Without his wife’s permission? Or is wife’s agreement necessary?
What if the wife does not agree and parents need to be taken care of. What choices does he have in such a case?
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
It is tough one, I would certainly bring sense in her but, there is no way i would abandon my old aging parents.
On other side (i am talking about Desi Girls), mostly they also understand family values, might resist a bit if husband remain firm, I am sure they would accept (unless Husband is living as Ghar Damad).
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
My grand mom (dadi) died due to a type of cancer. She was in extreme pain. We all were there to take care of her but my dad wanted to take care of her personally. For like a year and a half my dad used to sleep in dadi's room because even slight movements were extremely painful for her. Whenever she had to be admitted in hospital me and my mom was always there but he used to take leave from work just to be with her. She had other kids too but all of them were abroad. We i.e. my dad's family never had a problem in him giving more time to her , relocating himself to her room , spending every last rupee on her etc. It was the understanding we had. Now atleast we don't have regrets that we did not take care of her. My dad did whatever possible for her.
What I am trying to say that such situation should not be converted into war. Both husband and wife should support each other even when it comes to parents. When someone is sick & dying atleast at that time one should keep grudges and ego aside. The husband should consult & request his wife to take care of his parents. Because she should feel that she was a part of the decision and it was not something that was enforced on her. If wife does not agree then take a separate accommodation and move with your parents and live with them and take care of them till they get better. Don't make it an issue and don't abandon either wife or parents. But I sincerely feel that no decent human being would say NO to a request to take care of sick parents.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
Marriage is a partnership. It shouldn't be about "permission," but I know it does sometimes seem like it is (so frustrating!).
He should definitely discuss it with her, explain his reasoning and hear out her concerns. Perhaps they could come up with a system to make it feel more palatable to her. And hopefully they can come to decision that will make it possible for him to accommodate them.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^Nice post, but, lets stick to the question.
There are many cases where it happens. I have seen real life examples. There is a Pakistani couple, both work, husband a top level professional, wife a mid level. Father of the man developed severe hip and knee problem, became wheel chair bound. Son wanted to keep his father home, wife did not co-operate. He asked her to take a leave from job, she said, she cannot leave her career for his father. Eventually the father was sent to old home, where he died after two years, though the poor old man desperately wanted to live at home. Irony both husband and wife are very religious otherwise.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^Nice post, but, lets stick to the question.
There are many cases where it happens. I have seen real life examples. There is a Pakistani couple, both work, husband a top level professional, wife a mid level. Father of the man developed severe hip and knee problem, became wheel chair bound. Son wanted to keep his father home, wife did not co-operate. He asked her to take a leave from job, she said, she cannot leave her career for his father. Eventually the father was sent to old home, where he died after two years, though the poor old man desperately wanted to live at home. Irony both husband and wife are very religious otherwise.
The above is just so so sad ! It was not right for husband to ask wife to take a leave from job. Because he should have been the one to take it. I don't think they both were very willing to take care of him. One of my co-worker's dad is bed ridden for past many years. Except for him all other family members work and they have hired a care taker for him. In many other cases too I have seen people hiring nurse or care takers to take care of sick and elderly when no one in family can do it.
Sending your parent to old home is just so sad. Shame on them.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
The husband couldnt take a leave, bcoz wife's salary wont cover the expenses, they have kids in professional colleges.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
what ever the excuse may be. But sending your parent to an old home is just pathetic.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
there was this uncle who use to be a teacher..he have 2 sons and 1 daughter..all married and well settled...uncle is now on wheelchair. non of his children are willing to take care of him so they sent him to elderly home... the other day mom met his daughter in mosque and asked about the health of the uncle..she said he is not well and she visits him when ever she have time, thats all she can do for him..
I feel so sad for the uncle...His daughter is around 47-48 years old, married but no kids...she could have bring the father home if her brothers were not willing to...
both sons are well married, with kids and well settled. earning good money with big house..i just dont understand why they dont have any space for their old father...my mom was saying that today they did this to their father, what if in future, their kids also do same to them ....there is a saying, jaise karni, waise bharni....
May allah bless my parents and my parents inlaws with good health (ameen) but if in life they had such problems, then i would definately bring them to my home and take care of them...when we are kids then our parents take care of us then why we cant do same when they need our care
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
Not trying to muddy the water or anything, but would a husband be happy to take care of his inlaws.. let them stay in their home if they had nowhere else to go? Would the heart still be just as open?
