Re: confused!!!
AGAIN I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU OVER HERE OR EASTERN FAMILY DYNAMICS, I AM TALKING ABOUT HERE IN THE WEST, YOUR TYPICAL SINGLE MOM HOME. LEARN TO READ.
Get your cap locks fixed asap or visit PC world and get a new keyboard.
Secondly I am talking about the West as well. The ''studies'' you've come across at Unis are pointless unless you know the sample size.
Thirdly drugs, sex abuse etc are big issues and living alone with Mommy or Daddy aren't the sole reasons for those.
Re: confused!!!
Okay so having a stable home with both a mom AND a dad is ideal. What's your point? How is that point at all relevant in this circumstance?
Re: confused!!!
According to him this means there will be no druggies or sex abusers out in the streets 
Re: confused!!!
^ Ignoring the idiocy of that assumption, let's note the fact that the poor child referenced in the OP's post does not have the option of living with both her mother and her father.
Re: confused!!!
What a "mistake" your married uncle with a wife and child back in Pakistan made! He accidentally got in bed with his fake wife for immigration. Bichara!!!
It's nice that your uncle comes and goes freely to America several times. The question is, does he bring his daughter to visit with her mother during his stay in America?
Yeah she's come to the U.S too, once she gets married she will move to the U.S with her husband.
My point was that her mother was some Mexican lady living in East LA, a non Muslim not even a practicing Catholic. Living with her she would have ended up how other Hispanic kids end up in that part of LA, either involved in drugs, gangs, crime etc..
Her father may not have intended to impregnate the Mexican lady, but he made the right choice by not leaving my cousin to grow up in such horrible conditions. At least my Uncle cared about his daughter. He took his daughter back to Pakistan and raised her in a pretty good way, she wears full niqab and she is one of the top students in her Medical Class. Plus she did an Alima course. That wouldn't have happened growing up in EL Sereno (East part of LA).
Re: confused!!!
lol so dumbass kidnapper dad with a second wife and 4 other kids would be an awesome dad, but the single mom is guaranteed to destroy her kid coz that is what white single moms do. i guess you two don't really have high standards for father-figures..
Re: confused!!!
Get your cap locks fixed asap or visit PC world and get a new keyboard.
Secondly I am talking about the West as well. The ''studies'' you've come across at Unis are pointless unless you know the sample size.
Thirdly drugs, sex abuse etc are big issues and living alone with Mommy or Daddy aren't the sole reasons for those.
The sample sizes must have been statistically relevant due them them being published in peer reviewed magazines, and later mentioned in textbooks.
Look I'm not a sociology major (just took it for credits), however from what I've learnt in school, my own personal experiences, social worker cases etc.. Here in America/Canada/West children who come from homes with a single working mom are often prone to all sorts of issues, please go talk to a social worker if you do not believe me.
Just look at the UK and the recent riots, one of the main reasons which was mentioned as the cause was the fact that UK homes are so broken. Single mothers with multiple children from different fathers collecting welfare, later those kids grow up to be complete monsters creating chaos for society. Is it a coincidence that in the UK they have one of the highest rates of single motherhood in Europe, and the highest rate of teen pregnancy?
How about here in the United States, blacks have the highest rates of single motherhood, plus the highest rates of teen pregnancy, drug use, and crime. Even Obama said black homes are broken and Black fathers need to man up and be there for their kids.
**
If you are a good Muslim man and want your daughter to be raised in an Islamic environment with moral values, then you will move heaven and hell to not leave her with some single non Muslim lady. To do that would be absolutely horrible and I can guarantee you your daughter will not grow up to be someone you can speak proudly of.**
Now, if you are not a Muslim or don't care about your kids being raised with Islamic values, then obviously you won't care about any of that stuff, and you won't mind leaving your daughter with your ex, while visiting her from time to time.
Re: confused!!!
belledone : you are taking way too much interest in this when it is none of your business ..
Re: confused!!!
Great!
OK. Guys and Gals: Read carefully if you understand English. I am not responsible for your lack of understanding.
And anyone who has still doubt of what I said and why, needs to have his/her head examined.
I will attempt to answer the points raised against my post as much as I could read and remember while writing. Sorry if I missed anyone's concern though. Remind me that 'politely' and I will get to that also.
1- Nowhere I attempted to reduce the importance of a mother. There are studies which show motherless children CAN also have disturbed lives and problems.
But, the discussion is about a father who wanted his daughter to be raised by him and not a by her mother for reasons unknown to all of us.
2- If a single parent for girls is to be chosen, then natural father is the best for them. Not a single mother.
Why? Because a man has more likely chance of getting married than a a single mother. Girls raised by single mothers have been shown to have a lot of problems.
I clearly mentioned with proof by quoting a book written by western woman in modern day saying things based on many studies.
I even posted link to pdf. file on a thesis on the subject.
3- Shak mentioned something about the sample size. OK. That is considered in statistics to draw a VALID conclusion.
But, the question of sample size is not strong here since in these studies to my understanding by reading them, the sample was already chosen to be the 'bad' kids/adults.
These studies were conducted on criminals, incarcerated and criminals. Then the root cause of of their bad behavior was searched. One of the factor they found common was being raised by SINGLE MOTHERS.
It is like, if a disease is found to be affecting a certain set of population, in order to find the possible causes, one goes and asks questions to afflicted people and then calculates how many people had a 'common denominator'.
If you find 100 people coming to emergency room of a hospital with upset stomach/diarrhea and a lot of them say they ate at a particular restaurant, wouldn't you agree that the restaurant food had something to do with a lot of people being sick? Would you ask what is the sample size my friend?
Now if you or someone has problems with these studies, please feel free to post the actual studies and discuss them based on your knowledge of statistics.
Better yet, call or write Ann Coulter for further explanation.
Besides if you are still hell bent on 'sample' size then I think I have stronger case here.
Read ALL the posts where someone came and said " I was raised by a single mother" OR "I am a single mother" Nothing wrong happened to me OR nothing wrong happened to my children.
Now count all those numbers and then go back and read the studies.
Do you really think few posters can deny what these studies have suggested?
5- My post said in the beginning:
" What EDAL said is like this".
Meaning, I was extending the thought which he initiated and based on what I read and know, I do agree with the notion that for girls, presence of a father is important and a man can protect his daughter than a mother.
I already said in my post "Exceptions do apply"
My humble suggestion: Read what I posted. Who I quoted. A western woman. No need to jump up and down here.
4- There is nothing in my post which generalizes any notion against any western woman.
In fact I oppose generalization and weather it be against desi or western, male or female, cat or dog, I will try to oppose it. :D
6- Where I do not agree with EDAL is when he said breaking any law is acceptable. I did not even touched that part of his post.
7- I still think and strongly believe, the best protector of a girl is her natural father.
8- One can bring loads of examples, one cannot deny that a man is the best deterrent of any other man who has any evil intention to cause harm to his daughter.
Prove me wrong. I bet you cannot.
P.S. Refrain from idiotic personal attacks. I have purposefully ignored amzsonikuri's post with aggression, since this person became emotional and I do not want to hurt his/her feeling.
Re: confused!!!
Belladone all I can say in this matter as much as I am on mother's side please consult your husband before doing anything. Don't hide it from him as this is none of your business. May be your family is making assumptions lot of gossip happens in Pakistan. All you can do is right now talk to girl and get her mom's phone number and call her. Ask mom some questions while talking like she is missing you, are you missing her. How long she will be staying here? If she doesn't know the girl is in Pakistan she will tell herself. Because I seriously think if mom knows her girl is MISSING she will definitely come to Pakistan to check on her husband.
One more thing if girl is 10 she should know her mom's number and should contact her.
Seriously I think before calling embassy or doing anything else and hiding it from your husband get your facts straight and talk to mom.
Re: confused!!!
Edal, if what you are saying is true, that she came and visited her mother in the States after her father removed her from the country, then she was not taken against the mother's will (or the mother didn't report it to the authorities and fight your uncle in court). If she was taken from the country without her mother's permission, they would have arrested your uncle at the airport as soon as he landed in America - which obviously didn't happen.
