children and threading

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Re: children and threading

Paheli - thats gut wrenching.

I hope anti bullying laws that are passed recently as well as awareness helps us parents identify and deal with bullying.

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Paheli :hugz:

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HUGS PAHELI

I had the same experience but I took matter in my own hands and researched/bought the products myself. Although my parents were more willing to help me out. Especially my mother but then again she still threatens to shape my eyebrows but I don't really care how they look :(

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So you were bullied, get over it and teach your kids better.

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Sidra I have no idea what being bullied feels like but I do know that is not something you wake up one morning and get over about. It can stay with you for a life time unfortunately.

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Paheli, I have always found you to be a very confident woman, never would have guessed you have gone through all that. You must be proud of yourself.

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njgal,

If all she want is to thread her upper lip...I would let her. It shows she isn't trying to primp or doll herself up...all she wants is to make sure she doesn't stand out for that reason.

Remember that PM I sent you? It changed my way of thinking about this issue. We're not there every single time to help them see themselves through our eyes or remind them of their self worth. Maybe I am just talking from the point of view of an emotional khala but if all she wanted was to thread her upper lip...I'd let her.

I didn't thread or wax until my 20's...I didn't have an issue with hair Alhumdulillah. My sister started much earlier...right around 13 or 14 and my mom allowed it because her upper lip was very noticeable and of course it affects your self esteem.

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That's actually very insensitive of you ... You don't just get over it if it's affected your personality, how you deal with people and how people view you. It actually stays with you throughout your life.
I'm all grown up and have a child and iA my child will not go through all that heartbreak I went through because of bullying. But I still remember when I was a kid and when I was teased for the most stupid things such as upper lip hair and I still wish I could go back in time and change it somehow. It will stay with me for the rest of my life. Sad but true.

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njgal: Yes it's was horrible phase in my life. Of course, there is much more awareness about bullying now compared to 15-20 years ago, and that definately helps. But it always saddens me when parents refuse to see things from the daily life of a child and what that child faces when they're in school. The concept of teaching widsom at home, and teachers at school can protect the child ALL day time is very misleading. That's why I always urge parents to be open and flexible, and make decisions based on what's happening in the present.

kakee: Yep....that's what I had to do. Skincare, make-up, hair care etc......I had to research/learn everything on my own.

Sidra: By your own admission you picked on your sisters for their facial hair......so I'm not at all surprised at your reaction.

Sajalina: Thank you: :) I was a VERY diffent person in my teens/college years. My memories during those years was a major reason as to why I left home and moved to a different city after college. Most people have a hard time moving away due to their emotional attachment to their parents and friends. I didn't have either to hold me back. As I said, I always got good grades and didn't have an issue dealing with people in a academic/profesional setting. However, even 'til this day, I have a very difficult time making female friends in real life. The nervousness/awkardness I felt years ago around girls hasn't gone away 100%. And yes, I'm very independent and confident in my own decisions. But the reason behind those 2 traits is that I was alone and there was no one to help me. And I didn't have friends that influenced me. So I didn't have any choice but to be independent and trust my own decisions. The journey to who I am today was very painful, and I would never wish that upon anyone else.

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Btw, I have seen some young girls coming in to the salon with their moms. The youngest was 12 and all she does is the upper lip wax because her hair is extremely thick and dark.

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If a child is old enough to realize that the upper lip hair isn't normal, and no one else around her has it, then it's time to remove it.
I don't think removing facial hair or being concerned about it will read to body dysmorphic disorder.
I noticed my upper lip at 12, and I remember asking my mom about it. She never had upper lip hair to begin with, and wasn't too concerned about it, she had never threaded or waxed in her life. I was in junior high, and one of only 3 brown kids in the entire school. It wasn't manly, but it was noticeable, and bothersome. Thankfully, one time i was visiting my cousins who were a few years older than me, and I saw them threading, and that is how I learned to thread, by watching them. Haven't looked back since then.

