Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
Fake Fatwa:
Nikah Toot Gaya na Bhai Keh Kar? :D
Does not say anywhere in the pic 'Nikah toot gaya'. Just a joke, take it easy. :)
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
Does not say anywhere in the pic 'Nikah toot gaya'. Just a joke, take it easy. :)
I was also joking and took it far deliberately to make a point.
What I said that, in the disguise of joke, people are made to think in certain way. :)
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
I married my second cousin :@: . I never saw him growing up so there was no calling him"Bhai" etc.
how about if you like your cousin then go ahead and marry him or her and if you don't then don't. Don't look down upon another's marriage because of your own views.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
my Bhabhi wants me to marry her sister [my cousin] but i said NO...not because of the modern time biological revelations but rather i do NOT want to marry her and that's that! i do NOT go around making lame excuses! :)
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
Thank God you used caps, or we wouldn't have believed you.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
Thank God you used caps, or we wouldn't have believed you.
lol...maiN ne bahot ZOR lagaa kar yeh baat farmaaii hai! :p
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
While my family doesn’t do cousin marriages, I don't find anything wrong with it if that is what the couple THEMSELVES want. However, what I do find rather questionable is that in some circumstances, it isn’t the couples themselves but rather the family/elders that push for marriage between cousins because it is the most convenient thing for them (as opposed to thinking of the couple's best interests).
As loads of posters have pointed out, whether or not you grow up interacting with your cousins on a regular basis greatly impacts how you view them. People who grow up within a close-knit family, where they see their cousins on a daily basis and have regular interactions with them since childhood, likely view their cousins as siblings. That is their experience and there is nothing wrong with it. They are more than free to not marry their cousins and marry whoever they like. Similarly, some people do not come from such close-knit families and grow up never having met or interacted with their cousins and therefore, do not view them as siblings and view them as marriage material. Their experience is equally valid and they are also free to act accordingly.
Everyone’s experience is different and is equally valid. Just because you view YOUR cousins as siblings, it doesn’t mean everyone does nor are they obligated to. In the same way, just because you view YOUR cousins as marriage material, it doesn’t mean everyone does and therefore must marry their cousins. People really must stop being so judgmental and live and let live.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
Wow. I thought my Islamiyat wasn't that great.
Few responses in this thread and it's apparent that those who like to stand on an Islamic high ground and look down their nose at people, don't really know much about Islamic history at all.
If people want to use the Quran, hadith or Islam in general to support any arguments in threads, could you guys please always reference it?
It seems like it isn't beyond some people here to put "Fact:" before any statement they please.
Kuch khuda ka khauf karo.
Here's an ACTUAL fact: a couple of you guppans have no idea what you're talking about.
^ to your reply to CC, i will add the following:
we are here in a discussion and NOT mubaahila or mubaaHisa. i never quote any references because i don't have one...i'm neither sitting in a library nor i've one at home. looking online takes a lot of time and i don't want to waste my time for the benefit of others.
i post what i KNOW...it's upto the reader to take it or leave it or they themselves research further. it's a discussion forum so i just put forward my 'two cents'. fair enuf?
I guess I can't trust you to read between those two lines so I will put it as simply as I can.
I didn't say reference your "two cents".
** Because they've been posted in FULL at least half a dozen times on GS before** and it gets tiring typing out the same stuff for people when they could just use the search button at the top right of this very page if they can't be bothered to look any further.. If someone WANTS to know something why shouldn't they try looking it up themselves?
(And in case you hadn't noticed this isn't school or college)
Wow. Just wow. You're logic is so flawed, I don't think I can ever take what you post seriously, ever again. Not that I think you care, so please save yourself from pointing that out.
It doesn't matter how many times they've been posted on gs. Not everyone here has been as long as you. Not everyone has read all the posts. So, you don't want to reference your own arguments AND want the people who you're having a discussion with to check if you're telling the truth or not? Man that's one of the nuttiest things I've heard.
If you choose to dispute a claim or statement someone has made, and you base your rebuttal around a particular source, why wouldn't YOU reference it yourself? If you can be bothered to write that response, why not spend the extra few minutes (if that) to look for your source and put it in? Would be easy for you since it seems like you know exactly where to look.
