Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
Like I said before you should seriously reconsider your decision if you know you will never be comfortable in wearing those types of clothes. A guy like him will never take no for answering if he isn't understanding you right now. Rather than resenting him later on in life, set clear ground rules now or reconsider.
Everyone has their on set boundaries and what they are comfortable in and that could be very liberal, mixture of liberal and conservative or very conservative dressing sense. So it doesn't make sense if a liberal person marries a conservative person because they will have a lot of arguments that can be avoided especially when you have already realised from his talks that he won't take no for answer.
When did I say he doesn't understand me? OK stop making assumption... He agreed to praying 5 times a day on my request... We will do things the way it works for both of us so no worries..
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
Lady, I don't know if you're really this dense or still just playing the part and living up to your nick by trolling us, but you're not making any sense here.
1.) Grooming yourself and looking nice has NOTHING to do with wearing revealing clothing that puts you out of your comfort zone. Why do you keep equating the two?
2.)"Jaisa des waisa bhes"? Seriously? Me thinks you need to lay off the Bollywood.
3.) Ummm...so in order to "keep your man from looking outside" and "fulfill his needs" you have to comply with his nonsensical requests?
Which talk show did you learn that from?
It doesn't sound like you have one iota of self respect in you. Or else you're just trolling. In which case, carry on.
Negotiation doesn't mean that I am agreeing with him on everything... GOSH! We can both find common grounds, it is not impossible to do so...
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
So it doesn't make sense if a liberal person marries a conservative person because they will have a lot of arguments that can be avoided especially when you have already realised from his talks that he won't take no for answer.
Why does it come down to leaving the person? Your suggestion is ridiculous... I am flexible where I need to be nor I am giving up on my self respect. I completely understand why he has requested me that so don't start another topic...
You both are already molding each other to become the person you envision before marriage reeks trouble. You with his namaaz and him with his dresscode. It is a dresscode because he wants you to wear what he likes not what you are comfortable in or this thread wouldn't be here. Perhaps invest in a session or two of counseling in how to accept each other the way you are because after marriage this habits gets ugly.
Khatti I liked at that Cuban girl comment... you have balls of steel. Well figurative ones.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
So people respect you more if your covered from head to toes? yeah??? Is that your soch?
Um...isn't that also your soch? If you don't agree with this soch, then why are you so worried about your fiance "requiring" you to expose yourself every now and then and often enough to the rest of the world? Why are you now trying to "downplay" this requirement when you considered it to be enough of an issue to create a thread on it. :/
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
Someone gave me really awesome suggestion:
1- If you are in desi community and wearing short or revealing dress.... and people around you are not dressing in same revealing dress as you... I will think... he is showing you off.
(but if his family liberal, its mean he is not showing off)
2 - Kionkay unko sirf apni hi bv say matlab hota hia... aur woh chahty hian kay unki bv piyari lagai... achi feeling aur khushi hoti hia....piyar aata hia...
3- she can wear short dresses (if she is among Western people, no starring problem/tharak pan ) I will be okay. but if one is giving her dirty look or some kind of stare. I would ask her to avoid the idea of short dresses...)
I'd rather have a guy who wants to adore me than a guy who wants to hide me home and do everything outside with another girl...
Which option is a better pick for me? However, I just wanted to understand things from his perspective.
Who gave you these bongay-tareen perspectives? Especially # 2....all that piyaar...blech.
Just because a woman is not wearing revealing clothes in public doesn't mean that her husband is hiding her at home and will have an affair. And if wearing revealing clothes in public guarantied faithfulness in marriage, the goriyon k husbands would be the most faithful; never cheating on their wives.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
The problem here is that everyone is going to the extremist level... People are acting like if they are covering their faces, eyes, feet, and etc... I heard all the time how men complain to women to cover this and cover that because that's what they do outside of the house look at other women. Why can't their be a balance? If he has requested me to wear a short dress then I can wear leggings or tights with it... In this way, I am sticking to my dress code by not revealing my skin and making him happy at the same time.
In any relationship, you work together to make each other happy! Yes, it was an issue to me because I have not encountered a guy who was this liberal.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
You both are already molding each other to become the person you envision before marriage reeks trouble. You with his namaaz and him with his dresscode. It is a dresscode because he wants you to wear what he likes not what you are comfortable in or this thread wouldn't be here. Perhaps invest in a session or two of counseling in how to accept each other the way you are because after marriage this habits gets ugly.
Khatti I liked at that Cuban girl comment... you have balls of steel. Well figurative ones.
He is not changing me.... He wants me to dress in a manner that he likes in a special occasion... There is nothing wrong with molding each other the way we like... If we are fine with it then you should not have any problem. lolll
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
My concern was why is he not jealous about revealing me front of public because I would be... Women tend to be more possessive in general and insecure when other girls check them out.
He is not changing me.... He wants me to dress in a manner that he likes in a special occasion... There is nothing wrong with molding each other the way we like... If we are fine with it then you should not have any problem. lolll
If there is nothing wrong with it, why did you start this thread? Agreed there is nothing wrong with molding each other and expressing to one one another personal likes and dislikes but he is asking you to do something which, at the beginning of the thread, you acknowledged you were not comfortable with and now you are saying there's nothing wrong with it? Make up your mind.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
Um...isn't that also your soch? If you don't agree with this soch, then why are you so worried about your fiance "requiring" you to expose yourself every now and then and often enough to the rest of the world? Why are you now trying to "downplay" this requirement when you considered it to be enough of an issue to create a thread on it. :/
Redvelvet, I respect people in general... Doesn't matter if they are covered or not.
It is fine to dress up on special occasions and still look decent. With this thread, I wanted to understand his mentality on this topic.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
If there is nothing wrong with it, why did you start this thread? Agreed there is nothing wrong with molding each other and expressing to one one another personal likes and dislikes but he is asking you to do something which, at the beginning of the thread, you acknowledged you were not comfortable with and now you are saying there's nothing wrong with it? Make up your mind.
You guys are thinking to the extreme level... If he wanted me to wear a short dress, I can also wear legging or tights to cover it yet I am still perserving my personality! Here is the solution.
Ok I have a serious solution. Tell him that you will do that if he also agrees to wear revealing, skin tight, crotch hugging outfits. I am sure he will disagree, and you would be able to back out also.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
At the end of the day, I am the one who needs to decide... From my life experience, I have seen men checking out other women and oppressing their wives at home to not wear this or that.... Better to have a guy like him who is not forcing me. He politely told me what he likes which I didn't understand in the beginning. I am only going to wear clothes that I am comfortable in with dignity and try to accommodate his request.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
BSB posted a question, received loads of replies of varying viewpoints and found a solution she is comfortable with based on the variety of replies she received. I suppose one can never really be right here on GS. People are never happy with the outcome.
If a poster posts a question and asks for advice but holds on to their view and doesn’t find a solution to their question, the response is “You’re not accepting any of the advice that was given to you, why did you even post this thread?” Similarly, if a poster posts a question and asks for advice and finds a solution and changes their view a bit, the response is “Make up your mind, didn’t you just say xyz thing earlier and now you changed your mind? Why did you even post this thread?” Damned if you do, damned if you don’t, I guess. :no:
