Buddy, I still don’t see a reason why he won’t just let her know that’s how he feels (if that is how he feels). The OP needs to hear it. Did he not tell her he loved her? At least she deserves to know the truth (where does the question of being polite come from?) and get a proper closure. She should not be expected to get ‘the hint’ and move on on her own. He needs to man up and tell her the truth in a manner that will help her move on. He took responsibility for it (did he not by admitting his feelings and making her a part of his life) and now wants to run away/avoid. Not cool at all!
People need to speak about ‘what they want’ - exactly what they want in simple, clear words so the other person doesn’t hang on.
He needs to say “Get the H or F out of my life”. Sure. I get the point.
Yes he did love her, so what? Now he does not. Is that a crime to love someone out of some initial emotion and then has to be married after saying that otherwise to the jail?
There are more than hints there in ‘her’ posts.
An sorry if a woman does not get it these ways then she needs to be shown the door. Chipkoo (men or ) women lose their respect themselves.
No..listen, he doesn't need to say it that way but he can definitely say the truth in a good manner. In fact it's right there..in your post "love someone out of some initial emotion" - "I initially felt things for you but I've had a change of heart or my life is at a point where I feel like I can't get involved in a marriage; we can remain friends or you can move on if you'd like" - so freakin simple...
at the end of the day, there are 2 people involved if one can not state things openly or be straightforward the other one can and should ask the questions point blank, not take wishy washy answers as answers and just say yes or no, is this going somewhere, and if it is, what are our next steps and when..and go for it or walk away.
^ having said that... and to side with diwana for a tick... if the girl knows what she wants, why cant she just be straightforward and ask point blank... and if the answer is he cant marry her... then move on matey.
Ok...this is my 1st time here and I am very confused...so if ne 1 can help...pls offer your advise....
I am a gori living in the UK currently close friends with a pak man as I understand that pakistanis cannot have girlfriends and date...which I respect....I am just having problems understanding him...here r the facts:
who says that Pakistanis can not have girlfriends or date , girl if you just come over to Karachi ........during lunch time you'll see all the restaurants here filled with dates .Who so ever has told you this is fooling you !
Been good close friends for about a year now...we have a special connection which we have both never felt before
He used to say I love you...but has stopped recently (think he trying to hold back his feelings not to get hurt) or I understand that in islam, when someone realises they love someone they have to make it right in allah and marry quickly....is this right?
why didn't he think of islam before saying I LOVE YOU to you. Again I think he is playing with your feelings. Knowing that you don't know much about Pakistani culture or Religion Islam he fabricates any excuse in the world to back up his wrong doings. He is just taking advantage of your lack of knowledge.
He keeps making plans for future...he wants me to meet his father...go to pak with him...children...he wants to meet my mum etc et
Is he still living in 1900 century ! Don't you guys have phone etc. If he really wants himself to introduce you to your family or introduce himself to yours then he can make the 1st move by having a decent telephonic conversation. But I don't see any good intentions on his part thats why the plans are not materialising.
**** This connection is so strong that I need help as every time I ask him about his feeling...he changes the subject or says it cant happen...is it because I am not pakistani? I am so committed to this man that I would convert to make things right.....pls help!***
The problem is not with you being a Pakistan or him being one. The problem is with him being a JERK. He is playing with you and he is not sincere with you thats why he change the subject.
Thanks everyone...tanya
I know someone very well who was REALLY IN LOVE with a gori and he went on to marry her and has kids with her now. He did it without even informing his family , I don't say it was a right thing to do it was definitely wrong but what I am trying to explain you is that when there is a will there is a way. If he was determined and sure of marrying you he would have taken some steps by now.
Leave him & move on. The more time you will spend on him the more you will get hurt. Tell him that you have waited enough and now you can not wait anymore. You are not going to sit around all your life waiting for him. He got plenty of time now no more. Close all contacts with him and look at other opportunities in life.
and one more thing he is not at all CONFUSED. He knows very well what he is doing and what results that will yield. He is just successfully confusing you !
No..listen, he doesn't need to say it that way but he can definitely say the truth in a good manner. In fact it's right there..in your post "love someone out of some initial emotion" - "I initially felt things for you but I've had a change of heart or my life is at a point where I feel like I can't get involved in a marriage; we can remain friends or you can move on if you'd like" - so freakin simple...
If after all what has already been shown by him she needs to have him say this...
then she needs her head examined.
Besides, something are better left unsaid. Keeps the dignity and respect of the person.
I think if this is all true then, the guy is being nice and gentle. Not a jerk or wuss.
Couple of more thoughts:
The very fact that some guys do not act rude and throw the women out of their lives bluntly saying something bad either makes the woman feel unnecessarily hopeful (if they are clingy by nature-chipkoo in Urdu).
Or this niceness may work like a doube edged sword that it is taken as a nice gesture by the woman and she instead of being repulsed, wants him more! Some of the women may have been badly treated, used or played with.
And here is this guy who is trying to play by rule. Ends up being called a wuss!
Here he has shown many signs clearly that he is not interested. Plain and simple.
In order to keep her respect, she should just leave him. Period.'
Its not like she invested a whole lot in to it. No sex, no child, no common property etc.
Like I said, he may or may not come back. She should leave that up to him.
I still say it is a wishy washy story but good enough for discussion.
Ok now I am 100% confused!!! And I am a Brit! .........ok this is my confusion....if not interested ...why want to see my over the weekend...and go on about our "connection"????????????
Do people here not think he is just confused himself....hence distancing himself by not talking to me as much? People ever heard about men going into their "caves"?
*Ok now I am 100% confused!!! And I am a Brit! .........ok this is my confusion....if not interested ...why want to see my over the weekend...and go on about our "connection"????????????
*
Do people here not think he is just confused himself....hence distancing himself by not talking to me as much? People ever heard about men going into their "caves"?
he wants to see u because he is using you and he is just having fun !
I don't think how much we all here at GS try we will never be able to make you understand. Because you are stick to this connection issue ! you want to believe what your heart is saying and you are not using your head at all ! Sorry for being so harsh .
someone said that you are not married , no properties together , no kids I agree with the poster ........why are you letting this happen to you then ?
ok...if he is playing me....why say all these things? He knows how much I hate liars and reassures me he is always telling the truth...and u can see in his eyes that he is....would someone who was playing me call/text me from pak to see how i was? I dont think so.....listen maybe I just some dumb british girl here but I really think there is more to it!!!!!!!!
Maybe I will test him...say my parents wanna meet him...and see what he says
Dude he loves you too . But from experience I can tell you that once you are in some foreign country , try to make your future , you have all those expectations from your family that you should act right and make wise choices . I think he is a responsible kid who doesn’t want to give you false hopes .
If you really want him then talk to him , give him confidence as he must be scared to take this decision all by himself . Doesn’t matter what people will tell you here , but in the end Paksitani men are not all that independent to decide for their marriage without involving their families (mostly) . So yea stay friends with him and help him solve his problems/Issues . As they say ‘‘consider everyone a gentleman , unless they prove otherwise’’ . Good luck :k:
