same argument back at you...why can;'t you accept him the way he is...you want him to compromise with his religious beliefs and accept you while you don't wanna change your lifestyle to which you have no religious conviction.
i would say you guys aren't meant for each other. find someone else for your as well as his peace of mind.
Perhaps she does accept him the way he is? There's no mention of her stopping him from practising his religious beliefs and living how he chooses to..
If she accepts his right to only eat halal and follow a more conservative lifestyle I think it's only fair he reciprocates and allows her to do what she feels comfortable with..
Perhaps she does accept him the way he is? There's no mention of her stopping him from practising his religious beliefs and living how he chooses to..
If she accepts his right to only eat halal and follow a more conservative lifestyle I think it's only fair he reciprocates and allows her to do what she feels comfortable with..
Lmaaaaaooo he accepted me for my appearance, what a god send! But no he totally shouldn't accept me for my personality too... the thought is just so insane.
Hmm before marriage he accepted everything i told him and didnt make a big deal out of it. After marriage he started acting like my parent more than partner. So i guess that would be a no?
I even told him i am hanging out with my guy friends and kid was chill. Then after marriage he was like "you are married now."
I am sorry, I need to change my stance after this statement of yours. If he accepted everything about you before marriage and now he wants you to change to something different then he is at fault. He married you in the hope that he would be able to change you after the marriage. He was thinking that after marriage you would have to obey all his commands. He was looking at the opportunity to get immigration status of Canada and was willing to accept everything about you for that. Now since you are married to him he thinks it is time for him to start changing you. I do not know how can you get out of this rut and an age old issue between the kids who are being raised in the West and end up getting married to the conservative folks from their native country. It is not an issue among Pakistani families only. It is an issue with immigrant families and their non immigrant counter parts from their home countries where majority has conservative lifestyles.
I am out.
Hold up. And what if my reasons were he wants me to take of my hijab and go out in tank tops. What if my reason was that he wanted me to eat haram and make some guy friends. I am sure that everyone here would totally be alright with this right? Cause its not worth fighting*about and you guys would totally advise me to make those changes for him right?
Barking up the wrong tree here. My advice would still be the same because I am not religious. Learn to pick your battles. That is life.
All I can say is that if this thread was started by your husband telling us these things about you, I'd have said
الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي عَافَانِي مِمَّا ابْتَلَاكَ بِهِ وَفَضَّلَنِي عَلَى كَثِيرٍ مِمَّنْ خَلَقَ تَفْضِيلًا
1) Ask yourself how many women in Pakistan parade around in tank tops? Some cities in Pakistan are more conservative than others and factors like whether one belongs to the middle or upper class also play a role. But on the whole... even if you have never stepped foot in Pakistan....it ain't rocket scientist to know that someone born and raised in Pak will not be too accepting of tank tops. If you didn't realize this...then your parents should have thought about the difference between your lifestyle and his.
2) He COMPROMISED by accepting your existing tattoos. He is not forcing u to get rid of your existing body stamps. He is meeting you half-way by this acceptance. So now you should meet him half-way with the COMPROMISE that you won't get any further tattoos.
But that fact that you have stubbornly said that you WILL get more tattoos....... Only reinforces in my mind what I said about you earlier.........that you are self-centered.
3) . Read Theorist's posts. Like you, she is married and she's also not sure about Islam or religion in general for that matter. But despite this commonality between you two....she 's right when she says you're barking up the wrong tree. It's your husband's fault as well that he married you when your lifestyle us so different from his. You both are at fault for not getting to know each others' views better before marriage. But you, Sammi, are fault for some your lame, childish "reasonings".....which you see as "asserting your individuality"......but in actuality it's just a stubborn selfishness or ego.
Hold up. And what if my reasons were he wants me to take of my hijab and go out in tank tops. What if my reason was that he wanted me to eat haram and make some guy friends. I am sure that everyone here would totally be alright with this right? Cause its not worth fighting*about and you guys would totally advise me to make those changes for him right?
He isn't asking you to wear Hijab though? If he was forcing you eat haram or remove your hijab then sure that would be outrageous as he would have been forcing you to against your religious beliefs. But unless I have misread, and I apologise if I have, he is not asking you to turn religious.
