Children molested by family members

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Your 12 years old daughter is molested by her unmarried, paternal cousin who is a good 12-14 years older than her. All of you really trusted this person and the girl even used to call him ‘mama’ for some reason. She tells her mom the very next day.

What should the mom do?

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Re: Children molested by family members

Depends what kind of personality , family background mother has !

At what extent she is willing to go .. What kind of moral support , she and the child , expected to get from friends and family members during this progression in a particular direction .

Or … La parole nous a été donnée pour déguiser notre pensée

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Re: Children molested by family members

my question

wut if the girl never tells her mom becuz shes afraid of what mite happen next
how her family will be treated and that there will be chaos and gossip & rumors

4

Re: Children molested by family members

Let's assume an average desi, muslim family background, whatever that is...

Well, in this case, the girl did tell her mother.

Basically, what would you do if you were the mother? What is the right thing to do? Should the mother just let it slide by and ignore it? To avoid 'badnami' and family discord? What about how the daughter feels...how should she be comforted?

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Re: Children molested by family members

I know someone in the exact same situation. The daughter didn't tell her mother cuz she was afraid. The man then tried to molest the younger sister at which point they told their mother and the mother chose not to confront himl cuz of fear and humiliation in their family.

I would do the complete opposite. I would confront the a**hole in front of all the family so no one would let their kids in front of him. After that if the family doesn't wanna talk to me, I wouldn't really care. Wouldn't u wanna call "family" only those people that would stick with u and help u thru this difficult situation?

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Re: Children molested by family members

no she needs to raise the concern so no other girl is touched again

too many incidents like this get shoved under the carpet.. and its because mothers arent sticking up for their daughters.. and why not? as children.. our parents are our guadians, life safers.. our world.. if the one person we look upto cant relieve our pain, then what are they doing as our parent? why did they bring us into this world if they cant even protect us from friggin idiots like this..

so what if he's a family member... people need to know.. what if it happens again? who will be to blame... the MOTHER! she needs to voice it... her daughter had the courage to come and seek help, now her mother needs to do something about it before it happens again

I HATE such losers with a passion! if the mother does not do anything about it.. she fits the same category...

this is something i hate more than anything in this entire world.... sleezebags!

7

mom should support her daughter at all costs. mom needs to keep her daughter away from that cousin.....perhaps even get the dad to beat the crap out of him :D

its ok for her not to tell her mom......but she will need someone to talk to...anyone. preferably a professional. it's not a good idea to keep it all in.

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Re: Children molested by family members

My cousin went thru a similar situation last summer in khi and i was so distraught over it i cant even imagine how her parents were feeling. She went into a girls bathroom while her parents, my parents and about 20 other relatives were sitting outside enjoying a party with many many other people. They were all at a hotel.

My cousin was about 12 yrs old. She told her mom shes going to use the bathroom. As soon as she got in the bathroom, a man came behind her and locked the door, took off his pants and began molesting her. She was yelling and crying but no one could hear her cuz it was loud outside. The womens bathroom she was in had another door at the back of the bathroom that lead to the steam room and sauna. My other two male cousins aged 9 and 7 were looking for her, asked my aunt where her daughter was, she told them in the bathroom. They went to the bathroom, realized the door was locked, heard her screaming and went behind to the other door, opened it. The man saw them and ran out of there and out of the hotel. Had he been found I'm sure my uncles would have literally killed him. The kids said they had never seen him so he wasn't a relative.

After that the girl cried continuously for several days and wanted to go back home, to Saudi arabia. Don't know how they consoled her but I'm sure they were with her the whole time.

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Re: Children molested by family members

I agree with sadZz. The man needs to be confronted. God! I know of so many situations like this. It makes me wanna cry and nearly kill these kinds of people men and women! I've even heard of a woman molesting a little boy.

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Re: Children molested by family members

^ so sad... may Allah help her through it...

its sickening... my hubby has already said there is no way our daughter can be left in a room alone with another male.. not even a single family member.

In pakistan, none of us girls were allowed to go to public bathrooms alone..

men laugh at girls going to bathrooms in a group... they shouldnt. At least we are protected this way

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Re: Children molested by family members

sad thing is...this is more common then we think. most of the time the girls dont have the courage to come out and tell anyone about it and if they do it's just brushed under the rug by their own moms. :(

12

I agree with your husband on this. The best cure is a prevention. I never allow my daughter alone with any male regardless of relationship. NO EXCEPTIONS.

I get a lot of crap from family on this behavior but I just very calmly scratch my nose with my middle finger....

In the above situation, I think girl's parents need their A**** kicked for this.

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Re: Children molested by family members

This sickness is very much common in f**ked up society of Pakistan, even girls got raped or molested, our shyt society put a label on their mouth coz of so called "Izat" .. they can't even tell anyone, and live with this rest of their lifes..

I know 2-3 cases of this,.. but .. w/e.. shyt life !

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Re: Children molested by family members

All of you are saying that coming out and confronting is the way. Would YOU really do it? What would you do? This has the potential of creating life long rifts between families.

Sumorani, wow that is insane. Thankfully this incident was not that crazy.

I'm many years removed from this incident and I can safely say that it hasn't impacted me psychologically. But I will never understand why my dad was never told or why it was brushed under. I become very critical of my mother when I think about it and this thread was a way to understand her thought process, that maybe she was right in what she did. She is not meek or subdued. She is the dominant parent and does not care as much as others about approval. (I have a great relationship with her and we are as close as close can be). My fear is that despite all that I believe should have been done, I will end up doing what my mom did, if god forbid something like that happens to my child.

One thing I've learned is that parents should not trust any one however nice they are. You just never know. Not even religious teachers...

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Re: Children molested by family members

^^ Its not about family issues, women/mom should start accepting the reality, what is more important the family members who molest your childs?

mujhko pagal kaha karay
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Re: Children molested by family members

thats really sad

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Re: Children molested by family members

^haha u should never trust religious leaders. but on a serious note, your mom i believe did it cuz of the whole 'badnami' issue and it is very sad that a family should live in shame after telling people about an incident like this. instead the family should be embraced cuz they have already been thru one horrific episode. it is very sad. you might do what ur mom did thinking its normal because that is what she did in this situation. however, how do u feel? do u not feel any vengeance? u dont feel a need to bring down that man? ask him why he did that? yell at him? possibly kill him?

i think a parent should stand up for their kid. in ur situation ur mom did what she thought was appropriate. everyone is different. if something like this happened to my kid (god forbid) i would bring down hell on that person and probably on his immediate family just cuz id be so angry, furious and unable to comprehend this act of violence.

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Re: Children molested by family members

Also, if you dont confront the person, it is almost telling him/her that it is ok to do it and that he can continue to do it cuz no one will bring him down. wouldnt u feel awful if he molested another girl just because u decided not to tell anyone?

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Re: Children molested by family members

1-if girl didn't need physical attention then don't create a scene.
2-talk to girl so she know it was her fault, kids at that age develop guilt.

3-find a way to contain that guy.
4-Find a way to correct him.

Start from one, one and two being most important.

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Re: Children molested by family members

I hate him (but not enough to kill him). I have intense dislike for him, I never spoke a word to him in all these years and never answer back ( yes he has the nerve to talk to me) I don't come across him anyway since we are in different countries.

...but my main issue is what a parent should do. He was never too important in my life anyway. My parents are and their response in such a situation affects me. One one level, I felt betrayed.

Oh and yes, I was serious about religious teachers aka molvis. I'm not saying all are bad, but there is at least one desperate one out there and, therefore, we should be careful of everyone collectively.