but we have ruined our generations......

Lifestyle Relationships
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These husbands want that we should remain “dependant” on them through whole life …

they want us to remain in home… press thier clothes..cook food.. produce childs …and thats all…

we have no life…we have no “freedom”…we have no “independence”… we have no “rights”…

we are educated ..we are highly skilled …but these husbands do not like that we should exercise these qualities in practical fields…

they like that we should be put behind “bars” in homes and never ever think of a “independence”…

these are the typical responses of my dear married sisters who want to show thier educational skills in action in their future life..for better living..for good standard of life … but “”“”““MOSTLY””“” for a jubilious feelings of “independence” … ..yes we are independent..we never look upon our husbands for Rs…we have our own pays…we have our own “bank-leased” mehran and cultus…we never missed the latest shoes design of Stylo …we time and again visit the Bareeze for latest chicken pieces…whenever we have a mood…we just place a order for KFC and Mirchi etc…for delicious hot chunky dinner on a cell call…yes we have money…we have our pay…we have our “own” earnings…we do not “depend” on our spouses…we are “free” …etc etc…

but just wait for a minute…

no one is restricting women in houses..but the most important institution of child begins at house… he learns from mother..he or she idealized her.. the roots of a child developed there…the blue print of this this impact remains on his nuerons for the rest of his whole life… but unfortunately ..in “modern” times..we have broken this greatest “institution” at home… mothers are eager to test thier qualities of education in a practical field.. fathers are are too outside home…and the next generation..which have to pillar the future of country .. now in hands of “aya” or some maid servant…thus shattering the whole concept of lap of mother is child’s first school…we have lost this school which is even better than Berkeley or Harvard or Stanford…!!!

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Re: but we have ruined our generations…

:confused:

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

wo kafa kush jo mot sai darta nahi
rooha-i-Muhammad uus kai badan sai nikal do
dai kar mullah ko farani takhayullat
islam ko Hijaz-o-Yemen sai nikal do

                                                    (iqbal)
White hair
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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

is this yours assignment essay?

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

Isn't it a little premature to assume that women who work outside the home are somehow not providing their kids with the love and attention that women who work within the home. And isn't it also premature to assume that women who do work are doing it just to be "independant" or are in some way deifying the word of Allah (SWT).

I'm in no means a feminist but women should be able to provide a living for them selves and their children independent of their husbands, not so they could be the moral less independants you've labeled them in your post, but so they could provide for themselves if something was to happen to their husbands, or so they could leave abusive relationships.

I'm not saying talaq is a good thing, marriage takes a lot of care, compromise, and understanding, and talaq over little things is stupid, but the rising talaq rates may be coming from a society which women are slowly starting to stand up for themselves, a woman which wouldn't have left an abusive relationship 10 years age, will hopefully be "independant" enough to leave one today, and that is not a bad thing.

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

^ exceptions are always here ...i talked about the majority ....

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

even in case of talaq...women is given protection by our religion...never ever it is "impose" on her to leave house for money...her father..if not her brothers...if not than atlast the state is responsible for her.....well pakistan is not thatutopia...i agree with you... in all points given above ...are that when both husband and wife are at good relations..and no such exceptional case ....
and plz..do not mind for the scarcastic tone...its my habbit to comment in that way... sorry again for that..... i am not against women at all... i respect them as mother..sister..wife and daughter...but our society is facing this problem..thats why i started the thread....

~~~ Missing someone ~~~
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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

Just because a woman stays at home doesn't mean she is a better mother than one who works. Bringing up children is a joint effort and not just the mothers responsibility nor do children who only get their mothers attention not feel the need of their fathers active participation in their life.

Think quality over quantity.

You have edited it now but you stated that all working women are turning psychos due to excessive pressure and responsibility, says who??? In households where all duties and responsibilites are equally divided between both parents, no one turns psycho. Its only when the wife has to single handedly take care of all chores at home with a full time job that pressure increases and 'kids are neglected' and 'husbands are unhappy' as you said. Thats not the right setup to start with so it would be better to fix it then to tell the woman that she needs to stay at home and only cook and clean and look after her family.

