Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

Well first of all, OP is highly curious about girls/guys here. LOL Threads after threads.. He should be an expert on western girls and guys and their issues.

Ok now, I agree with Stardust. I know so many good guys who want to get married in a blink to good girls but they just have a hard time finding girls like that. NO, issue is not with the girls, somehow the girls are raised in a way (no not bad, just different) that they want more and more. I do think that's fine as well. They know what they can live with and what they want in their partner. But like Stardust said, it could also be an issue. I know this one rishtay wale sahab, he said once, I have the hardest time finding rishtay for girls in west because I can never find guys that meet their expectations.

22

Where I live it's not usually the educated guys that go back home for a wife (or if they are educated they aren't v.attractive themselves but are after a very pretty wife), it's the ones who aren't the doctors or lawyers or successful businessmen and not that great looking in comparison to what they're looking for so their options are more limited, they know tho that if they go 'back home' just the sight of the burgundy passport is enough.. Kinda reminds me of those British guys who get Thai wives lol.. Oh, of course there's the whole 'subservience' issue as well tho u tend to find generally that the more educated guys don't usually want those sorts of girls anyway, it's more the insecure guys who do and also in the UK anyway most of the guys who choose to go 'back home' are also wanting a virgin (even tho most of them aren't themselves), it's insecurity again, they can't handle the thought of a western girl who may have had as much (or more) experience as them..

Marrying a gora isn't the big deal it used to be, in London anyway (up north the communities are defo more conservative tho).. I know tons of girls who've 'married out' and it's pretty rare for the parents not to come round.. If the guy is already a convert and not just for the sake of marriage the girl's parents are often even pretty proud..

I think when it comes to fussiness the boys (and/or their families) win hands down.. guys demanding super fair girls, saying she must be tall, slim, not have had any prior relationships etc when they're not like that themselves most of the time.. girls don't tend to be that hypocritical..

23

Most of you sistas are completely useless.

Calling your self muslims/paki but showing character of metropolitan india.

Thanks to BollyWood.

Your options. hmmmm find a guy who is desperate for green card.

24

So should we start manufacturing CLONES that posess all the required qualities.I wonder a time may come that non PHD qualified people will not find a rishta........!

25

My cousin married a gora a couple of months ago and I know several people married to them. I dont know of a single guy that went back to Christianity or any other faith. The guy that was just married into the family is hands down a sweetheart, does his best, is learning the language, religion, food, customs, you name it. The guy converted for her initially but he also did it because he happened to find the religion attractive and corresponding with a lot of his moral beliefs as well. Most people dont find it an issue because Islam doesnt make any weird or unreasonable demands on a person. People actually do convert and stay converted.

If you like him and he is a good guy...do not let him go. Islam doesnt turn away anyone...why should you?

I think girls here have different needs then girls there.

Men get their degree, get a job, make some money, get a car, buy the house and now its time to find a wife to install in there too. Well, you go to Pakistan and you get one, simple as that.

When a guy goes back home, he will find a girl who is happy with being supported financially. For some odd reason, I dont see them wanting or demanding much more then that. Men find that easier to deal with.

Girls here dont need financial security, they have their own most of the time. They want something else...which is hard for a guy to understand because it doesnt plug into his equation of "if I support her financially, she should be happy".

26

hmmm......

27

Pray to Allah (swt) to help you find a good shareef guy...

28

lol...........;)

29

thanks Maverick :)

I can name 5 girls in our community alone who refused rishtas purely on the basis of the guy's bank balance. They got the creme de la creme of the good rishtas and refused them point blank because they werent earning enough, they didnt have their own house, they were ugly, they werent educated enough. the guys had NO chance!

Now, those girls are in their 40s, still unmarried and completely cold, isolated and b*****. they know they can never have children and scorn anyone who leads a happy, married life. Granted, they have a nice car, make good money but what has that got them in life if they are still unhappy and moaning?

30

Interesting and quite right.But doesnt it make the whole equation difficult for the girls themselves because if they are gonna think "Mein isse se bhe Acha insaan dhoonde sakte hoon!".Its gonna be pretty difficult....!

