1-if girl didn't need physical attention then don't create a scene. 2-talk to girl so she know it was her fault, kids at that age develop guilt.
3-find a way to contain that guy. 4-Find a way to correct him.
Start from one, one and two being most important.
you mean talk to the girl so she knows it was NOT her fault?
I hate him (but not enough to kill him). I have intense dislike for him, I never spoke a word to him in all these years and never answer back ( yes he has the nerve to talk to me) I don't come across him anyway since we are in different countries.
...but my main issue is what a parent should do. He was never too important in my life anyway. My parents are and their response in such a situation affects me. One one level, I felt betrayed.
Oh and yes, I was serious about religious teachers aka molvis. I'm not saying all are bad, but there is at least one desperate one out there and, therefore, we should be careful of everyone collectively.
yeh im serious too, u should never trust religious leaders or just generally any religious person, after all they are still strangers. why would u trust them if u cant trust ur own relatives...
Re: Children molested by family members
Has anyone seen the movie “A Monsoon Wedding” It has a very similiar incidence in it.
A child molestor’s average victims are anywhere from 200-250 before he gets caught.
If the incidence happens here in the USA…I believe it needs to be dealt through the proper channel.
However…sadly in Pakistan there is no such system…and comes the point of keeping it hush hush.
One thing I do with my own kids is teach them that NOBODY should touch them and whatever that makes them feel uncomfortable …they need to come confide with us. It is very important to ask them from time to time too.
After hearing an incident in a Wlamart bathroom…I donot allow my kids to go use the restroom by themselves…I have to be there inside the restroom.
PrincessJojo…make sure you let your mother know that you want No Interaction with that cousin and she should make that a priority.
I hope you find a way to get a closure to put this all in the past.
…There are some horrible evil people in this world…you didnt make this happen to you.
I hate him (but not enough to kill him). I have intense dislike for him, I never spoke a word to him in all these years and never answer back ( yes he has the nerve to talk to me) I don't come across him anyway since we are in different countries.
...but my main issue is what a parent should do. He was never too important in my life anyway. My parents are and their response in such a situation affects me. One one level, I felt betrayed.
Oh and yes, I was serious about religious teachers aka molvis. I'm not saying all are bad, but there is at least one desperate one out there and, therefore, we should be careful of everyone collectively.
I take it this happened to you. You may not like it but your parents are to be blamed for this.
You were their responsibility they didn't use their best judgment to protect you from this...
As far as what parents should do, I think it's best to keep it quiet and not make it worse than it already is. Keep that guy away from the house, may be talk to him and warn him if he ever tried anything else like this again, he will go to jail…
Re: Children molested by family members
It's really sad that this type of stuff happens so much.
The mom should stand up for the daughter. She should speak to her husband they should confront the guy!
you mean talk to the girl so she knows it was NOT her fault?
yes
little kids develop guilt and don;t talk to any one, as it was their fault.
It's really sad that this type of stuff happens so much.
The mom should stand up for the daughter. She should speak to her husband they should confront the guy!
Absolutely dis-agree with you. They will only hurt themselves more by doing this...
Re: Children molested by family members
This happened to my cousin. Her dad's younger brother (single at the time) came and lied down next to her (I think she was 13 at the time or may be 14) and started touching her. Not sure what she did right away but I know it never happened again because she told her mom right away and her uncle moved out of the house soon after.
So I guess it is more common than we all think. Some real pricks out there!
Absolutely dis-agree with you. They will only hurt themselves more by doing this...
I disagree PakiAmerican. The parents should confront they guy because someone has to take a stand.
Keeping things "hush hush" in this day and age is wrong.
Because these people are predators and they will come after other children if not stopped.
I disagree PakiAmerican. The parents should confront they guy because someone has to take a stand.
Keeping things "hush hush" in this day and age is wrong.
Because these people are predators and they will come after other children if not stopped.
Do you have a daughter njgal ? if you do, how old is she ? I have 16 years old...
yes little kids develop guilt and don;t talk to any one, as it was their fault.
Yes I know. I added the word "not" for u. You will see if u read ur previous post.
