Husband and I got into an argument about something his parents were being stubborn about. He stood up for me but they were adamant with their decision, and after getting tired of being stuck in the middle, he let out all his anger on me. In his fury, he said alot of things to me which he shouldn’t have, and expects me to make the compromises. I got fed up too and told him okay but don’t expect my respect for you and your family to stay the same after this. A day later, he apologized to me but things are just not the same at my end.
It’s been nearly 10 days, and I don’t even feel like talking to him. My conversations are forced, I just don’t feel like being nice to him. Talking to him just puts me in a bad mood and even the smallest thing irks me to start arguing with him and bring up what he did days before. I brought it up again today and the result was us fighting, and me crying for endless hours. I hate that I have a grudge against my own husband and can’t bring myself to let go of it.. I can’t stand him anymore.
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
Give it sometime . Time heals .
Is this the first time you guys have fought or you have a grudge against him? cz if so...dont wrory...it'll blow over soon...iA
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
He's your husband. He is your family. Just like you wouldn't hold a grudge ag/ your mom, you should probably get over your argument with your hubby. Hate the argument, not him.
It is essential to work on the argument and the cause, often people say things they don't mean when they are angry and upset. He has apologized for it, which means he has realized it was wrong of him. You are upset yourself right now and that is why you feel you can't stand him anymore. InshaAllah within a couple of days everything will be better.
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
if youre still begrudging him, it means you havent accepted his apology really. You need to talk this over with him calmly, and if it truly was his fault, then he needs to take corrective steps..inorder to restore your trust. He cant simply hurt you and then expect an apology will make everything better. It will take more than that to make sure it doesnt happen again.
if this is not resolved properly now, you can be sure it will cause resentment throughout your marraige and will pop up in even your minor conflicts again.
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
you both, take a gun and shoot yourselves in the head. Problem solved.
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
^^^^^^ loool. no bad idea.
just talk to him and feel you'll feel better. tell him how you feel and the awkwardness etc, and hopefully he should compromise.
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
why is always the man the one to be blamed. Does no blame go to women? I'm a neutral person and always hear both sides, but why is it so that 100 % of women in 100 of 100 situations feel that they are not responsible!? They are not the ones to be blamed? WHY??
I'd like to hear the complete story. Otherwise I stand to my point and defend what I said.
you both, take a gun and shoot yourselves in the head. Problem solved.
Sometimes I as a man am forced to hear such a crap from my wife that I said either I shoot her or I jump from the bridge. Boli jao, Boli jao. There is no END. No Full Stop. Then when you go out for several hours and come back you find her like the cat with the big, innocent eyes in Shrek. I'm sorry blablabla. WHY???
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
I know ehh
He's your husband. He is your family. Just like you wouldn't hold a grudge ag/ your mom, you should probably get over your argument with your hubby. Hate the argument, not him.
wow gudia
impressed, very well said.
xoxo1
As you said it yourself: "A day later, he apologized to me .......", i think that should give you the anwser what you must do.
Imagine if you would have said or done something stupid and you would have asked for forgiveness...........would u not have wished
the other to forgive you?
Believe me its not easy to ask for forgiveness because EGO playes a big role and it does not allow anyone to ask for forgiveness and you hubby did
have the courage to ask for forgiveness and respect that please.
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
^
That came from PCG? Amazing stuff, damn it! The new year has begun with another big bang :D
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
I'm sure this is what his family wanted between you too. I've noticed when husband and wife argue's in-law's. (usually guys side) absoloutly thrive on it. And get their energy off your negativity. Forgiv what your husband said. And try to unite with him. You two are meant to be a team. I know how you feel when in-law's start the ball and you get whats left of it. Jus rememeber he was angry and people say alot of stupid things when they are. Again forgive him and try to put this to a side.
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
you guys should go out on a date, enjoy a romantic dinner, take a long walk and forget these petty things. So there was a fight.... some things were said. Who cares.... trust me, a couple of months later, you won't even remember what this stupid fight was about.
I read about this prime minister/president who used to write really nasty letters to his opponents and to people who had wronged him. Its just that he tore the letters after writing them and never posted. But writing the letter took out his anger and the deep down grudge.
Your grudge is actually a form of suppressed anger... you need to ket go of it or take it out on something safe. Go break some glasses/dishes (not in front of him though). Its a known therapy for relaxing.