I wasn't ever bullied, but saw it happening plenty. And it is not easy to "just get over it". Amongst all the other things parents worry about when their kids are in junior/high school, threading facial hair should really be a non-issue.

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I dont remember being bullied at school. I remember being very conscious about facial and body hair though.

You know who bullied me? My 6 year older big brother. Like are you freaking kidding me?!? :frowning: :bummer:

It was awful.

What was more awful was my mother creating a fuss when I had done some plucking (no shaping) of my eyebrows at 15-16 yrs. Giving me the guilt-trip and all for so long time. Fast forward some time, who plucked my younger sisters eyebrows? My mother. Even took her to a salon to have them done much before the age of 15. Who plucked my youngest sisters eyebrows? My mother. (Not that I wish she hadnt done theirs. I’m glad she did it.)

Parents sometime na :rolleyes:

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Re: children and threading

Easy to say for those who have never been bullied.

Ive been bullied since I was in grade 1... from skin colour to hairy arms, for being different.. anything. And its not a nice feeling.

We can spend hours with our child telling them to be proud of themselces, accepting who they are, not worrying about what others think... and even if they get it for the time being, and even if they know what you're saying is right... at the time ur being bullied, none of this make sense. None of this actually helps.

We all want our kids to be confident in their own shoes... but if something is really making them feel down, and if we can do something about it, as a parent, then why not?! As a parent, we have a responsibility to our child... not only to make them good human beings, and teach them self-love but to also prevent them from being hurt, prevent them from nastiness... help them when they reach out. I wouldnt want to ignore my child's feelings and not have her come to me again... I want her to be open with me.. share her hurt and her pain so I can help her.

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paheli & sadzz :hug:

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So @NJGal what was teh verdict?

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Reha - the thread wasn't about my daughters. They are too young at 7 and 6. Maybe in a few years I'll be coming back into this thread. I would have any issue with ages 13 and 14 is fine. I feel like that is the right age with periods starting etc and other body changes like hair underarms etc.

I do remember the PM. I am conscious of what I say and do everyday around them. They are mini sponges.

And although I agree with that we parents can't be there all of the time, **but I cannot stress enough that IMO we parents will make the MOST difference in our children and their self esteem, more than friends, teachers and even their environment.

**

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The VERDICT -

Parents have the final say after assessing the situation.

ASK: Why do you want to get the upper lip done? Is it because someone said something in school? Or is it because you notice that barbie has has hairless body, or you see mommy going to the desi salon every 10 days and since mommy is pretty, you want to be pretty too?

I think most folks are suggesting "threading" over "waxing" for youngin's delicate skin.

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I'm just curious....how would you react to the answers? esp the last one....

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.

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It's not just girls...boys are certainly not exempt from these issues. I'm already facing these issues with my 9 year old son. He's a handsome guy, mA....fair, with a pink complexion (lips, cheeks et). He's always had dark hairs on the corners of his upper lips which are starting to become prominent. It's been bothering him lately and he must have gotten teased about it because he asked me when he can start shaving! WHAT?!?

He is also getting teased now for his body type/weight. He's always been luciously huggable wirh an adorable toddler belly and thighs, but it seems like the "baby fat" is not melting away. This past year he has gotten chubby..growth spurt has not kicked in and he had not gotten taller so he's starting to look pudgy. I worked out a wellness plan with his ped and we have him in physical activities 3 days a week and I am working really hard to get him to start liking different fruits and vegetables (he's a very picky eater!) On Eid, at our morning family breakfast, there were some cousins/family members we had not seen in a while and people immediately started commenting on his weight. I found out that some of my own cousins made him get him on a scale and were laughing at him on his weight. He was so upset he refused to go back to my khala's house for the evening dawat. And even my twins have started calling him "meatball" too.

My heart aches for him. My husband and I are trying so hard to stress a healthy lifestyle over weight and appearance but how do you protect them from bullying and teasing?