children and threading

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
81

Re: children and threading

I don’t want to post my story here because I am not taking this thread personally. But it just goes to tell that how people cope with similar situation differently and how their views are shaped diffrently.
I however, will say what I once said to my sister that you never let anyone else define you ever. You don’t look for approval in other’s opinion be it your mother or father let alone your peers. You are unique and no one else can change that about you. You have to know your self worth and thats the only way other will respect you. Life is full of mean and bad people who thrive on other people’s insecurities. You don’t feed them and they die a miserable death. Fat is not bad, dark is not bad, short is not bad, hairy is not bad and you know that too. Because if you want to desperately change yourself it means the next person you see with similar trait you naturally will think low of them and thats why the vicious cycle never ends.

“Nearly 210,000 cosmetic plastic surgery procedures were performed on people age 13 to 19 in 2009, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. While adults tend to have plastic surgery to stand out from the crowd, teens tend to have surgery to change the parts of their body they believe are flawed so that they can fit in with their peers, experts say.”

Teen Plastic Surgery - ABC News

82

Re: children and threading

^ Some things to consider when trying to compare that article to this thread.

1) Let's be real here about the age thing. 18/19 year old's are considered adults by all means here in the U.S. and do not need consent for any type of medical procedures. In comparison, we're talking about a 9/10/11/12 year old in this thread who are completely dependent on their parents. A 18/19 year old who truly wants something done isn't going to wait for mommy's permission before doing it. That 210,000 number unfortunately does not state how many of the patients were actually under 18. (Of course, looking at the U.S. census on how many people in the U.S. are under 18, that 210,000 is still a small % overall).

2) The age thing aside, that 210,000 number also doesn't actually separate between surgeries that are purely cosmetic and surgeries that are actually medically necessary. My hubby has participated in quite a few plastic surgeries for teens (15/16/17 year olds) where it was done to actually help them physically. Not too long ago he did a case where a 16 year old had a breast REDUCTION. From what he told me, she was a petite girl with boobs that were in the DDD and was having severe neck/back pain that was actually effecting her daily life even at home. Even in the article itself, it states that the girl was going for a "nose job" anyway due to a deviated septum and just added the rhiplasty to it. So yea....it would be nice to get some solid stats on how many teens are having surgeries for STRICTLY cosmetic reasons. Because that 210,000 looks like it includes cases where there was a legit medical reason behind the surgery.

3) The only girl interviewed in the ariticle, her mother and sister already had boob jobs done! Obviously in her family, this is a perfectly acceptable practice. So its not like this girl wanted something that shocked her parents or was against THEIR values.

4) As we have already discussed before, there is a BIG difference between having low self-esteem b/c of *something * coming within one's self.....versus being bullied daily in school. There is absolutely no mention of this girl being bullied in school. In fact, given the fact that her mother and sister had boob jobs already.....I'd say this girl's obsession came from her own family! Which makes her story pretty useless to this thread since the topic is specificaly minors (pre-teens to be exact) who're being bullied.

While I'm all for looking at hard facts to educate people on issues......I think we really need to carefully and logically analyze statistics, and look at how those numbers were determined before deciding on a direct "cause & effect" relationship.

** BTW, does any woman reading this thread actually truly believe that being hairy is perfectly acceptable? Any woman here who actually does not get rid of or bleach hair on their face? Or shave their legs? Or wax their arms? When it comes to waxing/threading/bleaching/Nair'ing hair on the face......this is something that's actually accepted in our society. It's not that facial hair removal is a controversial topic. The debate is WHEN it's acceptable for a girl to start this practice (which she will start sooner or later anyway). This is FAR from how plastic surgeries in children/teens are viewed in society (ie. surgeries that are PURELY for cosmetic reasons).

And yes, being fat can be very bad if that means that the person is unhealthy.

83

Re: children and threading

Paheli I do not want to discuss it any further nor do I have the time. You are missing my point over and over again and I am not going to write it yet again.
If you want to read further about bullying, body image and teens and self esteem you can go through hundreds of articles on the web and thousand of books.
OP has good idea about what she needs to do.
About Fat, being healthy is important being skinny is not. And I do not think anyone deserve mockery or looking down upon. Thats what I was trying to teach my sister. That is the value I want her to have!

84

Re: children and threading

I'm sorry but I think it's you who is missing the point. Comparing cosmetic plastic surgery to removing facial hair seems ridiculous. You are comparing something seemingly mundane to something very controversial. Also the average age when girls reach puberty can range from 10-14 years. So if reaching puberty is the criteria then surely the ones who reach it at 10 should be allowed to remove hair at that age. Building self esteem, confidence and self worth are very challenging aspects of parenting and can't possibly be narrowed down to acts such as removal of
facial hair.

