Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
It’s hard to imagine a parent state of mind (not in initial anger) to take a life of one child to save another. Or ruin one’s child life to protect another.
It’s a heinous crime what happened in your family. I imagine it’s going to take a lifetime to heal all the emotional wounds. Initially I would recommend therapy for ALL your family members.
May Allah keep you and your family in his protection.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
hold up, what now? Hobbies will cure a rapist?
The mind. She boggles. 
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Besides the typical mob mentality of “i vood keel him naowww!!!”, which is completely unhelpful and homicidal- I would suggest that if you do decide to do something then please don’t let it be to send him to another familys house. What’s to say he won’t go out and do something inappropriate to a girl in the street? But that would go for him remaining inside the house too. Perhaps have your sisters sent to live with relatives would be a better idea.
Also even though what your brother did was vile there must be a trip up there mentally and he may not be of sound mind. If you’re able to get psychological help it would be for the best. Also, call you mother out for her mental paralysis. She needs to wake up and take charge if your father is busy in fantasy land.
I hope you’ll have the strength to get through this.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
OP, you haven’t been back in a while. I hope that things are progressing in the right direction for your sisters.
If you have not already, please contact some of the organizations that several helpful users have provided. You may be able to find out information anonymously, if you want to start that way.
Take your sisters to the doctor. They need to be checked out. They should also see a psychiatrist, but I see you’re not going to win that battle easily. The pediatrician who sees them may be able to help you.
Do not send your brother to an unsuspecting relative or try to get him married off to some unsuspecting girl. I cannot believe people are even suggesting such things as solutions. If there is a close male relative who does not have small children around, whom you can confide in and who would be willing to take on this charge, then fine, but please do not involve someone else in your brother’s care without being honest with that person.
I thought a military academy would be a good idea, but I don’t really know what they are like in Pakistan. Perhaps it is not feasible or the best approach.
Really you need to contact these agencies to find out how best to help your sisters and deal with your brother.
I completely didn’t realize that there was another sister until another user mentioned it. What has been her role/opinion in all this? And your mother’s?
I do not agree with other posters who have suggested that you take your brother with you. First of all, I’m not sure that it is even legally feasible, but even if it is, I don’t think you will be able to handle the care and responsibility of a 14yo with such serious issues. It is not fair to you and probably would not actually help things.
I do agree that somehow he needs to be removed from that house. His presence is not fair to your sisters. Something needs to be done. Please contact those organizations, so that they can help you.
A class that helps physically empower your sisters would be great. It would also be nice if they could be around more children their age.
I don’t know if anyone has, but I feel like your parents need to hug your sisters and apologize to them. “We’re sorry that we weren’t there to protect you.” “We’re sorry that we did not know how you suffered for so long.” “We’re sorry that we let you experience this kind of hurt.” “We promise we will look out for you from now on.”
You’re in a very difficult situation and have taken on a very important task to try to guide your family through it. I wish you the best.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
wow…did someone say that???
I thought the suggestion was to provide him with a distraction while he seeks help…same with the girls…get them involved in activities to help them to get back to some sense of normalcy in life.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
This was brought up by one of the posters. OP dismissed it. Stating the catalyst was a friend of his brother who planted the thought in his head.
I would still suggest to OP to thoroughly investigate if any male relative had abused this child. Start with cousins uncles and expand the net. Chances are he himself is a victim.
It also appears good parental supervision guidance and care was lacking. If anything, I hold the parents more responsible.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I would not dismiss it for the sisters, exactly for the reason you said, to help them get a sense of normalcy…combined with therapy and love and care from parents, etc.
I’m just skeptical on how it would work with the brother who has RAPED his sisters–I’m not one of those advocating stoning or killing him but I also highly doubt him getting into any hobbies will get the sisters to respect him ever again.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Sara, I doubt the sisters will ever respect but the brother needs to get involved in healthier activities for his own good and for the welbeing of others. His life can take a positive turn if he is involved in meaningful activities like sports where a strong male role model such as a coach can help him turn around.
I agree with sahar02 and the poster who suggested that the brother himself might be abused when young.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Gora County was mentioned to the reference of the culture and religion, Common sense, sometimes alone is enough to determine right from wrong.
