Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

What kinda magical mortage gets paid off these days, pray tell :faizy:

Anyway, it just makes common sense to put the wife’s name on the house. Prenups? Hai Allah kya zamana aa gaya hai.

Khair, name on the house or not, it doesn’t mean your parents don’t get taken care of. My MIL has lived us and will live with us and whether I like it or not, it just makes sense to have her here. Where will she go? Why should that be an issue. She’s my husband’s mother. You don’t abandon your parents. Also, if there is a need, my parents are most welcome to come live with us. I’m sure my husband has the confidence to ask his mom to stay with us. He shouldn’t be sweating about this.

Having said that, I agree with Reha that we in our generation should be better prepared for our old age. I don’t know what will happen later on in life but I’d like to live on my own, close to my kids for sure, but if I have the means then I’d rather have my own place.

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

The thing about why can't wife's parents live with their daughter......and that its unfair to women to take care of their husand's parents..

how i see this is.......like how the desi society worked out this situation is..

the son and his wife take care of parents of the boy...........and the girl's parents are taken care of by her brother and his wife.......so actually every woman has to take care of one-set of parents i.e her husband;s parents......but she doesn't have to take care of her own parents because her bhabi is supposed to take care of her parents.......

so in short.....its not unfair if you see with a bigger view.......

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

Uh...
and if the girl has no brothers?

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

Yes, the husband definitely should discuss this matter with his wife. They are coming to LIVE with them in THEIR home...she has a right to know....why not? Things change when in laws come to live with you so its better to give her a heads up.

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

then girl should find a man who is willing to come live with her and her parents

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

Divorce the *****.

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

It seriously worries me how much we Pakistanis have come hate our culture and our values. Change isn't always good. It seems by progress we mean (And I hate using this phrase but you lot forced me) mirroring the West. Why do we have to change or adjust or get-in-line? Are we that uncomfortable in our skin? Do we feel that inadequate? Our religion/culture is a great thing.

If you want to turn this religious, it is the husband's obligation to provide and care for his wife and parents. Now it is the wife's decision if she wants to live with her in-laws or separately. Now if the husband cannot afford to provide a second home for his wife, she's just being difficult, whats a guy supposed to do? If he can afford it and still wants his parents in his home, she should be willing enough to help him out. Yeah, sure she doesn't have to care for them and if they can afford a nurse/carer then that's ideal.

If you're not discussing this from a religious angle, then its just good relationship sense to accommodate your spouse's parents. Seriously, its just called being a good partner. Now of course the husband should be willing to accommodate his wife's parents if they have no other place to go and if he can afford it.

I'm so damn proud our entire family/khandaan is amazing in this aspect. We're all highly educated, working in some serious places but we're living happy in a 'typically Pakistani' environment. And we're all stable and happy, mashaAllah/al7amdliAllah. You lot need to get your priorities in order. I don't know why some of you are trying so damn hard to 'belong'.

You're sitting in Europe, Asia, America or wherever and talking to a person halfway around the world. That's a freakin' miracle. How much change do you want! :p

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

thas not what i said is the 'ideal' case....or how it should be.......my point is...this is how the society envisaged this to work out....
definitly if she has no brothers then it IS duty of One of the daughter and her husband to look after them..no second quesions about..

the problem i see.......no body is actually listening to the point being made by the other person.........its call combative........trying to find faults/shortcomings in options proposed by people.......instead of focusing on the message...what it says.....

My personal view is.......Parents SHOULD be taken care of the best way possible (inside your home..not old home).....and it goes without saying that its all parents........wife or husband.........but as per the societal norms........wife's parents come into if they don't get their first shot with their own sons.

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

Firstly, not living with inlaws isn't 'copying the west', pretty much NO-ONE does it bar Pakistanis, Indians and Bangladeshis. Don't know why people who favour living in joint families always make it out to be a East V West or Muslim V Non-Muslim type thing..

Secondly when mentioning religion u conveniently forgot to mention the man has an Islamic obligation to give his wife space and privacy - at the very least their own bedroom, bathroom and her own place to cook, free from the interference of others which most don't do when they move their wives in.. if he can't even manage those basics he prob isn't ready to marry.

Sons **and **daughters have a duty to look after their parents but that doesn't mean they have to live in their homes their whole lives, it's perfectly possible to live 5 or 10 minutes down the road and make sure they are ok and not lonely. If you're going to mention religion in Islam the joint family is discouraged rather than promoted.

