In case the intention behind this thread is misunderstood, let us consider the following example:
One of my mother's friend used to be a very kind and polite person. She even treated sweepers, shopkeepers, gate keepers, gardeners, drivers...etc. very kindly and used to respond to their greetings with a smile and warm reply of greetings.
One day she called my mother, she was horrified and crying on phone. When my mom reached her home she was trembling with fear. Mom asked her the reason. She said, " The worker who used to come here for painting our house, I used to reply to his greetings with a smile and answered his questions as I didn't want to be impolite to him. Today he came to my house clean shaved, wearing suit and tie, intense smell of perfume was spread in the whole house, he was smiling at me with flowers in his hand, as he said," Kia haal hai" (No use of baji this time) In spite of knowing she was married, he came at the time when she was all alone at home. He didn't try this at any of the other houses because like my mom most of them used to avoid him and other workers to the extent possible.
From that day onwards, she tried to not use her "beautiful smile" and "soft voice" in wrong places, because in Pakistan it might be considered as an invitation for an affair by common illiterate people.
Okay, when you live in a society like that...you should know better then to walk around with smile plastered all over your face...right?
I just find it annoying how even women think its so easy to place blame on women. The thread starter said her own mother and sister were victims of these cheesy lines...did she get upset with them too for inviting these comments? Im curious now about how she handled that and how she plans on handling herself in the future to avoid these traumatic experiences...
In case the intention behind this thread is misunderstood, let us consider the following example:
One of my mother's friend used to be a very kind and polite person. She even treated sweepers, shopkeepers, gate keepers, gardeners, drivers...etc. very kindly and used to respond to their greetings with a smile and warm reply of greetings.
One day she called my mother, she was horrified and crying on phone. When my mom reached her home she was trembling with fear. Mom asked her the reason. She said, " The worker who used to come here for painting our house, I used to reply to his greetings with a smile and answered his questions as I didn't want to be impolite to him. Today he came to my house clean shaved, wearing suit and tie, intense smell of perfume was spread in the whole house, he was smiling at me with flowers in his hand, as he said," Kia haal hai" (No use of baji this time) In spite of knowing she was married, he came at the time when she was all alone at home. He didn't try this at any of the other houses because like my mom most of them used to avoid him and other workers to the extent possible.
From that day onwards, she tried to not use her "beautiful smile" and "soft voice" in wrong places, because in Pakistan it might be considered as an invitation for an affair by common illiterate people.
I am not remembering the exact hadith, but I have read it many times. When your husband's friend knocks at the door while he is not around. Don't reply, so that he may understand that either no one is at home or only ladies are at home. If he still keeps on knocking, hit your hand on the door in such a way that he might realize that a lady is alone in the house and doesn't want to interact with a na-mehram. If he still doesn't understand and keep on knocking, reply in a bit harsh tone, "My husband is not at home" because speaking softly with him might develop false hopes in his heart.
It also correlates with another hadith that devil says that humans can't escape from me in two ways.
When he is angry, I can persuade him to do anything I want from him
When a stranger man and woman are all alone at one place, I bring their hearts closer and persuade them to perform immoral acts. That is why even a Prophet like Hazrat Yusuf (a.s) said that without the blessings of Allah (swt) it would have not been possible for me to escape the evil attack of Zulekha.
It is just my personal understanding which might be wrong. Allah (swt) knows best
No. She was in Pakistan from the beginning and that incident happened there.
The bottom line is that where ever we are if we (Muslims) don't follow the basic guidelines of our prophet, it would lead to troubles in life and removal of barakah in our daily life activities.
^ You give two extreme examples and giving reasons for someone to be rude, angry or upset.
One being angry at the person who made a complementary remark for obvious business reason. (The shopkeeper might just not be having any bad intention)
Second, someone 'smiling' and warm greetings to everyone!
There is middle ground.
Simple non-emotional thank you and get on the business of shopping
Or
Answering greetings with plain but polite affect.
BTW: If someone is so 'religious' and sensitive about 'religion' then why go shopping without a male (Mahram) to begin with??? I am just being curious.
BTW: If someone is so 'religious' and sensitive about 'religion' then why go shopping without a male (Mahram) to begin with??? I am just being curious.
Though it should always be like that but at times in exceptional emergency cases men might not be able to accompany them, which they should. In my mom's case, my dad was in another shop buying other things to save time. Btw, it is amazing that the same shopkeepers **NEVER **gave any such compliments in the presence of a mehram male in the whole history of past. Guess why ? :)
I am not remembering the exact hadith, but I have read it many times. When your husband's friend knocks at the door while he is not around. Don't reply, so that he may understand that either no one is at home or only ladies are at home. If he still keeps on knocking, hit your hand on the door in such a way that he might realize that a lady is alone in the house and doesn't want to interact with a na-mehram. If he still doesn't understand and keep on knocking, reply in a bit harsh tone, "My husband is not at home" because speaking softly with him might develop false hopes in his heart.
It also correlates with another hadith that devil says that humans can't escape from me in two ways.
