Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
Alright guys....mocking her is getting old. She takes her time to respond in a constructive way to other folks' problems/threads. Why not extend the same courtesy to her? It is not hard.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
duh.. then would you know about bombshellbomb being hot and yet conservative, torn between her duty to please her amazing hasbandrubberband who is a super rich bad boy but in a good way?
no. so just say thank you.
And then.. and then I wouldn't have created BB specific meme. Bombshellbomb will not rest until we all are convinced of her hotness.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
Alright guys....mocking her is getting old. She takes her time to respond in a constructive way to other folks' problems/threads. Why not extend the same courtesy to her? It is not hard.
why not post like a human bean and not do a ton of bragging under the guise of "i have a problem".
i guess you have forgotten the whole "i went to a hijaban only party and they were all naked" threads by OP.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
ok..:sid:
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
^Because that is HIS personality. Just as your have your personality, he has his. He probably isn't jealous as he feels quite secure in himself and probably feels he has nothing to be jealous about.
Alright fine. Let's take jealousy out. You can't call him "secure." I, for one, don't find to be all that secure. A guy who is secure with himself and with his wife's beliefs will not require her to compromise her beliefs to "fit in" or gain the approval of a vast majority of strangers that have no bearing on their lives and who will have no issues if she prefers keep her shoulders, legs, and cleavage under wraps. That's what an insecure guy does.
Sorry BB, I know you "lowe" him, but I find him off-putting.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
He wants me to dress up like that front of goras from what I understand. Yes, I think it has to do with "fitting in" with western culture more than anything else. Jaisa des wasa behais.
BSB, you shouldn't have to do anything or wear anything that you are not 100% comfortable with. Nowhere does it say that you should compromise on your core beliefs. If you're fiance really is the perfect gem, he should understand that and not pressure you to wear clothes you feel are revealing, no matter who the audience is.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
why not post like a human bean and not do a ton of bragging under the guise of "i have a problem".
i guess you have forgotten the whole "i went to a hijaban only party and they were all naked" threads by OP.
I'd be interested to know what a "human bean" looks like.
BB, I'm just gonna reiterate what a lot of other people here have already said/implied. Talk to him and say that you aren't comfortable with wearing what he wants you to wear. Try to find a middle ground if possible. "Fitting in" doesn't necessarily mean wearing revealing clothing. There are plenty of classy and stylish outfits that are fairly modest in nature.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
Alright fine. Let's take jealousy out. You can't call him "secure." I, for one, don't find to be all that secure. A guy who is secure with himself and with his wife's beliefs will not require her to compromise her beliefs to "fit in" or gain the approval of a vast majority of strangers that have no bearing on their lives and who will have no issues if she prefers keep her shoulders, legs, and cleavage under wraps. That's what an insecure guy does.
^There are various aspects of security and whether we like to admit it or not, we are all insecure in some aspects, while being secure in others.
BSB's fiance may be secure in that he knows his fiance/future wife wants to be with him and will not leave him and thus, is not concerned about other guys finding her attractive as he knows he has nothing to worry about in that department. That said, he may be insecure in other areas. As we don't know him, we can't say.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
^Because that is HIS personality. Just as your have your personality, he has his. He probably isn't jealous as he feels quite secure in himself and probably feels he has nothing to be jealous about.
I kind of agree with you. I was just debating whether it is about showing me off in public but the truth is that his personality is shaped this way. He wants me to dress up in special ways front of him in public so I can blend in. The part I was struggling with whether it is normal for men to think this way. From your post, I feel it is... All the Paki men I have encountered were very conservative in their thoughts so this came very unusual... I don't think he has requested me to dress up this way front of desis as they'd give me the most dirty looks even if I am fully covered... I don't know if I'd be comfortable in wearing dresses front of goras but I'd probably have to try it to find out since I do want to make him happy. I hope my personality doesn't get change in the way... His answer was that you are living in the U.S and everyone dresses up like that....
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
^There are various aspects of security and whether we like to admit it or not, we are all insecure in some aspects, while being secure in others.
BSB's fiance may be secure in that he knows his fiance/future wife wants to be with him and will not leave him and thus, is not concerned about other guys finding her attractive as he knows he has nothing to worry about in that department. That said, he may be insecure in other areas. As we don't know him, we can't say.
My concern was why is he not jealous about revealing me front of public because I would be... Women tend to be more possessive in general and insecure when other girls check them out.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
OP I find this very odd. My hubby is very conservative when it comes to my dressing (I.e.: out in public, skinny jeans are fine but with a long top, no short dresses, no singlet tops etc- which I didn't even wear before my nikkah anyway). But the point is that his reason is that I am HIS wife and therefore cannot stand any other guy staring (he loses it if someone does). So I am genuinely confused as to WHY your fiancé would expect you to dress in a manner that would draw the attention of others negatively? If a guy loves you, wants you to be his wife, he will not want other males ogling you- that is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend. Not to mention that Islam does not allow us to dress the way your fiancé wants you to. Honestly it seems to me that if he is so insistent about this it could be a deal breaker because he is asking you to compromise your modesty. It doesn't make sense.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
I kind of agree with you. I was just debating whether it is about showing me off in public but the truth is that his personality is shaped this way. He wants me to dress up in special ways front of him in public so I can blend in. The part I was struggling with whether it is normal for men to think this way. From your post, I feel it is... All the Paki men I have encountered were very conservative in their thoughts so this came very unusual... I don't think he has requested me to dress up this way front of desis as they'd give me the most dirty looks even if I am fully covered... I don't know if I'd be comfortable in wearing dresses front of goras but I'd probably have to try it to find out since I do want to make him happy. I hope my personality doesn't get change in the way... His answer was that you are living in the U.S and everyone dresses up like that....
