^ This reminds me of a punjabi saying:
Jithay di khoti, oothay aa khaloti
(no offense to OP...it roughly translates to...we're back to where we started)
So...he rang me finally and we got on really well. He isn't really getting to know someone else as he clicks with me the most.
The thing is, he's takes so long in between getting in touch. He doesn't seem like he's messing me about as what is he getting out of it?
But I'm used to a guy getting in touch all the time as apposed to days/weeks before they do as this guy is doing.
So what do I do? Get to know others whilst waiting for him or just give him time? I dont want to force him to contact me more.
I would've thought that if he was interested in you then he would stay in touch regularly, rather you waiting for days/weeks. Anyways, after reading your post #39, it seems like you want to act oblivious to the warning signs.
He only came on to speak to me, that was evident as he told me and as soon as I logged on, he would too. He's been logged on everyday day to speak to me until we exchanged numbers and he stopped logging onto the site the same day. If he lost interest, he shouldn't have asked me for my number.
I was confused that's all. I can't do with getting to know several people at once as it gets tedious in a situation like a matrimonial site. But thank you for insight. He probably has lost interest. Oh well! Time to get to know someone else.
was he from karachi? Allah usay hifz-o-amaan me rakhe.
I would've thought that if he was interested in you then he would stay in touch regularly, rather you waiting for days/weeks. Anyways, after reading your post #39, it seems like you want to act oblivious to the warning signs.
That's what I thought. I'm not oblivious...I thought maybe some men behave differently. I've met different males in my life and they have always behaved differently but I've always known that if a guys not interested...he won't make the effort. This guy does slightly...I rather he just not contact me if he wasn't.
I think it boils down to the fact I feel most comfortable talking to him the most...when we do talk! :), as I have been talking to others.
It's just my luck that he's the one making the least effort :(
That's what I thought. I'm not oblivious...I thought maybe some men behave differently. I've met different males in my life and they have always behaved differently but I've always known that if a guys not interested...he won't make the effort. This guy does slightly...I rather he just not contact me if he wasn't.
I think it boils down to the fact I feel most comfortable talking to him the most...when we do talk! :), as I have been talking to others.
It's just my luck that he's the one making the least effort :(
You already know his behaviour isn't normal, therefore you should probably cut your losses and move on. I'm sure there are more guys out there who will actually reply back without leaving you hanging for days, or even weeks.
His behaviour doesn't seem respectful. But only he and God know the reason behind his disappearance act. No matter how many checks this guy has on your list, if he doesn't value you and is not respectful and no matter if this story goes all the way to marriage, you'll continue to be hurt and frustrated.
He had time to write to you everyday but since you gave him you number it takes him weeks to respond/ call. Just ask him what has changed & why he is slow in response since you gave him your phone number?
nadii: At this point, I get the feeling that it doesn't matter what anyone here says. You have already decided that you will continue keeping in touch with this guy. Whatever little thing we point out to try to show you that he might not be genuine....you will find an excuse to defend his behavior.
The only thing I can say at this point is that I hope you don't get too attached to this guy emotionally and months later, get your heart broken. Good luck with your rishta search!
nadii: At this point, I get the feeling that it doesn't matter what anyone here says. You have already decided that you will continue keeping in touch with this guy. Whatever little thing we point out to try to show you that he might not be genuine....you will find an excuse to defend his behavior.
The only thing I can say at this point is that I hope you don't get too attached to this guy emotionally and months later, get your heart broken. Good luck with your rishta search!
I think you are right. He has only contacted me once on the phone but has started going on the site again. So he must have been messing me about as I ticked all his boxes and we got on fine on the one convo we had or he lost interest in me! How hard is it to tell someone you are not interested?! You don't know them in person so should be easier.
I am stopping myself from thinking it was my fault and doing the whole..."should I have initiated more contact?, did I say something on the phone?" etc...:(
I don't think online matrimonial sites is for me. I never found it hard in person to communicate with males or ever had to think like this. It's a different ball game.