You are relying on Ann Coulter and statistics which is heavily based on kids from a lower socioeconomic background, living in poorer neighbourhoods where the mother is unemployed or on welfare. When was the book published? Does it take into account the economic meltdown that has affected nearly all families in the past 5 years? Do these statistics include single parents who are actually widows? Or any other ethnic minority? Or parents who do not rely on government welfare and work hard to put their kids into good schools? I doubt it.
Re: confused!!!
Relying on Ann Coulter … is this the same right-wing political commentator who hates Muslims and told them to go ride a camel, on video? Yes, I think so.
“All of the world’s problems can be traced back to single mothers” (and Muslims) according to this author.
Dear Ann,
*Do you mind if I call you by first name? I wouldn’t want to insult you. After all, I’m a single mom and the cause of every societal problem out there today.
**It’s clear that you’ve studied us for years, with all those surveys you compiled for your recent book, “Guilty: Liberal ‘Victims’ and Their Assault on America.”
**But I’m not sure how many of us you’ve spoken to in real life?
*
*I just watched your interview on the “Today” show with Matt Lauer. He read your excerpt:
**“Look at any societal problem, and it is a problem of single motherhood.”
**When Lauer referred to your claim as “outrageous,” you replied: *
*“It’s not outrageous, it’s a fact.”
**“Do you think that EVERY society problem is due to single mothers?” Lauer asked.
**Maybe not every problem, but most. You went on to explain that single moms – by giving birth to “illegitimate babies… being raised without fathers” – are responsible for daily murders and rapes, as well as 70% of the men in prison.
Oh, you poor thing.
*
*You must be really suffering since Barack Obama – who was raised by a single mom – won our presidential election. It’s too bad you can’t go back to the days of Dan Quayle, when he attacked “Murphy Brown,” the sitcom, for featuring a lead character who decided to become a single mom.
**You two would have been quite a pair, with all of your scapegoating of single mothers.
**But getting back to the “Today” show … can I just add I love your black boots? I have a pair of those, too. I love my black boots, don’t you?
**Single moms do wear black boots, you know. We also love men and family. *
*You’ve blamed us for “an endless attack on the nuclear family,” but if you took the time to actually talk to us, you’d realize that most of us dream about going “nuclear.”
** Many of us were married once. Many of us even dream about finding perfect, faultless husbands one day.
**In the meantime, we’re working for a living, paying the bills, and raising some smart kids. You should come and see us sometime.
**Sincerely,
**Single Mom Seeking *
Re: confused!!!
*Listen, first of all I'm not talking about you guys over here that were raised by or are single Muslim ladies. Obviously that situation is kind of different as you will likely not have rotating men coming in and out of the house, further you will likely have strong family support in terms of your parents and extended family. As in Pakistan a child is not just raised by their parents but the whole extended family is involved, and a lot of support is available. *
My post related to an assumption I made with the OP , I assumed the mom is some single White German lady. Leaving your daughter alone with her in Germany = a very bad idea.
I have a friend here who is a social worker for the state of Texas, in the Houston metro area, 99% of the time the teenagers who are abused,commit anti social behavior, seek abortions, are molested, these kids are coming from broken homes with no father and a single mother. Often a black lady, but also many whites and Hispanics. This is not me saying it, but these are the words directly from a social worker.
Your posts make me furious!
Just because this woman is a non-muslim, you have the audacity to assume that she is incapable of being a good mother to her child?
And this man, who is probably a criminal in the eyes of the German law, who abducted his daughter without the mother knowing, will be a better parent?? Just because he is a Muslim??
Re: confused!!!
In the OP’s case…IF the mother had given permission for the father to take the girl to Pakistan…then the mother herself would’ve spoken to the girl and explained why the girl was travelling to Pakistan and for how long. OP stating that the girl was “crying silently” according to her husband leads me to believe that something is wrong. In any case…once the mother in Germany and the embassy is notified…even IF it turns out that the German mother was ok with the daughter being taken to Pakistan…then nothing will happen to the father. But however, if this truly is a case of child abduction…then OP just helped a innocent child reunite with her mother. Going by the OPs post…it looks like the mother had primary custody and the father had weekly visitation. The courts there obviously know A LOT more facts about this case than we do. Although the courts are not perfect…at the end…they obviously felt that child had a safe/loving home with her mother. If the father had any reason to believe that his daughter was in serious danger…he should’ve gone through the legal system instead of resorting to criminal behavior.
