Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
ahem whats with paindu insults? they're quite nice people i'll have you known.
Noooo i didnt mean it!! I am a painduuuuuuuuuuuuu :coolios:
i was kidding yaar 
Gotcha. 
Sorry mooli. But in this context nobody’s insulting a person who is from the pind, but rather the close-minded mentality shown in several posts here is attributed to paindus 
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
bhenjee,
From what I read, you're still getting an earful about your private dinners with your husband before marriage while your SIL was the actual conservative one - not dating at all during her engagement.
What is the definition of a date people? Two people meeting privately for romantic purposes? I think your private dinners were actually dates disguised as whatever you want to call them.
The point is, you dated and so did your brother. I dont care if your parents' approval was involved or the Pope's. A date is a date. The only difference is you got married before him.
You say you're indifferent but you did care to call your bro's gf irritating and point out her hijab, the fact that she doesnt speak Urdu, etc etc etc. You're not indifferent, you're far from it. Your dislike for her is a LOT deeper then what you're citing in your posts because if those are your real reasons...I feel kind of bad for you. Life must be very difficult for you to get through on a day to day basis if you're that petty.
Also, if I were you...I would refer your bro's gf to this website so we can knock some sense into her. She should not be marrying into your family, its a recipe for disaster and someone needs to stop her. Its not fair to her to have to put up with this.
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
I wouldn't discourage the marriage. The boy sounds like a gem. Sounds like he knows what he wants, and despite knowing his parents are opposed is still determined to do right to this woman he is dating.
Most guys would toss the girl and settle for whoever amma says to marry, even if that girl was perfect for them.
So, sounds like he is thinking on his feet. He is determined. He is strong. And he's still keeping his family in his loving circle rather than stomping off and never talking to them again.
Sounds like a mature desi guy. So, I'm not surprised that gf is holding onto him. I would too.
I wouldn't discourage the marriage. The boy sounds like a gem. Sounds like he knows what he wants, and despite knowing his parents are opposed is still determined to do right to this woman he is dating.
Most guys would toss the girl and settle for whoever amma says to marry, even if that girl was perfect for them.
So, sounds like he is thinking on his feet. He is determined. He is strong. And he's still keeping his family in his loving circle rather than stomping off and never talking to them again.
Sounds like a mature desi guy. So, I'm not surprised that gf is holding onto him. I would too.
Yeah but theres always a down side to the 'gem' guy. The inlaws wouldnt stop being horrible to her. Making her feel unwelcome in the family because shes the 'disrespectful non urdu speaking was girlfriend now wife but were not accepting you girl'
Poor darling!
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
Yeah well, you can't base all decisions on in-laws. IF you do, you're going to find that you'll end up marrying a white guy.
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
^ hmm... you can get sum monster white inlaws too i suppose..
But pakistanis hav that harsh tongue.
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
Most American boys have no problems living away from family. They want to, in fact. So no one has to deal with anyone's tongues. (well that came out bad...)
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
lol yeah i get ya
Wow… i was MIA from this thread for like a day and it has generated so much drama… thanks to the original poster. Bhenjee … to me it looks like you are looking for some bollywood ish to go down. 
You asked for suggestions on how to deal with your sister influencing “situation” and YOU GOT plenty of suggestions… all of which you threw to the side and claimed that we came from a “certain type of families”. Which to me, insinuated that we the whole lot of us are liberal minded and stray from culture (since after all … you pointed out this has nothing to do with islam). You asked for opinions and you got them…but you already had your mind set about this “situation” and once you realized people were not giving you the same opinion/advice as you had in your mind, you started judging us and felt the need to start defending your points. Dude - there is nothing to defend. You asked for advice and opinions and that is what you got. Deal with it.
People generally are not agreeing with you and I have a hard time believing ALL of us come from similar backgrounds and have the same mentalities. I know for a fact we don’t based on responses to other threads in this forum. So … mabey this should be a hint to we are onto something and you should consider certain points as opposed to stereotyping, attempting to hit below the belt (aka you fortune teller-esque reading of us all being “wonderful DIL’s” 
), and feeling the need to defend your post.
I’m with my girl Mixedbeauty … Other than the baychaari gf being “non-urdu speaking” … im also waiting for what other issues there are. 
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
I am going go on a limb here and say that Bhenjee has communication issues....
I mean..i have not heard her say anything about having a nice sisterly chat with the younger sister about her "concerns". As I said in a previous post... the younger sister could be doing what she is doing for a million reasons and still being true to their families customs and beliefs (whatever they may be). She has jumped to conclusions about her own sister in my opinion.
No mention about conversing with her brother and trying to understand what his feelings are and trying to help him figure out his life. Seems like an overall abandonment to me "I don't care what he does with his life". Why does she not care? Its her brother. She should be taking an interest in it.... the good bad and the ugly. No one said that you are going to agree and love everything your siblings do. But it does make sense to me that siblings should try to understand where the other is coming from.
