If neither of you are willing to compromise a bit - this marriage won’t last.
You need to seriously sit and think about your options here like a lot of people have already stated.
Since you don’t have any kids in the picture - if both of you come to a mutual agreement that this marriage won’t work, then walk away and find someone with similar beliefs and a lifestyle as yours when you are ready to commit to someone. These aren’t small issues but larger ones that might cause serious problems down the line if you have children.
There needs to be some level of understanding and similarities - enough so you two don’t kill each other when you have kids and have to decide on things concerning how they will be raised and what they can and cannot do. This is why the whole “it’s my life not his” doesn’t work always. Yes it’s your body and your life to do as you wish - but kids imitate what they see and since you two are on opposing sides here, it’s going to be problematic.
Well let’s wrap this thread up. It’s been almost a year to date since I last posted, and in the end I opted for filing a divorce. Looking back on things I have come to realize quite a bit. The reason the relationship didn’t work was mainly because we were too different. He was very traditional Pakistani and I am very liberal Pakistani Canadian. It eventually got soo bad I couldn’t think straight and was having a breakdowns because I couldn’t cope with the pressure of making it work from everybody, and I was going against what I really wanted. It is a sad sad thing to happen, not going to lie. I didn’t suffer as much as my dad did. Financially, emotionally and physically. His brother ended up being a real big prick and pretty much cut ties with my dad. My dad really loved the loser. The rest of his family still talk to him, but are still hostile. I just wish they would have taken it out on me, instead of my father. What is done and is done and at least we saw the true colors of our family.
it is so sad for others to suffer because two adults can’t get along. Can’t make the changes in life they need to. Comprise. My family went through something very similar. My mother lost her brother (only brother,) in the process.
You did what you needed to and that’s good. You had written earlier that you husband was fully aware of your liberal/non-religious lifestyle/view BEFORE the nikah but never objected to it or made it clear that he expected you to modify your behavior/beliefs after the nikah. The lesson learned from this is what if a person is aware of something in the other person (behavior, beliefs whatever) and has a problem with it…it needs to be mentioned and an agreement needs to be reached BEFORE the nikah. It’s ridiculous to marry someone and then reveal after that fact that they’re expected to change their behavior.
It’s sad that your dad was so negatively effected but that was not your fault. You can’t control other people’s behavior. Your dad’s brother being a jerk to him and cutting off ties means that rishta never meant much to him (dad’s brother) to begin with.
Seems you are asking question few years too late! In any case, Mrs. Chaudhry Sahab who was born and raised in US was conservative where as Chaudhry Sahab a true FoB was more like so called open minded, clubs, non-halal food, hiatus from namazain etc. Chaudrhy Sahab didnt tell all this to Mrs before marriage so first couple of years were tough but later Chaudhry Sahab conformed part because there was more peace at home and part getting old but I guess point is that these things should be discussed prior to marriage or trying to find a middle ground is the way to go or simply parting ways to find right people is the choice. Fighting or trying to make one conform to other is not healthy and parting way is better.
In the west a guy will live with you and try you out for several years before he commits, you need to put out for dozens to find that might be a right fit. If you like hanging with guys, tattoos and parties and stuff then you shouldn’t be opting for cultural weddings.
Mrs. and I have the opposite problem, I am more westernized in my thinking and she is very spiritual and we have an amazingly successful relationship, when she gets angry or frustrated at me, I have trained my mind to find it cute. I quit many vices for her and love her for that.
If he boys do anything bad she blames me for it, but then I look at many kids brought up in very religious homes and they are drug dealers.
Also I mostly associate with western people and these girls in committed relationships don’t hang out with other males.
Ever since I started going out with my SO atm, I have also don’t hang out with other guys lol. Don’t really feel the need too. I’m glad your relationship is going well :), but you need reasons to change or have some sort of motivation for it, and with my Ex-so I never felt the need to do so. Even with my current one, the beginning was really rough cause I realized I have major commitment issues, but I got past them because this kid was worth it. What were your reasons Alireza1?