This actually I agree with, if you are out of the job market for too long, you become quite unemployable and some people don't work because they can't. For example those who come on spouse visas when their husbands are students or have work visas themselves, by the time they apply for Greencards and get to work authorization, it's quite late.
Nice words!!! In my family, there is a girl who is divorced and using her assets to open up a business because she can't get a job with her degree. She has been a housewife for long time. Having an extra money and property and other asserts do help when needed. She needs to support her daughter and everyone walked out of her life for help.
i am getting a headache now. I speak from my experience and you speak from yours.
This actually I agree with, if you are out of the job market for too long, you become quite unemployable and some people don't work because they can't. For example those who come on spouse visas when their husbands are students or have work visas themselves, by the time they apply for Greencards and get to work authorization, it's quite late.
Eastern, I quite agree with you about the bit about becoming unemployable about being out of the job market for quite a bit. I know a couple of ladies who are having issues finding a job after taking a few years time off to be stay at home mums. Taking an extended time off from work quite affects your future job prospects, especially in certain fields.
However, wouldn't a better solution to the highlighted portion above be to only get married when one is settled down and financially stable as to avoid complications? Personally, I've never understood how people can be comfortable getting married and bringing another person into the equation when they are in a precarious situation themselves, such as when they are still students or have work visas.
If you sit for few years yeah. But most qualified immigrants come over, get a work permit and get something going.
And where there is a will there is a way. There are bring mommies back to work programs. And you can always go back to school and renew certifications. Or do something else with your life. Te excuse of I can't find a job because I'm from Pakistan ... Well yeah anyone who sits at home for 3-5 years with kids will find it hard to get back in the job market.
Getting married when you have a student visa, probably no but when you have a work visa yes. After all you are working and are able to provide for your family. However, it gets difficult for the spouses to find work. First, there are biological clocks to tend too as well and having kids is important especially when you can't work in the meantime. Getting degrees is good but good luck without the North American experience. I am getting my second masters degree but I am too old for entry level and my outside North America experience doesn't count either.
Eastern, I quite agree with you about the bit about becoming unemployable about being out of the job market for quite a bit. I know a couple of ladies who are having issues finding a job after taking a few years time off to be stay at home mums. Taking an extended time off from work quite affects your future job prospects, especially in certain fields.
However, wouldn't a better solution to the highlighted portion above be to only get married when one is settled down and financially stable as to avoid complications? Personally, I've never understood how people can be comfortable getting married and bringing another person into the equation when they are in a precarious situation themselves, such as when they are still students or have work visas.
If you sit for few years yeah. But most qualified immigrants come over, get a work permit and get something going.
And where there is a will there is a way. There are bring mommies back to work programs. And you can always go back to school and renew certifications. Or do something else with your life. Te excuse of I can't find a job because I'm from Pakistan ... Well yeah anyone who sits at home for 3-5 years with kids will find it hard to get back in the job market.
I agree that most people from Pakistan will get a job. I know many people who have got degrees from ok (though recognized universities) back home and are doing very well here. I have freinds who went to Sindh University for their MBA and not even IBA, LUMS etc and are doing well here. Even people from Abbotabad Medical College, Khyber Medical college are working as doctors. That's not the issue. Issue is you get married to a guy who has an H1 visa, and you get an H4 visa. Unless you have that specific category you can't get an H1 yourself and not everyone is super duper qualified or gets married at 22. Then by the time to get to the place in your green card where you can get work authorization you have been outside the job market for a while. Regarding the fact that why marry when you have a work visa, well most of my husband's friends were around 30 when they got married, and knew that their companies were going to sponsor their green cards anyway. A lot of their wives didn't want to work anyways and the guys were ok about that, work if you want to or stay at home if you so wish.
I love mehndis and all what goes with weddings. i had it all but didn't spend anything even close to what people are quoting here. Wow $20- $25 k is a lot to me. My take is, don't get into debt (I guess $1-2k isn't too bad though if you need a loan) and do everything according to your budget. Its not all about either have a big wedding at a hotel or a nikah at the mosque. You can do something in between too. And yes, if I could afford it I would spend a lot too, but unfortunately I can't. Doesn't mean I start bashing people who can.
