Re: Children molested by family members
Its easier to say what needs to be done when one hasnt experienced it first hand.
Tricky situations.
As a mother I would castrate the wanker and feed him his crown jewels.
If I were a rational human being, I would take my daughter away from that situation and let God handle him. Revenge is God's.
Re: Children molested by family members
^god also says that u must stand up for urself when something unjust has happened to u.
^god also says that u must stand up for urself when something unjust has happened to u.
True, and standing up in this situation is ensuring it never happens again. Hate the sin, not the sinner.
Hate brings fear and some other stuff Yoda once mentioned.
Unbelievable..
One of the girls I used to teach as a private tutor confided in me (I guess somehow a teacher appears as the next guardian after parents and the fact that she had a step mom so she was not very close to her mom and dad) that she was molested by her own cousin right in front of her grand father who said nothing when that was happening.
What a disgraceful grandfather, I can't believe he didnt say anything!!!
this thread was a way to understand her thought process, that maybe she was right in what she did.
I think when mohters/parents hide it or dont' confront the guilty person there reasons are as follows (i'm not justifying if wat they do is correct cuz every situation is different)
sumtimes a guilty person has maintained such a dignified and integrable place in society that pointing fingers towards him/her would make u a sinner and the whole society/neighbourhood will believe that other person is innocent and insteaad bad mouth u and hold u a guilty for spreading "rumors" about the actual guilty person.
sumtimes the victim's family does not have such a strong place/say or resources to deal with the dilemma. if there are sinners and saints in society then there r also those who wud gossip and those who would really empathize and support u. if the ratio of gossipers is high compared to empathizers and supporters and u feel u'd be left alone in the middle of it and become a joke then the family just doesn't bring it up. becuz in such scenario little would it affect the committer and little would it confront him rather teh victim's family becomes a living joke
sumtimes every1 knows that guilty person is guilty of sin but no1 dares raise finger because of fear (powerful ppl can go to certain lenghts like they show in movies) so because of that fear family doesn't say nything because telling others wudnt be beneficial cuz every1 already knows he's a sinner of other crimes and no1 can support u. rather u put urself at risk n other family members. so family deals with it quietly.
i hope the above are enuf to get u started on ur mom's n other moms' thought processes.
May ALLAH guide every1 to right path and protect us, AMEEN!
Re: Children molested by family members
Thats why we (me and my wife) have understanding b/w us that we will not leave kids alone with any adult unless one of us or our parents are there......not even our own brothers/sisters. I confess that it was hard initially for me to accept (and we had our own heated discussions) but she being girl made me realize how things are in Pakistan specially with girls shopping around or traveling by public transport.
Child molesters (be it close family member) belongs to the jail and should be promptly reported
Re: Children molested by family members
Wow, this thread is really disturbing but also an eye opener. It makes me sick to even think about it but it happens a lot more then we even realize. Its disgusting.
Allah swt protect our kids from these monsters and keep them safe!
Re: Children molested by family members
It happens more than often then we think, as a young teenager I had 2 attempts towards me and I am so happy that nothing happened and I was saved from it.
As a mother I will protect my child and be suspicious of everyone and if something happens then I will blame myself for not protecting my child and will make hell for that person!
Re: Children molested by family members
In Punjab and Karachi they think Molvis (Clerics) and Peers don't have penises.
They let them come into their houses uninhibited and let their women sit with them for Khatams and their girls learn Quran from them.
Clerics and priests are as horny as anyone else, a beard is not a testosterone inhibitor.
Over here people don't even send their boys to young Molvis, and girls only learn Quran from women and still we have problems.
It's a really bad idea to have Qari Sahib teach your daughters/women Quran.
Only baygherats let Mullah's in their house, Mullah ke neechay kuch nahi hota?
Re: Children molested by family members
Still though, wouldn't you wanna let your family members know that someone is doing this type of stuff? It's scary and God forbid happen to anybody or their child.
I wasn't aware it was so common? I mean....parties? That's crazy
Re: Children molested by family members
12 years old?
I think some people are confusing sexual harassment with child molestation.
Re: Children molested by family members
I think, and I emphasis the word *think *that a 16 year old is classed as a child by the authorities in terms of abuse. Any kind of abuse. In the U.K that is.
In Punjab and Karachi they think Molvis (Clerics) and Peers don't have penises.
They let them come into their houses uninhibited and let their women sit with them for Khatams and their girls learn Quran from them.
Clerics and priests are as horny as anyone else, a beard is not a testosterone inhibitor.
Over here people don't even send their boys to young Molvis, and girls only learn Quran from women and still we have problems.
It's a really bad idea to have Qari Sahib teach your daughters/women Quran.
Only baygherats let Mullah's in their house, Mullah ke neechay kuch nahi hota?
It has nothing to do with Punjab or Karachi or Maulvi it has to do with not following the CORE principle of Islam and that is MEETINGS OF NON-MEHRAM MALES/FEMALES is NOT ALLOWED and with this principle ignored, it can happen any where with anyone. We think that these principles are restricting our "otherwise enjoyable life" but we simply forget that these are just for our betterment.
Re: Children molested by family members
^Yes, they definitely can.
I think that because of the way desi culture/society is constructed, young men become sexually frustrated and end up molesting young girls who are developing adult bodies but are not adult enough to protest. This is no way makes it right or justifies it.
In my case, he had actually planned to take me and my younger brother to an english children's movie back home...turned out that it was one of those dubbed in hindi and the theater was practically empty. Its very frustrating to know that I didnt have the guts to slap him or call attention to myself at that age.
Some of you said that 12 is not too young...certainly in the west, a 12 yr old has had far more exposure. When I was 12 or maybe I was 11, I knew some things, but not enough. And the novelty of the situation makes it harder to know how to react...I really didn't know or expect that I could ever be molested. When it happened, it was a shock. I felt frustrated and trapped. I still cringe when I think of the helplessness.
Nosherwan, come on, is it fair to say that only beyghairats let mullahs into their home? We are not born skeptic...such incidents make us aware.
Parents should not have an authoritarian relationship with their children and thankfully these days I don't see it happening much. Makes is easier to confide such things.
^Yes, they definitely can.
I think that because of the way desi culture/society is constructed, young men become sexually frustrated and end up molesting young girls who are developing adult bodies but are not adult enough to protest. This is no way makes it right or justifies it.
In my case, he had actually planned to take me and my younger brother to an english children's movie back home...turned out that it was one of those dubbed in hindi and the theater was practically empty. Its very frustrating to know that I didnt have the guts to slap him or call attention to myself at that age.
Some of you said that 12 is not too young...certainly in the west, a 12 yr old has had far more exposure. When I was 12 or maybe I was 11, I knew some things, but not enough. And the novelty of the situation makes it harder to know how to react...I really didn't know or expect that I could ever be molested. When it happened, it was a shock. I felt frustrated and trapped. I still cringe when I think of the helplessness.
Nosherwan, come on, is it fair to say that only beyghairats let mullahs into their home? We are not born skeptic...such incidents make us aware.
Parents should not have an authoritarian relationship with their children and thankfully these days I don't see it happening much. Makes is easier to confide such things.
its beacause our parents avoid talking abt such thngs otherwise so many girls get puberity near 12 but moms let them learn by their own miserable experience than teach them how to stand up for themselves.but in west parents r more aware n even in school they teach them how to react n if they get the slightest doubt if a child is being molested by any living member social services get involved right away.So parents hav to keep alert at all costs.
It has nothing to do with Punjab or Karachi or Maulvi it has to do with not following the CORE principle of Islam and that is MEETINGS OF NON-MEHRAM MALES/FEMALES is NOT ALLOWED and with this principle ignored, it can happen any where with anyone. We think that these principles are restricting our "otherwise enjoyable life" but we simply forget that these are just for our betterment.
You know the problem in Punjab and Sindh is they treat Clerics and Spiritual Leaders as immaculate infalliable Angels that can not possibly do anything wrong.
They trust them too much.
Honor Clerics but to an extent that they do not lead you away from the Shariah.
There is a lot of that Peeri Faqeeri BS in Punjab/Sindh and the people wouldrather follow their Peer or Murshid Saeen instead of Shariat.
Re: Children molested by family members
^ I don't think it is anything to do with people behavior in Karachi and Punjab. It may happen in the remotest villages of FATA as well.
Re: Children molested by family members
Now I'm posting after reading only few posts.
Sub say pehlay to ghalti parents ki wahan hoti hai jub wo quran kay mutabiq naheen chaltay.
Quran main likha hai "aik mard aur aurat kay darmiaan teesra shaitan hota hai". Is tarjumay main kaheen rishtay ka zikr naheen hai kay koi khaas rishta is say alaihida hai. To jub itni bari baat quran main likh di gai hai to phir larkion ki bator e khaas aur larkon ki bhi maain bil umoom kioon is baat ka dhiaan naheen rakhteen kay buchpun say unkon taleem naheen deten aur akelay kisi larkay ya mard khuwaah koi bhi rishta ho kay saath kioon rehnay deteen hain.
Kia larki ki maan nain yay naheen sikhaya tha kay aik larka ya mard (koi bhi rishta ho) akelay nheen hona. Wahan say hut jana hai jub aisa koi situation aay.
Aisa agar larkion ko buchpun say sikha dia jaay to wo door bhagain aisa waqt anay say.
Aaj kaal zamana kharab hai kisi ka bharosa naheen koi rishta qabil e bharosa naeen raha.
So larkion ko akelay main baap say bhi door rehna chahyay aur maaon ko jub wo choteen ho rakhna chahyay.
Main nain aisa kioon kaha? Is liaay kay.
Hamari masi aik hamaray mohallay main kaam karti thi wo batati thi kay aik family kay 3 larkay aur aik hi larki thi maan kabhi bhi kaheen jati thi larki ko saath lay kar jaati thi is liaay kay us aurat nain maasi ko bataya tha kay us kay baap ki niaat kharab hai apnni buchchi pay. Main nain itna hi suna tha aur pata naheen. Main us waqt kafi chota tha laikin baat kuch ghalat hai yay samajh aai thi.
I also heard buchchay masjid main jaatay thay quran parhnay mohallay kay hamaray un main aik sindhi larki bakri charati thi aur hamaray ghar kay paas say guzarti thi to roz pani peenay ati thi to hamari ammi aur choti bahan ki dosti ho gai thi us say wo 14 ya 15 saal ki larki thi meri bahan kafi choti thi laikin ussay pani pilanay say dosti ho gai thi. Apni bakrion ka haal bataya karti thi paani peenay kay dauraan aur bakri kay buchchay goad main lenay deti thi bahan ko.
Molvi sahab do time parhatay thay musjid main shaam kay time pay wo larki bakri charanay wali parhti thi molvi sahab nain chund buchchon kay samnay us ko touch kia sub kay samnay mohallay kay buchchon nain bataya aur baat bohat phail gai. Meri bahan subah jati thi.
Sub buchchay to waisay hi jaatay rahay larkiaan bhi laikin meri ammi nain bahan ko mana kar dia aur ghar main molvi bula lia jo meray bhai kay saath molvi say parhnay lagi.
So yeah kisi ka aitabaar naheen is liaay maan ko un murghion ki tarha hona chahyay jaisay jub unkay buchchon par cheel kawway hamala kartay hain to wo janwar ho kar larti hai aur apnay buchchon ko apnay paron main chupati hai. Main nain yay seen daikh tha is liaay bata raha hoon.
All the single ladies ohhhhh I mean all the maaaiiiinnnn larkion ko hargiz akela na chorain kisi kay saath aur unko seekha bhi dain kay jahan per koi naheen wahan par agar koi larka ya mard ho khuwaah koi bhi rishta ho wahan say ht jana hai.
Karna kia chahyay agar aisa waqia ho jaay to.
Budnami aur naam to Allah denay wala hai so dar kay maray chup naheen rehna chahyay auron ki izzat ko bachahnay kay liaay aur apni beti aur aur logon kay liaay aik achchi misaal bananay kay liaay qadam uthana chahyay.
Kis tarha.
Is tarha kay pehlay to larki kay walid say baat karain aur sub batain phir kahain kay ya to larkay say akelay main baat kar kay uski chitrol achchay say karain ya chund thappar zaroor marain ya larkay kay walid say baat karain. Bahar haal har soorat main larkay ko chitrol zaoor parna chahyay.
Aik baat chitrol paray gi to ainda aisa karnay say daray ga. Mera yaqeen hai agar her jurm karnay walay ko pehli dafa hi chitrol par jaay to dobara qadam uthanay ki jurraat na ho.
Chitrol is a must for him.
Larki ko aur ziada hoshiaar kar dain khaas tor say us say aur doosray mardon say bhi. Is liaay kay mera khiaal hai yay sun kar kuch aur mard bhi koshish kar saktay hain kay baar baar kai aik kay baray main bataay gi to sub larki ko hi jhoota samjhain gay.
