I understand everyone is different as to how we deal with certain situations.. Me and him were together for over a year, he was the first ever person in my life. How can someone say they love you one minute and can't be without you then just turn their back just like that. Recently a few months ago he got intouch saying he wish he had handled things differently and wanted everything back., but at the same time he was telling me it was all my fault why did I make an issue about what his mum said. I never ever told my family about any of our conversations yet he always did and the one time I did mention to my mum what his mum said he didn't even bother facing me and told me over the phone it's over.!
The only reason I did tell my family is because I was scared I didn't know why she said what she did. I felt threatened and felt she was breaking us up and that's exactly what she did. It hurts to when someone you truly trust and plan your life with leaves you heart broken and shattered. It feels like I'm never going to find anyone like him even tho he turned out to be so heartless.
At present I'v got another proposal, but I can't stop thinking about him. Even tho this new rishta seems oky I'm comparing the two and feel he was the one for me. :(
You need to forget about that horrible guy. He was not for you. You want to be trapped in an abusive relationship? I know it's hard to get used to not talking/seeing him, but you have to fill that void with something else.
Why don't you try yoga? or running everyday? go to the park and enjoy nature.
Please, this is just a phase. You'll get used to it.
It's funny the rest of us see this guy as a very bad option, but when a girl is in a relationship and her heart is hooked to the guy, she doesn't see the badness in him like other people do.
Maybe Allah made it that way so we put up with our male spouses, because God knows, most of the men out there are really not good catches.
It's funny the rest of us see this guy as a very bad option, but when a girl is in a relationship and her heart is hooked to the guy, she doesn't see the badness in him like other people do.
Maybe Allah made it that way so we put up with our male spouses, because God knows, most of the men out there are really not good catches.
I put up with him and would have always , but he didn't see that. As soon as I raised my concern over what his mum said he couldn't handle it. And his mum instead of calming the situation dwn made things so much worse. She knew deep dwn how much we cared for each other but she felt insecure coz he was her only son and she had no one else
I know but I keep thinking had his mum not rang me out the blue and said what she said none of this would of happened. At present my minds thinking about the good times I shared with him and thinking of him to be perfect. But your right had he cared enough and stood up for me things would of maybe been different.
I think that's a major question to ask and be honest with yourself about. Ask the person "When you get upset, what do you do?"
And some people will say, I walk away and don't talk to the person until the next day.
Some will say they get angry and even yell.
Etc etc. I mean it varies. I am verbose and I will tell a person exactly how I feel, and then I'll go on and on about it, and then I'll blog about it ( :D )
So if I meet a guy who emotionally shuts off and walks away, I just get excessively upset about that - it's like a huge slap in the face. And really hurtful. But then that person probably thinks I'm a monster for being open about my feelings and telling them exactly what I think.
haha we're the same person. The way I treat people I truly dislike is to ice them out completely so when someone gives me the cold shoulder it drives me INSANE. Being married to someone like that would drive me crazy.
I know but I keep thinking had his mum not rang me out the blue and said what she said none of this would of happened. At present my minds thinking about the good times I shared with him and thinking of him to be perfect. But your right had he cared enough and stood up for me things would of maybe been different.
Yeah that's true, but his biggest fault is that if he "loved" you, he did nothing to alleviate the situation. Best case, he's a momma's boy. I'm all for respecting your elders/mothers but...that's not someone that you want to necessarily be married to. Again, coming from a similar situation. First guy was 30 and what momma told him to do he did. Whereas my fiance now, I know he has my back. We've had some up and downs over some stuff but he's always handled it so that I don't look like the bad guy.
I know but I keep thinking had his mum not rang me out the blue and said what she said none of this would of happened. At present my minds thinking about the good times I shared with him and thinking of him to be perfect. But your right had he cared enough and stood up for me things would of maybe been different.
There are no what ifs in your situation. Human nature cannot be changed. His mother would have called you out of the blue even after you're married and then things would have been 10 times worse. And she wouldn't have called you once but called you multiple times over every single thing you guys would have a dispute over. You could have tolerated it during the honeymoon period but would have spent the rest of your life with a referee in the middle.
Part of the problem is we girls expect guys to be a combination of bollywood hero, and responsible mard as depicted in stoic PTV dramas with business suit and briefcase and bye-bye sweeties in the morning.
It's not like that. Guys are mostly oafs in our culture. Power lies in their momma's hands.
Haha, I think that's why the girls with most success at marriage in our community are the silent docile ones. In the face of male madness in our community, a strong woman has little chance. If the girl just keeps her mouth shut and goes along with it, any marriage scenario will end up working out, because you're just not putting up a fight when things don't go your way. The guy and his family always get their way and everyone is happy.
Now if you don't want that kind of relationship, like many of us, then yeah these kinds of mommy's boys are not gonna be appealing, and really shouldn't be.
You seem like a strong girl. I know what it's like to get rejected, have a rishta break, have a guy do a 180 on your, have a guy distance himself because he mistakes your strength and resolve for "craziness". You eventually pick up the pieces, and you do move on, and you usually meet better people as you keep going.
