Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
thank you
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
Why, you’re that much afraid of your wife? 
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^Nice post, but, lets stick to the question.
There are many cases where it happens. I have seen real life examples. There is a Pakistani couple, both work, husband a top level professional, wife a mid level. Father of the man developed severe hip and knee problem, became wheel chair bound. Son wanted to keep his father home, wife did not co-operate. He **asked her to take a leave from job, **she said, she cannot leave her career for his father. Eventually the father was sent to old home, where he died after two years, though the poor old man desperately wanted to live at home. Irony both husband and wife are very religious otherwise.
That's where he went wrong. Our religion tells US to take care of OUR OWN parents at old age. If his father was a priority to him, he should havedone it himself and taken a leave and worked something out. I know many people who use vacation, FMLA to do that.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
Like njgal said above, islam says to take care of our OWN parents. It would be unfair to force your wife to quit her job, or worse divorce her because she won't quit her job. (Seriously?) There are a thousand ways to work around it. You can hire someone part time, take time off from work, arrange so that the responsibilities can be divided between the wife and husband (and kids if they're old enough.) There's no reason ailing parents should be left alone or sent to old people's home because of a spouse's stubborness.
Secondly, it's not about permission. It's about discussing it so you can reach a mutual decision. A lot of people are saying the guy doesn't need to ask his wife. What if the wife's parents were in this situation? Would the wife have to ask "permission" before inviting her parents? To be quite honest, majority of the guys would squirm at the thought of his inlaws living with them. There shouldn't be double standards. You can't expect something of your spouse that you're not willing to do yourself if the situation were reversed. Likewise, the wife should put her parents in that situation and then decide what she would do.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
if they are rich, invite you must.
jk jk
just send a postcard once in a while to remind them their grandkids love them.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
Like njgal said above, islam says to take care of our OWN parents. It would be unfair to force your wife to quit her job, or worse divorce her because she won't quit her job. (Seriously?) There are a thousand ways to work around it. You can hire someone part time, take time off from work, arrange so that the responsibilities can be divided between the wife and husband (and kids if they're old enough.) There's no reason ailing parents should be left alone or sent to old people's home because of a spouse's stubborness.
Secondly, it's not about permission. It's about discussing it so you can reach a mutual decision. A lot of people are saying the guy doesn't need to ask his wife. What if the wife's parents were in this situation? Would the wife have to ask "permission" before inviting her parents? To be quite honest, majority of the guys would squirm at the thought of his inlaws living with them. There shouldn't be double standards. You can't expect something of your spouse that you're not willing to do yourself if the situation were reversed. Likewise, the wife should put her parents in that situation and then decide what she would do.
Totally agree.. Imo 99% of these inlaw problems would be solved if ppl were expected to look after **their own parents **rather than expecting someone else to do it.. Less resentment from the 'helper', less likelihood of being criticised for not doing things the 'right' way etc.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^There is a saying,
mushkil dey wich kam na aawey, okhey soukhey veley
aisey sangi, saathi colooN, behtar yaar akailey
(Its better to be alone than to be a companion of a person who wont help in hard times).
I think a person is better off without a spouse who wont help to take care of elderly parents.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^There is a difference between liking some help and totally relying on ur wife to look after your parents.. esp if ur own brothers or sisters can't be bothered to do the cooking, housework etc.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^I consider it true for both wife and husband. If one has a spouse who wont help in taking care of others problem, its better for them to split.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^I've yet to come across any desi wife who expects or makes her husband do as much for **her **parents as she is expected to do for his.
She and her parents are in a weaker position cos at the end of the day in our culture the female will nearly always be blamed in the event of the marriage not working out as well as finding it harder to remarry..
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^Bcoz the first priority of taking care of parents lies with their sons.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^According to culture.. which doesn't necessarily make it right..
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
:k:
That makes sense in the desi world and I realize his responsibilities but I am a firm believer of progressive thinking. Gone are the days where the bahu toiled in the kitchen and sat there waiting for everyone in the house to eat before she ate.
Taking care of parents is not a one way street…both parties were given birth to and its not fair to only emphasize the guys’ side of the family as the one thats important.
I have parents. I dont have brothers. What happens to my mom and dad?
What plan do Pakistanis have for their retirement?
I am their retirement and my husband is his parents’ retirement.
Of course, this is a joint effort where both of us work together to care for OUR parents.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
sad day indeed when/if we have to go around asking permission to help our ailing parents. with attitudes like these they are probably better off in an old home with some semblance of dignity intact.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^Bcoz the first priority of taking care of parents lies with their sons.
Says WHO? Our messed up Pakistani culture? Puhleeeze!!
The Quran emphasizes time and again about taking care of your parents. WHERE does it differentiate between sons and daughters???? Just because our Pakistani culture is set up this way does not make it right!
I am as responsible for taking care of my parents as my brother!!
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
If time comes where my hubby's family needs me or my house I would very willingly open it for them. Now granted that my hubby's income is enough to support me, our kids and his family I would have no issue with this. I think every relationship has it's respect and boundaries and you need to understand that. When time comes where my own parents or inlaws needs me I hope I have enough energy and dedication to care for them.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
i don't think situations are so straight-forward... both hubby and wife need to sit and make a "joint plan" of some sort... of how they will handle... like talk it thru... how to practically manage.
if he brings home his parents without talking to her, (coz they don't have that good of a relation to begin with), she could end up being cranky and possibly rude, and make the folks feel unwelcome and unwell.
So really, the couple needs to talk beforehand and sort it out.
i think ideally, at least Paki couples should know that it is part of their responsibilities to take care of the parents - but really this should be 2 way. if the wife's parents are not well and need care, the hubby should be open to them living with them too - otherwise it is unfair. (the wife/hubby should not be concerned about why the wife's brothers can't take in their parents - maybe they are just jerks? it does happen).
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
Man owns the house, suck it up and put up with it.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^Really? Don't know where ur living but nowadays it's pretty common for the wife to contribute to the mortgage and/or bills and the house is often in both their names, in fact I can't think of anyone we know who has the family home in just the husband's name.. That's considered quite backward
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^Really? Don't know where ur living but nowadays it's pretty common for the wife to contribute to the mortgage and/or bills and the house is often in both their names, in fact I can't think of anyone we know who has the family home in just the husband's name.. That's considered quite backward
What if mortgage is already paid off? What if wife isn't/never worked? I don't know why would any man need to put his wife name of it if he is the one who is paying/paid for the house.. it's pretty foolish to put her name and marry a girl without prenup.