Having said that these things happens fewer in Pakistan is due to the Muslim state. Where one hear Azaan five times a day. Prayer reminds him of the allegiance due to his Creator and Lord
Prayer acts as a shield against evil. Allah Almighty says in the Quran:
“…Verily, As-salat (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahsha (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse etc. ) and al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed etc.)…” (29:45)
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Peace TempA
You have impeccable English for an 18 year old, let alone for a Pakistani who has only been out of the country for 8 months.
Perhaps you have had a good upbringing …
For your brother a 14 year old to have done such things - I’m afraid the parental role does not seem to be the same as the one you have had. For such a 14 year old - it seems he has bad company, and probably spends too much time on his own, probably too much time on TV or the internet. These are the years of built up mess that has manifested itself in to his actions. How is his Islamic awareness and adherence?
General Parental Rules:
Brothers should not be allowed to be alone with sisters or with any girl cousin, or family friend’s daughter, if:
a) The sisters are perceived to be too young to be any wiser - For girls of ages 3 to 10 can only be allowed to be in the company of boys under grown up supervision.
b) Boys of ages 9 to 15 are discovering themselves - this is the age range when father to son interaction must be highest. Education and general treatment of girls and sisters should be taught here.
c) Inform about Shaitan and actively inform about staying away from filthy practices even looking at ones own nakedness should be taught as reprehensible.
These are just a few points …
It seems that when you were his age your sisters were 1 years old and 4 years old, he being 10 years of age. What measures were taken to keep him away from the girls when they were being washed or changed? I know for sure that in our family they do not let younger boys see undressed girls, anyway some of the blame needs to go to his upbringing for sure.
Now your brother is an adult according to Islam. He is baligh. But it seem the damage is done … he may be able to repair his mind - I disagree with what the other people are saying. He may become a much better person, normal perhaps.
However, the damage that cannot be repaired is the trauma on the minds of your sisters. They were your parents responsibility and they should take some of the responsibility of what happened.
Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
OP read this its a true story
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Was-Raped-By-My-Brother/1629343
when i was 4 to 5 years my older brother started raping me i didn’t know what was happening and it kept repeating until 4 Th grade when i started realizing what was happening. i cried to my mom and explained what had happened and she told me not to tell my dad and she would talk to him. and when i was 13 teen i was putting my clothes in the dryer and he came to me and told me to come with him. i was confused but i went and he told me to sit down. he said rember what we use to to do i will pay you if you do it again . i felt disgusted and shocked i got up and left and since then its been awkward when i started Jr high my sister came to me and told me what had happened to her and how he came to her while she was sleeping. when she was a kid he had raped her.she told me a lot of her stories and i related to her and how she told me that mom repeated the same thing she’ll talk to him.
since then i just hated his guts i had nightmares since then of someone pulling me and dragging, and shacking me and i would always have a melt down and freak out when i remembered. in 11th grade me and my sis had the courage to tell my dad and he
was shocked in a way. when we told our dad our mom jumped in the conversation saying that he didn’t and he swore to god he didn’t of course my dad didn’t believe us he said he would investigated . the proof was there when my mom told my dad that we had came to her when we were kids its weird because she acts like she is hurt even thought she defends him and still does i was sick and fed up with it so i asked my dad if me and my sister can leave to another state to move in with our relatives and he said alright that same day my mother went downstairs and locked her self with that monster aka our brother and guess what happened. my mom told my dad that our brother should live with our relatives where we wanted to go though she knew that’s where we wanted to escape and forget when my brother left.
everyone in our family were acting fxcked up to us saying we got what we wanted and that it was are fault he left.
and my second to older brother had knew what had happened to us and he told me and my sister to forgive and forget. how can you if its traumatizing. our own mother blamed us for what had happened she believes that its our fault still to this day were the outcasts in our family and when ever we want to go out she would make rude remarks its sad look what the world has come to know its time to say **** you and im reaally 17 and my sister is 16 its hard to let it go i tryed so many times but it hurts deeply like some one riped out my heart i dont know if i should get tharpy or some thing what do you think???
