Salaam. Here is the issue: I have a cousin who lives in London, his parents want him to get married to an old family friends daughter who also lives in London. The family of the girls is good and the girl seems to be nice as well, but my cousin has one hang up. The girl is studying at a University in London(same city as her family home) but instead of commuting to University she is living in the dorms. My cousin, a boy, was not allowed to leave home and had to commute to University and can’t wrap his head around how the mother allowed her daughter to live at the dorms instead of at the home? He thinks the girl may not be family oriented as she does not live at home or lacks any empathy towards her family, or perhaps she is out on her own “experimenting”.
I honestly told him that the family is good, and we have know them for years, and the girl met you very nicely and seems to be good. He just doesn’t understand why the girl can’t commute and decided to live away from her family. Maybe someone who has experience or knows reasons that why girls living in the same city as her parents would rather stay in dorms vs family home? He thinks the girl may have wanted freedom from her parents and is “experimenting” as he put it. He also didn’t like the fact that she has ZERO desi/muslim friends. I think he is overreacting and told him to stop thinking so hard, she is a nice girl. He thinks she is nice, but maybe not as family oriented, especially if he had a daughter he would not allow her to live on her own. I am not sure, is he right? Have you known girls like this?
oh the stories about girls living in hostels… yes we heard all of them! He should consider the possibility of her being a lesbian. That should cheer him up!
Seriously what is wrong with people these day. He is living in London and says he won’t let his daughter live on her own, tell him he is no more in ‘chak gaaf bay 32/14’. He better move to home land and live there if he has such aspirations.
All my younger girl cousins are living in dorms or on campus apts vs commuting from home. The reason is simple…my aunts/uncles 1) don’t want their kids spending half their days driving back and forth on multiple highways (especially at odd hours of the day and night after a late lab or study session) 2) they can get away with being car free for the most part 3) it honestly helps them concentrate on their studies more
and the above scenario applies to the boys and girls in my family, we don’t gender discriminate
Yikes. That’s most of the girls I know. For all we know she’s extremely dedicated to her studies and wants out of a overpopulated family home or just hates the commute.
I do think there are some fundamentals there that don’t match and it doesn’t matter if they’re both great people, the clashes could prove fatal to any future relationship. I don’t think the girl will be willing to marry him either.
I can see where he is coming from, especially if she lives close by. The truth is some girls do want to get away from their house to get the freedom to do whatever they want including engaging in thing they might not otherwise be able to do.
But it’s stupid to come up with these preconceived notions in advance. If she has red flags, they will come out in other aspects of her personality so just keep an eye out for those.
Nah he’s being careful. Nothing wrong with that. Girls do it also when they wonder if a guy is a player or flirts with all guys. It becomes insecurity if he tries to change her or starts making it an issue after marriage.
London is a big city and commutes can get long; not everyone wants to do that and it could simply be for convenience’s sake she chooses to live on campus. You can’t make assumptions about a person’s character on that basis.
Those who want to be “experiment” will do so regardless of whether they live at home or alone.
^^In a society where intermingling is the norm and it’s socially acceptable to be around the opposite gender it really doesn’t make much difference if you’re in a hostel or not..
If the guy has said he wouldn’t want his own daughter living away from home I can’t see how it’s going to work with a girl who’s had a different upbringing and/or mindset..
maybe she’s a good catch since living on her own will make her independent. not all pakistani girls who live out are bad! this is a very backward type mentality in present times.
I don’t buy the whole needing to move out for Uni in London if your family lives in London crap even though I did. I did because I was a haraami who wanted to go out partying, have fun with girls and come home drunk. During my uni days, I visited pretty much every uni from KCL, UCL, Queen Mary heck even the shyte ones like Middlesex and Kingston. All Pakis that went to these unis and lived out did so to party, have fun and have sex. Just my two cents!
On the flip side, I know girls who moved out to go to Uni up north to places like Birmingham, Manchester and Leeds - all were good hijabi girls who only moved to study and were good sharif girls.
The guy is naive if he thinks one has to live away from home to “experiment”.. The one who wants to “experiment” will figure it out right under the parents nose
There is no dearth of desi girls in the UK. He can find another one if he is so fixated on this issue he might continue having these issues later on in life when and if these two end up together. Better to marry someone whose mental outlook matches your own.