^really depends on the line of work. Foreign experience is highly valued in The IT world. My BILL just came from Pakistan and found himself a high paying job within a month. I work with engineers all around the globe and we all speak the same language: technology.
Yes, but not if that IT experience was gained 13 years ago and you haven't worked since.
^really depends on the line of work. Foreign experience is highly valued in The IT world. My BILL just came from Pakistan and found himself a high paying job within a month. I work with engineers all around the globe and we all speak the same language: technology.
I'll be arriving at my shaadi on an Airbus with an F-35 dropping phool over us. Then after everything is complete, more phool will be dropped from a B2. You filthy peasants don't even know the half of it.
I love mehndis and all what goes with weddings. i had it all but didn't spend anything even close to what people are quoting here. Wow $20- $25 k is a lot to me. My take is, don't get into debt (I guess $1-2k isn't too bad though if you need a loan) and do everything according to your budget. Its not all about either have a big wedding at a hotel or a nikah at the mosque. You can do something in between too. And yes, if I could afford it I would spend a lot too, but unfortunately I can't. Doesn't mean I start bashing people who can.
A midrange hotel in my city (Marriott) charges appx $35/pp. That is JUST for the banquet hall rental, tables, chairs etc. Catering is seperate...another $15-$20 a head. Stage decor extra. For the average indo/pak wedding with 300 people that comes to about $20,000 right there for just 1 function. It doesn't even factor in clothes, jewelry, mehndi, mayoun, gifts, photographer, video etc.
When I got married, I didn't even have a professional photographer. I told my Ammi no, I didn't need or want it. My mamoo, who does photography as a hobby and is an amateur took our pictures lol. And the wedding still cost appx $25K, even though we did the bare minimum of what is considered "normal", scaled back the guest list, called in every favor, connection, hookup we could find and had zero jahaiz or barri.
I am also vehemently against going into debt for extravagant weddings, but I have seen it with my own eyes. I helped my husbands best friend and his family plan his wedding..I had a front row seat for ALL the preps, shopping and expenditures. The wedding cost $175,000 and lasted 18 days. They were filing for divorce on their one month anniversary.
His second wedding was done at the masjid with small dinner reception at a restaurant lol.
As I said, its fine if you can afford it. If I had the money i would have even my mehndi at a hotel. But I had to have it at home (in Pakistan). We did have the wedding at a hotel but thank God it was done in the days when no food was allowed at wPddings in Pakistan unless it was inside your own home. So we fed close friends family at home. I have seen most desi weddings at hotels in the US. However, someone I knew had her son's nikah at a community hall. Maybe I will go that route for my kids' weddings if we can't afford it. But people in Pakistan can easily have $20-25 k weddings meaning 20-25 lakh and that wouldn't even be extravagant.
A midrange hotel in my city (Marriott) charges appx $35/pp. That is JUST for the banquet hall rental, tables, chairs etc. Catering is seperate...another $15-$20 a head. Stage decor extra. For the average indo/pak wedding with 300 people that comes to about $20,000 right there for just 1 function. It doesn't even factor in clothes, jewelry, mehndi, mayoun, gifts, photographer, video etc.
When I got married, I didn't even have a professional photographer. I told my Ammi no, I didn't need or want it. My mamoo, who does photography as a hobby and is an amateur took our pictures lol. And the wedding still cost appx $25K, even though we did the bare minimum of what is considered "normal", scaled back the guest list, called in every favor, connection, hookup we could find and had zero jahaiz or barri.
I am also vehemently against going into debt for extravagant weddings, but I have seen it with my own eyes. I helped my husbands best friend and his family plan his wedding..I had a front row seat for ALL the preps, shopping and expenditures. The wedding cost $175,000 and lasted 18 days. They were filing for divorce on their one month anniversary.