31

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

[QUOTE]
When a guy goes back home, he will find a girl who is happy with being supported financially. *For some odd reason, I dont see them wanting or demanding much more then that. Men find that easier to deal with. *

Girls here dont need financial security, they have their own most of the time. They want something else...which is hard for a guy to understand because it doesnt plug into his equation of "if I support her financially, she should be happy

[/QUOTE]

interesting. so girls back home are less demanding and know what they want and once they have its pretty smooth sailing vs girls in the west who seemingly have it all themselves and are looking for that 'something else' i.e a very complicated life.

wish life was that simple and the process of elimination that black n white. sadly its not.

32

Lots of grey areas here.Yah its very complicated.People need to sort themselves out.....!

33

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

With time our standards have changed . Earlier for girls it was shareef , nice family , knows silai kerhai , baroon ka adaab , nazroon ma sharam . Now its totally opposite . We are looking for a doctor , pretty as heaven , out going , wealthy , etc etc. Same for men it was like shareef , sarkari nokri , namazi , nazroom ma sharam, ba adab etc etc . Now he should be wealthy , handsome like Tom Cruise , funny , liberal etc etc .

We are the ones who changed our standards and now we are getting what we wished for .

34

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

  1. Leave it on ALLAH SWT.
35

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

Errmm.. I guess they shud not marry at all. or simply lower down their standards. Wait for the right guy becuz Allah has made everyone in pairs and if not, then they will eventually come to know.

36

I think your main issue is finding a guy in a decent way - correct?

Most of us "western desi girls" go to school and universities where many great Muslim guys can be found--the main problem is that most of the shareef guys part of the MSA (muslim student association) won't approach girls ( let alone a desi muslim girl in the MSA!) Do you think it might be a good idea for the MSAs to hold singles night events...or even the Pakistani Student Associations to hold one...( although the MSA may be safer in terms of finding a good Muslim.) Apparently marriage is half your deen.

If anything get involved in the community, help out with Muslim events and you'll meet a lot of really nice people.

37

Its not that they know what they want...money is a basic human need. I wont elaborate too much on this.

What they want is something girls here already have...we're not as dependant financially on men as girls back home.

For us, its more about the person's character, personality and chemistry.

38

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

I think both girls and guys standards are too high sometime.... and also their families. A lot of time you will hear that they (kids) don't care about flan thing or flan thing... but that its important to their family and they respect that (ex. marrying in the same caste). If people just became less picky and a bit more open minded .... focused more on getting to know the person properly ... things like character and personalities as opposed to superficial things like bank accounts, "visa status", height and fairness issues..... i think it would be easier for everyone to find rishtay.

Because lets be honest. There are nice guys here in the west and back home. And same goes for girls... there are nice girls here and there. Generalizing and stereotyping people can't get one too far. People pass judgement way too fast in my opinion. That is where the problem lies. Getting to know someone and doing the proper research before coming to a point blank decision is best.

39

Re: Dearth of Decent guys a Real problem for Western Desi Girls?

So, most of the western desi girls I know here (in USA) are happily married, some of them to guys they found here in USA and then got married.... some of those guys were born here, some came from Pakistan for studies or work and then settled here ...... I guess its mostly the ones who are still looking who end up on this forum to complain.... the happily married ones do not come here to post "oh, I found a nice guy".

40

People laugh about this, and don't take this seriously. I had a friend who went to Britain for some education, and came back saying that there is this HUGE dichotomy between women and men over there, and moreover, that since so many boys do go back to get married, and so many other boys marry white women, the pool of eligible guys gets smaller. So there is a surplus of eligible Pakistani women.

It's true - just look at any dating website, or go to a rishtaa aunty and open her book, or just look at your neighborhood. How many eligible single girls are getting older and unwed, vs. eligible single guys getting older and unwed?

There are many issues with the "leftovers"

  1. Too orthodox with too many religious demands - great option for the single reads Quran 10x a day hijabi, but not so much for other girls.

  2. Too liberal - multiple sexual partners in the past, often looking for a free ride in a relationship - only will settle down when his parents blackmail him. Totally disconnected with the religion. Most likely to marry a hot white girl if he had a choice.

  3. Too ugly - does not take care of hygeine, does not clean up, doesn't BOTHER to watch his weight, has self-esteem issues especially with body image - so basically, comes with a lot of BAGGAGE.

  4. His family messed him up so much he is on anti-depressants.