Reading all the comments where people are telling OP that this is none of her business just makes me sad. I understand all of us need to be selfish to a certain extent in order to preserve our happiness. But when we see a situation where a child is distressed (physically or emotionally)…where something really seems wrong…it saddens me to see people advising another adult to look away b/c its “none of your business”.
That honestly reminds me of this story that came out a few months ago. This child was lying on the street literally dying and yet people walked by b/c it was none of their business. Is this really where we’re heading to? And for us to justify OPs case using Islam…gah…that’s even worse! We don’t need non-Muslims making our religion look bad…we’re doing a great job at it all by ourselves.
While the girl in OPs case isn’t bleeding on the streets…the fact remains she’s a half-German girl, in a village in Pakistan…living with her step-mother, and 4 step-sisters. My guess is she probably doesn’t speak the local language. As desis we’re all VERY aware of the horrors that can arise in this situation. And yet…here we are…telling OP to turn a blind eye. It truly is just sad.
Re: confused!!!
Paheli00, that little girl passed away cause of her injuries. I remember watching that video and crying when the story first broke. I couldn't believe what I was seeing .....
Re: confused!!!
...... 1- Nowhere I attempted to reduce the importance of a mother. There are studies which show motherless children CAN also have disturbed lives and problems.
But, the discussion is about a father who wanted his daughter to be raised by him and not a by her mother for reasons unknown to all of us.
since you are so efficient at producing links to studies.....would you be able to pull up some numbers on how many female children were brought up by single fathers and turned out okay or not? thanks....I'm curious to compare the numbers.
2- If a single parent for girls is to be chosen, then natural father is the best for them. Not a single mother.
Why? Because a man has more likely chance of getting married than a a single mother. Girls raised by single mothers have been shown to have a lot of problems.
I clearly mentioned with proof by quoting a book written by western woman in modern day saying things based on many studies.
I even posted link to pdf. file on a thesis on the subject.
Far be it from me to deny or even question "a study"......but is this the same study that you mention below that was conducted on criminals?
3- Shak mentioned something about the sample size. OK. That is considered in statistics to draw a VALID conclusion.
But, the question of sample size is not strong here since in these studies to my understanding by reading them, the sample was already chosen to be the 'bad' kids/adults.
These studies were conducted on criminals, incarcerated and criminals. Then the root cause of of their bad behavior was searched. One of the factor they found common was being raised by SINGLE MOTHERS.
It is like, if a disease is found to be affecting a certain set of population, in order to find the possible causes, one goes and asks questions to afflicted people and then calculates how many people had a 'common denominator'.
Granted.....one finds a common denominator....but what if there are other common denominators? Do we isolate the one that is relevant to support our position or do we further investigate?
I'm not saying that the 100 people that ate at the same restaurant didn't get sick from something they ate there.....but I have to also consider how many other people ate there and did not get sick. I will not condemn the entire restaurant. I will say that there could be another reason.......perhaps these 100 folks are allergic to nuts or shellfish and the entrees they ate were contaminated.......perhaps these 100 were people that ate at a party which was catered by the restaurant and an entire item was spoiled......whatever.....
Point is that you cannot simply draw conclusions based on such studies. You need to consolidate a number of such studies.
You are quoting a study that shows one side of the coin. Perhaps a study that shows how many female children grew up to be well-educated, professional adults with a well-rounded personality while in the care of a single mother would help us see that your position is correct. If what you are suggesting holds water then the number of successful women would be far lower than the number of criminals.....no?
Besides if you are still hell bent on 'sample' size then I think I have stronger case here.
Read ALL the posts where someone came and said " I was raised by a single mother" OR "I am a single mother" Nothing wrong happened to me OR nothing wrong happened to my children.
Now count all those numbers and then go back and read the studies.
Do you really think few posters can deny what these studies have suggested?
Seriously? You want to use a GS thread as a study and the number of posters here as a decent sample size?
Really is that what you are suggesting?
Re: confused!!!
