Re: boys views requested please
It's not like 'rubbing it in' or trying to humiliate a person. I'm talking about getting to the know the person in a better way before entering a matrimonial contract. And faith, in no way, tells us to be less forgiving or soulless. Neverthless, I don't have any knowledge about religious edicts about this issue.
Re: boys views requested please
my partners pat wouldn't matter to me, and neither should mine matter to him but i'd still like to be honest about it.
Re: boys views requested please
Don't bring Islam into this and then say that you don't believing in forgiving a woman for her past. Pakistani women forgive pakistani men for their past all the time. No wonder Pakistani women on average are way more religious than our men.
If God can forgive a woman who has had a past that was irreligious, regardless of what that means she did, then I don't see who any guy is to not forgive.
Its not a surprising scenario though. I am surprised she feels like she needs to go to an internet website to find a mate though.
And I don't see many of the guys here criticizing the guys who screwed with this girl and then said to her that they wont marry her.
Re: boys views requested please
Any couple in today's age really should get STD tests done before marriage. Especially AIDS.
Re: boys views requested please
Hubbies find out if whether their wife is a virgin or not based upon whether she bleeds when he first has sex with her.
But the problem is that this is NOT a reliable test. Even Islam doesn’t ask a guy to look for such a sign. If anything, I know this is a Jewish tradition. Scientificially speaking and medically speaking, a woman can break her hymen well before having sex, so its not fair to assume she’s not a virgin if she doesn’t bleed the first time.
Pakistani men might also base their judgements on how “frightened” and “unsure” the wife is the first time. This is pure silliness, because there are lots of women who know how sex works and what to expect and of course the majority of it is basic instinct. So you can’t say your wife isn’t virgin because she was looking forward to the wedding night and had fun the first time, rather than complaining about the pain and how frightened she was. 
Re: boys views requested please
:k:
Re: boys views requested please
Now that she cant find a good rishta (im assuming), she became so concious of Islam? Where was her Islam when she was sleeping around 
Re: boys views requested please
same place as where it is for all those guys who ask their mum, oh no sorry are forced by their moms, to marry virgins after having been sleeping around for ten to fifteen years 
ps, that post is directed to no one in particular 
Re: boys views requested please
^ whats so funny
Re: boys views requested please
yea there is a good chance of that happening if the guys marrying an ABCD. Even if the girl dint disclose, the guy's still an idiot. He should have done his due diligence by doing a lil background/reference check.
Re: boys views requested please
LD, really disappointed you brought Islam into this.
Anyway, the question is Dealing with the past. Any 'intelligent' person would know that when you and your potential mate has a past, you should talk and sort things out with honesty. There are certain things you can do to avoid misconceptions; like avoid generaliztions means do not think everyone is same and stop judging people with the same yard-stick. Remember things that can't kill you will make you stronger. Do not go into any preception of 'I am way too strong'. A lesson lived is a lesson learned, we learn from past experiences. Relationships, regardless of sexual or non-sexual, teaches us something about ourselves and others. Last but not least, follow your instincts, if you think that the person is bad or will hurt you, which by the way most of the people know before going into ANY relationship, just do go stupid! Understand that there is no one important than you and you are the only one who can take care of yourself better.
The worst thing is to take things to the extreme meaning being way to soft to let people walk all over you to becoming macho and stiff that no one has a chance to enter into your heart and soul. Just show moderation and try to put the past behind.
Re: boys views requested please
Man with a Plan: There aren't many guys, as you can see in this thread, who are open to putting the past behind them. Even guys who say they are, when it comes down to it, and they find their fiance telling them about her past, they might back out for it, or if she even tells him the first day she meets him, he might still back out. Very few men can digest the thought that "their woman" has been with someone else before. Very very very few can digest the thought that their woman has had sex with someone before. And it doesn't even matter if she's done a 180 degree turn from her experience. I am not surprised a lot of women keep mum. The day men grow up and learn to accept that women explore around just as much as men do prior to marriage, then you'll see more women opening up.
Its just so wrong when you see men rebuking perfectly cool women because they had a boyfriend before or some such nonsense.
Re: boys views requested please
lazy, gals past wouldnt matter as long as she was honest. i would happily share my past karnamay too and thats all i expect in return. but, what i find instead is desi gals keen on lying... rampant lying their way out. its tough to build a relationship on lies. and is a big turnoff.
Very few things take me to the stage where my mind gets so confused that I have to wake up properly to think about it
anyway
some of your views would be appreciated scenario Pak girl has had a number of boyfriends from the age of 16 she has slept with some of them
he family know, about the BF's and the sleeping around she doesnt get on with her family
the BFs dont want to marry her so now she will advertise on a marriage website
BUT
she states she will not tell any potential husband before or after marriage obout her past
because in Islam.."past is the past" and doesnt matter and doesnt have to be divulged
^^^ is that true?
would you partners past matter?
Re: boys views requested please
Lollypop man, maybe you need to build some trust in the relationship so that the female can be comfortable telling you she's done some screwing in the past.
I don't think that's the sort of thing you tell the guy that comes over with his family for a rishtaa traditional chai-party style, and you've never met the person before.
Re: boys views requested please
anyone who lies is not worth a friendship let alone a relationship.
Re: boys views requested please
Lollypop man, I'm sure many women will be highly protective of their secrets, whether their secret is that they have had a male friend they've talked to or whether its that they have done threesomes every weekend. Winning a lady's trust so that she can tell you this information requires work.
Re: boys views requested please
Indeed it does require work ;)
Re: boys views requested please
Not that kind of work. 
