Actually come to think of it, the vast MAJORITY of where I grew up ended up going to third rate college institutions. The places that would lead anyone in the top 1% of their class to get LAUGHED AT, if that’s where they chose to go. Places that do not get you into med school or law school, unless you want to go to the Carribean.
So a LOT of desi kids ended up in these places. In fact, very few desi girls were even going to the better college in the area, that COULD have helped with their career goals dramatically.
And look where most of these girls are. They’re married with kids..and they never accomplished their dreams. I heard so many of them talking about med school, law school, accounting, mba programs, etc, and many of them were bright creative people that would have done well. But because of the fear of “laug kya kahenge” (what will people say behind my back), they all chose to go to a small uni that was closer to home, and notorious for not getting anyone into an MD program (best was DO, if that, or carribean). Law school was not gonna happen, although that school had it’s own garbage law program where graduates ended up nowhere in life, not being able to pass the bar often. Can’t comment on their business programs, but an mba isn’t that useful anymore in life anyway.
Funny thing was…the girls who wanted to do med school, some of them, despite their parents effort to keep them at home…ended up in the Carribean anyway at the end of the day.
And so where did the concern of the girl’s chastity go then? Out the window…because akhir, doctor tho doctor hai.
Omg, I just realised I chose my university because it was 5 minutes away from my house and dropped a scholarship just to avoid a two hour commute. And here I am getting *****y about other people’s choices but the other university just wasn’t good in comparison so there’s that. I did go for the one with the higher difficultly level.
I have not seen girls go away to universities just to party. Families in general are pretty conservative. They let the girl leave the roost if the commute is an issue and the university program is worth it. Sometimes scholarship is a factor too. And the people who did leave if they did some partying, they would have done it being at home too. People find ways.
Generally, parents that know their kids will be upto no good - those girls were getting married off and many of them weren’t even allowed to go to college. They got married off. And certainly if they did go to college family refused to pay for housing and college fees so where would the girl go? Troublemakers typically stayed home. They didn’t have the resumes in the first place to get into better schools further away. Because those girls were generally not mature and weren’t focused in high school.
I don’t think the girls who did party in college had that intention expressly when they took their admissions. It’s that temptations crop up and if you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time it is easy to get swept away because it’s not like anyone is watching.
But those temptations come up in daytime hours when a girl is at a local college too, and tafreeh is super easy when you’re at a crap college or community college, have no goals, grades don’t matter etc.
Lets go to the local community colleges and you’ll see the wonderful brilliance of our muslim kids. Sitting around like falthoo duffers and hitting on each other, hanging out in the community college lounge flirting. It’s easy to run off locally to bars also and have alcohol and be detoxed by the time you get home.
No lie, all the jokers I knew never moved out.
It’s easy to not be responsible with your life is mom and dad are paying all the bills even into your frikkin 30’s
I do agree with overall gist of what you’re saying. Yes the intermingling and flirting in college lounge occurs during the day. But night time parties, frat parties, going clubbing are where these pak girls generally go wild. No way these would be possible during day time and would be much more difficult to participate in on consistent basis if they were commuting from home, not impossible but parents would wonder where daughter is at 2 am when these parties are still on going. Day time parties are relatively mild, yes there may be drinking but no where to the level at the parties that occur at night and during the weekend. These night time weekend parties are on a completely different level. Life on campus is completely different than commuting, not even on same level in terms of opportunities, ease of participating, raunchiness, and temptation.
Frat parties at my uni used to have dance parties, lingerie parties (yes girls actually wore their sexy underwears and nothing else), Greek toga parties (very revealing white togas, sometimes nothing underneath), beach themed parties, halloween parties (the time where a girl can dress up slutty with her friends and not be judged) at night on weekends that some Pak girls participated in–and these are very highly sexualized, raunchy, hedonistic parties that were very popular on campus. Everyone getting dressed up and wearing slutty clothes and getting excited to go out on a Fri or Sat night to party without parents ever finding out, clearly the temptation and peer pressure and curiosity is there. Have to be very strong character and discplined and self sacrificing to withstand the temptation, many girls these days do not possess these qualities anymore. And im not even counting informal house parties that occured in someones suite on a late Fri or Sat night where people would get drunk, flirt and look to get laid. And it was girls who lived on campus that participated. Girls (and even guys) commuting could not participate at midnight on a Friday night.
