Re: but we have ruined our generations......
it is about balance between who we are, and our social norms or roles as well as how we fulfill or even take them.
as you all know, i recently underwent this massive shock of losing someone who i wanted to be with - he only looked at my negatives, he had some too, which i never discussed as openly with him, as he dissected mine for me. because i truly wanted to make a difference in his person, to complete him.
reminders - like ‘rishteye’ are made in heavens, or that
good one, right one, will all of a sudden come along…
are nothing but consolations, for the post decisional regrets of having deliberately letting go someone, who men’s' hearts know, was all there for them, except could not and did not engage in intimate anything.
well, you get ready for it, when you get married nobly, and legally - and then of course the whole family starting and maintaining deal comes in
we are intelligent - most men KNOW it, but rarely they are able to acknowledge that women are intelligent.
it wont hurt us, if out of love,
i see what you are saying - you are addressing the extreme of 'independence' case, but those women who lose their true selves, and nobility, will eventually also realize, what they lost - time, respect - love and trust.
taking care in a safe and nurturing environ is nature of women - it is another thing that some women are also getting or conscientiously denaturing themselves
lesson : each to her / his own.
what one can do - is that when you know that the flow is going the wrong way -
get your own example out of it - for every wrong deed you see around yourself in fellow women . do something that inspires them to RECLAIM their
grace.
no one can take from us, our strengths and thresholds of bearing pains.
recall - what does not break you, makes you stronger.
Allah is watching over everyone of us - even if some happen to be too lost in this world - we know, in a split second, the weak thread of life, may be pulled away from us all.
so, to sort things into personal, social, spiritual, emotional, material, psychological, and ethical grids of life,
each party has to do its job, honestly.
be it women, or men - they cannot become each other
money never gets happiness to anyone
marrying up or marrying down - financially - SHOULD NOT MATTER for either side,
educational or professional difference is an individual preference for many
but it is a confused cycle that has become the reason why so many marriages (the ultimate contract one makes on this earth) with another human being from a liked and loved member of the opposite gender, fall apart cruelly, even before they ake place.
something is totally amiss and someone has to break the cycle.
it will come with its price - the whole spectrum from abusive marriages to the horror stories of heart wrenching divorces.
my bad luck - my mere knowledge of all this - took away from me, someone who i until last night, begged nobly to rethink over what he has done.
but no.
so i gave myself the consolation - that he would have been a doubtful husband, when he would become one... so i must now let it be.
as discussed in my other posts,
no amount of reasoning an logic coming from women, can pinch a nerve in certain classes of men - i am only pointing out the not bad ones, but the weak ones, the sad ones, the worrying-too-much ones, and the ones whose hearts are strained long and hard enough - to have mellowed out. May they find peace.
but then who knows, if the heart calls out so painfully, just why the other side, remains unperturbed?
lose ends are never tied... when they are 'let' loose...
similarly, heart breaks can never ever leave with a peace and resilience to move onwards, because there are huge gaps - between the communicators, discrepancies embedded in their messages, and finally the receiver end and her/ his confusions makes them lose it all.
time will heal...
things will change him and you...
he is probably laughing over all this heart ache he caused, and he will pay for it...
nothing matters to someone like you or me
as we are educated, liberal, balanced women
we neither want to denature men, nor denature ourselves.
i pray to Allah, to make us strong and enable us to keep our feet on the ground and our sense of honesty intact.
Amen.
dushwari