Part of the problem is we girls expect guys to be a combination of bollywood hero, and responsible mard as depicted in stoic PTV dramas with business suit and briefcase and bye-bye sweeties in the morning.
It's not like that. Guys are mostly oafs in our culture. Power lies in their momma's hands.
Haha, I think that's why the girls with most success at marriage in our community are the silent docile ones. In the face of male madness in our community, a strong woman has little chance. If the girl just keeps her mouth shut and goes along with it, any marriage scenario will end up working out, because you're just not putting up a fight when things don't go your way. The guy and his family always get their way and everyone is happy.
Now if you don't want that kind of relationship, like many of us, then yeah these kinds of mommy's boys are not gonna be appealing, and really shouldn't be.
You seem like a strong girl. I know what it's like to get rejected, have a rishta break, have a guy do a 180 on your, have a guy distance himself because he mistakes your strength and resolve for "craziness". You eventually pick up the pieces, and you do move on, and you usually meet better people as you keep going.
Sorry what do you mean 'have a guy do 180?
i thought I was strong headed until this situation, I feel total like my confidence has totally gone.
In Shaa Allah I hope I get through it. Thank you for replying
In all honesty, don't blame his mother for breaking up this relationship, because truth be told, there will be a lot of people in your life who create misunderstandings, twist your words and create drama in your marriage. Yes MIL's often get blamed for doing this but so can other relatives with too much free time on their hands or with insecurities. The point is, as a couple you should stay united and trust each other enough to know what the other is capable of. I might be wrong in some cases or my husband might be, but we never belittle each other in front of our respective parents or sides of the family. If he's wrong or I'm wrong, we discuss it alone and work it out. But this guy left you, today it's because of his mom's interference, tomorrow it might be because of someone else's. The point is - his solution is to run away instead of solving the issue head on, and that's a sign of someone who isn't ready for marriage at all, let alone defending someone or at least hearing both sides of the story.
He is immature and breaking a rishta over the phone is cowardice. You don't need to get over him in 2 seconds but please don't forget that you cannot always bend over backwards for people and expect them to do the same. I don't even blame his mother as much as I think I blame him handling the situation poorly. The fact of the matter is, he dropped you instantly as soon as his mother and you had a conflict instead of trying to patch up the situation. That's just not right in any situation. Breaking a rishta over stupid arguments is the most ridiculous thing I've seen desis do and it still baffles me to this day.
^^ well said
The real issue is not whether his mom's or your actions were appropriate or not. Misunderstandings can arise among the best of peoples. The real issue is how this misunderstanding was handled. The sudden resort to the most extreme option shows extreme immaturity and an unwillingness to invest in the relationship. You are lucky to escape him before marriage.
In all honesty, don't blame his mother for breaking up this relationship, because truth be told, there will be a lot of people in your life who create misunderstandings, twist your words and create drama in your marriage. Yes MIL's often get blamed for doing this but so can other relatives with too much free time on their hands or with insecurities. The point is, as a couple you should stay united and trust each other enough to know what the other is capable of. I might be wrong in some cases or my husband might be, but we never belittle each other in front of our respective parents or sides of the family. If he's wrong or I'm wrong, we discuss it alone and work it out. But this guy left you, today it's because of his mom's interference, tomorrow it might be because of someone else's. The point is - his solution is to run away instead of solving the issue head on, and that's a sign of someone who isn't ready for marriage at all, let alone defending someone or at least hearing both sides of the story.
He is immature and breaking a rishta over the phone is cowardice. You don't need to get over him in 2 seconds but please don't forget that you cannot always bend over backwards for people and expect them to do the same. I don't even blame his mother as much as I think I blame him handling the situation poorly. The fact of the matter is, he dropped you instantly as soon as his mother and you had a conflict instead of trying to patch up the situation. That's just not right in any situation. Breaking a rishta over stupid arguments is the most ridiculous thing I've seen desis do and it still baffles me to this day.
Thank you for your reply sis, your right and deep down I know his mum isn't really to blame whatsoever.. If he truly cared like he claimed he did he wouldn't of just ended things over the phone like a coward and spoke face to face but he is one of those guys who doesn't like confrontation. My mom always says a relationship is like building a house. If the foundation is strong you will survive any storm if the foundation is weak that house won't stay standing for long. I suppose like any girl I dreamt wedding and didn't even see this happening to me. But Allah swt is always the best of planners. Honestly guys I appreciate all of your comments and glad I joined this site coz reading your comments gives me a sense of courage and brings a smile to my face
Sister zamzam i had a similar situation to you a few years ago...cried myself to sleep for months.. and please believe me your very lucky to be out now then later, true colours show of people through a situation, the heart breaks but you learn to pick up the pieces and time heals. Very soon u wont even think about it and when you do you will think wow I'm ok..
Lots of love u can message me if you like i hope you get better inshallah xxx