The parties below are very much real and very popular on college campuses (all of them listed in the article have happened at my uni which is a top tier prestigious US university but these occur even more so at state schools) and a good portion of the Pak girls who lived on campus did often participate. Ironically, it was the international students esp the guys straight from Pakistan that used to go crazy for these parties.
Truthfully we didn’t have Pakistani girls associating in those parties. Arab foreign students - yes. Some of them were known to go out but we didn’t have much of a frat scene since the entire city is one big frat party at night. So people went out to clubs etc. I remember being at the library or dorm halls with my paki friends or my parents brought me home and I was in on Friday / Saturday night.
Now clubbing at night? I heard of Pakistani high school girls escaping into a club at 10 pm (stupid I doubt anyone was there ) by making excuses they’d be at a friends house.
I definitely know girls were using the local library to date. The ones that were at home lol. You’d see the girls at the library or Barnes and nobles with their boyfriends lol.
If you want to do bad things you will.
One couple was found having sex in a car parked out in front of a masjid. People doing taraweeh inside. The couple decided that was a long enough prayer they could escape for a bit.
Those of us who went to study, actually studied. Now maybe the scene was very different in the northeast or Chicago area I don’t know. Desis there seem more modernized anyway from what I’ve seen.
I just don’t think anyone looks at a letter from a great college, scholarships attached and with dreams of high aspirations and says “yeah I’m going to screw this up by going to underwear parties and getting trashed”.
Even the girls who did get into stupidity - my sisters Bengali roommate was out with friends nightly and was pulling a solid D average, they did seem to have good intentions when they came to school.
I think what leads them to do these things is temptation, and stress from school, stress from that first semester hitting you in the face and oh look now you’re not getting good grades anymore because your high school teachers inflated grades to be nice and now you’re not up to standard. People who go through those academic challenges will turn to partying as a sense of fulfillment.
Anyway a great reason why MSA’s on campus need to be welcoming and inclusive of everyone. That’s another thread. A lot of these colleges have MSA’s that are boys clubs or Arab wahabbi clubs. It’s shocking how they try to include girls.
Interestingly where I went to college, we didn’t deal with the MSA. We had these stupid wahabis running it and women weren’t allowed to talk at meetings, we’re not allowed go run for elections and we were kept in a separate room. Thankfully a predecessor student some years ago had formed a separate organization meant for women. Pretty much everyone who didn’t have a long beard joined in. And so when I was there, it was the cornerstone for us. We held a lot of events and that was our social time.
But it was falling apart by the time my sister got there. I had tried to keep it alive but mullah virus had gotten to it. My sister was elected for a position then told to leave since she didn’t wear a hijab. Guess what that did? Balanced people left. Nothing to do on a Thursday night? Party started Thursday night there. So then the paki foreign students (yes the girls you idiots go back to pakistan to marry thinking they are better) pulled along the ones who were ousted for not wearing hijabs and abayas and growing beards, joined along. That’s where my sister saw her first alcohol. Not with the local crowd but my pakistani girls from Pakistan who were on scholarship from the Musharraf era (military girls mostly of course because of some dad-connection ) were out there drinking.
If I recall pak 2015 you were going back to pak to find a bride.
Lol.
Assumptions assumptions. Just like not all girls from pak are innocent , not all dorm dwellers in the states are bad. We have a couple here who post blogs and just read what their day to day life is like.
The lingerie girls may exist but it’s not as common as you think. It’s a small group of girls and no need to paint the rest of is with that trailer trash.
Show up to their dorm on Friday / sat nights for spot checks.
Call them. Any noises in the background?
Have a good relationship with the doorman. Or security guy. For some friendliness and home made biryani they will spill the beans on where your kid is going.
Having siblings keep an eye out for each other. I would spot check my sister when I was there in grad school and she was in college. I was pretty much assured she was a nerd bent on taking over the world. Doesn’t happen at underwear frat parties. :k:
Know your kid. Like I said, the girls who were known to be suspicious by their own parents - those parents did not shell out money for dorm rooms. A lot got married early for fear of bringing shame to the families.