The other person doesn't want to know. YOU are the one who is trying to convince them of a claim you have made. Without referencing, you can use any source to try and prove anything. I'm not asking you to give me in text referencing, but at the very least throw a link in there, so people can read it themselves. That's how wrong information spreads. But it seems like winning an argument is more important to you than having a good sharing of ideas. Grow up.
The fact that you felt the need to point out, even if it was a sarcastic, passive aggressive comment, that we are not in a school or college, shows not only how baseless your entire argument is, but also implies that you didn't understand the purpose of referencing at school or college (read paragraph above). I assume you've at the very least done a bibliography.
Next time, before you tell other people to use their brain, maybe take that crown off your self-righteous head and use your own brain.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
What I've generally heard is that 1st generation cousin marriages are fine and u don't have to worry about birth defects but when u go for round two (ur kids marrying first cousins too) the stakes go higher.... And if it's third generation then ur just askin for it (birth defects, learning disabilities, physical disabilities, the works).
Apart from that I think cousin marriages are pretty normal. And ppl keep talking about Bhai and Behn but don't u call family friends' sons and stuff Bhai too? Basically any guy ur meeting thru family would always be called Bhai if he's older. You'd be calling ur elder brother's friends bhai too. Otherwise it would be disrespectful. Btw I called my hubby "Bhai" before we were married (we're not related) and I continued for a while after he proposed and we were getting to know each other. It wasn't awkward it was funny, he didn't like it ofcourse, but I had to train myself to not add Bhai to his name. And it wasn't awkward because I didn't really think of him as my brother but I called him that out of respect. And most of the times that's how it's done in families as well, u dont really think of them as ur brother brother, but it's an add on to the name. If he was really ur brother then he could pick u from wherever and give u a ride home (alone) at 2 in the morning and no one would b*tch about it and say munaasib nahi lagta.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
^ and, most Gappans call Gappies ‘BHAI’ 
does that mean no Guppans will ever marry a guppie? 
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
In families where cousin marriage is the norm they usually go to cousins first tho, don't they.. most parents in these families don't even want to try to look for a partner outside.. Also marrying a cousin from 'back home' for a family living in the west isn't necessarily the safest option anyway.. to me it often just seems to be the most convenient thing for the elders (if the couples' best interests were at heart surely they would have the first and last say after all?)..
It's not hard to find a good rishta either.. if emphasis is put on the right things (rather than same caste, blood etc which narrows down the pool so significantly)..
Again, I don't have a problem with cousin marriage.. if that's what the couple themselves want..
You can't just generalize what you wrote in bold. Where cousin marriages have taken place in past, you'll find many out of family rishtas too. I have seen many families who don't marry out of cast. But i have never seen anyone saying we don't marry out of our family. You don't marry your kids based on convenience. You marry them thinking where you feel they'll be at most sakoon considering the options you have. And if a cousin seems to be the best match, you go ahead with it.
Also, it isn't easy to seek rishtas at all. You do put aside cast and blood. What you don't put aside is education and compatibility. That is where the rishta process gets harder.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
You don't marry your kids based on convenience. You marry them thinking where you feel they'll be at most sakoon considering the options you have. And if a cousin seems to be the best match, you go ahead with it. .
I disagree with the bolded part of your statement because, unfortunately, some people do and this seems to be a trend in some areas. This may not be the case where you live, but it seems to happen more often abroad. I live in the UK and have noticed that many marriages are, indeed, based on convenience. In a section of certain communities (and no, I am not generalising and saying that everyone does this but enough people do that it's been in the paper recently), there has been a trend in recent years (or maybe it's been happening for the past few years but people have only noticed it now that it's been in the papers) of forced marriages to cousins from back home for the sole purpose of bringing extended family over to the UK.