Husband and I got into an argument about something his parents were being stubborn about. He stood up for me but they were adamant with their decision, and after getting tired of being stuck in the middle, he let out all his anger on me. In his fury, he said alot of things to me which he shouldn't have, and expects me to make the compromises. I got fed up too and told him okay but don't expect my respect for you and your family to stay the same after this. A day later, he apologized to me but things are just not the same at my end. It's been nearly 10 days, and I don't even feel like talking to him. My conversations are forced, I just don't feel like being nice to him. Talking to him just puts me in a bad mood and even the smallest thing irks me to start arguing with him and bring up what he did days before. I brought it up again today and the result was us fighting, and me crying for endless hours. I hate that I have a grudge against my own husband and can't bring myself to let go of it.. I can't stand him anymore.
Hi XOXO,
If possible, try getting away for a while.....maybe a brief change of scenery to help sort out your thoughts.
I know it's easier said than done to get over a grudge, but if you intend on staying married, then harboring a grudge will not allow ANYONE to move forward.
Try to look at it from your husband's perspective. We tend to only think about how we feel. Look at the positive aspects in this unpleasant situation. Are you a regular reader of the threads in the Life and Relationship forum? Because it is sooooooooo depressing to read countless stories of girls with toxic in-laws......and worse still........non-supportive husbands........the kind of husbands that would NEVER dream of standing up for his wife before his parents let alone try to understand her ......the kind that are OBLIVIOUS to the blatant abuse she's going through........the kind of husband with such BLIND OBEDIENCE **that believes mommy and all her crazy notions and superstitions and demands are **ALWAYS 100% CORRECT.
^ At least your husband tried to understand you. And he went BEYOND understanding.......he actually stood up for you before his parents......which is very hard to do. It's so difficult to stand up before the people that have raised you and that you've grown up with. But he did it.....and that's a sign that there is goodness in him.....he has the ability to look at things fairly. Give him credit for that.
About lashing out at you when he CLEARLY knew that his parents were in the wrong...........that's messed up. And there's no excuse for that and you should talk to him calmly about his behavior and how that made you feel. He needs to know that this type of behavior can't be repeated or it has the potential to destroy the relationship. At the same time.......keep in mind.......that you wrote in your thread that "he was in the middle." That shows that you're aware of the tremendous amount of stress he was under.....it's not easy being stuck between two groups of people that you love very much and trying to please them both.......and in the end it's not unnatural for him to lose control in the hopes that one side will be the bigger party and compromise because he's under so much pressure.
Take the good with bad.....give credit for the good.......appreciate the good.......and talk to him calmly about the bad...........because that's the only way to move forward and make your marriage stronger than before. If you don't make mistakes.......you won't try to improve yourself.......and if you don't improve......you won't grow at all. Think about this. We all make mistakes....if we were perfect.....there'd be no scope to better ourselves. Reflect over the times that you have wronged others (knowingly and unknowingly).....you'd want forgiveness right? And if we desire forgiveness from Allah and others.....then we're advised to be forgiving of those who have hurt us.
So, take a break to clear your head.
Think about the positive aspects of your husband/marriage/conflict (it's way too easy to get caught up in the negative)
And then talk to husband about how his behavior made you feel as calmly and non-defensively as possible.
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
ull get over it hun..we all do!
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
Go some where alone ( parents house, sis or bro's house) just for a short break i.e. for a week or so. Try not to think about what happened between you and him. Just relax.
Re: cant stand the spouse anymore
Girl you are soo lucky that your husband stood up for you not only that he later apologized for his behaviour. Not many men have guts to support the truth and realize their mistakes. From what my experience is men always think that their family can't be wrong but yes wife can be wrong and their big EGO comes in way when it comes to apologizing and accepting one's mistake. Give him and yourself some time and space and even if you are angry at him forgive him , put yourself in his shoes right now he must be facing anger from his family too in addition to your anger. dont isolate him he needs your support & love.
why is always the man the one to be blamed. Does no blame go to women? I'm a neutral person and always hear both sides, but why is it so that 100 % of women in 100 of 100 situations feel that they are not responsible!? They are not the ones to be blamed? WHY??
I'd like to hear the complete story. Otherwise I stand to my point and defend what I said.
you both, take a gun and shoot yourselves in the head. Problem solved.
Sometimes I as a man am forced to hear such a crap from my wife that I said either I shoot her or I jump from the bridge. Boli jao, Boli jao. There is no END. No Full Stop. Then when you go out for several hours and come back you find her like the cat with the big, innocent eyes in Shrek. I'm sorry blablabla. WHY???
you're awesome :D