Ok…this is my 1st time here and I am very confused…so if ne 1 can help…pls offer your advise…
I am a gori living in the UK currently close friends with a pak man as I understand that pakistanis cannot have girlfriends and date…which I respect…I am just having problems understanding him…here r the facts:
Been good close friends for about a year now…we have a special connection which we have both never felt before
He used to say I love you…but has stopped recently (think he trying to hold back his feelings not to get hurt) or I understand that in islam, when someone realises they love someone they have to make it right in allah and marry quickly…is this right?
He keeps making plans for future…he wants me to meet his father…go to pak with him…children…he wants to meet my mum etc et
This connection is so strong that I need help as every time I ask him about his feeling…he changes the subject or says it cant happen…is it because I am not pakistani? I am so committed to this man that I would convert to make things right…pls help!
^Ditto. Snaps fingers......and does "in your face" head shake, lol.
He's being wishy-washy. Making plans for you to meet his parents one minute...and then saying it can't happen the next. If he knew it wouldn't work out, that he doesn't have the courage to stand up for you before his family, then he shouldn't have started something with you. That's like using a person....even if he didn't mean to hurt you. A guy who knows for sure that you're the one for him (regardless of race) won't make excuses.
Tell him that you don't want to invest any further emotional energy on someone who is not on the same page as you and focus on yourself. It's the "letting go" that will be hard.....especially if this guy has a been a huge part of your life. It's hard but not impossible...it'll clear the path for you to find someone else...who will be sure about you. I hope things get better.
You see, the thing is you're the yellow fella; and you gotta gobble up the dots as soon as possible, and be careful of the ghost looking thingies; but then you can eat the cherry stuffs and give you strength.. ohhh you said Pa*K* Man
So first he says I love you and then he stops saying it, he wants you to meet his family and him ur mom…but now he keeps changing the subject… looks like he changed his mind…or there is something he doesn’t want to tell you.
Why don’t you ask him directly what he wants, and expects from your friendship?
sorry!! bit confused by last post!! :-) ....We're friends...as he cant date....but says these things...I not sure...I dont think his family are the prob...he using the excuse that he needs to get a career before anything else...but from the connection he says we have I am stil not sure where I am with hiM!!
You mentioned that he wants you to go Pak with him. So, his parents are in Pak then? He says he wants to meet your mum.....but has he ever made the effort to meet her? It seems like this guy does a whole lot of "talking" and a lot less.."doing". And actions speak louder than words....without them, the words have little meaning.
And I wonder if it's going to be another one of those situations where his parents have already chosen a desi bride for him in Pak.
Dont kid yourself. Its his parents and family reactions that are concerning him now. He's going to get lots of heat for falling for a gori and he doesnt know how his family will react. Iwent thru this meself.
Best thing to do is arrange the meet as soon as possible. THEN see how he treats you.
we were on the way to my mums onc but she was out!! He works 2 jobs so v busy...27 yrs old...and he says his family are very liberal....I know other pakistani guys who say their cousins married spanish...scottish etc etc....this guy is CONFUSIN big time!
sorry!! bit confused by last post!! :-) ....We're friends...as he cant date....but says these things...I not sure...I dont think his family are the prob...he using the excuse that** he needs to get a career before anything else**...but from the connection he says we have I am stil not sure where I am with hiM!!
CW
He's just not sure of himself. He didn't think of his absence of a "career" before he boldly suggests that you come to Pak with him to meet his parents??????? That doesn't make sense. Moreover, you don't make such suggestions to someone that you only consider a "friend." And you've referred to the your relationship as "friends." The connection that you have will mean nothing if there are no concrete actions to back it up. You can have that "connection" (butterflies n all) with someone else who is more stable in their life (career...firm about wanting to marry you).
Do what Mama of 3 suggested.............if you are serious about marrying him, then tell him arrange a date to meet his family...and no just some wishy-washy ideas. Be firm about it. And if he makes excuses...tell him you can't put your life on hold for him....and then move on.
he says he will never marry untill he has a career...I just thought he gone strange as ...I have read that in islam...if someone falls in love with someone...they have to marry them as quick as possible in order to make it right and not commit haram....I have asked him why he said these things...and he changed subject.... so am I right in thinking...if you just see someone as a friend u would not want to meet her parents and his parents? I thought maybe that waas just something cultural which I was not aware of....he's seen my family home as he was interested where I grew up...wanted to seen pics of when I was a kid etc etc.....whats so wrong falling for a gori anyway? I am a honest descent person who treats people with respect at all times
^I would suggest you two sit down and really talk about it. You need to ask him straight up about his future plans and if he is confused, ask him approximately how much time he would need to figure things out.
Also, what does he plan to do once he has a career. I mean where does he see the two of you once his career is established. I think it's fair enough discussion.
He needs to grow a pair and man up. Franky, this looks bad for you. He's playing for time to try and see if the situation will change to suddenly become easy for him. Realistically, soon his parents will trot out some Pakistani girl, and he'll quickly cave in to their pressure to marry her.
Many pakistani men from all manner of social backgrounds marry white girls. However, it take a man with enough spine to stand up to their families and not be worried about their response. If he hasn't demonstrated enough spine yet then frankly he probably never will.
^I would suggest you two sit down and really talk about it. You need to ask him straight up about his future plans and if he is confused, ask him approximately how much time he would need to figure things out.
Also, what does he plan to do once he has a career. I mean where does he see the two of you once his career is established. I think it's fair enough discussion.
prob is...I think he is a typical man....cant express feelings very well or talk about them....he said his dad is coming here soon......he wants me to meet him as one of his friends...I dont know...maybe he needs some kind of approval or something...to be honest I feel like giving up but this connection...lol...that I cant give up that easilly
"can't express feelings well" - I am sorry but this one gets my blood boiling! Didn't you say that he used to tell you "I love you" all the time? Where was his inability to express feelings then? How hard it is to just say whatever you are feeling?:S
Maybe if you let him know that you just need to know where he stands and you are not going to be hurt by what he says (sort of give him reassurance that he won't hurt you by speaking his mind), he might let you know what's on his mind.
Or I guess if his dad is coming and he wants you to meet him, then wait for that. You are right, maybe he fears how his parents might feel about him marrying outside his culture.
looks like he changed his mind…or there is something he doesn’t want to tell you.