Larki ko hamaisha apnay say ziada door na honay dain khuwaah kaheen bhi hon aur kisi jagah bhi hon. Usko kahain hamaisha nazron kay samnay raho.
Larki jaisay hi 8 saal ki ho us ko ahista ahista train karna shuru karain apnay nazron kay saamnay rehnay ka aur toilet waghaira bhi khud lay kar jahin khuwah larki 20 aur 22 ki bhi ho jaay agar kaheen kisi jagah dawat waighaira main gaay hain ya kaheen aur to.
8 saal ki umr say aap nain larki pay zahir huway baghair uski ki sakht nigrani shuru kar dain aur jaisay jaisay umr barhti jaay nigrani sakht karti jain.
Thori si budnami bhi ho sakti hai laikin agar larki shareef hai aur mera yaqeen hai kay shareef ho gi jubhi bata dia warna chupa jaati khauf say bhi aur khud kay ghalat honay ki wajah say bhi to kuch agar larki ko ghalat bolain kay to kuch sahi bhi bolain gay. So darain naheen aur Allah pay bharosa kar kay aur us say dua kar kay zaroor qadam uthain.
Is tarha larki ka aitamad aap pay bahal ho ga kay meray saath kuch ghalat huwa to maan nain qadam barhaya aur ainda khuda na khuwasta kuch huwa to wo bila jhijhuk aap bataay gi doosray wo seekhay gi kay aisay soorat main kis tarha aur kia karna chahay takay wo jub khud maan banay gi to ziada bahtar deal kar sakay gi.
Is kay Ilawa us larkay ko apnay ghar anay pay hamaisha kay liaay pabundi laga dain.
Baqi larkion wali rishtaydaron ko bhi bata kar hoshiyaar kar dain.
Zaroori naheen kay poori baat munzar pay laya jaay yay kah kar kay us nain koshish ki thi pakarnay ki.
Aik aur baat jo main nain ammi say suna tha aik larki ko kisi nain pakarnay ki koshish kar raha tha to us nain cheekh mara tha to loag aa gaay thay.
Larkion ko aisi soorat main cheekhnay ka bhi seekha denay chahyay kay jub koi pakarnay lagay ya haath pakar lay to zor zor say cheekhna shuru kar day. Takay larka khud dar jaay aur loag bhi ikhatta ho jain aur cheekhnay ki wajah say larki buch jaay aur sub ussay bayqusoor bhi samjhain.
That's why the concept of religion is very important. Why is this mehram, na mehram thing told to us, why is a 12 year old girl left alone with a man who isn't her sibling or parent? Why this immense trust in other people? Like it or not, but there is too much freedom in our culture. Well, this happened and the past cannot be erased but the psychological effects are still there. It was the parents fault in the first place. Secondly, there is no one as important as a child. If someone hurts my child I will break relationships with that family. There are no religious or social obligations to be connected to someone who has commited such a sinful act and taken advantage of your child. I do understand the social pressure but I also believe in the power of God. Some people think ki badnaami hoye gi, who will marry our daughter and all that...oh believe me, stand up for what's right, everything falls into place. But now that it's over, you need to forgive your mom because not every woman in our socio-cultural setup has the kind of confidence or support needed to stand up for that. I am in a different situation, hence my reaction.
Zabardast NIki. I totally agree with you also with NJ Girl and Mabrook.
AT first place it's mom mistake so she has to do something for sure.
Confront him with your husband and some chitrol too _+ Tell his parents and all the Single ladiessss ohhhhh I mean MOMS.
Paki american bhai agar larki bhi qusoor war ho to chup rehna jaiz hai per agar larki qusoorwar naheen to Confront + Chitrol + His budnami is a must.
Larki 12 ki ho ya 16 ki uski izzat izzat hoti hai aur aur izzat pay haath uthanay walay kay haath tor dena chahyay agar yay na kar sakhain to chitrol say uska bhoot hamaisha kay liaay bhaga dena chahyay.
Isiliaay Saza tajweez ki gai hai kay jahan Allah ka khauf na ho wahan chitrol ka khauf kaam karta hai.
Budnami aur Izzat denay wala to Allah hai kis nain quran main yay naheen parha. Aik say aik buri larkion ki shadi ho jaati hai hir jaaiz huq main Allah madad karta hai. Allah pay bharosa karna chahyay.