On line "dating" is just like real life dating. Some times you have one "date" and then nothing happens. Either the guy is not interested or there was no spark or something else came up. To speak of dating in economic terms is simply and issue of supply and demand. Guys or gals are looking for certain specific details and traits when they date. They are originally attracted to each other and then afterwards its chemistry, conversation and the feel of the person. On line dating is more cumbersome as you do it all via text and through a computer. It doesn't allow for a lot of intimacy and it can be a hard medium to get to know someone. However if you seek to find a companion through this method I would point out some hints.
How often does the guy contact you on his own? That is an indication of his interest. Generally as a girl I would recommend you wait for him to ask for your number which he did in your case. Then wait for him to call and wait for his second or third call. The more frequently a guy contacts you after his initial phone call is a very good indication of his interest. Since this is all on line a phone number takes on a far greater level of importance than in real life.
As for you you have nothing to blame yourself for. You did nothing wrong. You are who you are. Screw the guy if he doesn't like you for who you are. Blaming yourself for doing something wrong based on a single conversation is retarded. You act how you are comfortable. A guy should always take the first step to move the relationship forward. Consider it just a simple date. One date it didn't work out, move on there are plenty of men out there and there is bound to be some who are a better fit for you than him. Also to be honest him not calling you is him saying he is not interested. Its easier to ignore than be brutally honest.
On line "dating" is just like real life dating. Some times you have one "date" and then nothing happens. Either the guy is not interested or there was no spark or something else came up. To speak of dating in economic terms is simply and issue of supply and demand. Guys or gals are looking for certain specific details and traits when they date. They are originally attracted to each other and then afterwards its chemistry, conversation and the feel of the person. On line dating is more cumbersome as you do it all via text and through a computer. It doesn't allow for a lot of intimacy and it can be a hard medium to get to know someone. However if you seek to find a companion through this method I would point out some hints.
How often does the guy contact you on his own? That is an indication of his interest. Generally as a girl I would recommend you wait for him to ask for your number which he did in your case. Then wait for him to call and wait for his second or third call. The more frequently a guy contacts you after his initial phone call is a very good indication of his interest. Since this is all on line a phone number takes on a far greater level of importance than in real life.
As for you you have nothing to blame yourself for. You did nothing wrong. You are who you are. Screw the guy if he doesn't like you for who you are. Blaming yourself for doing something wrong based on a single conversation is retarded. You act how you are comfortable. A guy should always take the first step to move the relationship forward. Consider it just a simple date. One date it didn't work out, move on there are plenty of men out there and there is bound to be some who are a better fit for you than him. Also to be honest him not calling you is him saying he is not interested. Its easier to ignore than be brutally honest.
What a great post :). I agree with everything you said.
I just found it weird he became disinterested as soon as he got my number. Like he just gave up afterwards....it took him two weeks to call me and then nothing.
I got to know someone in person and we were very honest with each other that we thought we weren't suited well. This was after ALOT of communication and one meeting.
I thought online matrimonial sites would be the same.
I am definitely forgetting about him. I was more asking for advice for future references. I've tried talking to others on the site but conversation didn't flow with them so I'm cannot be bothered to be quite frank.
When Allah has written for me to meet someone, it is written for me :)
me personally im a bit skeptical about matrimonial sites. 20% of them on there are actually looking for a marriage. The other 80% are looking for a quickie on a hot august night.
me personally im a bit skeptical about matrimonial sites. 20% of them on there are actually looking for a marriage. The other 80% are looking for a quickie on a hot august night.
Are you serious that only 20% are interested in marriage. If they're looking for a quickie, it's the most insane way to find it at a matronial site. They should just walk down to their local watering hole.