~~~ Missing someone ~~~
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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

alright there dawa_i_dil ---- you are getting carried by your emotions..

there is both good and evil out there.. there are husbands who hit their wives and there are wives who hit their husband ... if I were to ask in general here on gupshup to married ladies on how their husbands treat them.. i am sure you will see the opposite trend to what you wrote.. it is out there.. make sensible choices and make good choices in life.. there is no RIGHT OR WRONG choice in this world, there is just good and bad choices..

lastly, sit back and have a cold glass of roohafza, thanday paye jao and then chill yaar .. life is toooooo short to take on these stupid stresses, rather than fighting and worrying about who should work and who shouldn't work .. think about what your options are.. if you think you should stay at home and be with your kids.. then well that is a GOOD decision for you.. if you think you should be out there working then do that.. no one is stopping you but yourself.

don't let the garmi get to you, cool off with refreshing glass of rooh-afza.

PS: does anyone here have any rooh-afza ???

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Re: but we have ruined our generations…

:omg:sorry I had to get that out of my system

Interesting topic, though I disagree…ill post later…

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

so are we having a discussion on staying-at-home moms, working moms, or merged threads?????

lemme know so that i can share my thoughts!

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

women had been working in farms, fields, markets, centures ago, so I dont understand this concept that in modern times that is the case..

secondly, I can see how a stay at home mom can be great for kids in pre schol age, but then there is no real reason for her to do that once the kids have started school. I mean the professional women serve as teachers, doctors, counselors, etc etc. there is a need for them

Now lets look back at the good old days, which was mostly the deal with lower middle class and middle class families. lower class families women pretty much were always working, as I said frields, farms, markets,..where did servants, ayas, maasis, cooks, all come from? and as far as upper class women they were involved in businesses, patrons of institutions, and in the upper middle class it was a mix of professionals and some stay at home folks.

but in that era, women used to get married early, and had kids right away, I dont know how good of a mother a 16, 17 or 18 year old can be, what wisdom she would have for her kid. so the raising of teh kid in these large joint family systems was done by daadi, naanis and servants, with the mother being there as well and prividing part of effort.

Now.. if stay at home mothers were such an influence upon kids, then you would have assumed that the middle and loer middle class type areas in pakistan would see shareef well adjusted folks since they had the benefit of a stay at home mother, well look at lalu khet, lyari etc and tell me if that is the case.

teh challeneg is that we compare positives of one with negatves of another. why not compare positives to positives and negatves to negatives.

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

Thanks God scene in india is little bit different ....

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

^ brother i agree with you.. i was just telling the drastic change after the french revolution which is basics of "fateful" industrial era...

ICC T/20 World Cup
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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

different is not necessrily good or bad.

a balance needs to be maintained basically.

there is enough discussion in India about the same phenomenon, especially with more women now working in all night call centers to match US time. the discussion is not in religious context, its in a social context, like it is being done here.

so, i dont know how much things are really different in India that you are so thankful about.

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Re: but we have ruined our generations…

french revolution which is basics of “fateful” industrial era :confused: :confused:
Sis …Pls let me know my history is so week …but my understanding is that both husband & wife having different roles & responsibilities …no one can replace other…and if then dawa_i_dil become dar_i_dil…

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

I know my question has nothing to do with post, but is dawa_i_dil male or female??

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

I call her Sis ....yaar u can understand now atleast

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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

How many women work to buy designer shoes and clothing as you imply? And how many working women buy take-out every day? You made some very ignorant generalizations and I sincerely doubt that you even know any working women.

Any comments on stay-at-home mothers who put their children in front of the TV all day? I saw a lot of that the last time I was in Pakistan.

i cant post
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Re: but we have ruined our generations......

i didn't grow up in pakistan, my mom was a working mom, but i don't ever remember a time when i felt like i missed her, or missed out on experiences cause she was at work. I grew up in Canada and 20 years ago my parents had no relatives here, i never had a babysitter, and i was not left home alone either. My parents created a compromise in which one of them would always be at home. My mom was a teacher, and so we would leave the same time as her and come home the same time, and my dad tried to keep his work flexable so he couldbe there for us when my mom had to work late. women working does not equal children less loved, cared for or less developed in any sense as long as their is an understanding between the husband and the wife. The problem our society faces has little to do with women working and more to do with people not willing to make the compromises neccessary to sustain a deul income house.