No mention of her discussing any of this with her mother. Girls should be able to discuss these type of family matters with their MOTHERS. She should be trying to explain to her mother that despite the "issues" this is what her brother wants and they should really do the best thing by giving a proper name to his relationship with this girl. Atleast "baat paki". The mom can then try to explain to the father.
And we all know that her communication skills with all of us is pretty weak. It makes my theory more legit...
Yeah but theres always a down side to the 'gem' guy. The inlaws wouldnt stop being horrible to her. Making her feel unwelcome in the family because shes the 'disrespectful non urdu speaking was girlfriend now wife but were not accepting you girl'
Poor darling!
Seriously a baychaari. :( All she has done is choose who she wants to marry ... a guy who wants to marry her as well.
But atleast her own family seems so understanding and non-shady. She has the support of her mother and the love of this "gem" of a guy (TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS). This is probably what gives her the strength to keep trying to get in contact with his sisters. Keep trying to get his family to notice her and take their relationship seriously.
Strong girl in my opinion. More power to her whoever she is.
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
It is really hard to defend bhenjee.
Even if they are not marrying the boy immediately, at least they could start communication channel with the girl side.
I appreciate the brother trying his best, but i really pity with the girl she is in for nasty time with this, with their this kind of attitude, i am not sure if brother would succeed in marrying her.
On other side i am fearful for girl, as her family have not waited for formal communication and started introducing him a future son in law, (it would nice if they could keep these discrete till official contacts between the families) any setback would create problem for girls next proposal (understanding our culture).
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
Interesting read. Just thought I would add my bit in.
Firstly, I don't know how old someone is if they're in the 10th grade, but judging by the other posts I'm assuming your sister is old enough to be exposed to relationships and the matter of dating. Whether this influences her in such a way that she too does what your brother is doing, that is a decision that she will make and you can't really change.
I don't see why your parents won't allow him to get married. If we take the viewpoint of our religion it would be best to have them married asap. It is clear that he loves her and nothing that your family say or do will stop him from being in a relationship with her. So why not make things legit?
My personal opinion is that you feel left out. Probably because he has taken the little sister to meet the gf. Why not get to know her. If she is good for your brother, then persuade your parents that your brother wants to marry her anyway so why delay it any further.
If you don't like her for no good reason, then that is wrong and you probably need to take a step back and look at the way you are behaving towards your brother and his gf and do something about it. Why be bitter about something that makes your brother happy?
Most American boys have no problems living away from family. They want to, in fact. So no one has to deal with anyone's tongues. (well that came out bad...)
Nearly every other culture of Muslims does it as well*.* In these families it's the inlaws who move in with their son or daughter if/when they are lonely or ill, not sons staying in their parents house their whole lives. Most arab parents would discourage their daughter marrying a man who won't provide her with her own home, it's the opposite to our desi culture.
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
Both cool yourself . and live like a Sultan Tepo.
Hi bhenjee
I totally understand where u r coming from. These days ppl are selfish and think its about number one and the rest can deal with it.
its obvious ur bro and his gl love each other. maybe u shud say to your brother in 2 years u two can get engaged and after u graduate and get a job u can get married that way the proposal will look good rather than going to his parents house and saying we want a rishta for a school kid.
we are families that like to stick together. right now its fun, sneaking around for them, seeign each other but marriage is tough and boring and hard work for some so yeah they def have to be mature to enter that.
u shud speak to your younger sister and tell her not to meet her bcoz i see a lot of brother girlfriends that encourage their bf younger sisters to date so they can both have this little secret between them. and yes your sis will say if bro can do it why cant i.
i hope theres a happily ever after for all of you guys.
i dont think u shud tell ur parents but isntead speak to your brother and sister and try to be a friend and show them you are on their side but you are wiser and see thigns differently. and right now they shud enjoy education etc.
say to your bro if you love her you need to prove you are capable of taking care of her.
i am scared if you keep refusing to go for the rishta they will run away and not do your parents any good for their health.
x
Re: brother and his irritating girlfriend
and pls guys, stop judgin each other, just respect the fact we come from diff backgrounds and hae diff viewpoints in life and not one person is right or wrong. and do not quarrel with each other, why is it our countries are in a bad state bcoz we treat each other like this.
Inshallah there's got to be common grounds and a way to please both parties.
I wouldn't discourage the marriage. The boy sounds like a gem. Sounds like he knows what he wants, and despite knowing his parents are opposed is still determined to do right to this woman he is dating.
Most guys would toss the girl and settle for whoever amma says to marry, even if that girl was perfect for them.
So, sounds like he is thinking on his feet. He is determined. He is strong. And he's still keeping his family in his loving circle rather than stomping off and never talking to them again.
Sounds like a mature desi guy. So, I'm not surprised that gf is holding onto him. I would too.
PCG as much i do agree with most things you say, i beg to differ on your comment that Most desi guys will not fight for their love and settle for whom their parents chose as quiet frankly i know quiet a few and myself as well who did fight for what the believed was best for them but some were successful and some well ......