I didn’t know that but that doesn’t surprise me. I remember watching the video and even showed it to my fiance. Both of us are pretty strong people emotionally but god this brought tears to both of our eyes.
So many horrors in this world can be avoided if we just pay attention and CARE. And stop being so damn selfish! This dead chinese toddler…Jaycee Dugard’s case…heck even one of Jeffrey Dahmer’s 14 year old victims who managed to escape and was returned to Dahmer by police 
…all cases where adults turned a blind eye in a situations that should have raised red flags big time. But no…every adult focused on their own life b/c they just didn’t care (and of course, I’m sure in the chinese girl’s case, they somehow felt it wasn’t “their business”).
And these are highly publicized cases we know about! Imagine how many children are out there whose stories don’t get out. But of course…some of us aren’t bothered with that. Its just easy to “leave it alone”.
Re: confused!!!
^ Same issue of turning a blind eye in the Penn State sex abuse scandal.
Re: confused!!!
The sample sizes must have been statistically relevant due them them being published in peer reviewed magazines, and later mentioned in textbooks.
Yes of course.....everything published in magazines and textbooks must be believed and taken for gospel.
Look I'm not a sociology major (just took it for credits),
That much is painfully obvious my friend.
..... however from what I've learnt in school, my own personal experiences, social worker cases etc.. Here in America/Canada/West children who come from homes with a single working mom are often prone to all sorts of issues, please go talk to a social worker if you do not believe me.
"often prone" does not "always" make
Just look at the UK and the recent riots, one of the main reasons which was mentioned as the cause was the fact that UK homes are so broken.
"one of the main reasons"....okay.......can you quote what the other main reasons were?
I would hazard to guess that financial distress, inequality in implementation of the justice system were likely larger contributors than the fact that some of the perpetrators came from broken homes.
And I am simply accommodating your example here......but from what I have seen and read of those riots the majority of the youth involved in the chaos were not from impoverished and challenged backgrounds; rather they were from a more affluent background.
How about here in the United States, blacks have the highest rates of single motherhood, plus the highest rates of teen pregnancy, drug use, and crime. Even Obama said black homes are broken and Black fathers need to man up and be there for their kids.
Another example of pulling a quote and using it to support your position without considering relevance or context.....
Do you have an understanding of the inherent challenges that some black communities in the USA face? Have you studied history and the path that this ethnicity has had to forge to be accepted as equals in society? Heck there are still areas where they are not treated well because of the colour of their skin......and you want to use them as a example?
Even if we consider your example as relevant......do you know why the African-American contingent of the populous in the USA faces the challenges that you have listed (i.e. drugs, teenage pregnancy, and rampant crime)? Let's have your position on that and then we can take it from there....
If you are a good Muslim man and want your daughter to be raised in an Islamic environment with moral values, then you will move heaven and hell to not leave her with some single non Muslim lady. To do that would be absolutely horrible and I can guarantee you your daughter will not grow up to be someone you can speak proudly of.
I am not going to comment on the Muslim part because whether or not one is a good Muslim is up to Allah.
But a good man will never marry someone just for a passport.
No if's and's or but's about it.
I don't mean to disrespect your uncle.....but one has to question his character and ability to make decent decisions if the story starts with him marrying a woman to obtain a passport.....
Re: confused!!!
I am not going to comment on the Muslim part because whether or not one is a good Muslim is up to Allah. But a good man will never marry someone just for a passport. No if's and's or but's about it. I don't mean to disrespect your uncle.....but one has to question his character and ability to make decent decisions if the story starts with him marrying a woman to obtain a passport.....
^ This!!!!!!
The utter hypocrisy of such a man's actions is repugnant to me. To use a woman for his own ends and then discard her, it's disgusting. And then to claim to be the arbiter of moral righteousness and believe that he, a man who used a woman can raise a daughter better - such men have no concept of respecting women.
To those posters who say that a Muslim man would be a better caregiver for his children than a non-Muslim mother just because he's Muslim seem to forget that Allah does not judge us by our ibaadat alone. Merely praying and fasting doesn't demonstrate our piety. Our compassion, fairness and humanity and humility are also measures of who we are.