can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

I hope everything works out for you sana. Just stay strong!

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

Good luck with everything girl.

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

i'm hoping your family is very supportive of you whatever decisions you make.
hopefully you thought it through on your own and saw that decision as being the best for you. Wish you lots of happiness and hope Allah watches over you

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

salam to all...
now im in a new situation...after 7 days he called my brother and took my nuimber...ha...he dav my number bt i guess he just wan to show him dat i dun hav my wife number....wathever...dan he called me and said i was waiting of ur call from 7 days...i said i was angry when i left u with ur house...u had to stop me if u love me...anyways...he said i missed u in these days alot...now i realize wat i did...meri kahan kahan galitiyan thi...now i know...so plz come back....(after phonecall he came to my house and talked me)
he was trying to solve the problem...i told now u will go to court and u hav to write for me some shart....
if u wan me so i wan to live seperate..not with ur family..(coz my 1 friend said...agar wo badalna b chayga to apni family ki wajase nai badlay ga)
u dun stop me to study...
u hav to allow me to take a driving license...
u will not beat me
u will not abuse me...
he allow me to go my my mom home...
if i wan to go for shoping with my mama,u hav to allow me...
thats it...
he told mai abhi tumhay seperate ghar nai lay kar dy skta bt tumko ghar mai seperat kardunga...u dun need to talk any1...no 1 will tell u anything from my home...if sum1 say u anything bayshak tum chali jana...
i will not allow u to stdy...
i will not allow u right now to taking license...
i will not beat u and i will not abuse u..
tum apni maa k ghar jao bt mai allow nai karonga k tum apni maa k sath kahin b jao...

ufff....he agreed when he was at my home....bt when he went to his home after he called me n said i will not alllow u to study and about license...
after he called mee again and again...
i told dun irritate me now(i was trying to show him some attitude coz mai ny kabhi attitude nai dekhaya)
i dun understand k kya ak haftay mai wo thik hogaya hoga...uski addat ak haftay mai badal gai hogi...
his behavour was so sweet with me bt with my mom so bad and rough...dan my mom said yh kabhi nai badal skta...my mom said he hav to apologise with us...wat shuld i do....
big headache...
he forced me to go with him at his house...bt now my mom dun allow me coz she is so much afraid of his actions...

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

Your mom is right,wo kabbi nahi sudhar sakta,u just stay there and if he come to take you home tell him to first talk with your parents .and tell your mom to say him what you want and what you don't like about him if he is agree then great if no then dafa karo aainda uski koi call attend nahi karna.

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

Kinzz is absolutely right, koi bhi ek hafthey mein sudhar nahin jaata. Agar woh aap ki maa ke saath badtameezi kar sakta hai toh yeh iss baat ka aur bhi bara saboot hai ke woh andar se nahin badla hai, bas tumhe wapas le jaaney ke liye naatak kar raha hai. He's still not letting you study, drive or leave the house with your mother. What kind of existence is this? And my fear is ke agar aap wapas uss jahannum mein chali gayi there's a high chance you might become pregnant and be trapped in that hell forever, and trust me once you have a kid all these things will become much worse. Aap shukar manaaye ke aap ki ammi aur abbu aap ke saath hai aur aap parhi likhi hai aur naukri karney ke kaabil hai aur Dubai jaise developed sheher mein rehti hai jahan pe opportunities bhi hai akeli larkiyon ke liye. Separate from him for as long as you need to and then think about the next step, don't go near him and for God's sake don't let him get you pregnant. We're all praying for you, bas aap himmat rakhey.

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour…

So he won’t beat you physically but he’ll just take complete control of you by not letting you study or get a license. Good for him! :rolleyes:

This dude deserves a kick in the nuts. With a pointy shoe.

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

Sana you are fortunate because your family is with you. Families usually force girls to continue to bear all sorts of torture just to save their marriages. Discuss with them as they will be the best people to give you the best advice. Stay strong and do not lose the hope. We are all praying for you.

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

DONT GO BACK.
Seriously, once someone abuses you like that, it WONT STOP. you have your family on your side!!! Why would you go back...Stay with your mom

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour…

Sana, your husband is an idiot…but i think there is something wrong with your dimagh as well.

Your husband did not develop this abusive personality in a few days…he has been this way for years. Aur tum yeh pooch rahi ho that has he really changed in a week? Sorry to sound harsh, but that is a rather stupid question. :rolleyes:

  1. Getting a license and being able to drive would make it easier for him since he gets annoyed with dropping you off to your mom’s house. Not allowing you to get a driver’s license…is abuse.

  2. Are you a baby or something? Do you really ask your husband’s ijazat to go shopping with your own mother? I don’t see how that is any of his business. You shouldn’t even have to seek his approval or permission for going out with your family…and if you are seeking permission…then there’s something wrong with you as well. Not allowing you to go out with your parents…is abuse.

  3. Forcing you to go to his parents home when you’re not ready…is abuse. Forcing is abuse. You need to understand that abuse is not only limited to beating…it also includes hurtful words, threats, preventing you from doing basic things, etc.