When he is angry, I can persuade him to do anything I want from him
When a stranger man and woman are all alone at one place, I bring their hearts closer and persuade them to perform immoral acts. That is why even a Prophet like Hazrat Yusuf (a.s) said that without the blessings of Allah (swt) it would have not been possible for me to escape the evil attack of Zulekha.
It is just my personal understanding which might be wrong. Allah (swt) knows best
In this modern time - I would OPEN UP the door. Greet the man. Let him KNOW hubby is not home <========= ALL OF THAT if obviously HE HAD NOT CALLED BEFORE COMING.
Usually ALL my HUBBY's friends use THEIR MODERN DAY CELL PHONE to call. If I have my hubby's cell phone sometimes and HIS friend calls for HIM - they usually do not even ask me where HE is- THEY JUST RESPECT and say THANKS and hang up - NO FURTHER conversations.
So seriously - I DO NOT FEEL the NEED to HIDE behind the doors.
EVEN IF THE STRANGER sees ME BY MY DOOR - I WOULD BE WITH MY respectable clothes / duppaata right way BEFORE opening the door.
Makes me wonder which world you have been living in. Certainly not the modern one.
Oh and by the way I LIVE IN AMRIKA... not the paindoo land.
Modern day men like me don't have even 0.000001% as pure heart and Imaan as was with the Suhabas but the Prophet (saw) ordered them to take their precautions to their level best.
Ofcourse, intentions are what matters, but when the Prophet (saw) doesn't chose the open interaction choice for himself (being the purest and the hollier of ALL) then are people like me left with any choice/excuse ?
I am not an angel. I do make a lot of such mistakes but am trying to correct myself and learn from my mistakes, by the grace and mercy of Allah (Swt). I am 100 % sure that most of the people here have better character and beliefs than mine, that is why I want to learn from them and share my honest opinion.
Though it should always be like that but at times in exceptional cases men might not be able to accompany them, which they should. Btw, it is amazing that the same shopkeepers NEVER gave any such compliments in the presence of a mehram male. Guess why ? :)
But that still does not prove any bad intention. All it shows that many men are possessive. And other men understand that too. Its just being careful or cautious.
But that still does not prove any bad intention. All it shows that many men are possessive. And other men understand that too. Its just being careful or cautious.
You are right. But when the whole body is covered (including head and face) then what would have provoked that shopkeeper to give such an "honest" opinion.
p.s. Btw Allah (Swt) has blessed women with an instinct to differentiate between a lustful gaze/ compliment and the others. Most of the times such comments (in absence of mehram) have dirt in it as per the observation of women in my family. (Because those comments were given to people who didn't show from their body language any interest of having such a talk)
Even if they are honest opinions, they were not asked to give their honest opinion so they should keep it to themselves instead of getting "free"/frank with some who wants to remain **reserved **and they VERY WELL know from the past interactions regarding the personality of that person, so then why say something which they know wouldn't be appreciated.
ye PS - seems like Crime Master is not even a Muslim!
He is making things up for attention.
What Crime Master needs to know - that SHOPKEEPERS HAVE RIGHTS to sell their stuff and WHATEVER BRINGS IN CUSTOMER is good for them.
EVERYONE knows shopkeepers compliment to KEEP business. He wants to make sure the customer comes back and compliments are USUALLY UNIQUE. People remember that, and will come back for more business.
Shopkeeper gets his business, customer has a good relationship. That makes the world go round!
No. She was in Pakistan from the beginning and that incident happened there.
sorry this example does not make any sense. most women born/raised in pakistan DONT act like this, and the ones who do,w ell wouldn't be crying if a man spoke to them.
You are right. But when the whole body is covered (including head and face) then what would have provoked that shopkeeper to give such an "honest" opinion.
p.s. Btw Allah (Swt) has blessed women with an instinct to differentiate between a lustful gaze/ compliment and the others. Most of the times such comments (in absence of mehram) have dirt in it as per the observation of women in my family. (Because those comments were given to people who didn't show from their body language any interest of having such a talk)
Even if they are honest opinions, they were not asked to give their honest opinion so they should keep it to themselves instead of getting "free"/frank with some who wants to remain **reserved **and they VERY WELL know from the past interactions regarding the personality of that person, so then why say something which they know wouldn't be appreciated.
You are entitled to your opinion and conclusion. They seem a bit irrational though.
Ignoring and moving on in those situations is better if a complement is considered ill-intentional rather than being upset or angry.
You are entitled to your opinion and conclusion. They seem a bit irrational though.
Ignoring and moving on in those situations is better if a complement is considered ill-intentional rather than being upset or angry.
One is responsible of one's own action.
Is that Ok?
Well said. I don't know why I didn't think about it that way. May be because at times we are not expecting something and when somebody suddenly say something bad, it hurts very much. Thanks for the kind advice. I would inshaAllah share it with people related to me that they should be mentally prepared for such misbehavior and should move on by ignoring it without taking it seriously.
JazakAllah khair for your sincere help in this matter. May Allah (swt) bless you and your family with all the blessings of this life and hereafter