Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
I am not basing my assumptions on my upbringing and applying them to everyone. **I am referring to myself and have through out this topic (I suggest you refer to my earlier input for reference). I did not question that this was not allowed in Islam, I asked a member to **prove we must consider relatives first for marriage and he couldn't from the Quran and 6 books of hadith. Are you telling me in this day and age, you have not spoke to a single na mehram man at School; College; University; At work; Shop assistant etc. I don't think it's possible to avoid interaction with a male/female no matter how strictly you follow Islam.
I am telling you in this 'day and age' how I interact with random men I meet through work or met during school/college is very different to how I interact with my brothers. I don't see any of these men as my brothers because they are not.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
I am telling you in this 'day and age' how I interact with random men I meet through work or met during school/college is very different to how I interact with my brothers. I don't see any of these men as my brothers because they are not.
Let's agree to disagree as you would marry a cousin but i wouldn't.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
As a Muslim you should not say why we can marry our cousins or that it is wrong. This is an option, if you do not want to then do not exercise it. When comes to birth defects it depends on if the gene pool is clean relating to medical conditions. If it is clean it can be better than the average marriage. However if not then there is an issue to think about. It doubles the chances of getting a birth defect.
It is preferred to marry outside the family. The reason is that if you get a divorce with your cousin your family has the potential to break into a million pieces. You also do not grow your family when you marry inside the family. Out of all of the prophet's wives only one was his cousin.
Nay all the way. My family doesn't do cousin marriages and we have all grown up with treating each other LIKE brothers and sisters. We refer to each other with 'bhai/apa/Baji' titles so that would be so weird. I could never imagine my brothers kids marrying my kids unless we weren't even a bit involved in each others lives. I don't get people who marry their cousins after having grown up and raised together with them. I definitely haven't seen any less inlaw/marital drama come out of it so I see way more cons than pros. I know a lot of families who have married cousins and one particular family where ALL their kids married first cousins but I think the parents are clear from those marriages, they are all educated so I would only hope they don't now marry their own kids off amongst one another. I'm all for expanding family as well, don't see the point in marrying within.
I also am agreed with the posters who claim Islam encourages to marry outside because it unites people and brings families together which is huge. I think Pakistanis generally have a hard time with 'standing together in a united front' in any regard and only really trust family or don't find suitable matches outside and that's why we prefer to stay within in some cases. Even though I know Islam allows it and this is solely from my personal experience of having grown up in a large Lebanese and Iraqi community, I had never heard of to many of my Arab peers marrying within. Maybe that was just my surrounding of people but it didn't seem as common as in my own community.
In regards to the Islamic bit of it, I have read and learned in lectures that the Prophet was not short of suitors for his daughter. everyone wanted to marry the Prophets daughter, she was like a princess but the reason the prophet chose Ali was because he didn't find anyone else of her standard other than Ali. Not sure if it was BECAUSE he was Ali's first cousin or because of Ali himself but personally my view is that Ali was the only honorable one for his daughter. He knew Ali, they were companions and there was a tremendous amount of respect and trust between the Prophet and Ali therefore, the prophet saw him as the only one up to the standard of his daughter. Please don't jump down throat about references as this is what I have listened to in teachings and quite honestly it makes the most sense when put into context of the prophets reasons for marrying or not marrying within his family for this particular case. So much of Islams teachings have been left for logic and good judgement making it more easy to follow but we love to complicate most of it and judge others. In my view this is just one of those things left up to personal preferences, you have been told what is okay and what isn't and the rest should be left up to individuals to make the decisions best for them. Live and let live.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
In families where cousin marriages do take place, the cousins don't act like they are brother and sisters. They have seen marriages in their family and they all have it in the back of their mind that something like that might work out for them too. This particularly holds true for cousins who aren't living together as a joint family.
As for expanding family by marrying outside, how are people not considering the fact that it's really hard to find suitable rishtas especially when you are living abroad. In the end when you are worried about your daughter and you can can see there's suitable dekha bhalla larka in the family who will be good enough for her, why would you reject it. It's all about the circumstances in my opinion.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
Well technically PCG is right as far as hazrat fatima ra is concerned. Hazrat Ali ra was the prophet's saw cousin and not hazrat Fatima's. This, however, doesn't lend any credibility to her claim as has been pointed out.
