Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

[PyariCgudia]

interesting. so girls back home are less demanding and know what they want and once they have its pretty smooth sailing vs girls in the west who seemingly have it all themselves and are looking for that 'something else' i.e a very complicated life.

wish life was that simple and the process of elimination that black n white. sadly its not.

I think its more the inlaws (his parents) who are looking for a low-maintenance woman, and someone who would be financially dependent on them, so they have some power over another human being.

Not every in-law is like that, but definitely seen some MIL's and FIL's running their DIL's and SIL's like they're property or something.

Goes both ways too. I've seen girls families who have married their daughters to subservient guys, and the guys literally move away from their parents, and move in with their in-laws and just tend to their in-laws. Not that its a bad thing if that's what the guy really wants, but why would you want to be owned like that?

[PyariCgudia]

thanks Maverick :)

I can name 5 girls in our community alone who refused rishtas purely on the basis of the guy's bank balance. They got the creme de la creme of the good rishtas and refused them point blank because they werent earning enough, they didnt have their own house, they were ugly, they werent educated enough. the guys had NO chance!

Now, those girls are in their 40s, still unmarried and completely cold, isolated and b**. they know they can never have children a*nd scorn anyone who leads a happy, married life. Granted, they have a nice car, make good money but what has that got them in life if they are still unhappy and moaning?

With people who talk about them like this behind their backs, its no wonder they could not bring themselves to get married to desi men. Maybe they're happier being single and not dealing with typical desi jhanjhat as you just showed above in your post?

[fat_spartan]

thanks Maverick :)

I can name 5 girls in our community alone who refused rishtas purely on the basis of the guy's bank balance. They got the creme de la creme of the good rishtas and refused them point blank because they werent earning enough, they didnt have their own house, they were ugly, they werent educated enough. the guys had NO chance!

Now, those girls are in their 40s, still unmarried and completely cold, isolated and b***. they know they can never have children and scorn anyone who leads a happy, married life. **Granted, they have a nice car, make good money but what has that got them in life if they are still unhappy and moaning?

How about the satisfaction that they didn't settle for an ugly guy without a house and not enough money and/or education?

[snowy_winter]

How about the satisfaction that they didn't settle for an ugly guy without a house and not enough money and/or education?

Wow... you'd better look like brad pitt to make such a nasty comment about people's beauty..............maybe not even then.

[diwana]

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

Some girls brought up outside Pakistan do have different mindset and requirements.

And yes they do have their standard too high for desi men to even consider them for marriage or they refuse desi men left and right without thinking of consequences.

Marriage occurs only if both try to lower down their expectations.

The issues what desi men bring is based on their suspicion or truth about girl's past and while many girls may let go of men's past, many men are not ready to let go her past so easily.

For these girls, option is to lower their requirement and get settled. In real world, men can and are able to find alternatives more easily. And age issue is not so strong with men as compared to women.

Unfortunately it is a harsh reality (with some exceptions) that if a girl is not married by certain age, finding a suitable man gets harder as years go by.

[PyariCgudia]

Some girls brought up outside Pakistan do have different mindset and requirements.

And yes they do have their standard too high for desi men to even consider them for marriage or they refuse desi men left and right without thinking of consequences.

Marriage occurs only if both try to lower down their expectations.

The issues what desi men bring is based on their suspicion or truth about girl's past and while many girls may let go of men's past, many men are not ready to let go her past so easily.

For these girls, option is to lower their requirement and get settled. In real world, men can and are able to find alternatives more easily. And age issue is not so strong with men as compared to women.

Unfortunately it is a harsh reality that if a girl is not married by certain age, finding a suitable man gets harder as years go by.

How is this fair? Pakistani men continue to be womanizers prior to marriage for this very reason. Because they know they can get away with it, and because they threaten that they have no issue finding other options.

Why can't Pakistani men also try to adjust and live within the boundaries of Islam? If you want a woman with NO past, then YOU better have NO past.

Now, if you DO have a past, you really need to get over another woman having a past.

Men like "diwana" are precisely the reason why its so hard to find a rishtaa these days. Women who are STRONG, EDUCATED, HAVE GOOD MORALS, HAVE BEEN GOOD GIRLS - do not appreciate this sort of mentality at all, and probably are turned off enough to reject rishtas when guys talk like this. I really don't blame them, and yeah, they may be single and 40 but I think its better to be single and 40 than be married to a guy who will teach his kids the wrong stuff because he himself is a hypocrite.

