes divorce is a “rampant problem” in the Muslim community and that “the Ummah is a mess when it comes to marriage”. “The most horrible Halal thing”
Almost same rate of divorce but the difference is that they are able to handle it a lot better, girls dont have to rely on immediate family for support, divorce is not a stigma, girls almost immediately start dating again and western guys have no issues with blended children. Most of my kids friends are in the same boat. Most parents are on their second marriages with his/hers and ours kids.
Goras dont have the in-law crap and gender roles are not that undefined. And there is no east meet west complications.