I agree with others that you can't put a blanket ban on cousin marriages just because they are not liked in the west. If this is something that doesn't work for you, fine. But don't declare it haram 'in this day and age' Or because cousins are just like 'brothers and sisters.' People participate in all kinds of rituals if they are 'in' from wearing certain kinds of clothes to behaving a certain way. When customs and behaviors change in the larger society, these same people have no problem adopting some of the previously icky stuff. It's a herd mentality really.
Having said all that, I think only marrying cousins is unhealthy and should be discouraged.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
Leave it up to the potential couple. If they want to go ahead with it, then I don’t have a problem with it. Many of my friends are married to first or seconds. So far, so good.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
In families where cousin marriages do take place, the cousins don't act like they are brother and sisters. They have seen marriages in their family and they all have it in the back of their mind that something like that might work out for them too. This particularly holds true for cousins who aren't living together as a joint family.
As for expanding family by marrying outside, how are people not considering the fact that it's really hard to find suitable rishtas especially when you are living abroad.** In the end when you are worried about your daughter and you can can see there's suitable dekha bhalla larka in the family who will be good enough for her, why would you reject it. It's all about the circumstances in my opinion.**
In families where cousin marriage is the norm they usually go to cousins first tho, don't they.. most parents in these families don't even want to try to look for a partner outside.. Also marrying a cousin from 'back home' for a family living in the west isn't necessarily the safest option anyway.. to me it often just seems to be the most convenient thing for the elders (if the couples' best interests were at heart surely they would have the first and last say after all?)..
It's not hard to find a good rishta either.. if emphasis is put on the right things (rather than same caste, blood etc which narrows down the pool so significantly)..
Again, I don't have a problem with cousin marriage.. if that's what the couple themselves want..
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
Since when should the people reading the comments look up the references?
That's like handing in a report and telling your Teachers/Supervisors/Lectuers/Professors "FULL references can be found online. Use your brain and do a search"
**
Because they've been posted in FULL at least half a dozen times on GS before** and it gets tiring typing out the same stuff for people when they could just use the search button at the top right of this very page if they can't be bothered to look any further.. If someone WANTS to know something why shouldn't they try looking it up themselves?
(And in case you hadn't noticed this isn't school or college)
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
^ to your reply to CC, i will add the following:
we are here in a discussion and NOT mubaahila or mubaaHisa. i never quote any references because i don't have one...i'm neither sitting in a library nor i've one at home. looking online takes a lot of time and i don't want to waste my time for the benefit of others.
i post what i KNOW...it's upto the reader to take it or leave it or they themselves research further. it's a discussion forum so i just put forward my 'two cents'. fair enuf?
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
Your father's male cousin is your cousin. You may, for example, consider/call him/believe him to be "chacha," Islam doesn't allow marriage to your literal chacha or direct neice. This obviously implies that he's not your literal uncle and you are not his literal niece regardless of the titles you address them by.
There are many things that we "know" because we have heard them touted as facts all our life...but if one is contributing to a discussion that deals with Islam....then I think it's better to confirm the info before hand. I do not consider checking a waste of time be ause it will either confirm your belief or correct them. If not for the benefit of others, a verification does benefit oneself. It's better than upholding incorrect ideas and then confidently encouraging or perpetuating them.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
There has been a discussion about this a long time ago. (When MMO3? was a moderator just to give you a perspective).
First cousin marriage is allowed and is not really harmful compared to marrying any random person.
Even marrying outside family does not give any reassurance that some sort of medical problem will not occur.
Genetic studies really do not support occasional marriage between first cousins to be so bad. Again when comparing to marriages outside the family tree.
No. Cousins are not like brothers and sisters. Never have been and never will be.
No idea why this is so much ingrained in some people's minds.
A brother and sister is someone who shares at least one parent's gene DIRECTLY.
If any question or doubt exists for any disease to be potentially revealed then genetic counseling is the way to go.
Blanket statement or rule to make cousins marriage being wrong is baseless and mythical.
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
just because something is allowed in islam or any religion for that matter doesnt mean it should be encouraged. Allah has also given us the power of intellect and free will. Fizzy drink and fatty foods arent illegal, but should its consumption be enouraged....food for thought
Re: Cousin marriages- yay or nay in this day and age.
Fake Fatwa:
Nikah Toot Gaya na Bhai Keh Kar?
This is what is being spread in the name of joke to make people go away from cousin marriages.
Muslims on regular basis address each others as brother or sister. Does that mean two random Muslims cannot marry each other if they called each other brother or sister?