[diwana]

@PyariCgudia

How is this fair? Pakistani men continue to be womanizers prior to marriage for this very reason. Because they know they can get away with it, and because they threaten that they have no issue finding other options.

Why can't Pakistani men also try to adjust and live within the boundaries of Islam? If you want a woman with NO past, then YOU better have NO past.

Now, if you DO have a past, you really need to get over another woman having a past.

Men like "diwana" are precisely the reason why its so hard to find a rishtaa these days. Women who are STRONG, EDUCATED, HAVE GOOD MORALS, HAVE BEEN GOOD GIRLS - do not appreciate this sort of mentality at all, and probably are turned off enough to reject rishtas when guys talk like this. I really don't blame them, and yeah, they may be single and 40 but I think its better to be single and 40 than be married to a guy who will teach his kids the wrong stuff because he himself is a hypocrite.

lol..

PCG! first of all life is not fair. Life and relations are not about 2+2=4 It has never been in thousands of years and never will be.

This world as you might have understood by now is man dominated. Nothing you and I can do about it.

I only spoke of reality, does not mean I agree with it.

The moment girls start realizing their limitations, they will be better off.

You said girls are better off staying single and be 40. Weather you admit it or not, you and I both know that is not true. They are still better off getting married to a man with some deficiencies.

The desi crap you talk about is still better than living alone and dreaming of a prince charming to cuddle with who is not gonna be there for many of those girls who had their expectations, demands and attitude too high when they had the chance.

Try to look at the big picture here.

By the way, OP asked very valid questions and very articulated.

[PyariCgudia]

lol..

PCG! first of all life is not fair. Life and relations are not about 2+2=4 It has never been in thousands of years and never will be.

This world as you might have understood by now is man dominated. Nothing you and I can do about it.

I only spoke of reality, does not mean I agree with it.

The** moment girls start realizing their limitations, they will be better off.**

You said girls are better off staying single and be 40. Weather you admit it or not, you and I both know that is not true. They are still better off getting married to a man with some deficiencies.

The desi crap you talk about is still better than living alone and dreaming of a prince charming to cuddle with who is not gonna be there for many of those girls who had their expectations, demands and attitude too high when they had the chance.

Try to look at the big picture here.

By the way, OP asked very valid questions and very articulated.

1. No, this world is increasingly becoming a more woman-and-man dominated world. Look around you. Women are out there and making a big difference. They work, they go to school, they are the brains that make and shake things.
   

Get up and smell the estrogen.

1. Yes, life is not fair. :) So when you find out your wife has slept with a man before, then suck it up and deal with it. You are still better than living alone and dreaming of a princess to cuddle with. So the moment men realize their limitations, the better off they will be.
   

:)

Sound familiar? Yeah. Deal with it. Women are not angels and half of them walking around out there have some level of experience, and chances are, she is waiting for you at her parents, with chai and a dupatta on her head, feigning sharafat.

I mean, after all, it is a male-dominated world. So we learn from our masters.

[diwana]

1. No, this world is increasingly becoming a more woman-and-man dominated world. Look around you. Women are out there and making a big difference. They work, they go to school, they are the brains that make and shake things.

Get up and smell the estrogen.

1. Yes, life is not fair. :) So when you find out your wife has slept with a man before, then suck it up and deal with it. You are still better than living alone and dreaming of a princess to cuddle with. So the moment men realize their limitations, the better off they will be.

:)

Sound familiar? Yeah. Deal with it. Women are not angels and half of them walking around out there have some level of experience, and chances are, she is waiting for you at her parents, with chai and a dupatta on her head, feigning sharafat.

I mean, after all, it is a male-dominated world. So we learn from our masters.

I like your answers but for fun only. Very good PCG.

Men have less limitations than women.

There are more women in most of societies to choose from than men for women to choose.

Smart men can and do find out who is feining sharafat and who is not before marriage.

The male dominated world means that men do not have to even fein the sharafat but still get away with it. That is a truth. Like I said earlier, most women are more tolerant in this regard than men would be on reciprocal basis.

You mentioned about working women, and this means this world is getting dominated by women? You must be joking. Even a working woman needs a stable man relation more than a working man would.

Men do get away with short, just for fun relations and still be emotionally not so hurt or damaged, but girls mostly take time to develop relationship and are more emotionally disturbed if relationship falls apart.

Yes it is the estrogen which makes girls more vulnerable and it is the testosterone which makes men get away without being so damaged or hurt.
Just a natural phenomenon. You can deny it but it will not change the realities.

