I feel that men pay more attention towards the outer (physical ) beauty..isliyee i feel that everythign si fake...coz wohi larki KHuda na khaasta motii hogayi tu he will leave her..and ho sakhta hai accdient hogaya ya kuch...and pura face kharaab hojaaye ga uss alrki ka tu he will forsure leave her..coz he he married her for her beauty not for who she was!
Don't you guys get it? It's threads like this that lead women like BKG to think they are nothing more than an object of desire, who only exists to keep her man happy. No wonder so many desans become attention seeking freaks, who have this constant need to show off, be it in real life or online.
Don't you guys get it? It's threads like this that lead women like BKG to think they are nothing more than an object of desire, who only exists to keep her man happy. No wonder so many desans become attention seeking freaks, who have this constant need to show off, be it in real life or online.
like i said it takes two to make a row
so i think both hubby and wife has desires right???
so wat nikky posted was her side of story we dont know the other side of story yet
and the side of story is that hubbies shud take care of wat the wifey wants!
so its mutual cooperation ladies not one side
we r not object if desire and we know it pretty well
these aalims/aalimas just want the wife to be a doormat for the husband either way! I dunno what did her husband lecture the guys in the mens session.. it could be something like "dun worry, my wife has it all under control, lets talk about politics in Pakistan."
Lol..@ gemini the great...I am so sure its vice versa...aur waisya bhii agar dono husband and wife co-operate kerain tabhii LIfe achi guzar skahti hai:)..Personality agar dono ki achi hogii tu dono khush:)
An individual's Mentality, personality , beliefs and beliefs play a significant role in every relation:)
Err i dont understand why people are so against women dressing up for their husbands and minding what they say when they say it? This is all common sense advice and just because its coming from an aalima its considered a bad thing.
Anyhow Niksik, i couldnt agree with these more, thanks for the reminder.
So I attended this lecture a few days ago (yes, many of you have heard me talk about it in my blogs and other threads) by an Aalima. She talked about sabr from a woman's perspective and marriage issues in today's society.
Later, some ladies sat with her and asked her opinion on how to bring back the "spark" in their marriages.
This is a summary of what she said:
1. Do not EVER show spiritual superiority toward your husband. Only Allah is the true judge.
2. No matter how hard your day was, do not attack him when you see him in the evening. A man always wants to come back to a peacful home.
3. Dress up for him. Go all out. Find out his hot buttons. Become those for him.
4. Plan activities with just him. If you don't like to do them, adjust the best you can. Your effort will be noticed.
5. Go to whatever levels he wants for his satisfaction (and we are all mature enough to figure out what I am saying here).
6. Bite that tongue.
7. Do not take him for granted. Always have room for improvement.
I am sure the guys had their own lecture by her husband.
I will argue that my husband would be incredibly bored and weirded out if I acted the way some of these guidelines suggest (i.e. bite that tongue).
I would also say that the way to keep the spark in a marriage is to be yourself and let him be himself. We all change and grow and it can take a lifetime to really get to know someone. . . .
So I attended this lecture a few days ago (yes, many of you have heard me talk about it in my blogs and other threads) by an Aalima. She talked about sabr from a woman's perspective and marriage issues in today's society.
Later, some ladies sat with her and asked her opinion on how to bring back the "spark" in their marriages.
This is a summary of what she said:
1. Do not EVER show spiritual superiority toward your husband. Only Allah is the true judge.
2. No matter how hard your day was, do not attack him when you see him in the evening. A man always wants to come back to a peacful home.
3. Dress up for him. Go all out. Find out his hot buttons. Become those for him.
4. Plan activities with just him. If you don't like to do them, adjust the best you can. Your effort will be noticed.
5. Go to whatever levels he wants for his satisfaction (and we are all mature enough to figure out what I am saying here).
6. Bite that tongue.
7. Do not take him for granted. Always have room for improvement.
I am sure the guys had their own lecture by her husband.
Hmm i see the point that Sadi and GtG and sadzzz are making but i can see this being applied to both genders in fact. Maybe the fact that it was spoken by an aalima to a group of women makes it sound as if these are directions merely for women. and I dont' see the male-victimization here. All of these points can be directed completely towards men as well.
I will argue that my husband would be incredibly bored and weirded out if I acted the way some of these guidelines suggest (i.e. bite that tongue).
I would also say that the way to keep the spark in a marriage is to be yourself and let him be himself. We all change and grow and it can take a lifetime to really get to know someone. . . .
You hit the nail on the head, people do change and grow over a life time, and i'll add to that, that we all need a little improvement in areas. We all have weaknesses and strenghts in different areas.
Okay so what exactly is wrong with biting ones tongue and watching what they say? let's say that when a couple argues, the woman says the meanest and nastiest things to him, attacking his character and his family as well. does this mean that she shouldn't have to change at all b/c speaking in anger is part of her personality and who she is?
What girls here are not understanding is that men get to hear similar lectures on mens' side. If they spoke to men about what women should do and the Alima told women what men should do, then it wouldn't help the situation. Men would think "yeah the Imam is right, my wife should do this for me". Men would EXPECT things form their wives. Same goes for women; if they are told what their husbands should be doing, then women would expect that from their husbands instead of looking at what women can do.
So, if they tell men what THEY should be doing to make their marriage a success, it will give men a chance to look at themselves and try to improve themselves. Same applies to women.
Another way to look at is when 2 children have a fight and they go to their parents, the parents have a talk to both children separately. To each child they speak to, they tell that child how HE/SHE could've behaved in a responsible manner. That child thinks only he is at fault while the other is free of charges. We all know that's not true because most of us have been through those situations.
Biting your tongue doesn't mean that shut up, be a doormat and let your husband boss you around. Ghussa is considered haraam in Islam anyway and this whole biting tongue pertains to that. There is a WAY or adaab of communicating with your spouse in Islam- yelling, being rude and disrespectful is simply NOT acceptable for both parties according to the Shariah. If my husband yelled at me or gave me attitude only because that's his personality, I am not going to sit there and applaud him for being straight forward or genuine. It's going to hurt me and will leave a bad feeling no matter how much love there is. I expect a mature attitude and a certain respect regardless of how angry he is. Just like you're not allowed to talk back to your parents in Islam, you are expected to act the same way with your spouse as well. Anger, talking back, harsh attitudes don't make love grow, they poison it slowly.
I don't understand why people have to take things in such a wrong way ONLY because an Alimah said these things. She didn't make stuff up just to conspire against women, these are the mannerisms of Islam. I don't see how trying to become a better wife equals to becoming a doormat, I guess being battameez is now considered as equality in relationships.
Is this common sense the reason why we see such "PEACFULL" marriage lives on GS
Are you suggesting that those who have written about marital issues lack common sense or have unsuccessful marriages? tsk.
i dont think a wife (or hubby for that matter) is being a doormat just cus she's not giving the hubby a headache as soon as he walks in the door..
we both work, and the last thing we both wanna do is fight or argue about something upon seeing each other. How is that being a doormat? there are days when im at work and hubby is working from home.. or is sick at home.. and when i get back, the last thing i want is nagging... would i call my hubby a doormat? no... its called caring.. giving someone space and time to breathe and relax once they get back..
in regards to biting your tongue.. there are a lot of things we say when we are angry... a lot of the time when we are talking to our parents or even friends, we hold back on some stuff so that we dont cause havoc.. if we apply the same to a hubby/wife relationship.. why is it so wrong?
listening to ur hubby doesnt make u a slave... and same applies in reverse
:biggthumb