Are there any of you out there who have a conservative hubby? How do you deal with it? Not only that but how do u deal with a semi religious/religious hubby when you are non practising? For example i dont eat halal, i dont care if i wear tank tops outside, i dont mind
Friends or hanging out with guys, i love tattoos, but my husband doesnt. I feel as if tht impacts me as an individual. Like why cant you accept me? So how do i work this out?
1) Your situation is very unique. Most girls who are like you (i.e.. not willing to adopt halal only food, prefers to wear tank tops outside, has tattoos etc.) aren't.....naive....enough to think they can live happily with a practicing Muslim. I assure you majority of the people reading this can't relate to differences like this.
2) Your husband is not going to give up his religious beliefs. It was stupid for him not to share his expectations with your before marriage. But what's done is done.
3) Its clear that you have no desire to give up your lifestyle.
Your husband is not willing to compromise. You are not willing to compromise. Thus, this can't be worked out. So at this point, YOU need to ask yourself why are you in this marriage still? Why don't you get a divorce and find a guy who respects your beliefs and does not try to change you? You obviously don't feel respected in this marriage. So why are you still married? Are you really planning on having children with this guy? If so, have you even began to think about how many fights there will be after there is a child in the picture....especially if that child is a girl?
After reading all this, I can say to OP, he assumed her to be Muslim and this is where he is wrong. both don't belong to each other. Completely opposite.
Surely, he must have objected to some of this earlier, or implied in some way that he was not ok with it.
In a marriage both parties have to compromise, so you need to find out of this together. Otherwise, what others are saying about future fights, hold true.
Your parents really messed up here. I have no idea what they were thinking getting you into a relationship that is not going to work out on paper much less in real life.
This is the problem with desi parents. They think marriage is the solution to all problems.
You should have mentioned these personality differences in your first thread. Clearly, your and his upbringing have been in different cultural environments and around people with different beliefs to influence each of you while growing up. This is a mismatch. If your husband is semi religious and you’re far from it, I dont know how it’ll work. If either of you is not flexible enough to make changes in your personality to reach a common ground, you need to give this a good thought before starting to live together. If those personality differences are the reasons of your arguments then the arguments might increase ending in something undesirable especially if there are no exceptionally stronger emotional or other bonds which may overcome those personality clashes.
Check how much flexible he is and even if he has objections on your life style, how does he convey his displeasure to you? Is he gentle, polite, understanding or does he behave like a psycho, loses temper or uses hurtful words to convince you that you’re on the wrong? If later, you need to think long and hard before starting to live with him.
BTW, one can be sociable, fashionable, fun loving as well as a practicing muslim. What’s wrong with that?
@sammi4ever If you are at a stage in your life where faith is not important to you and you have no plans to become practising then I would seriously suggest that you review your marriage. You should discuss this with your parents and husband, they have a right to know that you don't actually call yourself Muslim at all. Its not fair to your husband, he assumed you were Muslim even if it was non practising he still assumed you had the belief that Islam is the truth. If you don't have that belief then you need to let him know. He is only trying to help you better yourself in your faith. Its not about not accepting you its about helping you follow the commandments of Allah. If you don't even believe in those commandments then you are fooling your husband in a sense. Also I think you're too immature for marriage. The issues you brought up arenf issues. They are just silly minor things that aren't worth destroying a marriage over.
Lmaaaaaooo he accepted me for my appearance, what a god send! But no he totally shouldn't accept me for my personality too... the thought is just so insane.
So he married you for your looks; what did you marry him for?
To me..your husband doesn't sound conservative at all. He is telling what any person with Iman would be telling you not to do these things that you're doing. Khair..i think you're too immature to be married first of all. Also, i do believe that your husband has right to know that you don't plan to be practicing. May Allah help your husband and you..
Are there any of you out there who have a conservative hubby? How do you deal with it? Not only that but how do u deal with a semi religious/religious hubby when you are non practising? For example i dont eat halal, i dont care if i wear tank tops outside, i dont mind
Friends or hanging out with guys, i love tattoos, but my husband doesnt. I feel as if tht impacts me as an individual. Like why cant you accept me? So how do i work this out?
Honestly im not trolling and this one of the reasons why me and my husband always gets into fights.
It seems you too can not accept his values and view his suggestions as overriding your individuality. Remember, the goal in life is to continuously evolve towards improvement/betterment. Being stuck as the same person is not individuality or identity, it is actually failure to create one.
Help each other evolve into better human beings. Learn and appreciate each other perspective without feeling repressed or attacked.