85

Re: children and threading

^ Please read my post 35 and 39.
I cited the article because it was said earlier that under 18 are not going under knife for cosmetic plastic surgery. It was related to body image.
I am out!!!

86

Re: children and threading

How do you know I was not bullied? I have lived a tougher life than ANYONE can ever imagine, your bullying will seem like a pat on the back. I just have made a goal to make people smile everyday and not focus on the past.

BTW, calling your own sister kaali and moti doesn't make you a poster child for anti-bullying either.

87

Re: children and threading

[mod]ok folks, let's try not to get personal and pick fights here. there's a lot of great insight being shared. [/mod]

88

Re: children and threading

Well, no point in responding to Bebo since she's "out" according to her. So I'll move on from that.

Mods: If you feel that anything else I write on this post is a personal attack, please feel free to delete.

1) I don't recall ever writing that you were never the victim of bullying. But that doesn't mean that you yourself aren't a bully. As we've already mentioned earlier......there can be different outcomes of being bullied. Some survive it just fine. Others fall victim to depression, ED's etc. And I guess you're now bringing in a 3rd option. That some victim's of bullying become bullies themselves and have this attitude that they can say whatever they want to others and that others should just "get over it". Absolutely zero regard for the fact that others may have a different emotional reaction than they did. No ability to comprehend that not everyone is the same. I won't speak for others here.....but personally, I would never want my future children or anyone's else I care about to grow up with this attitude where they're totally desensitized to the feelings of others.

2) LOL.....I guess you couldn't resist referring to a post I wrote MONTHS ago huh. It's ok. Once again, I'm not surprised at all. :) I stand by everything I wrote. Yes, 1 of my sister's is kaali and moti. Heck her weight actually causes her health issues. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I wrote a post on a online forum asking to suggestions on the style of clothing for her at my wedding. In fact, if I didn't care about her feelings, and I had the same attitude as you do (i.e.. she should just "get over" whatever life throws at her)......then I wouldn't have invited her to the wedding at all. All I had to do is delay the wedding for 1 more month and she wouldn't have been able to attend due to finals. However, I'm not desensitized to what she feels and am willing to do whatever I can to maker her feel good about herself.......instead of telling her to deal with it and get over it. If you or anyone else wants to twist my words and turn it into something ugly.....then I can't stop that. But don't fool yourself into thinking that my post here is anything similar to you actually "chasing" your sister for her mustache. Actually no....if it makes YOU feel better to think that my post here is comparable to someone picking on their younger sister at home....then by all means continue to do so.

3) I don't think I ever declared myself the "poster child for anti-bulling". All I'm doing is sharing my own opinions and using my personal experience to explain why I feel the way I do. I thought that was the whole point of the forum here. Someone correct me if I'm wrong.

89

Re: children and threading

:(
stop fighting you're all pretty!

90

Re: children and threading

Sara - I had a "aha" moment with girls couple years ago when they were only 5 and 4. I have share this story many times on GS. Every morning I use to get up and get on the scale. Lo and behold, my girls started doing the same thing and asking questions about weight and what is the right weight for them.

All sort of alarms went off for me since then and I make conscious efforts not to have then tag along in the salons or when I put on makeup because they are too young to worry about why they need longer eyelashes. If I get threading done, they are in the car with their dad. There will be a right age for that but it's not now. I also make remarks about exercise and correlating that to being healthy and strong rather than losing weight.

91

Re: children and threading

[QUOTE]
** BTW, does any woman reading this thread actually truly believe that being hairy is perfectly acceptable? Any woman here who actually does not get rid of or bleach hair on their face? Or shave their legs? Or wax their arms? When it comes to waxing/threading/bleaching/Nair'ing hair on the face......this is something that's actually accepted in our society. It's not that facial hair removal is a controversial topic. The debate is WHEN it's acceptable for a girl to start this practice (which she will start sooner or later anyway). This is FAR from how plastic surgeries in children/teens are viewed in society (ie. surgeries that are PURELY for cosmetic reasons).

[/QUOTE]

probably not in this generation because of what is deemed exceptable in society now but previous generations like our mothers and grandmothers did not have a regime for removal of their arms, legs and face. They were perfectly fine being who they are and it was not a big deal.

I remember I was 16 and I told Ammi to shave her legs and she told me that "she didn't have an issue, my dad didn't have an issue, so I should be quiet and not have an issue." - (the urdu version was much funnier).

92

Re: children and threading

Interesting.