^Whether it is normal or not depends on the person. Some people are more liberal in terms of dress or behaving in a certain way, while others are more conservative. My husband is quite liberal as well and isn't bothered by clothing and things of that nature. From what you've described, it sounds as if this is your fiance's personality as well. Jealousy is similar. Some people are naturally not very jealous and that's part of their personality.
Now, whether you should change and do something you're not comfortable with is another matter. Personally, I think you should do what you are comfortable with. I think the issue here seems to be a difference in overall personality, not just preferences in clothing.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
My concern was why is he not jealous about revealing me front of public because I would be... Women tend to be more possessive in general and insecure when other girls check them out.
Because you are WITH him. It is clear to the rest of the men that you are his gal. What's there to be jealous of? When husband and I have a date night and I doll up, he makes sure he holds my hand throughout the night. It is too cute.. He doesn't want anyone to think I am "available." This may be the case with your fiance.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
^There are various aspects of security and whether we like to admit it or not, we are all insecure in some aspects, while being secure in others.
BSB's fiance may be secure in that he knows his fiance/future wife wants to be with him and will not leave him and thus, is not concerned about other guys finding her attractive as he knows he has nothing to worry about in that department. That said, he may be insecure in other areas. As we don't know him, we can't say.
Mezghan, it's not about BB leaving him. Just because a woman receives a lot of attention from other men doesn't have to mean that she'll leave her husband. If she herself does not want to draw more attention to herself and if she doesn't want to compromise her religious beliefs (provided it's because of religion) .....it's a pretty chitty thing to "require" her to do so just so you can fit in and gain the approval of a bunch of strangers....who once again have no bearing on their lives....and are prolly more confident/secure in their dressing style and beliefs than OP's husband-to-be.
I don't understand it, Mezghan. She doesn't feel comfortable doing this....so why are you trying to justify/encourage the shedding of her clothes?
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
I kind of agree with you. I was just debating whether it is about showing me off in public but the truth is that his personality is shaped this way. He wants me to dress up in special ways front of him in public so I can blend in. The part I was struggling with whether it is normal for men to think this way. From your post, I feel it is... All the Paki men I have encountered were very conservative in their thoughts so this came very unusual... I don't think he has requested me to dress up this way front of desis as they'd give me the most dirty looks even if I am fully covered... I don't know if I'd be comfortable in wearing dresses front of goras but I'd probably have to try it to find out since I do want to make him happy. I hope my personality doesn't get change in the way... His answer was that you are living in the U.S and everyone dresses up like that....
First of all not everyone in the US dresses up like that. I think if I was in your situation I would reconsider my decision about marrying him because he is making me compromise on my belief and what I am comfortable in. When he says we will discuss later and stuff means he will never give up on you wearing those clothes and after marriage you will be under more pressure to do what he says. You would find it harder to not agree with him.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
I don't understand it, Mezghan. She doesn't feel comfortable doing this....so why are you trying to justify/encourage the shedding of her clothes?
Where have I suggested she blindly agree to everything her fiance requests? I simply gave a possible reason for why her fiance is not as bothered as she is, which is what she was asking about.
I believe you missed this part:
Now, whether you should change and do something you're not comfortable with is another matter. Personally, I think you should do what you are comfortable with. I think the issue here seems to be a difference in overall personality, not just preferences in clothing.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
Someone gave me really awesome suggestion:
1- If you are in desi community and wearing short or revealing dress.... and people around you are not dressing in same revealing dress as you... I will think... he is showing you off.
(but if his family liberal, its mean he is not showing off)
2 - Kionkay unko sirf apni hi bv say matlab hota hia... aur woh chahty hian kay unki bv piyari lagai... achi feeling aur khushi hoti hia....piyar aata hia...
3- she can wear short dresses (if she is among Western people, no starring problem/tharak pan ) I will be okay. but if one is giving her dirty look or some kind of stare. I would ask her to avoid the idea of short dresses...)
I'd rather have a guy who wants to adore me than a guy who wants to hide me home and do everything outside with another girl...
Which option is a better pick for me? However, I just wanted to understand things from his perspective.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
Can I please get some HONEST and MATURE feedback from men!!! Why the hell would I want to wear clothes that are revealing? I always believed in covering yourself and all the exposing is for the husband... I think I am enough stylish with decency but this fiancee of mine DEFINITELY suggests me what would look good on me and BLAH BLAH? I have told him that I can show him in private but not in public. His answer was that everyone is so used to wearing these clothes in the west that nobody cares... I am trying to adjust and be flexible but I thought women needs to have some "haaya" ....
two points got overlooked in discussion . first, you said in prev thread you and him share same values. now howcome he had this overnight change in values. Secondly in this post bsb clearly asks only men to offer their opinion. bsb now i understand the real cause behind global warming. #bsbhotnessglobalwarming . can you tell hubs2b that unless he wants hellhot temperatures on earth, he do not request you what hes requesting.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
Asking you to wear short/revealing clothing in front of goray = adoring you...ahaan. Got it.
Re: Conservative to Moderate , Moderate to Liberal
two points got overlooked in discussion . first, you said in prev thread you and him share same values. now howcome he had this overnight change in values. Secondly in this post bsb clearly asks only men to offer their opinion. bsb now i understand the real cause behind global warming. #bsbhotnessglobalwarming . can you tell hubs2b that unless he wants hellhot temperatures on earth, he do not request you what hes requesting.
Mental compatibility is still there but now we are digging down to specifics. He loves my dressing and style. I want to travel everywhere with my husband but I had no clue that he would expect me to dress up a certain way within a certain atmosphere. It is something new to me, something i feel uncomfortable with, but I just wanted to understand his standpoint.