Honestly if having a tattoo is more important to you then go get one. Hang out with men and do what you want. It's not that he is right and you're wrong (I personally see no issue in harmless socializing between sexes, saying salaam to a male and speaking politely to him is not haraam).
But if his values and yours are THAT different then you've ruined two lives - his and your own. And it was really his responsibility to make sure you had values he was looking for. If he made his choice on superficial stuff like looks then he has no right to complain about the difference in religious ideas.
Either you guys Compromise and live together or part ways. If you have kids you'll be arguing with him forever about religion in front of the kids.
These sound like pretty big differences in values and ideas. Why did you marry him then if he doesn't think like you?
Lemme guess?
$, house, family status, family name, his education (not because you care what he studied but because it makes you look good), social connections, similar tribe (ex same type of Punjabi)
Wow! Way to judge someone! Just because you are looking for those things doesn't mean everyone is (or get married to someone for those reasons). The OP is 20, much younger than most of us to understand family politics and lifestyle drama.
Why do you say I'm looking for those things? Where have I said those things matter to me?
youre the one who has rejected Islam my friend and if your readings of my blogs are anything like how you read the Quran (ie imagine things) then no wonder you're no longer muslim.
Why do you say I'm looking for those things? Where have I said those things matter to me?
youre the one who has rejected Islam my friend and if your readings of my blogs are anything like how you read the Quran (ie imagine things) then no wonder you're no longer muslim.
Wow! Way to judge someone! Just because you are looking for those things doesn't mean everyone is (or get married to someone for those reasons). The OP is 20, much younger than most of us to understand family politics and lifestyle drama.
*Why do you say I'm looking for those things? Where have I said those things matter to me? *
youre the one who has rejected Islam my friend and if your readings of my blogs are anything like how you read the Quran (ie imagine things) then no wonder you're no longer muslim.
Neither has the OP so why did you assume she married the guy for those things? When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you.
OP, saying that you will NEVER change, is an understatement. there is no such thing as something never changing.
and yes, religion does affect a person's life, everyday, especially if you are married. you are your own example of that !!!!! this thread was created because you and your husband are having disagreements over religion. so does that not mean it is affecting you as a couple?
if you really do think that you will always stay the way you are now, then these fights will only progress unless one of you caves to the other
I have told them this repeatedly. I get mad when they say this. but then they tell me that I haven't seen the future and I might. I have told them that I will NEVER change. and they told me that in marriage you don't really need to be compatible religiously. Like I don't mind the kids being raised muslim, just don't expect me to do it. Just don't bring up religion at all with me and we will be fine.
How mch does religion really influence everyday life for couples?
If you're Muslim and practising of course it'll affect everyday life. When kids come along he'll want you to read namaz so that they have that example there. Go to jummah so that the kids experience the community in Islam. At eid read eid namaz. When the girls are growing up introduce hijab. Instruct the boys about how to follow sunnah. Religion plays a big part. You think you can reach your children Islam when you don't practice it? Your girl will wear hijab when you wear tank tops? Don't be so naive. Your husband will blame you when your children want tattoos, and hang out with guys and do whatever else you think is acceptable but won't be to him because its not acceptable in Islam. Marriage isn't a friendship. Its a commitment where two people HAVE to be on the same team.
*‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “May Allaah curse the women who do tattoos and those for whom tattoos are done, those who pluck their eyebrows and those who file their teeth for the purpose of beautification and alter the creation of Allaah.” (al-Bukhaari,al-Libaas, 5587; Muslim, al-Libaas, 5538). ***
Thanks, I knew about tattoo and eyebrows. Some things are unnecessary but what's wrong with personal grooming? We need to be presentable, it's not like we are living in a jungle.
Being presentable is fine. Its encouraged. Just don't do eyebrows. I really struggled with it I won't lie but now that I've just stopped I feel fine with it. Bushy eyebrows are not the end of your world lol. I'm not going to hell for bloody eyebrows. Look at the big picture. It gets easier when you see the end goal :)
Why do you say I'm looking for those things? Where have I said those things matter to me?
youre the one who has rejected Islam my friend and if your readings of my blogs are anything like how you read the Quran (ie imagine things) then no wonder you're no longer muslim.