As for me, i have no issue... it's sad that someone would need permission from their spouse to look after their own parents. If the spouse (be it husband or wife) had the slightest of heart or sense of maturity, they'd be the making the suggestion initially
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
Well this is when you bring home a new more understanding wife. The first lady can go on focusing on her career or whatever.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
Well this is when you bring home a new more understanding wife. The first lady can go on focusing on her career or whatever.
^^ AMEN!
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
No. Not without his wife's permission unless he's planning to divorce her.
If she does not agree then it's her loss, you're a doctor that means you're rich so that means you can arrange for a naukrani for parents.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^ u surprise me hareem.... seriously a naukrani for the parents?
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
It is very very easy to judge and write long posts about what should be and should be not . But real life is difficult & bitter.
The owner of beauty salon where I take my daughter for hair cuts. She has a very sick mother suffering from Parkinsons disease , her lower body is paralysed and she can not even speak now. The girl does not have a brother and dad is no more. She has one sis who is married and can not take care of her mum. Now how she is managing is that she has hired a care taker for her who stays with her mom like 10-12 hours. She runs her own salon to make her living. Now if she leaves her work and start taking care of her mum , they both will starve. So instead she hired a care taker for her mom , making her own living and taking care of all the needs of her mom.
What is so wrong about hiring a naukraani for your sick parents when for some very obvious reasons no body can take care ? or its better to dump them in old home ?
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^Agree
I would have no problem having my inlaws living with us (the attitudes shift a bit when they’re living in ur home rather than the other way around) but at the same time no matter how elderly or ill they were they’d have to respect the way we choose to bring up our kids.. ie no telling my daughters they aren’t allowed to do this, wear that, that they need to be married off or there’s no point in them going to uni 
Of course, the same would go for my parents.. My cousin in Pak lives with her v.conservative Grandma and these issues are always coming up..
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
You lot need to learn the difference between normal and exceptional circumstances. A woman struggling to make ends meet has hired a caretaker for her mother, that means everybody should hire naukars for their parents. Bravo! Its a matter of setting the priorities straight. If a man's wife would rather focus on her career than to help her man take care of his parents (unless her income is needed to keep the household running), he is better off without her.
And Deeba, grand parents have no rights on their grand children?
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
^Imo they don't have the right to tell them how to dress, if they're allowed to see their friends or not, decide who they're marrying (how messed up is that anyway!), whether they go to uni etc.
Just as my own parents set down boundaries and rules for me (without their parents) so I will do with my own kids. They can give their input but at the end of the day it's not down to them to make the decisions.. Just as I wouldn't dream of telling my own (future) children how to bring up their kids I would want my parents to do the same (which they have told me they're fine with).
It might sound like no big deal at all but say my mum was to decide my daughters are not allowed to wear skirts that show their legs, even at home, think how much resentment there would be and how bad the atmosphere would become in the middle of a baking hot summer.. or if she said 'no makeup before they get married' or 'they should not be allowed outside after dark' - which is as early as 4:15 in the winter lol.. All these 'minor' things can be blown up into huge issues.. unfortunately, some elders can be unreasonable and not understanding of the generation gap and how things have changed since they were young.. I know of girls whose grandparents even have a problem with them having white or black friends round..
As I said I'd be happy for my inlaws or my own parents to come to live with us but they'd need to be aware of the things I mentioned..
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
Well I don't know what kind of grand parents you are dealing with, I do appreciate that it varies a bit depending on the nature, structure and dynamics of each family. Our grand parents never made any decisions for us that would go against what our parents wanted. However as kids when we were out of order, our grand parents sorted us out the way our parents would. It didn't piss anyone off. Neither us nor our parents were ever upset about our grand parents telling us how to act and dress appropriately. Its a matter of respect really. But yeah, like I said, it varies depending on each family.
Re: Can a Man Invite His Parents To Live With Him?
I don't think there is anything wrong with hiring naukars. You are the one paying them right so really you are making that effort to bring the elderly some comfort. My nani is on wheelchair and lives with my mamoon but my maami simply can't take care of her. Its hard to move my naani and only a person trained to do these task can take care of her. My mamoon pays for all the expenses that occur due to naani's health. My mamoon also thinks that as a son its his responsibility to take care of his mother, not my maami's although my maami does her part.
So to people against hiring naukars... I don't think its a bad idea. My in laws don't live with me but if and when they do, and I had to hire a naukar to accomodate their needs, I will.