Broken Engagement

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Broken Engagement

I don't think it was a joke for their family. Some people don't have great social skills. That family seems to be numero uno on that list. They may have good intentions, but they don't know how to cope with disagreements.

He doesn't sound like he was a match for you. He probably needs a girl who has an iron fist and will have him and his mom on a tight leash. That's what those kinds of people need, a bahu who has a set of iron balls.

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Re: Broken Engagement

His mom just seems very overbearing and given the fact that she's been the only woman in his life and there is no other child for her to worry about.. she probably would have created problems even after marriage. Her little spiel about always siding with her son and you being replaced is disgusting. I've heard women use that same line before when discussing marriages - and it's such a sexist thing to say and also ridiculous. Yes a mother cannot be replaced but she was a wife before she became a mother too.. I guess they just forget all that.

Anyways, count your blessings honestly. If she intentionally destroyed the relationship then that's on her and the result won't be good for her. But the guy is also not too diplomatic if he's constantly going to believe anything and everything his mom says. Yes one should love their parents but use their own demaag once in a while too. I'm sure you'll find someone much better and learn from this experience. Just be grateful that you found out how they are now rather than later. A broken engagement is still better than a broken marriage.

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Re: Broken Engagement

Unless you are hiding some of the story, Jaan bach gaee aur kia chehyee? Think of it as a Allah ka karam. May be he actually did Istekhara and Allah wanted you to bail out and Istekhara did not come good. Only he (perhaps his mom) and God knows what happened but on face of it, it seems like its good for you.

PS: btw, his mom is a single mom so I can understand her insecurity but its HIM who has to handle his mom's insecurity at first.

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Re: Broken Engagement

Lol you really made me chuckle. Bahu with iron balls haha never heard that before x

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Re: Broken Engagement

I understand and truly believe Allah swt plans are defo better for us and that in a way he swt has saved me from what could of been a lot worse. I wish i was making such a story up but unfortunately this is not made up. I still sit there thinking where did it go wrong what did his mum want, why she behaved way she did. She was a single but educated women who had a very good career of her own, yet when it came to it she said things to me but never faced my family. I suppose everything happens for a reason my rishta broke and the very next month Allah called me to his house for Umrah. I didn't get married which I thght I would but I performed Umrah which I hadn't planned whatsoever. He Allah swt really does work in mysteries ways. Thank you guys for your support and kind words. It gives me strength reading your posts and knowing there are genuine ppl out ther. Thank you

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Re: Broken Engagement

"a man can find another partner not another mother" - what kind of nonsense is that? Desis need to work a lot on their skills on how to treat their wife and women in general

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Re: Broken Engagement

If the chances are that I am not going to run into them again, I don’t normally sit around waste my time thinking “why he/she did that? why he/she said that?” Umarah is good for you, start thinking about that. What will u do when you will see Kaba first time…what will you do … :k:

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Re: Broken Engagement

I know your right brother. And bdw I'v already been umrah, it was the most amazing experience ever.

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Re: Broken Engagement

I had a similar thing happen to me a few years back (I posted about it). An arranged setting where HIS side was persistent about wanting to come over...they came, were super "excited" to baat paaki and then all of a sudden disappeared. His mom towards the end would always give us taanay about how he could get so many other people and she doesn't know why they're going with me (I'm in med school and her son was still unemployed at the time...). Well then they just vanished, the guy stopped talking to me; the phone calls from the mom, everything disappeared. I was sad and confused. I kept thinking about why. But I got over it. Now aH after 3 years, I'm engaged to someone else. It's a "love " marriage but it's such a difference between how I get treated by my MIL to be. I sit there and think about what would've happened and I thank God for how it all worked out even though I was so sad at the time. iA you'll look back on this too in the same light.

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Re: Broken Engagement

Hmm, since you find it weird that the mom so randomly...out-of-the-blue...said that "Beti, a mother can't be replaced and my son will always side with me"....might mean that she had been toying with the idea of ending the rishta for some time before she actually did it. Just a guess...I could be wrong though.

But, it's not easy to go for Umrah...that's an opportunity you don't get often. So, while doing Umrah, pray for your good naseeb in that Allah blesses you with a good husband and make the same dua for the rest of the singletons on GS as well. Amin.

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Re: Broken Engagement

**Mods **I am reporting this offensive post towards me which was done without any provocation. Please give warning to the poster.

