Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
^ What's love, but a second-hand emotion?
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
As they in America you always marry someone else's girlfriend ;). Tough it out chap we've all been there.
and us girls will always be stuck marrying someone's boyfriend. :( used goods....gotta tough it out i guess:(
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
I understand that OP wants a virgin wife since he saved himself all his life. Its just really sad to know that he will not, under any circumstance, forgive a mistake. The reason why we make mistakes is because we are humans. Some girls may feel guilty of their mistake in the future and may want to change. They may want to become more religious and want to repent their sins. However, due to family pressure or the fear of being judged by a good potential rishta, they might hide their mistake. Now if it happens to come out later, or if they decide to come clean because they can't handle the guilt, they would be punished by getting divorced.
Allah has opened the doors of Tauba for every person in this world but if we as human beings cannot forgive mistakes that the person feels really guilty about, how can we expect people to change and correct their ways?
I am not saying that one should forgive lies and deceit when in a strong relationship such as marriage but a person should look at the circumstances carefully before taking a decision.
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
^Exactly my words!. OP's thoughts are very disturbing.
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
There are girls with no past … but they can develop a future affair
There are girls with a past … but they will never cheat on their husband
Divorce is although permissible - It must be the last resort as it is the most detested of the permissible things
Being a good Muslim - doesn’t just mean praying and being self preserving - but it also means - trusting ones wife and having patience and dealing with things that are not perfect … Perfection is a Divine trait, we should humble … Try your hardest to find a good wife … But ultimately let your heart decide.
Remember Shaitan will always whisper against man and his wife … The greatest things that his minions do is to separate man from wife … so tie a bond in your self that you do not want to be in that position - speaking of divorce even before you are married … Do you think that is a good way to attract the attention of a woman?
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
Whatever anyone says i will get divorced if i get into a relationship with someone who has had a pre marital relationship.
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
OP as others have said if Allah can forgive our mistakes then why cant we. There could be many reasons for why she isnt a virgin. It could be that she was raped (extreme case i know but its possible). I would encourage you to not hold her past against her. She'll like you that much more for it. Lets just say this lady wants to repent (truly repent and not just repent for the sake of finding a rishta and then once you're married she goes back to her old ways) the only way its gonna happen is through your forgiveness. On the other hand, i can see where you're coming from. You've set a certain standard for yourself throughout your life that you've adhered to. Why should you change that.......I would still encourage forgiveness because firstly its her PAST. Secondly she'll like you that much more for it (hopefully). My 2 pennies
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
OP as others have said if Allah can forgive our mistakes then why cant we. There could be many reasons for why she isnt a virgin. It could be that she was raped (extreme case i know but its possible). I would encourage you to not hold her past against her. She'll like you that much more for it. Lets just say this lady wants to repent (truly repent and not just repent for the sake of finding a rishta and then once you're married she goes back to her old ways) the only way its gonna happen is through your forgiveness. On the other hand, i can see where you're coming from. You've set a certain standard for yourself throughout your life that you've adhered to. Why should you change that.......I would still encourage forgiveness because firstly its her PAST. Secondly she'll like you that much more for it (hopefully). My 2 pennies
completely agree.....and this relates directly back to what I said earlier.....
either OP is pious.....or OP is even more pious.
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
OP as others have said if Allah can forgive our mistakes then why cant we. There could be many reasons for why she isnt a virgin. It could be that she was raped (extreme case i know but its possible). I would encourage you to not hold her past against her. She'll like you that much more for it. Lets just say this lady wants to repent (truly repent and not just repent for the sake of finding a rishta and then once you're married she goes back to her old ways) the only way its gonna happen is through your forgiveness. On the other hand, i can see where you're coming from. You've set a certain standard for yourself throughout your life that you've adhered to. Why should you change that.......I would still encourage forgiveness because firstly its her PAST. Secondly she'll like you that much more for it (hopefully). My 2 pennies
If it was rape then it isnt a pre marital. I would marry someone like that.
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
^thats exactly my point. Dont just look at the fact that shes not a virgin
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
OP, do you know why Jesus wasn't born to the people you know or hang out with :D
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
^thats exactly my point. Dont just look at the fact that shes not a virgin
you're going to have to explain it better than that.....