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
You should try to learn more about Pakistan…you quoting ahadess has nothing to do with reality. Its not good to live in a bubble and not know what is happening outside of your four walls.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
I am extremely saddened to read this. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Whatever you decide to do with your brother (call the authorities, therapy, boarding school) etc. I really don’t care. The one thing that I do know for certain is that you MUST get him away from your sisters. They cannot be in the same house EVER AGAIN. Not just a few years…but EVER AGAIN. Either send him to boarding school or to a relatives’ house but he must be out of your house now. You need to tell your parents how important it is for him to leave the family home. Your sisters are so young and what they went through is horrific. They do not deserve to have to live under the same roof as him. Please also tell your parents that they cannot just tell your sisters to forget what happened. It is so sad that Pakistanis still have this attitude towards rape victims. They still feel like it brings shame to the family which prevents them from getting real help for the victims. This is one of the biggest reasons I hate Pakistan. The mental attitude of Pakistanis have ruined it for me. How many more girls and women will suffer at the hands of men in the name of HONOUR? If they love your sisters they need to forget their fear of what anyone else will think. The well being of your sisters is the most important thing right now. Gosh I wish I could just adopt your sisters. I really do. Because although not their biological mom, I would make sure they get all the help they need. And I would never make them feel they are any less because of what happened to them. Your parents need to forget about the shame this will bring the family and fix the mess that has been created.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Reading this thread has convinced me that Churchill was right when he said that the best argument against democracy was a 5 minute conversation with the average voter off the street.
There has been a lot of good advice on this thread. Unfortunately an insane amount of terrible and ignorant ideas have also been promulgated (particularly concerning violent actions towards the perpetrator as some sort of retribution).
OP I wish you luck, and I sincerely hope that we as a generation open our eyes up to reality and learn from such tragedies. I hope that as result we will teach our future generation about sex and relationships in a healthy, safe environment where they feel confident enough to ask questions and understand something which is one of the most intimate and natural experiences most humans will undergo.
If we continue to treat sexuality as something dirty and impure and to be reviled and repressed and ashamed of and hidden at all costs, we do so at our peril.
Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Op can you not take your brother with you for a few months? Get him the help he needs where you are? Get your sisters the help they need locally with your parents cooperation.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
This is such a horrid mess. Alhamdolillah that I am not in this situation because even reading it is so disturbing. I feel sorry for you the most because you have to decide between your siblings but the facts that you have failed to realize are definitely demanding to be acknowledged too. First, dont you or anyone else here please call your younger brother just a “kid” as your sisters, come on. If an 8 years old and a 5 years old KNOW and REACT to what sexual abuse/molestation is, how come your brother just couldnt know? Also, you mentioned that he said he ENJOYED it. See something is seriously wrong with him. The same that is wrong with child molesters, pedophiles, necrophiliacs and even homosexuals. I simply refuse to believe he did it solely at the friend’s direction. He has this in him and he needs treatment like any sick would. Treating the issue yourself is NOT going to be of much help. I agree with all who said they should not live under the same roof. How can you just trust him and shut your eyes and leave for another one good year simply. He enjoyed it, he may stop himself currently but he wont resist it longer. Unfortunately boarding schools, Army schools and even Islamic schools all have the same atmosphere of sexual abuse and molestation. If he doesnt abuse others there chances are he will be abused himself. Him already having this tendency of sexual sickness.
The only option, like few others mentioned as well, that I find appropriate is that you keep him in your company. Either take him along or stay. Even if you do, make sure he and sisters do not have any contact. There are very slim chances still that he will grow out of it, (even if sisters do) but well obviously you dont want to lose any of them, you cant.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
:k:
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Raping a 5 and an 8 year old have disgustingly, damaging physical results. The perpetrator used extreme force and your sister’s wounds could still be torn and could still be healing! Your sisters need to get physically checked by a Doctor for bruises and sexually transmitted diseases etc, as their rapist has been involved in previous sexual acts. You will have to take your sisters asap and tell your Doctor the truth.
Your brother also needs to be forcefully taken to a Doctor. They’ll know how to help him.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
tempA- any updates? you’ve logged in but not posted anything new… some of us here are genuinely concerned for the health and welfare of your sisters.
Re: Brother has had sexual contact with sisters - what now?
Well you can’t play family any more. Its over for all of you towards him…
To each other minus him you are still good.
He is still your brother, so help him get on with his life.
Shyt happens…
Also some one has to keep any eye, if he still lives at home.