His second wedding was done at the masjid with small dinner reception at a restaurant lol.
A midrange hotel in my city (Marriott) charges appx $35/pp. That is JUST for the banquet hall rental, tables, chairs etc. Catering is seperate...another $15-$20 a head. Stage decor extra. For the average indo/pak wedding with 300 people that comes to about $20,000 right there for just 1 function. It doesn't even factor in clothes, jewelry, mehndi, mayoun, gifts, photographer, video etc.
When I got married, I didn't even have a professional photographer. I told my Ammi no, I didn't need or want it. My mamoo, who does photography as a hobby and is an amateur took our pictures lol. And the wedding still cost appx $25K, even though we did the bare minimum of what is considered "normal", scaled back the guest list, called in every favor, connection, hookup we could find and had zero jahaiz or barri.
I am also vehemently against going into debt for extravagant weddings, but I have seen it with my own eyes. I helped my husbands best friend and his family plan his wedding..I had a front row seat for ALL the preps, shopping and expenditures. The wedding cost $175,000 and lasted 18 days. They were filing for divorce on their one month anniversary.
His second wedding was done at the masjid with small dinner reception at a restaurant lol.
Omg 175k and divorce in one month what a waste. I'm going to be nosy and ask why did they divorce so soon.
Omg 175k and divorce in one month what a waste. I'm going to be nosy and ask why did they divorce so soon.
It was pure stupidity. It was obvious from the start, as soon as they got engaged that this jori was doomed. They fought and bickered about the typical stuff "your mom said this to me..." "I want to wear this color, not that" "Why didn't you go sit next to my mom.."
The families kept trying to one up each other with their shaadi preps, and then would fight about the money, who was paying for what, how much stuff cost....when the wedding festivities were starting, we even pulled the groom aside and said "You know you don't **have **to do this right...it's not to late to call it off if you're having doubts", but he was caught up in the whole "log kya kahengay" crap and was convinced that everything would be ok. The two families were fighting up until the day of the nikkah...still got married, the couple left for the honeymoon, came back 10 days later.....took the dulhan to her new home in another state and by the end the week she was back at her maika ready to call it quits. Apparently she was still upset about some shopping/money issues, got into a tit for tat with his mom and it escalated into a big ordeal.
So yea, extravagance doesn't equate to happiness and marital bliss if that's what your basing your worth on.
If extravagant weddings can't guarantee happy marriages then neither can small scale weddings. A person should be allowed to have the kind of wedding they want, no matter how big or small it may be to others.
It was pure stupidity. It was obvious from the start, as soon as they got engaged that this jori was doomed. They fought and bickered about the typical stuff "your mom said this to me..." "I want to wear this color, not that" "Why didn't you go sit next to my mom.."
The families kept trying to one up each other with their shaadi preps, and then would fight about the money, who was paying for what, how much stuff cost....when the wedding festivities were starting, we even pulled the groom aside and said "You know you don't **have **to do this right...it's not to late to call it off if you're having doubts", but he was caught up in the whole "log kya kahengay" crap and was convinced that everything would be ok. The two families were fighting up until the day of the nikkah...still got married, the couple left for the honeymoon, came back 10 days later.....took the dulhan to her new home in another state and by the end the week she was back at her maika ready to call it quits. Apparently she was still upset about some shopping/money issues, got into a tit for tat with his mom and it escalated into a big ordeal.
So yea, extravagance doesn't equate to happiness and marital bliss if that's what your basing your worth on.
The parents were to blame the most, IMO. They should have put a stop to it when they themselves were fighting with their samdhis. But like I said the "log kya kahengay" and "itni sab taiyaari hogayi hai, uska kya" weighs heavily in our culture.
The parents were to blame the most, IMO. They should have put a stop to it when they themselves were fighting with their samdhis. But like I said the "log kya kahengay" and "itni sab taiyaari hogayi hai, uska kya" weighs heavily in our culture.
This. I think the biggest thing wrong with our community, in my opinion, is "log kya kahengay".
