Muzna: I'm not saying that you or anyone is is objecting to love marriages. My point is what every couple should work with their families and decide what will take place at their wedding. Yes, I'm sure there are guests who talk about first dances like you stated. But so what? If the couple, their immediate families and friends are ok with it....who the heck cares if a few aunties in the community are talking cr*p? If its not the dance then I'm sure people like that will find something else to criticize the couple/family for. People like that aren't offended enough to walk out of the event. They just want to gossip and dancing is just a easy target for them.
I don't think that you, TLK, and others who think that couples should not dance at their wedding are wrong. I don't think there is a right or wrong in this. It all boils down to the couple and their immediate families.
Recently a bride in our social circle refused to dance once she saw hundreds of Iphones in the air waiting to capture her every single move, she felt its her wedding not a concert, she aint there to entertain people.
I don't think that just by stating an opinion or preference one way or the other means that people are not happy for the couple.....that's a stretch and not really a fair assessment.
^ I agree. That wasn't worded very well. What I meant was that I wish more desis could simply be happy for the couple/their families and not find things to pick on/criticize.
^ I agree. That wasn't worded very well. What I meant was that I wish more desis could simply be happy for the couple/their families and not find things to pick on/criticize.
Most desis are also Muslim and in Islam it says if you see a wrong action, stop/condemn it with your hand, if you cant use your hand, use your tongues, can't use your tongues then use your heart. No matter how long of essay your write, you simply can't deny this or makeup stuff, I reckon if people don't appreciate couple dancing on religious basis then they should be allowed to stick with their reasons and preferences. I mean what you gonna say to them, Islam is backward or it doesn't count when it comes to weddings therefore there is "no right or wrong"in couple dancing? So its not the end of the world or one should start crying a river if someone doesn't appreciate this whole couple dance business.
So its not the end of the world or one should start crying a river if someone doesn't appreciate this whole couple dance business.
Let's not get all dramatic. I don't think anyone (including myself) has stated or even hinted that it's the end of the world just b/c others don't agree. In fact, if you actually take the time to read, I specifically stated that I don't think Muzna, TLK and others who agree with them are wrong.
But that's true though, the world doesn't start and end at "aunties". Of course we all know why the whole couple dancing is not encouraged in our culture.
for the record.....it wasn't the aunties at the wedding that were upset at the dance.....and it wasn't the unmarried girls that hadn't managed to get hooked....it was the bride's younger sister and her cousins.....no, they weren't being catty....they were embarrassed.
she was visibly horrified as nobody had seen the dance rehearsal and, I guess, they didn't expect the dance to be so provocative and "bollywood".
we saw some elders quietly exit the hall and wait for it to end in the lobby......
When you say “elders” do you also mean people who are NOT close to us or related closely to us and are just friends/people in teh community?
I care about my own parents wishes (and of course his)…but neither of us has grandparents, nor would they have been present at our wedding. So I can’t imagine letting some aunty I don’t know or care for dictate what I should and shouldn’t do. Thankfully (aside from the music–yes I’m still sore about that ) that didn’t happen…
and for the record, both of our families are conservative (in diff ways), but we danced at our wedding. Our fathers were pulled onto the dance floor, and so were the husband and I… we danced to abrar’s “preeto” nothing raunchy and no one went ‘hawww haiiii’… but then again, and this s just me…I dont’ see the appeal of choreographed dances. It’s just so much more fun when its’ spontaneous and everyone joins in..but that’s just me.
It depends on the family and the people you’re around.
You’re married now…he is your husband…if you wanna dance…dance.
If you feel its not for you…then its not for you…don’t dance.
In my family, sometimes its happened where the bride and groom danced and sometimes it didn’t. But it wasn’t a choreographed number or even a first dance. More like they got pulled onto the floor during the mehndi and kinda joined in the fun since no one would let them stay seated.
A first dance is between husband and wife…usually the bride is not shakin her groove thang so I don’t see the harm.