Sorry you have a blog? Really? How do I read it? :)
^Tattoos are haram, false eyelashes are haram, coloured contacts are haram, some hair extensions are haram.. The vast majority of us are sinning but it's easier to point fingers at others..
Ehhhh idk. The difference between all of these and tattoos is that contacts, eyelashes, hair extensions etc can be taken off/removed quite easily. Tattoos can be removed too but it's extremely time consuming, painful and expensive (just like getting them! Hay! )
There isn’t one way to define maturity. Someone could be intellectually mature but emotionally immature. Someone could be mature enough to excel in school/job but too immature to handle a relationship. When I was 20, I wasn’t mature at all to handle marriage but I was a good student and a good daughter. There are plenty of mature 20 year olds ready for marriage but for every one of those there are two immature 20 year olds not ready for marriage. Everyone is different and we should really understand that instead of trying to beat someone up for not behaving how we want them to behave.
Ehhhh idk. The difference between all of these and tattoos is that contacts, eyelashes, hair extensions etc can be taken off/removed quite easily. Tattoos can be removed too but it's extremely time consuming, painful and expensive (just like getting them! Hay! )
Removing them is a hassle but getting them isn't particularly painful or difficult (unless you're getting it done in a sensitive area or something like a sleeve or Cheryl Cole's bum tattoo).. Skin bleaching is changing Allah's creation and it's often harmful when done long-term.. Plucking eyebrows can lead to permanent loss yet every other auntie is fine with that.. Plucking eyebrows was linked to prostitution in early Islam but cause it's common in our culture it's acceptable.. It's not fair to single out tattoos and conveniently ignore all the other stuff just because it suits us..
There isn't one way to define maturity. Someone could be intellectually mature but emotionally immature. Someone could be mature enough to excel in school/job but too immature to handle a relationship. When I was 20, I wasn't mature at all to handle marriage but I was a good student and a good daughter. There are plenty of mature 20 year olds ready for marriage but for every one of those there are two immature 20 year olds not ready for marriage. Everyone is different and we should really understand that instead of trying to beat someone up for not behaving how we want them to behave.
Yes everyone is different. She is an immature 20 year old. She can't handle relationships/doesn't understand them. There are others who at 20 were not immature. Its not beating someone up by pointing that out. I just said she was immature because you said she was young. Its not youth that's the problem here.
I have told them this repeatedly. I get mad when they say this. but then they tell me that I haven't seen the future and I might. I have told them that I will NEVER change. and they told me that in marriage you don't really need to be compatible religiously. Like I don't mind the kids being raised muslim, just don't expect me to do it. Just don't bring up religion at all with me and we will be fine.
How mch does religion really influence everyday life for couples?
IF you don't want to raise his kids Muslim then this is a pretty big deal. Children are not only his responsibility, they are yours as well.
You need to make a choice...either make a change in your life or have an open conversation with him that your paths are too different.
I think some of us who are older can forget just how pervasive parental pressure can be when we are young 19 and 20 year olds. When you've been inculcated with "elders know best" from birth and then threatened with being cut off or with causing ill health to an elder, it's easy to imagine that you'll be able to adapt to a situation that you later find untenable. Particularly, when, as in this case, OP has made the guy aware of the situation beforehand.
Yes, she should be more willing to compromise, and yes, she has a lot of growing up to do, but the guy was told what he was getting into, and sounds quite a bit like a visa hunter, and she was suffering from a mental illness at the time she agreed to this, because that's what an eating disorder is. She was not in a position to be able to agree to any sort of relationship or marriage, and if her parents knew about her eating disorder, then they should have been well aware of this.
Marriage is not a solution for children who are mentally or physically ill, gay, in love with someone else, rebellious, and so on, and the sooner desi parents realize this, the better.