We have people sometimes come to my dad and ask how he managed to send us to the dorms, and we still turned out successful and no boyfriend rumors. If there are any rumors they’re so fictional it’s not even funny. Even people who were not my friends could have grudgingly accepted they can’t make up those rumors of me and my sister. Now they can say things like “oh they’re not as involved in the community and they have a lot of American friends”. Ooooh great that really burns me
These assumptions do a few things.
-discourage girls from GOOD higher education , thereby truncating careers.
-college choices are based on what others will say not what’s best for the girl’s academic future. Which will only impact the success of our community. You know a lot of these young moms - they’re worthless in their studies and they can’t show their kids much.
-not taking college seriously – then when she has kids she won’t be pushing them to get into good colleges. Mediocre worked for her, it will work for her kids. Cycle continues. More stupid muslims born every year.
-by painting the sins of a few onto everyone else, you participate in badnaami. Then you use this as justification to go to pakistan to get a bride. DIRECT effect - growing spinster population in the US/UK. Apparently we all parties in our chaddis in college. You don’t agree? Great then marry a girl in the US. Show us you’re not a hypocrite.
Anyway hope I raised some food for thought. We had some rotten Arab foreign apples and Paki foreign apples but pretty much everyone who was local going to my college worked pretty hard and did well.
And if there was someone who had an affair it was their own stupid life choice. Not the dorm. Because people living at home were likewise making stupid choices.
Because of crap like this my uncle forced my cousin to go to the local crap college. Now she comes back with the stories and even he accepts “that college is filled with kachra”. The parents of those “kachra” kids think they’re doing great by making them commute and stay local. Just talk to my cousin. They’re all having affairs.
Yeah I am 100% for education for Pakistanis. Our people don’t stress it enough. Parents need to educate their daughters especially. I dont think all dorm girls were bad. I even said not all Pak girls who dormed were bad apples. Kept bolding the word “some” Pak girls in my previous posts in this thread to emphasize it’s just a portion of girls who dormed. But that small portion of Pak girls who dormed and did the above is enough for a guy to wonder if she did participate in such activities–its not insecurity its personal perference, the guy in OP does not want such a wife, nothing wrong with that. The onus is on us to stop behaving like horny rats and instead respect ourselves, our image, families, future spouse, culture and religion by not participating in such activities despite the temptations.
So this what most of the pakistani girls do in uni, no wonder parents don’t let them study in such uni’s & then they gte labelled as troublemakers who stayed at home. :rolleyes:
Quite a few, def more than 10 including girls straight from pak..some would at least go to one just to experience it and may not go again (doesnt mean they’re immoral just for attending) but some would attend the lower scale parties in a guys apartment suite..others were more regulars..very few who lived on campus did not attend any, almost all attended at least once. Some Pak girls would wear leggings under their skirts to cover their legs and although not revealing it still was very sexualized dressing even with leggings. Girls who do this publically are a turn off for me but now that I’ve become older seems like this is becoming the norm for Pak girls these days esp with the upcoming social media generation, who are much worse than my generation who grew up with no smart phones or Facebook etc.
The studious nerdy Pak girls and hijabi girls were the only ones who did not attend such parties (surprisingly there werent many studious Pak girls at my uni, most of the nerdy desi girls were actually Indian..most Pak girls were outgoing and always looking for fun, education did not seem a priority to them on weekends unless of course it was exam week)
But now having said all that, nothing wrong with being careful but a guy should not judge a girl just because she dormed or lived in a hostel. Judge aspects of her personality and how she presents herself in public–if she emphasizes fun, socializing with guys, partying, wears tight or revealing clothes, her priorities are messed up, etc, look at the overall picture, those provide much better insights than her living in a dorm. Her red flags will be obvious over time than her living in a dorm because not all dorm girls are like the ones I described, just a portion of them. In fact a girl who does live in a dorm and did not do any of that stuff is the girl you want to marry–shows despite all the temptation and opportunities, she had a strong enough character to not engage in that.