Re: Children molested by family members
princessjojo... im sorry to say this.. but what ur mum did was wrong and what ur doing is even more wrong...
ur telling me, if ur daughter came and told u she has been molested by a family member, ur not going to raise an alarm?? how mant kids need to be molested before someone speaks up..
stuff the badnami... the badnami is that noone speaks about this...
if i did that to my daughter/son... i would never be able to live with myself. Knowing, I the parent of my child was not able to give my child the justice they needed.. i am not fit as a a parent
im sorry if i sound bitter and cruel about this... but i feel strongly about child molestation..
Do you have a daughter njgal ? if you do, how old is she ? I have 16 years old...
Maybe from ur perspective it's better to keep it a secret. But other people including myself disagree. I strongly disagree. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't speak up if someone molested my son Or daughter and specially if that person then molested someone else if I stayed quiet.
Can u please give ur justification for staying quiet.
Re: Children molested by family members
PakiAmerican.. I have a 2 yr old daughter.. and believe me, I will raise an alarm if she were touched..
I agree with your husband on this. The best cure is a prevention. I never allow my daughter alone with any male regardless of relationship. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I get a lot of crap from family on this behavior but I just very calmly scratch my nose with my middle finger....
In the above situation, I think girl's parents need their A**** kicked for this.
You are very right. If I have a daughter (son even), I wouldn't let them be with anyone except her Mahrams or maybe some of my closest friends who have gained my trust over the years. Still it can happen to anyone regardless of how careful you are.
I hope t never happens to any child/parent, as it can literally destroy the child's life forever. However, if it does happen (God forbid), I would break his ribs, cut him into pieces and feed him to dogs. I would!
Re: Children molested by family members
BTW most 'uncles' are not mahrams.
Your 12 years old daughter is molested by her unmarried, paternal cousin who is a good 12-14 years older than her. All of you really trusted this person and the girl even used to call him 'mama' for some reason. She tells her mom the very next day.
What should the mom do?
first mom should feel bad for not giving right awarenes to her daughter for a 12yrs old is sensible enuf.its a hard situation but may b she can talk to her husband n together they can work out a plan n confront the person.but remember if it becomes public the daughter might hav to face some challenges later if not right away.So handle the guy in a way it stays b/w responsible family members but def the guy should learn his lesson.
this is an issue i'm very familiar of n i trust nobody when it comes to girls.So all moms n dads should always b on guard n never let ur young girls stay at any relatives place alone.n its not limited to unmarried ppl but to any married relative esp not the mahram ones but unfortunate as our society is even mahram relations sumtimes become the culprits.
This sickness is very much common in f**ked up society of Pakistan, even girls got raped or molested, our shyt society put a label on their mouth coz of so called "Izat" .. they can't even tell anyone, and live with this rest of their lifes..
I know 2-3 cases of this,.. but .. w/e.. shyt life !
well sorry to say this is not limited to Pak or middle east or third world countries only this is a global issue.don't u watch news so many cases in west where real dads/step dads abusing their own daughters for several yrs b4 its out in public n sumetimes even moms know n find themselves helpless..esp with blended families this is a nightmare where ur step or adopted son does it to ur daughter.
Re: Children molested by family members
That's why the concept of religion is very important. Why is this mehram, na mehram thing told to us, why is a 12 year old girl left alone with a man who isn't her sibling or parent? Why this immense trust in other people? Like it or not, but there is too much freedom in our culture. Well, this happened and the past cannot be erased but the psychological effects are still there. It was the parents fault in the first place. Secondly, there is no one as important as a child. If someone hurts my child I will break relationships with that family. There are no religious or social obligations to be connected to someone who has commited such a sinful act and taken advantage of your child. I do understand the social pressure but I also believe in the power of God. Some people think ki badnaami hoye gi, who will marry our daughter and all that...oh believe me, stand up for what's right, everything falls into place. But now that it's over, you need to forgive your mom because not every woman in our socio-cultural setup has the kind of confidence or support needed to stand up for that. I am in a different situation, hence my reaction.
Re: Children molested by family members
I know several girls who have gone through this...its SOOOOOOOOOOO much more common then we think...even in the US. The way those girls suffered...if something like that ever happened to my kid (Allah na kare)...I would call the police later...I would have his hide in my hands first.