Aaj kal log shadiyon mein janay kahan kahan ki rasmein le atay hein…dood pilayi, joota churai, ungli pakarna, moon dikhai, salami dena, mayun baitna saat saat din tak, etc. In sari ajeeb si rasmon mein…ek aur sahi.
**nobody had seen the dance rehearsal **and, I guess, they didn't expect the dance to be so provocative and "bollywood".......
And this is exactly what can cause many things to go wrong at a wedding (including the idea of the couple dancing). This is why I mentioned several times that immediate family and close friends should definitely be aware of what's going to happen. The couple dancing and the dance itself (if its choreographed) should not be a surprise to the families.
In the specific situation your described, I'm not sure what exactly took place but I find it odd that the couple choreographed and practiced an entire dance routine without the parents, bride's sister, cousins etc. being involved. So even in that case, the sister and cousins were not offended at the idea of the couple dancing........they were horrified by specific dance moves. There is a difference between those 2.
This is something that could've been easily prevented had the couple and family members (ie. sister/cousins) simply kept the lines of communication open. The couple ASSUMED that their dance routine was acceptable. The sister and cousins ASSUMED that the couple wouldn't do anything too "liberal". Yet neither side bothered to actually talk to each other about it.
I personally don't like choreographed dances either for the bride and the groom. I find slow first dances more cute, or even some other form of couple dance but not choreo dances on Indian songs. We had our first dancet...and we danced with our family and friends during the Mehndi party and Reception. I was a little hesitant in the beginning during Mehndi just because I was worried what extended fam might think...but then my BIL pulled me to the floor and I'm like...who cares? My in laws, my parents and my hubby to be don't care, so doesn't matter what others think. My hubby loves the dance floor, and his side of the family like to party. But it's all just fun and innocent, nothing provocative. And I don't think that makes them less committed to their religion either. My parents in law are really good people and good muslims. They just like to have fun at their children's weddings. I don't see the harm.
Having said that, yes if my grandma was at the wedding, I wouldn't have danced, because I know she would not have liked that at all. But I had no 'buzurg' from my side at the wedding.
personally, i find that objecting to a couple dancing, in the grand scheme of things, can be a little bit nitpicky about an issue that ultimately isn't that big a deal at all. especially when most couples- or at least the ones i know- have not only dated, but even in the case of arranged marriages, have spent months prior to their wedding in constant communication with their SO's- via email, phone, text, etc. so if we're talking about conservative values, then shouldn't those things be frowned upon first? except they're not because the couple is engaged and therefore it is important in today's society for them to get to know one another and be comfortable with each other on a mental level prior to the marriage taking place. that seems like the logical thing to do and i know we have counselled, and encouraged, girls on having open communication and discussing their values with their future husbands here in the Weddings forum too. if that openness exists between a couple and is generally accepted by society, then the couple dancing at a mehendi- choreographed or not- shouldn't be a big deal.
and speaking of choreographed or not, what is the difference between planning it and being pulled on to the dance floor? either way you're dancing with your fiancé/husband and the rest of your family, aren't you? is the objection that they would be spending time together just days before their wedding, or is the objection to the dancing entirely? if its the former, see above point about already being in touch prior to the wedding; if its the latter, does that mean there shouldn't be any dancing at a mehendi or wedding?
as it happens, because of the dreaded aunty gossip fear, most of the couples i know have chosen to have their nikkahs either on the day of the mehendi or just before it so that by the time the mehendi rolls around, no one can hai haw at them for holding hands or walking in together because they are already husband and wife.
I'm all for the bride and groom having fun at their own wedding but planned dances, especially as choreographed as Hina and Latif's mehndi dance are a bit much for my liking.
, bringinging Islam in your arguement. Sharam nahi aati schchi schchi baatain kerte hu’ai
nothing raunchy and no one went ‘hawww haiiii’… but then again, and this s just me…I dont’ see the appeal of choreographed dances. It’s just so much more fun when its’ spontaneous and everyone joins in..but that’s just me.