What I was trying to get at was that apparently a situation like the one I explained meant it wasnt pre marital sex (by his admission). But the fact still remains that shes NOT a virgin. If the OP dismissed her purely based on the fact that she was not a virgin failing to take in the surrounding situation, then he would have overlooked someone who in his eyes is "pure" because he failed to look at that situation. But let me emphasise that its purely hypothetical situation and the chances of such a situation arising is low......but can still happen
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
Hi guys Im looking to get married and Ive spoken two girls whom had pasts? It kills me inside to know Ivebsaved myself for my wife and have never had gfriend while Im finding it hard to get a girl who hasnt had a bfriend.
Your demands aren't unreasonable. If you have resisted the urge so far, why should you settle for someone with mileage on her, and even by some twisted logic if she still managed to keep her virginity intact, you don't want to deal with her baggage. Why should you be the bigger man? If overlooking her past makes you a bigger man that is (I don't believe that). You have your beliefs and you stuck with them, and it shouldn't be any different now. Lying about her past is deception. You don't have to be the bigger man. Screw that. You start making compromises and the next thing you know, everyone will walk all over you. No good deed goes unpunished.
There are girls with no past ... but they can develop a future affair
There are girls with a past ... but they will never cheat on their husband
And,
There are girls with no past ... who won't cheat on you
There are girls with a past ... who will cheat on you
So, pound for pound a girl with no past is better. And their logic can be used against them. If they have done it in the past, what is stopping them for doing it again. But oh what if she acknowledges and repents her past mistakes. How would you know? You wouldn't know. There is no way you'd know. Stand for what you believe in, even if you stand alone.
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
^ everything here could be considered valid and accurate.....provided we hold others accountable to us.
as soon as we consider people accountable to Allah, some of that logic melts away.....
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
Whatever anyone says i will get divorced if i get into a relationship with someone who has had a pre marital relationship.
Peace mathematics
Betrayal is a different matter ... Yes, you are entitled to divorce if your future wife tells you she had an affair before marriage after you get married and not before, because since that is so important to you - you will obviously ask that question during your negotiating stage ... but the point I was making is that you can't say the reason why you couldn't do it is because it will play in your head that she had a relationship ... because then you are basically saying that you won't trust her ... so even if your wife didn't have a previous relationship but acted a bit fashionably you would start to doubt her too?
My other point is divorce is a great matter ... please if there is any advice you take from me ... it is this - you can't guarantee what sort of wife you will get, but get one and when you do make it last and manage conflicts - never resorting to the 'd' word ... This will help you become a better person which is ultimately the reason why we are here ... Look, the real world is the hereafter ... this is just a test ...
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
^ everything here could be considered valid and accurate.....provided we hold others accountable to us. as soon as we consider people accountable to Allah, some of that logic melts away.....
It does melt away. Along with the concept of law, crime and punishment. Along with your right to penalize anyone for breaking the law on GS :p. There will be nothing to separate a murderer, a rapist or a pedophile from a normal person.
OP, I grew up in Pakistan. Trust me, most of the people remain single until they get married. And now that I think about it, most Pakistani girls I have come to know since I moved here, have been single through out their lives. Interesting, I never thought about it before.
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
It does melt away. Along with the concept of law, crime and punishment. Along with your right to penalize anyone for breaking the law on GS :p. There will be nothing to separate a murderer, a rapist or a pedophile from a normal person.
agreed.....but those things that we simply cannot police......for example "virginity" and "honesty"....are different from things like crime and punishment.....
I'm not sure that I am getting my point across.
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
Hi guys Im looking to get married and Ive spoken two girls whom had pasts? It kills me inside to know Ivebsaved myself for my wife and have never had gfriend while Im finding it hard to get a girl who hasnt had a bfriend.
I am a Pakistani girl and I thought I was the only one who thought like this. Nice to know that there are still guys who think like that exist. I personally believe that as a muslim person, you shouldn't be having girlfriends/boyfriends if you don't intend to marry them. As far as your situation is concerned, I think its fair that your worrying about something like that because its important to you, it can sometimes be a barrier or catalyst of countless arguments in a relationship. Just have patience and the right person will soon come to you. There are people that haven't had pasts that still exist. Don't worry.
Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital
Persian Pak i think you have found your husband.