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

Err are you that uninformed? A hell lot of Asian, African, South American, East European and some families in Western Europe, North America and Australia live in a 'joint family system'. And I'm not saying its a versus thing. I'm just saying we don't need to copy them. I guess it depends on your family. So I'm not one to comment on that.

I didn't 'conveniently forget' that. In fact I mentioned what you just said. I guess you were too riled up to notice that my comment supports your stance. So like blaze one or something, calm down will you!

Sigh Where is Islam is it discouraged? I was never discussing Islam here in case you missed what I was trying to say. I'm not the one talking about Islam. Its a few of you lot that are.

And to all the women who want to talk about Islam, come back to me when you're following Islam properly. Oh wait, don't come back to me since you're not allowed to talk to non-mehram! :p

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

^So because we don't follow every single rule we aren't allowed any of our basic rights??

As for uninformed, the non-desis who do live with inlaws (and it tends to be only when theor spouse has died or they are ill/lonely) usually move in with their son or daughter, not only the sons staying with their parents forever like in our culture.. and it's hardly a 'hell of a lot'

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

lol what are you on about?

And seriously, no.

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

Ok first of all there is a HUGE difference in how western daughter in laws behave with their inlaws and how desi bahus are supposed to be! when these white ppl live with their MIL or whatever, they can say watever the hel they want they want to their MIL and not make a big deal out of it. can you imagine a desi girl talking back to her MIL and not getting in trouble? Desi parent in laws are sooo freakin sensitive and cannot tolerate their DIL talking back to them. So yeah its MUCH easier for white ppl to deal with their inlaws than it is for desi women.
secondly, these western ppl are very independent and even if they are living with theri son or daughter, they never make them serve them or take care of them. a typical desi MIL however, woud never clean and cook when the DIL is there. So yeah their mentality is completey differnt.

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

You live in the UAE where DIL moving in with the inlaws (amongst non-desis) is pretty non-existent yet ur pretending living in a joint family is soooo common.. It's looked down on in practically every culture bar the desi one yet ur on here making out otherwise.. When it is practised in other cultures it's usually only when there is no other option (eg poverty, illness), not held up as an ideal like in our hindufied culture..

I'm not saying it's always bad cos obviously there are girls out there who love living with their inlaws and wouldn't have it any other way but it's not fair to expect a girl to do it , esp when in reality in most families there are fewer problems when the son moves out into his own home with his new wife.

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

Whatever, thanks for confirming my belief that good women are rare.

I'm not saying be their nurse/carer. Just like use some common sense alright.

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

I used to live in the UK and almost all the stable Asian families I know had their in-laws living with them. Now in the UAE too, where I've spent the majority of my life, there are a lot of joint families. Stop looking at those holiday leaflets and visit the real UAE

And looked down upon? Are you kidding me?

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

And seriously, if your family isn't like that, fair enough. Just like allow your silly reasoning. Read my initial post again and you'll realise I'm not saying what you're saying that I'm saying. Aargh, you know what I mean...

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

What is the POINT in following a culture thats going to cause drama and interfere in privacy of a couple?? It's time to move and think for ourselves rather than blindly following what our ridiculous culture teaches us. Why should women have to deal with this crap?

[quote]
If you want to turn this religious, it is the husband's obligation to provide and care for his wife and parents. Now it is the wife's decision if she wants to live with her in-laws or separately. Now if the husband cannot afford to provide a second home for his wife, she's just being difficult, whats a guy supposed to do? If he can afford it and still wants his parents in his home, she should be willing enough to help him out. Yeah, sure she doesn't have to care for them and if they can afford a nurse/carer then that's ideal.
[/quote]

So he should have discussed this prior to marriage. He should marry a woman whos willing to put up with his parents.

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

yea and probably alot of fights and drama too. I have seen VERYY few properly functioning joint families..

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Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?

Most Pakistani families in the UK do it because they don't know any different, doesn't make it right or perfect tho, majority of Mirpuri families marry their kids off to their cousins whether they want to or not, another ex of not being able to 'shed' parts of culture that tend to cause problems.

More affluent families defo don't practise it as much, we don't know any wealthy desi families who ask their DILs to move in with them long-term, down here in London at least it's seen as a bit old-fashioned..

I know UAE and the Arab culture very well thanx, my best mate is Lebanese and we go to the UAE at least twice a year (prob getting married there as well :))