First of all, I don't think we can compare experiences. You're all warriors. Moving on.

Being a teen who went to an all boys school and had a shady mexican moustache by the age of 13, I can honestly say that my life would've been easier if I didn't have the tash. Saying that though by a year I just started copping it on the chin and had enough friends that it wasn't a problem. You learn to toughen up.

Saying that, its ALOT harder for girls. Girls are meaner to other girls than boys are to other boys. Girls mature (intellectually) alot sooner than guys and so the confidence at an earlier age is more important for them. I say, have a deep talk with her and explain to her the consequences. Give her your recommendation and keep encouraging what you think, but ultimately if she wants to do it, let her. Especially if she attends an all girl school. My heart reaches out to any girl who gets bullied because of facial hair. I had a monobrow and an early moustache and it certainly isn't fun. Guys will get used to being called "monomo" or "hairy mclary" but for a girl that stuff is scarring.

93

Re: children and threading

Just my 2 cents. Hair removal is not a "gateway practice". Getting rid of her mustache will not lead your daughter down a path of nose jobs and breast augmentations. I'd love to see some proof that says otherwise. Your daughter is wanting to start some basic grooming before you think she is ready, but keep in mind that people develop at different rates. If your daughter actually does have a mustache that needs to be dealt with (and this is purely your and her fathers judgement call as parents) get rid of it in a manner where you would feel comfortable with her starting as a habit. As you teach her manners etc, you should teach her grooming as the need arises. Keeping it will not build character, it will make her judge herself more harshly. The world will find a million things to criticize your daughter for, don't add trivial things like this to the pile.

94

Re: children and threading

the salon i went to in pakistan, they had a regular customer who used to get her 3 year old forehead waxed.

95

Re: children and threading

I thought guys are desperate to grow facial hair becuase it shows maturity? Like, girls wanting to grow boobs rather than hating them. Idk though, I haven't been in puberty for the last few years.

96

Re: children and threading

Actually not true if you are an early bloomer. So embarrassing to start showing signs of puberty when the rest of your classmates aren't there yet.

Why couldn't God just make everyone go through puberty at the same age so we all would be "mustache having, training bra wearing, braces wearing, zit popping fools all at one time.

97

Re: children and threading

I dunno, I was a fat baby/kid. :(

98

Re: children and threading

Yeah nowadays all kids have a fascination with moustaches.

But no, when you're 12 (about to hit 13) and the only one in the school with a moustache that makes it seem like your name should be Sanchez, it's definetly not what is cool.

Here's the thing about guys.

The ones who can grow facial hair easily aren't too happy with it and the ones who can't walk around with pathetic excuses for facial hair. Not 100% fact but more often than not this will be the case.

99

Re: children and threading

Funny how google bought me to this forum I was going to put this question to you here anyway.
So I am asking for my daughter, she will be 13 in March 2015 mashAllah, she has over the last few years since age 9/10 onwards told me of girls at school laughing at her for the fisible upper lip hair. PreviouslY I have always said just ignore the, they too have it but as the white girls have light skin the hair is also light and not as visible as ours in sunlight. She always knew that when she is old enough(no time scale but juat when I felt it was ok) she could do something for it and I said we would get laser done as I had it done too but not yet , I would wait till she is at least 18 for that.

Anyway, she just came and sat in the lounge and said “mummy I want to do something about the hair on my face people make fun of it at school”. I didn’t say no but said to let me think and search the options for her age. I never did anything to my face for upper lip or brows till much later in fact 18+.
I am thinking about threading but it will be so painful for her especially first time. Would threading and waxing make the growth thicker or cause the hair to spread. I noticed with myself when I used to wax my sideburn area it seemed to kind of spread, even the chin area but can’t be sure if it was non visible hairs getting removed and growing back more noticably.
I feel so bad for her bless her, she is simple in many ways but does like to look nice as she is approaching this age bracket but still very child like in her ways and apprearance . I wish people would not be so horrible and let children be children for longer.

To the OP of this post, what did your 10 year old do in the end?
Would you ladies here say this age 12 nearly 13 is ok for dealing with this problem?

100

Re: children and threading

My daughter is almost 12. Last year I allowed her to get her upper lip waxed because the dark shadow was bothering her and she had become so conscious of the fuzz that she started putting her hand over her mouth when she laughed; she felt that people would look at her when she laughed/smiled and she wanted to hide it.

This year the girls in school started talking about their own hairy arms and legs and she asked me if she could try waxing her arms. I let her but restricted her to once every 8 weeks rather than the 4 weeks within which she gets re-growth.

So far so good.