Cost of weddings

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Cost of weddings

Here's my take on it (and it's probably my ABCD'd upbringing lol)...I agree that goray people don't give a rat's behind about who did what or spent how much at their wedding....everyone does their own thing and that's that. I am of the opinion that simplicity and saadghi is the way to go, because I've seen too many families literally put themselves into debt over this nonsense of "keeping up".

I don't fault anyone for doing the opposite. You want to have a $100K Platinum Wedding...go for it, meri bhala se.

My problem is with the assertions that have been made in this thread about "every bride wants to be a princess and have the best of the branded, high dollar weddings blah blah blah blah" No.....not every bride wants, needs or cares for that. The idea being put forward here that the material things will secure happiness is what frustrates me.

And yes, I realize it's only one person in this thread really saying that, but if you go to the wedding forums, you'll find a thousand more with that thinking. It's an inherent flaw in our culture, that we NEED to have extravagant weddings.

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even in gora's if they are showing off , no one likes them ! one of my colleagues got married and was pretty loud about the whole wedding being in Venice and people made a laughing stock out of him for being such a show off ..

I will speak from my experience if not from a general experience, extravagant weddings and dowry arent two different concepts ! in my case I decided to go for a non designer , pretty simple lengha and the faksters around me questioned me to death on my sanity !

Its a fact that its hard to think of finances in that moment , but there are many many girls out there who start dreaming about having a big fat wedding .. who does the pressure fall back on? the parents?

This year my sister got married and I was shocked to see the prices of the bridal wear .. the extravagance eventually spills into every aspect of the lives of the rest of us. Thats where I dont condone throwing money aimlessly .. Waise I dont have anything against the rich people, they got the money, they use it the way they like. But just dont create issues or wrong expectations in the society in general through their actions ..

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Khattichic and Chicken biryani:

I don't disagree with what you're saying but I've to say I don't have the experience either as Sweetmoi so kindly pointed out, I don't have desi knowledge pr say. And I think I'd like to clarify that my first post was only intended as a reminder for *"each to his own" *- It was not to bash the low cost nor the extravagants.

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:rotfl:

You got married in the good old’ days when things were simpler. or I think we are pretty simple ppl in Dk.

Chalo apni blog mein wapis jaldi jaldi

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churail :grumpy:

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muahahhaa..

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I am happy you feel you can expect these outlandish thoughts and ideas from me. I feel good about my actions. In fact, I feel so good I want eeeeeeeerybody on the same page someday. It won't happen in my lifetime I bet but someday it will.

You know the worst thing about extravagant weddings? People barely listen to the Nikah...its treated as a formality and gotten over with as soon as possible so people can watch the circus...speeches, dances, couple dances, toasts, cake cutting, processions, entry marna, etc. No one even pays attention in the audience.

The big princess wedding is an illusion people...you're NOT a princess and he is not a prince. You're not the only focus of his life and neither is he yours. Its not okay to be bridezillas. It is not a "to each their own" when society as a whole is impacted by your actions. Its not okay to spend 5K on a wedding cake.

Guys, I get it that many of us can afford it but that doesn't mean its a good thing. I do realize y'all don't like my take on it but people really need to step outside the box now...stop dreaming of ten foot stages where all eyes are on you and him and you're both glowing. It ain't glow, its the 7000 watt bulb your photographer has on you. Don't desire to be fair on your wedding day, desire to be yourself. Biryani is usually made with the same Shan masala everywhere. The wedding DAY madness will never make sense to me. People take an entire year to plan these things...I find that mind boggling...who needs a year to put together a wedding? Its not exactly rocket science.

This stuff is not important and should not be important...I wish people would just make it black and white instead of forcing gray areas. How many girls complain about issues that came up during their weddings? So and so did this to me, didn't give me enough gold, made fun of my gold, his sister threw a fit, his mother never asked my mother for dinner, etc.

And no, I don't expect you or many of you to understand this...some I can tell totally get it but most will not. If it took me 3 weeks to convince my own family...I can only imagine what other people think.

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So true about the Nikkah Reha! It really peeves me about how its almost an afterthought!!!

What's even sadder is all the preparations that go into being a "bride", but what about being a "wife"? I wish, especially here in the US, there was manditory pre marital counseling for couples prior to the nikkah. Our imam required it, and it was the smartest thing my husband and I ever did.