Let me get this straight: You as a Pakistani girl went behind your family's back and exchanged pictures and your cell number with a random stranger online? There's just so much wisdom in your decision making that I don't know where to start. And what's more disgraceful is that no one has the common sense to warn the OP about what she's up to. Now this random guy has your pictures? Does that in any way challenge your haya and sharam? So he has your pictures, you probably shared your personality with him on the phone, and this is all behind your family. I am sure every Pakistani guy is dying to marry someone like that.
Let me get this straight: You as a Pakistani girl went behind your family's back and exchanged pictures and your cell number with a random stranger online? There's just so much wisdom in your decision making that I don't know where to start. And what's more disgraceful is that no one has the common sense to warn the OP about what she's up to. Now this random guy has your pictures? Does that in any way challenge your haya and sharam? So he has your pictures, you probably shared your personality with him on the phone, and this is all behind your family. I am sure every Pakistani guy is dying to marry someone like that.
Your sense of outrage is actually pretty amusing.
Most of the girls, even with arranged marriages have had their *own *parents send their pictures to a potential's family via email, and the guy's parents (especially with sons living away from home) will send the pic to their son. Some of those very parents will give their daughter's phone numbers to these family's so that the guy and girl can speak to one another and get to know each other.
So to call the pic sharing and number sharing bey-hayaa or bey-sharam actions seems OTT.
Sure, no girl or guy should be sending out inappropriate photos of themself and maybe well before the guy comes riding in on a horse to take her away she should tell her parents about the guy, but really - you need to ease up a bit. It might not work for you, but don't get all Judgy-Judgemental about this poor girl either.
Most of the girls, even with arranged marriages have had their *own *parents send their pictures to a potential's family via email, and the guy's parents (especially with sons living away from home) will send the pic to their son. Some of those very parents will give their daughter's phone numbers to these family's so that the guy and girl can speak to one another and get to know each other.
So to call the pic sharing and number sharing bey-hayaa or bey-sharam actions seems OTT.
Sure, no girl or guy should be sending out inappropriate photos of themself and maybe well before the guy comes riding in on a horse to take her away she should tell her parents about the guy, but really - you need to ease up a bit. It might not work for you, but don't get all Judgy-Judgemental about this poor girl either.
Your argument ends here---> This is a random guy online. Yes families do share pictures but not with random people, and girls don't find guys on their own to share their pictures with. So there is no comparison. And what do you deem as "inappropriate"? Naturally, any pic she sends online will be one that makes her looks attractive to the opposite sex. Is that in and of itself appropriate? I am asking from a Pakistani point of view of course. If someone doesn't care about that POV then sky is the limit, do as you like.
Homesick - your attitude is rather old fashioned and judgemental. These days parents / families themselves also approach or speak with strangers on matrimonial websites for their sons / daughters. And then they're doing the exact same thing that OP is doing i.e. exchanging info and pics, speaking on the phone and eventually meeting in person with strangers. The whole rishta auntie process is similar to this also.
Also, when you say "Pakistani point of view" what does that mean exactly? Do you mean the POV of the lower / poor class, the middle class or the privileged classes? Or even the POV for very religiously conservative Pakistanis? Because all those POVs are not going to be neccesarily the same.
Homesick - your attitude is rather old fashioned and judgemental. These days parents / families themselves also approach or speak with strangers on matrimonial websites for their sons / daughters. And then they're doing the exact same thing that OP is doing i.e. exchanging info and pics, speaking on the phone and eventually meeting in person with strangers. The whole rishta auntie process is similar to this also.
Also, when you say "Pakistani point of view" what does that mean exactly? Do you mean the POV of the lower / poor class, the middle class or the privileged classes? Or even the POV for very religiously conservative Pakistanis? Because all those POVs are not going to be neccesarily the same.
Call me olCall me old fashioned. Maybe I missed the revoulation that made it normal for a self respcting pakistani girl to exchange pics and phone with random guy online. I missed the transformation that made that our norm. Maybe I am old fashioned (, still in my 20s) or maybe this fourm's norm is too modern or " progressive" if that's the word u prefer. I doubt such is the cultural norm in pakistan regardless of social status. A