Wow! I’m shocked by all the comments on crazy paki dorm girls. I didn’t realize that this is the norm. I know that the parties and the campus life mentioned above take place at every campus but did not know that paki girls were a large portion of the population–or the extent of their actions. Anyway, I’ve never seen anything like that on my campus involving paki girls. I go to small, private college and the paki girls I know mostly commute and are very studious. Even the ones living on campus go home during the weekend if they only live an hour or so away.
I personally do not think questions need to be raised just because a girl lived in a dorm. My parents didn’t have a problem with me living in a dorm but I decided to commute since I only live 30 mins away but my sister lives on campus and she does not participate in any such activities nor do the other paki girls we know. However, we do know MANY paki guys both living on campus and commuting who participate in a lot of the activities mentioned above. But of course since they are paki guys, they are probably so focused on studying and being good little shareef boys, that is in the eyes of their mommies and daddies.
Listen I think most mature guys will agree that most guys are h*rami and hold a double standard in almost all cultures throughout the world but especially in our culture. The thing is throughout history women have been used sexually (prostitution is one of the oldest professions). Women are still used by men to this day. It’s throughout society around the world–look how women are objectified for the pleasure of men whether it’s cheerleaders wearing skimpy outfits and jumping up and down at sports events, women wearing bikinis and holding a card showing what round it is in boxing, clubs/strip clubs/dirty magazines and videos have women doing degrading things for men’s enjoyment, or how most nude scenes in Hollywood show the actresses completely nude in the name of acting (LOL), how grade A actresses in bollywood such as Katrina, Deepika, Aishwarya (in dhoom 2..yikes), married Kareena, etc wear such revealing clothes and are made to move their hips and bodies provactively in songs, even clothing of women is actually designed to highlight aspects of their body that will appeal to men (while men’s clothing is designed for comfort)—feminism says women should have freedom to have fun, be free and show their bodies because its empowering (LOL), this is what girls are being taught by society but what they dont realize is thats exactly what men want. Its become so entrenched in society that girls dont even realize it. They’re all being objectified for the pleasure of men whether they realize it or not. When a guy wants to fool around he doesn’t care at all about the girls past or her red flags he knows it’s temporary fun and he wants the path of least resistance which is usually the easy outgoing girls. When it comes time for marriage that’s when a guy wants a girl who did not allow other men to “use” her. This is the mindset of most men. When it comes time for marriage men don’t want an easy girl they want a girl who was strong and did not fall under the male-dominated societal pressure even if the guy himself engaged in such behavior. Most pak girls esp as teenagers and during their rebellious stage are dumb and fall for this pressure because it’s fun or makes them feel good or whatever. They do usually grow out of it once they experience it but by then they’re judged by men for not having been strong and it’s held against them. This is why even white people think a girl is slutty if she has many partners or is too overtly friendly with guys because they’re thinking oh that girl is easy she’s letting herself be used by men for their pleasure while a man who sleeps with many women and is able to “conquer” them for his pleasure is celebrated and described honorably as a player or Casanova or ladys man etc. I’m not saying it’s right but that’s how society works throughout the world. That’s why a girl is held to a higher standard, standards that girls now a days are unable to meet because it’s so much easier to fall under the pressure and temptation these days with Internet, smart phones, facebook, skype, etc. All I’m saying is that girls should be smarter and don’t objectify themselves for guys who aren’t serious about them, even if guys are engaging in such vices. Save it for the right man who will love you and respect you and will always be by your side despite the ups and downs that come with life. If a girl is patient she will find that man without ever having to engage in the temptations thrown at a girl by our society.
I agree with what you say. And I do think that girls should avoid these things and hold themselves to higher standards because I have seen many girls not getting good rishtas or being left out of something else because of their one time stupid mistakes they’ve made when they were teenagers. I was trying to say that I didn’t think that so many paki girls participate in these activities. Maybe I’ve just lived a really shelter life and live in a small area that’s not representative of the entire sample size.
But I completely agree about the double standard thing in our society and unfortunately it doesn’t look like it’s going to change anytime soon. However, girls do need to be smart and not fall for these things and stupid guys because society will hold it against them.