In many of those cases, the cousins had never even met or even spoken to one another, so I doubt it had anything to do with finding the best match. It was also noted (from what I read and heard from people as well) that many of these "marriages" were contractual in nature in that parents living in the UK had made agreements before their children were even born to marry them to the children of their siblings living back home for the purpose of bring them over to the UK. I'm sorry but that does not sound like the parents were thinking of finding their children the best match or even had their best interests in mind.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
I am not sure if its people overlooking or deliberately being manipulative when they mix up forced marriage with cousine marriage........ you can't really use one as a basis of argument for the other......separate issues......
the thread is about cousin marriages......so bundling cousin marriage with forced marriage and then putting forward it as a same thing........is basically intellectually dishonest........
and thumbs up for the AB*C*Ds for the western crowd feeling its incestuous......and that 'seeing' others are brother sisters at young age makes it a taboo or morally reprehensible act......
marriage is a marriage...... if things check out......it shouldn't matter cousine or no cousin..
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
^ I was not bundling cousin marriage with forced marriage. I never stated that the two were the same thing nor did I use one as a basis of argument for the other. I simply responded to aishah's comment (and only hers) that:
You don't marry your kids based on convenience.
by providing an example of where her statement does not apply. I also stated this obviously does not apply to everyone, but a section within a certain community in the UK. I think it's you that is being intellectually dishonest by not grasping that.
And in case you didn't read my earlier comment, I couldn't care less about who people choose to marry. I also stated that everyone on this thread should stop being so bloody judgemental about the life decisions of others and realise that their experience and view regarding cousin marriage is theirs alone and that others may view things differently. Quite frankly, people can marry their cousins or a random stranger they met on the side of the road, as far as I'm concerned. After all, what other people choose to do with their lives has no bearing on mine.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
my comment wasn't directed to you personally. it was addressed generally, including many earlier posts..
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
^ My mistake and apologies for the hostile tone.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
It's incestuously romantic I think, to have the blood of the same family coursing through both partners' veins. Not even trying to be mean, however as awe as I am in of that notion it makes me both sickly and comforted inside. A perfect duality.
Gibberish aside me thinks da world so big, why you contractin' da family instead of expandin' it mon? You will all be damned to black hair and brown eyes if you keep mating within your geographical/familial branch.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
It's incestuously romantic I think, to have the blood of the same family coursing through both partners' veins. Not even trying to be mean, however as awe as I am in of that notion it makes me both sickly and comforted inside. A perfect duality.
Gibberish aside me thinks da world so big, why you contractin' da family instead of expandin' it mon? You will all be damned to black hair and brown eyes if you keep mating within your geographical/familial branch.
Such a you post this :D
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
I think yay all the way ...
I feel non-cousins should be the preference as that is the norm today ... but when living in a world when so few people are getting married and so many are settling with extra-marital relationships or bachelorhood ... It is important that we do not end up blocking avenues that are permissible.
I am pro-marriage and will support people to get married and if you haven't been able to tell so far I dislike divorce and resist it and encourage people against that course of action. I am against too much endearment of non-married couples but I accept that people want to have emotional connections with people these days before marriage ... Rather it surprises me that people get married to complete strangers.
By giving preference to marriage outside family we should not at the same time consider cousins incestuous ... as that would be a breach of our Islamic value structure and haram to do that as Islam does not deem cousins to be incest.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
I disagree with the bolded part of your statement because, unfortunately, some people do and this seems to be a trend in some areas. This may not be the case where you live, but it seems to happen more often abroad. I live in the UK and have noticed that many marriages are, indeed, based on convenience. In a section of certain communities (and no, I am not generalising and saying that everyone does this but enough people do that it's been in the paper recently), there has been a trend in recent years (or maybe it's been happening for the past few years but people have only noticed it now that it's been in the papers) of forced marriages to cousins from back home for the sole purpose of bringing extended family over to the UK.
In many of those cases, the cousins had never even met or even spoken to one another, so I doubt it had anything to do with finding the best match. It was also noted (from what I read and heard from people as well) that many of these "marriages" were contractual in nature in that parents living in the UK had made agreements before their children were even born to marry them to the children of their siblings living back home for the purpose of bring them over to the UK. I'm sorry but that does not sound like the parents were thinking of finding their children the best match or even had their best interests in mind.
I am not trying to offend you but please don't make it sound like I was defending forced marriages. If I wrote that parents don't marry their kids based on convenience, it clearly meant sensible parents. Not parents who are trying to stamp money out of their kids or give undue favours to their relatives. That's a completely different topic. This thread was about some people with the view that you grow with your cousins and it doesn't seem right to end up marrying them.