  4. Wake the hell up. He says that he won’t abuse you…but he’s already abusing you through his words and actions…and you are still too blind to see it.

  5. LOL, your mom says that he has to “apologize” to you? Are you and your ammi that nadaan? This guy has apologized to you several times before, I’m sure, but has that ever changed him? No! Woh tum se kya…tumhari poori family se bhi maafi mangay…tab bhi nahin badlay ga. You and your mom are basing your decisions and really silly conditions.

  6. You told him that if he “loves you, he should have tried to stop you from leaving”…seriously? That sounds rather Bollywoodish. LOL, even if he had stopped you…cried khoon k aansoo…and begged you not to leave him…that still doesn’t guarantee that he would change his ways and start respecting you. :rolleyes:

  7. And you really believe that if he bought you a home…separate from his parents…that he will treat you better? Are other members of his family abusive? If not…then maybe that’s a problem that he has…and is not that influenced by family. Look, he can still treat you like chit even if you lived with him…away from his parents.

I dunno…the kind of ideas that you have make you sound like a naive bachi. Wake up and see that he hasn’t changed…that his new promises/shartain still reflect abusive mentality. If you can’t manage to realize what’s going on and keep coming up with ideas that only prolong your misery…then maybe you want to be in that situation. It’s a shame that your mom doesn’t want you take stronger action and actually believes a maafi will change your husband. I hope that the rest of your family is more sensible than the both of you.

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

Usko chhod do. Nahi badle ga. Peope DO NOT change in a week. He has clearly told you studying and driving are not allowed. You should not go back at all even if he apologizes and pleads. It's just a show of a few days before he is back to his old ways.

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

well..the situation is in my hand now...i thought too much about my matter...dan my heart says..he told me he will not abuse me and beat me...so i hav to giv him a chance coz may b in future i dun wan a gilt in my heart that (wo keh raha tha k muje apni gality ka ehsas hogaya hy...muje ak moka doo...agr tumhay lagay mai thik nai hoa to pir jo tum faisla karogi muje manzor hoga)
i tallked to my mamoo and brother dat wat shuld i do?
they said give him a last chance...we will sit together and he hav to say all this to us front of his family......that he will not abuse and beat u...for me this is main things...
let see wat will happen tomorrow..i will not bring my all clothes,only just few to show him dat im coming in ur house to just check u...i will not pregnant inshallah till 3 months..coz i will tell him dat i dun wan kid now...first we hav to maintane our relationship...
im just thinking abt my luck..if i break up with him..wat will b the garentee dat next 1 will gud?
coz mai nay bht se log dekhay han..jinki 1 marriage kamyab nai hoi pir 2 b nai hoi...coz uska naseeb asa tha...
my mamoo told yh tumhara naseeb hay..is sy na to tum lar skti ho ar na hum...han bs tumhare liy hum tumhari mushkil asan karsktay han...u hav to handle him more love and attention...

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

Once a wife-beater, always a wife-beater!

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

If you're going to give him a "last chance" then it needs to be a last chance. Even if he breaks his promises, you need to stand firmly behind your decisions. And did your mamoo ever have an abusive marriage? Your mamoo has a paindoo soch. Getting a divorce without valid reason is not right....but Islam allows divorce because it doesn't support the idea of "jaan booj kar poori zindagi pachtana."

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

  1. he wont change
  2. if u want to give him a chance, then be very critical, in every thing he does...
  3. 3 month are a tooooo short time, to see, if s.o. has really changed...
  4. for a kid u should wait, IF u stay with him, kamazkam 1-2 yrs...
  5. in the meantime he could work on a new home 4 u both...
  6. GOOD luck!
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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

What BS. This was the same mamoon that told you to stick with this man, only to have your husband abuse you? I would stop listening to anything this person says ASAP so you can make up your mind correctly.

Ugh it's crap like this when people say that piss me off. What naseeb? It's such a cop-out to say "keh falan falan hum say nahin ho saka kyon kay hamaray naseeeb main nahin hua" BS.

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

a lot of desi parents still have this way of thinking though even in these times. they might be very open minded, caring and supportive, but when it comes to breaking a relationship/marriage there are many really old fashioned ones that still go by the "maafi will change him" and try to bring the two together again and again only to realize that nothing has changed.

verbal/emotional/physical abuse aren't taken as negatively as in the western world(in these times).

Sana, did you get married even before graduating from college? I have a feeling you never had a job before marriage......that's why it's so hard for you to get yourself away from all this and for you to realize that he won't change....if you've already mentioned this in the urdu/hindi you wrote then oopps for asking the same stuff over again

after a couple weeks please do update this thread to let us know how you're doing

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

I do hope (iA') all goes well!! And I hope you are safe.

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

What you parents think matters more than what your mamoo thinks. I don't know if your mamoo would have left his own daughter suffer like this too and would have given her same ghissi pitti naseehat. Read abut what rights Islam has given you rather than obeying the valuable advises coming from your mamoo.

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Re: can husband/man change his bad behaviour.....

This kind of abuse shouldn't be tolerated by anybody in any case...