These Disney prince/princess syndrome wallay log need to realize that all that jazz will be over in a split second, but what what about the rest of your lives?

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I do get the idea that a person should spend what they can afford - spending within your own individual budgetary means on a wedding.

But the concept of israaf goes beyond the relative spending power of the individual (for one person $100,000 doesn't matter and for another $1,000 is outside of affordability) and is a more absolute concept. The idea is to not be wasteful. So while couple A can afford a $100,000 wedding - such a wedding may still be wasteful.

I've always believed that a wedding should not be about the wedding day but about the marriage - the families should be celebrating the union of two people and two families as opposed to trying to put on a grand production. And yes, unfortunately these days the celebration takes a back seat to the grand production.

Ah, and going back to one of the topics close to my heart - the couples that say: **no boxed gifts **- sadly, they're usually the ones who throw the grandest party and then expect their guests to pay for the privilege of attending their wedding. The worst are those who thoo-thoo if the cash gift received doesn't cover the cost of the guest's meal they paid for.

At the end of the day - celebrate your wedding - but do so in a way that is meaningful and not wasteful.

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:k:

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All I'd need is good food. I am a man of simple needs.

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Who is that one person ? ;)

Everyone has their own personalities so you don't have to force your thinking on others.

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Who am I forcing my opinion on?

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I agree with most of your points. However, "the no boxed gift" isn't bad idea and but I do agree with you about the fact some couples think that the guests should pay them for attending and the food. That is plain dumb on the couples part, I remember reading that article I think. It should simply be taken as a gift no matter what the amount is.

I find the idea of no boxes a good one because in our desi weddings gift registries don't work at all and if they were to happen most of them would end up getting the same thing or getting a different brand of the one you wanted and total ignore what you have written. How many times has it happened in desi weddings when you invite Mr and Mrs only and they end up bringing the family and kids as well. LOL! It just won't work. Or if they don't have the registry and their isn't a no box restriction, can you imagine the amount of useless stuff the couple get and and all the same crystal dishes lol.

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My opinion on boxed gifts is my own and no amount of rationalizing the utility of cash will ever change my mind. If one is so concerned with not getting duplicate gifts than they should ask to not get ANY gifts at all as opposed to specifying that their guests give them a cash gift.

Again, my personal philosophy is that a guest is invited to help celebrate your wedding, not to help the wedding couple furnish their home, pay for their car/downpayment or honeymoon.

But given the number of threads opened on this topic over the years, I've accepted that others think differently and so it is to each his/her own shrugs

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Yeah I get what you are saying. When I was younger and I saw that on the card I was kind of shocked lol, but perhaps I've grown used to the idea. I guess because whenever you go to someones wedding you do give them some kind of gift, so why not money rather than spending the same on something they may not use. I once saw an invite which asked to donate to their chosen charity and I am drawn to the idea and might use it when I get married.

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I know of aunties who find the idea of even gift registries offensive and will make a point of not buying something from the list..

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I kind of agree with the no boxed gifts. What if people just give like cheap tacky gifts? Why shouldn't the couple say fine just give us cash? If people are actually buying gifts, they will probably spend like 200 on a gift, might as well give 200 cash instead. The couple can buy something they want.

Im going to disagree with alot of people here. I think if you have the money, and your financially stable, go ahead and enjoy your day. Its like going on vacation, you can go to hawaii or europe, OR you can go on a cruise for $600. its what ur comfortable with spending. I personally think, most people only get a wedding once. If you can afford it and if you WANT to, go ahead. Only thing I completely disagree with is going into debt for a wedding.

Americans spend as well, Its just the way they choose to spend is different. They will spend 20k on a diamond ring. They will almost always go on a honeymoon and have a bachlor party/have an open bar and a photo booth and candy station. Pakistani people will spend 20K on gold and some dont go on a honeymoon.

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^ Then the couple graciously says thank you to the cheap tacky gift and moves on with their life, since neither a crockpot from the 70s nor $200 is going to help the happy couple live a happy life.

Grace is accepting a gift no matter what it is because it is a waitforit a GIFT!!!

When someone specifies what they want - it is no longer a gift and instead becomes an entrance fee to participate in the spectacle that is a wedding.

Again, my two cents :chai:

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I agree with CPA.

if you have the money why not. people go to vacations...that cost lot of money too..turkey, hawaii..ettccc..