PS: I hope begum is not browsing

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Re: Broken Engagement

^Decent Bhai, surely you must have been confronted with this offense numerous times in your youth. Shouldn’t you be an “aadi” of it now? :chai:

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Re: Broken Engagement

One can never get used to pain and suffering

:chai:

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Re: Broken Engagement

Did an about turn on the reporting.

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Re: Broken Engagement

Well her mother sounded like a drama queen . Your should be happy that you got rid of them believe me such mothers only destroys marriages in the end.

Cheer up :)

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Re: Broken Engagement

What I don't get is how these people can just be so selfish. It's like the minute they walk through your door it's like there is no one like them, but when you get to know them then you realise how they really are. Some ppl just don't have that fear of Allah swt any more. I totally relate to your pain. It's hard, the thing that got to me most was how humiliating it was for my family. And what even more sickening is how cowardly they acted in end. Any normal family person would sit down and talk things through but clearly these people didn't have any family values whatsoever

37

Re: Broken Engagement

^ They genuinely do not feel they did anything wrong. In that mom's perspective she was probably trying to be honest with you, and she felt that her son being her son, even if wrong, she has to support him in what he feels. Most families - the moms will side with their kid even if the kid is screwing up his own relationship. It's not right, and it shouldn't work out that way, but it often does. She probably felt her interfering was actually not interfering, she thought she was helping the two of you.

If you see it from the perspective that the oppposite side weren't deliberately trying to be tools, but that their actions in their minds seem normal, then you realize that maybe their hearts were in the wrong place, but that they didn't realize how offputting their behavior was.

Since marriage is based on compatibility, I think your way of solving problems and way of thinking and acting, even if everyone thinks they're right, needs to be on the same wavelength for the relationship to work.

You don't want to be with someone that acts/reacts to situations very differently than YOU, to the point that it will leave you with your mouth hanging open. Now for some other girl , this family might be suitable, because maybe that girl and her family act like these guys do, and to them it's normal.

We can only pray that Allah has made someone as nutty as us, to be our mates.

Baqi, everything is about compromise, and loving each other, and putting effort into a relationship. Seems like you did what you could from your side, it's just that the "jori" wasn't the right jori. It wasn't a match. Doesn't mean either one of you are "wrong", it's just that the understanding and compatibility wasn't there because you're two very different people.

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Re: Broken Engagement

Yeah, it's baffling.

Yep, that's what I learned. People handle conflict/challenges VERY differently. And what you perceive to be "normal" may be very different than what another family does. Some families (like mine) yell and scream and then we're all back to normal 5 mins later; other families don't talk about it and just move on; and some other families just disappear. I figured that if that was the way they handled conflict PRE-MARRIAGE , it would've driven me insane to marry into that type of family because I don't handle being ignored very well. So we were "incompatible".

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Re: Broken Engagement

I think that's a major question to ask and be honest with yourself about. Ask the person "When you get upset, what do you do?"

And some people will say, I walk away and don't talk to the person until the next day.

Some will say they get angry and even yell.

Etc etc. I mean it varies. I am verbose and I will tell a person exactly how I feel, and then I'll go on and on about it, and then I'll blog about it ( :D )

So if I meet a guy who emotionally shuts off and walks away, I just get excessively upset about that - it's like a huge slap in the face. And really hurtful. But then that person probably thinks I'm a monster for being open about my feelings and telling them exactly what I think.

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Re: Broken Engagement

I understand everyone is different as to how we deal with certain situations.. Me and him were together for over a year, he was the first ever person in my life. How can someone say they love you one minute and can't be without you then just turn their back just like that. Recently a few months ago he got intouch saying he wish he had handled things differently and wanted everything back., but at the same time he was telling me it was all my fault why did I make an issue about what his mum said. I never ever told my family about any of our conversations yet he always did and the one time I did mention to my mum what his mum said he didn't even bother facing me and told me over the phone it's over.!

The only reason I did tell my family is because I was scared I didn't know why she said what she did. I felt threatened and felt she was breaking us up and that's exactly what she did. It hurts to when someone you truly trust and plan your life with leaves you heart broken and shattered. It feels like I'm never going to find anyone like him even tho he turned out to be so heartless.

At present I'v got another proposal, but I can't stop thinking about him. Even tho this new rishta seems oky I'm comparing the two and feel he was the one for me. :(