[farhanyu]

lol.. By the way, OP asked very valid questions and very articulated.

Thanks very much for understanding the query in the right context.Just wanted to know people's thinking and their options....!

[PyariCgudia]

@diwana

I like your answers but for fun only. Very good PCG.

Men have less limitations than women.

There are more women in most of societies to choose from than men for women to choose.

Smart men can and do find out who is feining sharafat and who is not before marriage.

The male dominated world means that men do not have to even fein the sharafat but still get away with it. That is a truth. Like I said earlier, most women are more tolerant in this regard than men would be on reciprocal basis.

You mentioned about working women, and this means this world is getting dominated by women? You must be joking. Even a working woman needs a stable man relation more than a working man would.

Men do get away with short, just for fun relations and still be emotionally not so hurt or damaged, but girls mostly take time to develop relationship and are more emotionally disturbed if relationship falls apart.

Yes it is the estrogen which makes girls more vulnerable and it is the testosterone which makes men get away without being so damaged or hurt.
Just a natural phenomenon. You can deny it but it will not change the realities.

As evidenced by the number of skanky women who manage to get married? Um, yeah, trick’s on you, my friend. Not the other way around.

[diwana]

@PyariCgudia

As evidenced by the number of skanky women who manage to get married? Um, yeah, trick’s on you, my friend. Not the other way around.

Yes that can be, still more skanky men get married without any effort or ‘manage’ to get married than women. Men don’t even have to ‘trick’ is what I said earlier. They may say, take it or leave it and girl may not have better option but to take it.

Life is not fair afterall.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

That's the wrong attitude. By saying "life is not fair", you are being passive and asking women to accept this kind of widespready skanky behavior in our society. Is that how you want to raise your sons - beta go out and spread your seed, and then we'll marry you to the most shareef girl we can find?

That's total BS. And half these families know what their boys are up to. They just dont have the parenting guts to contain it.

[hitchki]

I think girls today set a bar so high that it becomes impossible for guys to reach. You have to realise that not every guy is perfect and he will have been swayed by temptation in the past. That doesn't mean he will do it in the future when he is married.

I remember there was a programme on in England about this very problem. This Imam from a mosque in Birmingham was trying to get people married in his community. There was this one guy who had it all, his own flat, cushy job and he wasn't too bad looking. He really really wanted to get married. The Imam got him paired with a like-minded girl from London who like him, was working, had an independent lifestyle. They met up and "clicked" but the girl didn't pursue it further than that. She kept just stringing him along saying she wasn't "ready". In the end, the guy got fed up and went back to Pakistan and got married. The point is, there are good guys out there but some girls just play mind games and they don't really have time for those when they want to settle.

There is no room for mistakes for a desi guy and I sometimes think women need to loosen up a little and let them breathe.

My fiance isn't perfect. I know very well what he has been up to in the past but I let it go. I know he won't go down that road again because he learned some harsh realities of life from it. Why should he be knocked down for learning a lesson?

If you remember correctly, the guy was super clingy - quite strange and drove a white van. If he hadn't a wafting air of acute desperation about him he wouldn't have scared off the girl.

Lets not slant the truth sideways.

[hitchki]

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

And I am just going to throw this out there.

Instead of telling girls to lower their expectations, why don't the good men of Brownistan raise their Game?

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

What's wrong with a white van?

[Miss_Noland]

Yes that can be, still more skanky men get married without any effort or 'manage' to get married than women. Men don't even have to 'trick' is what I said earlier. They may say, take it or leave it and girl may not have better option but to take it.

Life is not fair afterall.

Right. Men do have it a lot easier but if women continue to accept that behavior, this world would not change. Women have struggled all their lives for their rights and trust me, we are not stopping here. The moment we start believing that our options are limited, we stop trying. What may be our reality now will not always be...

[PyariCgudia]

@hitchki

And I am just going to throw this out there.

Instead of telling girls to lower their expectations, why don’t the good men of Brownistan raise their Game?

EXACTLY.

Desi men leave a lot to be desired, and nearly every man can work on something.

Take waxing for example. You all have a terrible mat of hair on your bodies - be liberated by getting rid of it. :k:

[hitchki]

What's wrong with a white van?

They are two seaters. No space for PCG-junior :)

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

A 2 seater van? So..? Was it for his business? Was he dodgy in his business? Like what was he carrying around in the van? Corpses?